Jewel Less Crown: Saga Of Life

by BS Murthy

’V called up for sex! What cheek the bastard has! I refused to see him again. How I wanted to see the hurt on his face then when he heard that! I bared it all to G and he understands as ever. The old way G made love shows he's glad that V was out of the way. Oh, how I love my G, my old God, thankGod forgiving back my true love ! 1

  ’How short-lived was my joy that V had stopped calling! Oh, how his call disturbed me! Shameless he was to suggest a patch up! What for? Is it for more orgies with others? As I snubbed him roundly, he threatened to expose me. Wasn't it like adding insult to injury? Oh, how mean he really is! If he were to blackmail me, it would be no fun. Well I'll talk to G . 1

  ’G said better I manage V as he could damage our prestige. But he did assure me that he would handle him in time. How can I let G get hurt? M y name too is on the line? I cannot let V ruin our reputation but I don't want to touch him with a long pole either. Why not I use K as the pawn to checkmate V? But, K is not my kind, so be it . 1

  The SOB rang up. Wasn't he surprised as I insisted that he bring K along? Dismiss he did it as a one-time affair. I would receive either both of them or none of them.’

  ’They came. I courted K ignoring V. Oh how he protested the bastard. Why, I went oral over K's C. What a way to snub the SOB? Oh, how sheepish V looked as I slurped sucking K’s. Would I ever forget the look on the bastard's face? How I enjoyed V's predicament and how stupid K looked at the prospect of the windfall! Real silly V looked when he asked K to leave me for the sake of their friendship. How sarcastic I turned at the sentimental shit of the SOB!

  K hesitated when I invited him for a joy ride. Looks like, K has better morals than V. Or simply, was it the fear of power that was at work in his mind? V tried to detain me and I told him to hang himself. Pushing V aside, I managed to pull K into my car and drove away.

  What it took me to address K's fears to make him take on V! How he melted when I feigned fear and how determined he looked even as he promised to stake his life for me! Wasn't I obliged to tell him he could have my body as my bodyguard? Grateful as well as excited he looked at the prospect of being my slave lover. Maybe, slave love makes fantasy for both the sexes, doesn't it? As K turned horny, I took him to no man's land.

  Oh, how I shed my shame to have sex as sex. What a new experience it had been! How did it matter that K was not of my class! What sexual power he packs in his wild thrusts. How nice, it rained cats and dogs to pep up my adventure in the car proper. What a fantastic 'eat' it was in that crouching way! Wonder how I could enjoy sex with the guy who raped me before! Seems my urge to avenge myself on V abets my lust for K. Now I need to keep Karound to thwart V, at least fora while . 1

  'V came on the line, and I hung up. Oh, what a way it was to snub him without a word. It went on for half an hour? Oh, how K fondled me all the while in delight. I told K that I feared V’s blackmail. K said he would take care. Did I kiss him in gratitude, or was I trying to seal his promise? Soon V came falling on his knees. Oh, how sad that we realize the value of something only when on the verge of losing, having abused it all along! Well, that's V's problem and I told him so. When V pressed for me desperately, how confidently K folded me into his arms. How nice it felt that it announced the altered position.

  It sounded so funny when K asked V to keep off his girl. But it thrilled me when K swore to kill V, if ever he uttered a word about me to anyone! When K threw him out with a warning to keep his eyes off me, I felt the SOB had got his just deserts. When V left realizing K had cooked his goose, I felt obliged to sexebrate with K. Well, he helped me have the last laugh. I know I need K's passion to ward off V and satiate my lust as well, till things cool down, both ways . 1

  'Oh, K's urge is like a deluge! It's becoming awful, his lustful regimen. The ruffian that he is, what else can he offer for a company than his prick? Am I not finding his mating exhausting? Oh, how did I let my P be his freebie? Well, one thing led to another. Why leave things half done? When I lent my P for G's uplift, why not I let it help my sibling's growth? Why blame poor G, when it's I who seduced V when he tucked in his tail. Whatever it is, when life could bring K into my bed, what if I slip into those where the powerful sleep. Okay done, baby. Is it not logical to let my folks have some petrol bunks, naami and benaami as well, to start with? What if I let some pump a little of their cum into my horny C for that . 1

  'Have I become a nymphomaniac as feared? So be it, how does that really bother me? Haven't I developed the ability to enjoy sex without emotion for the mate? Isn't that the characteristic of a whore? Well, affair with V made me randy and sleeping with K turned me into a whore. Oh, how that bastard made me bitchy in return for my love? It's a fact that a woman needs a man for good or bad . 1

  'The oldie said he would help if I could come to the hotel. Would my going to him be any different from whoring? Wasn't I prepared for that when I went to seek his favor? Why, I never thought about those girls who did the bidding at my calling! Did I ever feel guilty for being insensitive to their souls while making use of their services? Maybe, that's how man uses the whores to get his release, unmindful of their bodily feelings leave aside their frame of mind. Why blame men when madams are no better? M en at least have a natural urge that only a woman's frame can address, but what could be said of the madams? Once being a procuress, now it seems I myself have become a prostitute. Oh, what a route reversal that is! How would my girls react if they come to know about it ? 1

  'I reached the hotel rather awkwardly, in spite of my preparation. How I passed through the lobby, I would never know. How nervous I felt knocking at the door though I went willingly! Wasn't it worse when I went in, though I was eager in a way? Why my rehearsals led me nowhere! I was attracted to G and V and so it was easy. And I was cursing V more than I was concerned about K's forced entry. But, this was all different; I wasjust a prostitute for him and to myself even.

  The oldie apologized for his weakness for women and thanked me for consenting. Didn't he tend me so nicely into his embrace? Oh, how his touch convey compassion that made me hug him for warmth. How I felt him agreeable and how I was amused at the prospect of sex with him! What a naughty boy he turned out to be as we drank together! After that prolonged foreplay, wonder how he took me to my 0! It seems as if he opened the gates for older lovers to inundate my C.'

  'I managed to get rid of K. After that eat with the elderly one, K's coarseness became too much to bear anyway. Better I hook some oldies for their matured ways. V is no more a threat as he was sidelined in the party even as his dad kicked the bucket. It serves him right the son of a bitch. Well, I bluffed to Kthat I had to mend my ways as my son had grown up. K didn't protest too much either, and I know he wouldn't. M aybe, he too felt satiated with me, who knows? 1

  'Oh, how the menu of my sex eats has changed. Won't I man my sex kitchen with older men? Isn't it an idea to put 'Entry free for older guys' billboard on the M N gate? Ok baby but what's sex life without hunky youth, the ginger chicken. Don't I need them both for the variety they bring into my bed! Aren't beautiful people supposed to have multiple partners and better sex as well? Why not, it's a fact of life, whether one likes it or not. And won't sex bring spin-offs if one goes for choice sleeps? I'm at networking with men willing to call my shots. I wonder whether it's sex for service or service for sex! When it's a case of making both ends meet, what difference does that make either way? 1

  'What else but ONS that holds sway on my P the most? Why it's just physical, no emotional baggage baba? And that makes sex the pure sex with a sense of adventure? Oh, how did I come up with a new theory as a corollary? This is the theory for the posterity—one need carry nothing going into sexual encounters. What a discovery! Won't that make me the Buddhini of sexual enlightenment? Wonder how I missed the point, being in the thick of it all along, day in and day out! And for the record, all alone I was sipping beer in the CB this afternoon! Oh, how seized I was with an irresistible temptation to prove my theory right then and there! I feigned to be drunk and asked that waiter to
guide me to the loo only to let him glide his sex tool into me, doggy style! While he fed me, didn't I realize another truth? Woman could be amorous, but sexual vigor vests with man and that matters. Well, that's how nature shaped the sexes. It pleased me when he said it was an unexpected tip. Oh, how sexy. I told him he could have a proper dip if he were to follow me. But for sake of appearances I had to follow him after he managed to excuse himself from duty and oh, what a time we had. 1

  'Felt like reading what I've been writing. How have I been baring my soul as if for my inner soul! How does it feel like reading these when my sexual fire would have been singed? What if my sexy past excites me in my old age? What a funny idea! But, who would like to have anything to do with an old hag? Oh, how poor would be the youth then if they wouldn't let me give them what I only can give. Or would these shame me in my old age? 1

  'What if the diaries were to fall into some burglar's hands? He might come back for barter and I would have another fucker to humor. Jokes apart, won't one think I'm a slut and insult as a woman? What do men know about women in spite of it all? When it comes to that what do women know about themselves? Better I shred these in time. 1

  'What a day it has been! S turned ten and the whole of Delhi was at M N. Is it not time I brought order into my wayward bed? G reached where he wanted to and S too is no more a poor cousin. And I've had my riotous time, as riotous as it could take. Don't I see a risk tag attached to my sexcapades now? Haven't they started recognizing my page three face? What if someone chose to kiss and tell some tabloid about the ONS I

  might've had with him? It's sensible to make my peccadilloes a history before S comes of age. 1

  'Once again I'm happy with myself in a wifely way. As I gave up on others, I'm devoted to G. We find our life rejuvenated. G says he finds me fuller than ever before. And I too feel I was never so eager, ever. More eager than the eagerness with which I took on all those hunks. S too is shaping into such a charming boy. Had I ever seen any better! How sad, by the time I think of him he would be fast asleep. It feels nice seeing him, and how long I find myself staring at him! Won't he grow into a handsome lad in time? And who knows end up a playboy even. 1

  'Seems G's ardor is on the wane for me. How can a man make love to the same woman all his life? Yet men have to get glued to their wives for want of alternatives. But what compulsions there could be for G? Can't his status bring half of Delhi to his bed? But why should women want to be laid by the rich and famous? M aybe, by sleeping with such, women perceive their self-worth soaring up! If not for his fame (or was it notoriety) as a lover, would have Casanova had half as many affairs? Seems G too is using his position to sexual use, or is it abuse? Oh, how women feel constrained on that score! What a vigorous playboy he turned out to be! But, he deserves all that. 1

  'Oh, how fascinated was M ! It felt nice that he's bold. He is manly and handsome! Why, didn't he charm me with his nice talk as well? I hadn't met any like him before and told him so. How ardently he said that he loved to befriend me! He wanted me to ring him up and if I didn't, he wouldn't bother me. Smart that he has left the ball in my court. Is he the classic gentleman lover? Why not I call him up and find out? 1

  'True M is a gentleman lover if there ever was one. What an erotic time he gave me! How it lingers on in my memory! I'm not the one to let go this man. And as it turned out neither would he let me go. We agreed to operate a joint account in his private jaunt. 1

  'Well, I'm back on my beaten track. Oh, how horny I felt seeing P in the party at the MN. Oh God, how dare I snare him into my room! What followed was the sexy best, wasn't it? I let go P after a couple! Then, what a surprise lay in store for me! As I came out of my room, how R ambushed me! From where did he surface? He said he saw what was happening and led me back into my bed without a word. Oh, how fascinating was his daring and the way I oralled him for his bravado! With what gusto he thrashed me in return! What sense does it make to give up on men? Who knows who carries a Rasputin's Prick (demands a capital letter, wouldn't it?) with him! How am I to know unless I unzip them all? Won't a RP bring in bursting ecstasy? What a time that would be formyLP! 1

  'There seems to be no stopping men from eating me! Don't they all vouch that no woman ever loved the prick as I do? How exciting it feels hearing men exclaim at my oral prowess! Am I not craving to hear the same from as many? Won't I like to improve myself with each outing? Why not, when I'm at it, won't it make sense to have it to the hilt? And having lost my chastity isn't sex the only reward left? Why half measures, let me go the whole hog to grab all that hard meat my softy. No more and no less, that's the way with sex as nature willed it. 1

  Pausing in awe, Suresh empathized with her soul sympathizing with her faults.

  'How worrying S has gone astray! Why has he fallen into bad ways? Oh, if only I knew in time, I should've fared much better as a mother. But, hardly have I ever devoted any time for him. Haven't I let him grow as if he was an orphan? Even they have a home in an orphanage. It's as if S was homeless in his home! How could I've helped it anyway? How busy was I ever! Oh, if it was the struggle for betterment in the beginning, later it

  was the effort to keep that going. And as he grew up, it was my pleasure seeking that denied him my motherly love.'

  Oh, how I turned insensitive to his growing-up needs. What an irony it is that I started neglecting him striving for his own good! Now the gulf seems to be too wide to attempt to even bridge it. And won't it feel odd to befriend an adolescent son in a Uturn? Hope hisJDs would come to pass as he comes of age. How I wish he gets the right wife to rectify my motherly wrong.

  Won't I give my life for S if that were needed? He may never know how I love him, but how does that matter if he's contented and happy, unlike us, his parents? How I love to see him happily married. Having no emotional dependence on him as a mother, I might make a marvelous mother-in-law to his wife. Well, everything in life seems to have a flip side to it, doesn't it? 1

  'What a shock on the New Year's Eve! Whoever expected it? How sad that some girl paid with her life for the ruffled psyche of my son! Am I not the real culprit behind it? Oh, how can I atone for all this! I am not able to think, let alone write, anymore now.'

  As his eyes welled up with tears and his heart filled with love for her by then, Suresh couldn't go through the rest of Sneha's outpour. Slowly he began shredding her diaries as he didn't like them to see the light at dawn. And putting the shreds in a bucket of water to turn them into pulp, he vowed to carry her secrets to his grave. When he left the room having bowed before her portrait, he felt that neither his mother could be blamed nor his father be faulted for whatever happened.

  Chapter 18 Garland of Guilt

  Soon, under the shadows of Sneha's death, Suresh's trial was on course at the TeesHazari. At the behest of the defense, the hearing recommenced in camera to avoid further damage to the dead woman's image. Sneha's suicide note and Dr. Gupta's testimony insensibly tilted the needle of sympathy in Suresh's favor. Paranjape too felt it would be heartless to press for the exemplary punishment. Arguments over, Justice Sumitra reserved her judgment and adjourned the court.

  'What was the trial all about?' Sumitra found herself contemplating that night. 'Are rapes and murder the only issues on trial in this singular case? Was not Suresh the violator as well as a victim at the same time? What about those who blackened their faces in this sordid drama of human depravity? Are they any innocent? Well, it was as if the parents insensibly combined to collectively jeopardize their son's life. Gautam surely was guilty of prostituting his wife. Was it not the beginning of the end of them all? How it would have pained as well as shamed him! Is not Vivek free though it was he who sowed the seeds of this crime? Could the law have reprimanded Sneha, the eye of the storm? How she affected her son's psyche! Through the impediment of her past, didn't she clearthe way to his fall! But, didn't Manian, the villain of the piece go scot-free? 1

  'Oh how callously Shanti's parents colluded with the defense!' she thought, tu
rning her searchlight on the darker side of the prosecution. 'And the way they tried to bail out their daughter's murderer at that! If the rope were to answer Suresh's crime, what should be done to book Shanti's people for their calumny? Well, to appease his lust for fame, how routinely Mehrotra subjects justice to multiple rapes! Why, won't the police deliberately fail the prosecution for a price? How the politicians are wont to pull the strings to extricate the culprits of their class? Whither the public morality! The society seems hooked to Mammon, doesn't it? How life itself has become a punishment to the decent! Oh, what life has come to be, but yet it goes on and that's life. 1

  'What justice, or whatever is left of it, would serve the ends of justice in this multifaceted crime,' she thought as she reached for the pad to write the judgment. 'After all, wasn't Suresh's criminality more a product of his perverse psyche than that of his innate nature? If he were to be given the rope, how would he ever have the chance to discover his true self? Is it the spirit of life that one should die in a state that is not his true self! If, the meaning of life is fruition of the soul, the ultimate penalty seems contrary to the rationale of life and the wisdom of the Creator. How am I to know what role God had ordained for Suresh in his latter-day life? After all, he is so young and thus changeable. So, it seems fair that he survives the noose and serves out the sentence.'

  When Gautam heard the judgment, he heaved a sigh of relief, and thanked God for saving his son's life. Reconciled as Suresh was to the noose, the reprieve seemed to have infused in him a sense of purpose of its own. Seeing the impact of her verdict on the father and the son, Justice Sumitra felt vindicated about her belief in the glory of life. But, M ehrotra took it as another feather in his cap.

  The judgment day of his son turned out to be a day of reckoning for Gautam.

  'Oh God, what a hell it has been!' he thought in perplexity. 'How scared I was for Suresh's life! Now that he will live, what can life mean to me anymore! It means precious little, so it seems. Why, hasn't it become burdensome already? Though vacuous, life was still a make-believe in the past. How the aura of success camouflaged my jewel-less crown from public view! Who knew what a burden that was on my guilty head? And Sneha chose to damn me further with a garland of guilt. At least, Justice Sumitra spared my conscience from further burden. That's the only saving grace of my sordid life. May God bless her for that! Wouldn't have I dropped dead much before Suresh was put on the death row? And what's the point in my living anymore? Why not I join Sneha in death, to make a fresh beginning?