“I know.” Mae paused. “Tess, are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes,” Tess sighed. “Even though I hate having to go through this. Yes, this is what I want.”
“Then you have to do all the things.”
“I know, but I just want to run away. Isn’t that awful? I want to book trip after trip and just go.”
“So, do just that. You can work from anywhere. Nothing wrong with taking some time to travel.”
Tess nodded. “I just might,” she had said.
Now she sat down in front of Gabe’s computer in his darkened office, the glow of the screen the only light in the room. Red and Ringo, their cute ears cocked in question, had followed her. Sighing at her feet, they curled up beneath the desk. They’d gotten used to her new nightly ritual, and it wasn’t writing her novels.
Why do you care what she’s doing, Babers?
Because that’s my life over there.
What the hell, Gabe? I thought I was your life… your future.
You don’t understand. This is super stressful to deal with. You’ve never been married.
I’m trying to understand. I love you.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. She hired a hot-shot attorney.
You should get an attorney.
I can’t afford one.
What is she saying? Is she trying to take all your money?
No, she packed all my things up and labeled them and put them in the garage.
I’m surprised, I thought she’d burn them on the front lawn, since she’s such a bitch.
She’s not like that. You need to stop talking about her like that.
You don’t have to defend her, Gabe. I’m the one who has been there for you through this.
I wouldn’t be in this position if it wasn’t for you.
Hey, it’s not like I forced you to have sex with me. If you recall, you’re the one that came to my apartment… slammed me against the wall… picked me up and carried me to the bedroom…
Mmmm, it was like I couldn’t control myself.
Babers loves his little girl, doesn’t he?
Tess rolled her eyes as she watched them send a slew of Disney cuddle emojis to each other and try to hold onto the thread of excitement that was barely keeping them together. She’d grown entranced with their text messages, recognizing the same patterns and frustrations she’d experienced with Gabe in her own arguments and discussions with him. The man talked in circles, incessantly hounding a point until she’d eventually just give up, wondering if he was too stupid to see what he was doing, or if he was just that self-absorbed. The more she observed, fascinated with how he spoke, the more she realized that Gabe truly was a narcissist. He needed constant attention and reassurance.
It had been something that had first sucked her in when she’d met him. His need for her attention. It had grown to be normal to have him text her through the day, even while at work, and it was only now, as she stepped back from everything, that she realized other couples didn’t communicate like that. Her friends had no problem going out for the night without their significant other lighting up their phone with text messages all night. Tess now saw it for what it was – a desperate need for attention. The affair was starting to make sense, the more she mused over it. As she’d started to write her books and put more focus into the growth of her career, Gabe had wandered, seeking attention elsewhere.
Biting her lip, she clicked away from their messaging and continued to pore through his emails, screenshotting relevant information to add to a folder she’d been building about Gabe. She supposed it was pointless. Sandra had already told her they lived in a no-fault state. But Tess couldn’t stop herself from digging.
Once she’d pulled the thread, it had all unraveled.
Babers hadn’t been the first woman. There had been another at work before that, Cherise, whom Babers claimed to have helped Gabe to get over. There were account sign-ins for an online marriage cheating site, and a slew of other things that had made her stomach turn. She should have trusted her gut years ago, Tess silently berated herself, as she clicked on an online invoice. Wincing, she closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe.
The bill was for STD testing, paid in cash, the receipt emailed directly to Gabe. Tess’s stomach turned as she realized what he’d really exposed her to.
“I hate you,” Tess spat out. “That’s my life you’re fucking playing with, you piece of shit!”
Furious, blinking back tears, Tess looked up a local lab and reserved an appointment for testing first thing in the morning, something she should have probably thought to do right away. Someone she loved had put her life on the line. Again. And that someone was her husband.
Chapter Ten
She still went to Colorado.
Perhaps it was because she was angry with Gabe for potentially exposing her to an STD, or perhaps she just wanted to see if she’d have the guts to move to Colorado on her own, like she’d wanted to all those years ago in college, but either way, Tess found herself sitting numbly on a flight out to the mountains.
Tess arrived at Denver International Airport, her stomach in knots as she picked up her rental car. This was the trip she was supposed to have gone on with her husband, to plan their future together. Now she sat in her rental car, her palms sweaty, as she punched in Elizabeth’s address.
She hadn’t expected the tears to come after she’d been so strong the last few weeks. Packing boxes, getting STD-tested while explaining to her kindly doctor of years what had happened, waiting anxiously for the all-clear results, reading Gabe’s messages to Babers while he continued to text Tess constantly and beg forgiveness – it was building to an explosion inside of her. And it seemed like it was going to happen right here in the parking lot of the airport rental car store. Tess sat and ugly-cried it all out.
“Damn it, what am I doing? Why am I even here?” Tess said, frustrated with herself for crying over this man who had so totally eradicated her confidence.
Only when the parking lot attendant started making his way toward her car, a questioning look on his face, did Tess throw the car in drive, sending him a little wave to let him know she was fine.
Colorado had always been the carrot at the end of the stick for her. For years, she’d told herself “someday.” Tess’s eyes took in the Rocky Mountains, picturesque in the distance, their huge presence seeming to remind her that her problems were small in the course of nature. During her senior year of high school, she’d been accepted to the University of Boulder and had tried to convince her parents to let her attend school out of state. The resulting argument, which was the majority of their conversations at that time, had decided it. If Tess wanted any help from her parents with the tuition, she had to stay in-state for her freshman year. If, after her freshman year, they’d determined she was capable of handling herself in school, they’d let her transfer to Colorado and help her pay for tuition. Considering Tess had been working for minimum wage at the local bakery and had missed the cut-off to apply for any scholarships, she’d capitulated and let her Colorado dreams go.
They’d never made Vicki prove herself at an in-state school, Tess thought, annoyance lancing through her. Vicki, the golden child, had flown off to a private college on the West Coast where tuition had run something like fifty thousand dollars a year, and her parents hadn’t blinked. Tess, on the other hand, ended up attending all four years at a state school to the tune of six thousand dollars a year and had worked full-time, funding the majority of her college years herself. A political disagreement and a boyfriend she had been dating had led her parents to cut her out of their lives during this time. They hadn’t even spoken in months when she’d lost them. It was still a sensitive spot for Tess. Life didn’t always have a happy ending like in the novels she now wrote.
When the call had come about her parents’ accident, Tess should have just packed up and headed to Colorado. At the time, she’d had too much guilt and confusion over their deaths to do much
more than hold her head above water and barely finish out her college degree. Years of therapy later, she now knew that her relationship with her parents was toxic, and that normal parents don’t withhold their love from a child in order to get them to bend to their will and beliefs. Her anger with her parents and subsequent grief at their deaths had perpetuated a fairly dark time in Tess’s life, which she had just been coming out of when she’d met Gabe.
It had seemed, at the time, like he was a savior. Totally into her, Gabe had been all-consuming and intensely charismatic. As she’d taken new steps forward in various careers after college, Gabe had seemed like the partner who would help her start a new life.
Now that life was tumbling down around her, Tess thought as she pulled to a stop in front of Elizabeth’s darling house in an up-and-coming part of Denver. Her friend flew from the front door to gather Tess in a hug, and she knew what she should have accepted years before. Her family actually comprised the friends she surrounded herself with and the people she let into her life. It had been her choice to marry Gabe, and now it was her choice to walk away. Though he wouldn’t be by her side like he’d promised, her friends would. And though almost all of the foundational relationships in her life had failed her, her closest friends had yet to do so. For that, she could be grateful.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Elizabeth said, squeezing Tess tight.
“I just lost my shit in the parking lot of the rental car company,” Tess admitted as Elizabeth grabbed her bag and tugged Tess inside, where her even more darling yellow lab bounded over for attention.
“Hey, buddy!” Tess said, bending down to cuddle Gusto.
“I ordered a pizza, I have wine, and all the time in the world for you to recommence losing your shit. Let’s go out back.” They tromped through the house to the backyard, where the spring sunshine kept the air warm enough to enjoy sitting outside.
“I’m not even sure why I still came out here,” Tess admitted, taking a sip of wine and scratching Gusto’s fat head.
“Because you had nonrefundable tickets, a nonrefundable hotel reservation in Boulder, and you needed to get out of the house where you were sitting on a computer torturing yourself by reading Dipshit’s messages to Babers every night?” Elizabeth asked, pouring herself a glass and settling in.
“Yeah, that’s not quite the healthiest thing to do, I suppose,” Tess admitted.
“I would do the same. Though at some point, you know you have to sign out of that account, right?”
“I know, I know. It’s just helping me right now. He texts me constantly, all these loving messages begging me to take him back. I don’t know how strong I would be if I didn’t see what he was saying to this girl at the same time. It’s like I take some sort of glee in knowing that I have this one-up on him, you know? Like, ha-ha, you lied to me for months, but now I know all your dirty secrets.” Tess crossed her legs and stared out at the mountains in the distance.
“For sure. It’s totally about taking your power back. I so get that,” Elizabeth said.
“I know you do,” Tess sighed, remembering Elizabeth’s divorce a few years back. Elizabeth had discovered not only all the sex sites her ex-husband had been on and that he was a narcissist, but also that he was borderline manic. The low point for Elizabeth had been barricading herself in the house while she’d watched him get tasered outside by the police in their driveway, all while on the phone with a hyperventilating Tess who hadn’t rested until she’d known Elizabeth was safe.
“How do you get through this? I mean, look… he’s blowing up my phone.” Tess held her phone up to show the list of messages. “It drives me nuts. I try to ignore it, but he’s saying he won’t give my wedding rings back until he puts them on my finger again.”
“All while telling Babers how much he loves her,” Elizabeth reminded her.
“And that he won’t sign an agreement and doesn’t want to get divorced. He just wants us to move away.”
“Where all of this would happen once again if you don’t give him the attention he craves,” Elizabeth said, tugging a stuffed carrot out of Gusto’s mouth and throwing it across the yard. “Narcissists, man. They’re the worst.”
“It’s exhausting. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t see this in him – this constant need for attention. I guess I was so wrapped up in him.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Elizabeth said, and Tess wondered if she was. What was this need in her to apologize for her mistakes? Isn’t that what life was about – making mistakes and learning from them?
“I loved him.” Tess shrugged.
“You did, and he failed you. He wasn’t the man you needed,” Elizabeth said. “But I have just the thing for us to do.”
“What’s that?”
“Remember when we went diving in Australia?”
“Yeah, it was amazing,” Tess said, thinking back to the semester abroad where she’d met Elizabeth. They’d taken a trip to the Great Barrier Reef to go scuba diving, and it was one of her favorite memories.
“Well, I know how much you love diving, and I also know you’re dying to travel as much as possible right now. I follow this deals website and they just posted a crazy good five-day trip to Cozumel. I’ve heard they have good reefs there. Want to go?”
“What? Really? When?”
“Whenever? I mean, it depends on your schedule, and I only have clients booked out for the next couple weeks. I could block off a window after that?”
“I can’t…I mean, I probably shouldn’t, right? I should stay around and take care of things at home.”
“Is Gabe staying around and taking care of things? Or are you taking care of everything? As in everything? Does he have a lawyer? Is he going to help you sell the house? I mean…if that’s what you decide to do with the house and all.”
“I…I don’t know. No, I don’t see him helping with anything. And, yeah, I guess I will sell the house? I don’t know. We haven’t even gotten that far yet.”
“My vote is to sell the house and move out here anyway. It can still be your plan. Just do it without him.”
“You know, I’ve always wanted to live out here,” Tess said, looking around Elizabeth’s yard and enjoying the warmth of the spring air. The weather was much milder in Denver, and Tess could comfortably sit outside in her t-shirt. The dogs would love it. “I’ll have to think more seriously about it.”
“Fine, let’s shelve that for now. Mexico?”
“How much did you say it was?”
“Three hundred and fifty dollars for five days and nights in an all-inclusive!”
“Wow, that’s not bad at all,” Tess closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the call of the ocean deep in her gut. “Okay, screw it. I’m in.”
“Enjoy your stay, Mrs. Campbell.”
Tess blinked at the clerk for a moment as he beamed at her, her brain cycling in confusion as she realized that while she’d only recently gotten used to being called a Mrs., now she would be returning to the Miss. She supposed it was better than the dreaded ma’am, though that had been increasing in frequency over the years. She wondered if women ever got used to transitioning from Miss to Mrs. or to ma’am. Men didn’t deal with these things. They kept their names and the biggest affront they dealt with when it came to aging was being called ‘sir.’ Guys even aged better than women.
Grumpy, Tess barely noticed the beautiful lobby of the Boulder Hotel as she navigated the way to her room. She’d been deliberately avoiding the mound of paperwork that she knew would face her after the divorce was final. It wasn’t just changing her last name; it was all the accompanying documents that went with it. Passport, license, Social Security card, bank accounts, tax ID, business vendor accounts, and so on. It would be a nightmare. She should have stuck with her gut instinct and kept her name, Tess mused, as she let herself into the room. She sighed in delight at the dreamy bed piled high with pillows and the deep soaker tub she glimpsed in the bathroom.
Diving ont
o the bed, Tess let out a breath and stared at the ceiling, luxuriating in the fact that she had three whole days on her own – to do what, exactly, she didn’t yet know. She hadn’t traveled alone in over eight years. Before she could think about her next steps, her phone vibrated with an incoming text.
I can’t believe you actually went to Colorado without me. Honestly? How is that even fair? It’s such a bitch move. You know that was supposed to be our trip.
Tess held her middle finger up at the phone and didn’t respond. It continued to astound her how she’d become the bitch in Gabe’s narrative, especially in his endless discussions with his Babers. Tess was doing her best to take the high road in this situation, but a part of her – one that she wasn’t particularly proud of – ached to show him just how much of a bitch she could be if she wanted to. Instead, Tess took a deep breath – one of many she’d had to take over the last several weeks – and dug out her Kindle to skim a book Elizabeth had recommended. It was essentially a playbook for dealing with cheaters. Ah, Gabe had moved into the angry phase, Tess read. Sinking into the book, she was actually delighted when her phone buzzed again. This time, consulting her playbook, she smiled in glee – he was right on schedule.
I’m sorry, that was mean. It’s just that trip was supposed to be about our future. And I can barely afford to get gas, let alone travel and stay in a swanky hotel.
Hmmm, halfway contrite, Tess thought, and found the chapter on that. But what she was reading basically summed up her assessment of Gabe’s current mood – temper tantrum 101. Gabe wasn’t the center of her universe anymore, would have to fend for himself, and didn’t know what to do about that except lash out in anger. Though she desperately itched to respond to his texts with a tirade of messages defending herself and her choices, the book suggested that silence was a more powerful tool at this point. There were a million things she wanted to scream at Gabe. “Boring, unimaginative, narcissistic asshole,” Tess spat, and then shook her head, tugging her hands through her tumble of hair. “Take the high road, Tess. Take the high road.” She turned her phone off, tucked it in her purse, and headed out.
Ms. Bitch: Finding happiness is the best revenge. Page 6
