The Genie Out of the Vat

by Eric Flint

  Fitz reacted as any soldier in HAR army would, under the circumstances. He froze to immobility—as the sudden hardening of his slowshield forced him to. He did see one of the men fall, as the other two emptied their pistols. And then, as the army issue slowshield was no longer being fired at...

  Fitz stopped being immobile just as the two paused to reload.

  They never got that chance. Fitz dropped one with a marble-based lamp—which made a better club than a light—and in the semi-darkness dropped the other attacker with a disarming kick to the forearm and a punch that flattened the man against the wall, knocked loose a fair amount of the plaster, and put an original Miró painting onto the man's head. It was the best use the picture had ever been put to, in Fitz's opinion, but Candy had liked it.

  Kicking a pistol ahead of himself, Fitz stepped across to the overhead light-switch and the wall-mounted telephone. Clicking the lights on, Fitz picked up the telephone and tapped in the emergency number.

  "Police? This is Conrad Fitzhugh at 207 Kensington Mansions, Masden Boulevard. There's been an armed break-in by some thugs. I've got a couple of them. You'd better get here quickly—and send an ambulance, too. One of them has been shot by his mates."

  Fitz put the phone down and ran to check on Candy. The bedroom was empty, and the bathroom door was soundly locked. Sensible girl! He knocked on the door. "Candy! Are you all right?"

  There was a terrified whimper from inside.

  She must be frightened witless. Getting involved with ultra-wealthy Shareholders was one thing, but nothing could have prepared her for this. Their politics were dirty. No wonder she'd blamed him. "It's all right. I've dealt with them. The cops are on their way."

  "Thank God!" she said.

  "You're not hurt?"

  "I'm fine."

  "Good. Stay in there until the cops get here, Candy. I'll call you when it's safe."

  He ran back through to find one of the attackers determinedly staggering towards a pistol. Fitz dealt him. Hard. He took some duct tape from the drawer under the telephone and did some trussing and gagging. Then he did some first aid on the gunshot victim.

  He was busy with that when the ambulance and half a dozen uniformed policemen arrived. He stood up, allowing the two paramedics to take over. The police lieutenant looked at the two burly trussed-up men, and prodded one with his toe.

  "Well done, soldier! These Vat bandits are getting more cheeky by the day. Firearms! I'm tempted to shoot the bastards with their own guns and save the courts the trouble. It'll be the organ banks for them, for sure," he said, beaming. "Come on boys. Take 'em away. Better put some cuffs on them, read them their rights and take 'em to the station. Simpson. Nygen. You two had better accompany the medics and keep that one under guard."

  Fitz tapped him on the shoulder. "Candy—my ex-girlfriend—sensibly locked herself in the bathroom when these guys broke in. Can we go through and let her out? She's terrified, poor girl."

  The Police chief beamed expansively. "Sure, Soldier. Though why she worries with a guy like you around, I don't know."

  They went through and the police-lieutenant knocked cheerfully on the bathroom door. "Lieutenant Swiggers here, ma'am. You can come out now, ma'am. We've got the miscreants safe under lock and key."

  Candy emerged with her cell phone still clutched in her hand. "Lieutenant! Thank God you're here." She pointed at Fitz. "Arrest him! He's wanted for attempted murder."

  Just at this point one of the uniformed cops came through. "Uh. Lieutenant. The paramedics just found this in the injured guy's pocket."

  It was a badge. And an ID card. "He's a Special Branch detective."

  ***

  Van Klomp shook his head at Fitz, who stood behind the bars of a holding cell in the GBS Central Police Headquarters. The big man sighed. "As my mother used to say: Lelik is nix, maar stupid! Fitzy, you're so dumb it almost isn't funny. As soon as I got home, and Meilin told me where you'd been thick-headed enough to go, I got hold of Mike Capra and headed here. We nearly beat you into the place. You moron! Of course Talbot Cartup had to stick to Candy's story when he came around—or be the laughingstock of the town. Now, Capra will talk to you. I believe they've scheduled throwing the book at you for the morning."

  "But Bobby, those guys that turned out to be Special Branch plainclothes security police tried to kill me."

  Van Klomp snorted. "Dead men don't have to go to court, Fitz. Much more convenient, né? The Security lot act as enforcers for some of the top Shareholders. And Cartup is their boss."

  Fitz sighed. "Bobby, can you get a message to my father?" He looked down. "I've been thinking the last while that I need to sort things out with him. I was going to go and see him after I'd seen Candy."

  "You should have done it first, idioot," said Van Klomp roughly. "He would have told you not to be so stupid. He came to see me the day you went into the army. I had him on the 'phone a few minutes back."

  ***

  Mike Capra stood up. "Detective-inspector, you've stated that you entered the premises at 207 Kensington Mansions through a smashed-in front door. Was the door broken before you arrived there?"

  The thick-set man nodded. "It was."

  "At this point you state that the accused, who was lying in ambush, opened fire on you without any warning or provocation."

  "That's what I said, yes," said the Detective. "And these are the same questions you asked DI Scott. You've got the sworn statements of two trained officers on these points."

  Mike Capra nodded. "The court has indeed. Thank you. I have no further questions."

  "The prosecution may call its next witness," said the judge.

  The next witness was a demure looking Candice Foster in a virginal white blouse and neat grey skirt. "It is safe, Judge? He is restrained, isn't he?"

  The judge nodded benignly. "Quite safe, my dear. You make take the oath."

  Fitz was amazed to learn just how insanely jealous and violent he was. And how he'd locked her in the bathroom—on his second attack, while he waited in ambush for her fiancé. She did some most artistic weeping and shuddering too. To the point where the judge cautioned Capra to be gentle in his cross-examination.

  "M'lud! When am I ever anything else?"

  "When it suits you, Capra," said the judge, dryly.

  "Precisely, M'lud. It does not suit me to be anything else but gentle when I am forced to defend a man accused of so vilely abusing one of our most respected citizens. A person who would dress such a man in lacy yellow polka-dotted women's underclothing, tie him to the bed, beat him and then suffocate him with a plastic bag, deserves little."

  Talbot Cartup cringed. The prosecution had been very circumspect about the exact nature of the assault. The press-gallery scribbled frantically.

  "Now. Ms. Candice Foster, could you clarify one point? On the occasion of the second assault you have stated that the accused broke down your door."

  "Yes. He's a very violent man. Very strong. I tried to fight him off, but..."

  "Thank you, Ms. Foster. There is no need to upset yourself with the sordid details. Now: On the occasion of the first assault, I have examined the police report in detail. I could find no report of forced entry on that occasion. How did the accused get in that time?"

  She shrugged. "Maybe he climbed in the window."

  Mike Capra looked thoughtful. "207 is a penthouse apartment, is it not?"

  "Yes," she nodded proudly. Everyone knew those cost a mint.

  "You say he came into the lounge where you and your fiancé were sitting in discussion, at which point he forced you both through into the bedroom, and you into the bathroom. You must know where he came from? Through which door, Ms Candice?"

  "My bedroom," she said thoughtfully. "I remember now. The window was open."

  "Thank you. I have no further questions at this point."

  "Very well. I think the court will recess for lunch. The defense may present its arguments and I should be able to deal with sentencing today," said
the judge.

  ***

  "I thought you said we should be able to wrap this up, Mike," hissed Fitz. "The judge has already decided to sentence me. And you hardly even questioned those damn liars. Even that lying doorman who says he saw me there. Recognized my car."

  "Patience," said the Capra. "When you want to catch monkeys you put lots of tempting things in the calabash. You don't frighten them off before they have their hands in it. We'll do the nasty questions and scaring after lunch. They've been very co-operative. Don't be ungrateful. Go and enjoy your nice prisoner's nubbins like a good boy. You'll be back on army rations soon."

  ***

  And so it was.

  "M'lud, first I'd like to ask that a policeman be dispatched with my assistant to bring the accused's wallet from his personal possession here, to be used as evidence."

  "That should have been entered as evidence beforehand, Mr. Capra, as you well know."

  "M'lud, the court shares a building with the Central Police Station. This seemed the most obvious way of dealing with any possibility that anyone might tamper with the evidence. I have grounds to believe certain members of the police are in fact in collusion with the true perpetrators of these crimes."

  The judge raised his eyebrows. "That's a serious accusation, Mr. Capra. I hope you can substantiate it."

  "I'll do my best, M'lud. Now, if a policeman could accompany my assistant to recover my client's possessions? I will proceed with other evidence in the meanwhile."

  The judge nodded. "It is irregular, Mr. Capra. But under the circumstances, proceed. Granted."

  "Objection, M'lud!" protested the prosecution.

  The judge shook his head. "Objection overruled. Continue, Mr. Capra."

  "M'lud, if we could proceed to exhibit 1 of the evidence which I have entered. As you can see these are certified copies of the lease of 207 Kensington Mansions and payment records for the rental thereof. Could I ask the clerk of the court to read out in whose name the lease is held, and from whose account the rentals were paid?

  The judge nodded. And the reedy voiced clerk read, "Conrad M. Fitzhugh."

  As the court bubbled and a furious Talbot turned on Candy... the policeman and Capra's assistant returned with Fitz's wallet.

  "Please give that item to the clerk of the court," requested Capra. "And sir, if you could be so kind as to examine the inner pouch of the wallet. You should find a key there. Please hold it up."

  He did. "M'lud. That is the key to No. 207 Kensington Mansions. Another copy of this key was in the possession of the agents, Messrs Smythe and Austing. With a letter of authority from the tenant and both Mr.. Smythe and Mr.. Austing, as well as the block-caretaker, we ascertained that the key held by Smythe and Austing fits the lock. I have their copy of the key here. I think we can establish that the two are identical. I should like to enter these as exhibits two and three. If the clerk of the court would like to examine them?"

  The reedy-voiced clerk was enjoying himself very much. And he could indeed confirm the two keys were identical. The judge had to bang his gavel and call for silence after that.

  "Now, M'lud, I don't believe the charge of breaking and entering into one's own property can be entertained. I think we should also question the credibility of a witness who expects us to believe a large man would climb the outside of a five-story building to enter by the window, or by breaking down the door, when he has the key in his pocket. I would also question how someone who felt they were in extreme danger from my client didn't even bother to change the lock. Far from being guilty of breaking and entering... in fact my client should charge Ms. Foster and Mr.. Cartup with trespass."

  In the sudden silence Candice's' voice, protesting to Talbot, was remarkably clear. "I forgot he had a key. He always knocked."

  "Objection!"

  "Sustained." The judge nodded to the clerk. "See that the charges of breaking and entering are struck from the roll. Proceed, Mr. Capra. As usual, you are providing the court with much entertainment." The judge's voice did not indicate that he approved.

  "I do my best, M'lud." said Capra, urbanely. "I have here a statement of account from the municipal pound. As you will see, the vehicle which the night concierge at Kensington Mansions described in such loving detail, was impounded some four hours before the incident is supposed to have occurred. He also said my client entered the building by the front door. This is unusual for a man who is supposed to have entered number 207 through a window." Capra turned to the judge. "I think it is very clear that one or the other or both of these witnesses is lying."

  The judge raised his eyebrows. "At very best that they were mistaken, Mr. Capra. I will grant you that their credibility is somewhat dented, and the lengthy testimony of Mr.. Brenner should probably be subjected to a motion to strike."

  Capra nodded. "My feelings exactly, your honor. Now we come to the second alleged attempted murder: that of DI Carr. We have already established that the two officers in question may possibly also, at best, have been... mistaken, as to the door being smashed in before they arrived.

  "Objection!

  "On what grounds, Mr. Penquick?" The judge asked icily.

  "Er. The defense is putting his own interpretation of events on the testimony of two respected officers!"

  "He's putting my words to their testimony. It is, in my opinion, a very generous interpretation. Continue, Mr. Capra."

  "Thank you, your honor. I'd like to call Dr Liepsich of the HAR Institute of Technology as my first witness."

  An untidy, longhaired man proceeded to the stand, took the oath and scratched in his scraggly beard. Capra proceeded onward.

  "Dr Liepsich, you are head of the Physics department at HARIT. I believe you are also chief consultant to the HAR defense force on Korozhet equipment. The soft-cyber and the slowshield particularly."

  The scientist grimaced. "For my sins, yes. Although I would have more luck explaining them to brain-dead first year art students."

  Mike Capra persisted. "But you are the best expert on the function of the slowshields that the military issue to their troops."

  "Yep. Dead simple things, really. From the functional point of view. They harden if anything moving faster than 22.8 mph passes through the exclusion zone."

  "Can a soldier turn his shield off?" asked the defense attorney.

  "Nope," said the scientist. "They're as idiot-proof as possible. They're surgically implanted, draw power from the user's electromagnetic field."

  Capra nodded. "And just what would happen if someone wearing one fired a pistol?"

  Liepsich shrugged again. "Does the word 'colander' mean anything to you?"

  The judge cleared his throat. "Could you stop speaking in riddles, Dr. Liepsich? Mr. Capra, what is all this about?"

  The Physics Don looked at the judge as a man might a beetle crawling out of his sandwich. "It means," he said with an air of exaggerated patience, "that if your accused over there had shot the cop as the other two cops testified he did, the ricochets inside his own slowshield would have killed him. It is a physical impossibility. He didn't shoot anyone. He can't. They lied. Is that clear enough?"

  The prosecuting attorney had leaped to his feet. "Your honor, I object to the witness drawing unsupported conclusions."

  The untidy professor looked at the attorney. "Meatball, when you have the intellect to manage elementary arithmetic without counting on your fingers, you can tell me I draw unsupported conclusions. In the meantime I suggest you go off and learn how to tie your own shoelaces."

  The judge was forced to resort to his gavel to quell the riot. "Dr. Liepsich, desist with abusing our learned friend. I caution you that if you do not moderate your tone I might have to find you in contempt. What I meant was I wanted to know what this slowshield issue has to do with this case?"

  Mike Capra cleared his throat. "M'lud, I don't believe that the prosecution had seen fit to inform you that as of the fifth of last month, my client has been a volunteer, serving with the HAR defense for
ce. He therefore has a surgically implanted slowshield. He therefore cannot have shot anyone on the afternoon of the 17th instant."

  The judge cocked his head. "He's a member of the army?"

  Capra nodded. "Yes, your honor. A private."

  The judge looked at the documents before him. "And he joined as a volunteer on the 5th?"

  Capra nodded again. "Yes, your honor. It is a matter of public record."

  "Then I have no jurisdiction over this case. By the terms of Special Gazette item 17 of 11/3/29 he cannot be prosecuted for misdemeanors committed prior to this, while he is in the service. A foolish statute, in my opinion, but nonetheless, that is the law. And for any crimes he committed after that date, he should be tried by the military, not, thank goodness, by me. And anyway, it is my considered opinion that there is no case against this man."

  "In that case, Your Honor, may I raise a motion that these charges be dismissed."

  The judge nodded. He looked at the prosecution. "I do, however, instruct that the police investigate and appropriately charge the two detective inspectors who lied under oath. Much as I deplore Dr. Liepsich's abusive manner, I cannot fault his conclusions. It is my opinion that the prosecutorial work done here was more than appallingly sloppy." He struck the desk with his gavel. "Case dismissed."

  ***

  Walking out of the court, arm-in-arm with Van Klomp and his father, Fitz couldn't help grinning. "Well. Now all I have to face is a charge for being AWOL. I'll have to get back to camp as soon as possible.

  Van Klomp cleared his throat. "As it happens, a major from the Attorney General's office contacted me about that. Scariest man I've met for a long time. Fortunately, he seems to approve of you. He said if you have an affidavit from the judge, to the effect that you'd been illegally detained by civil authority, you'd get away with it. Give it to your commanding officer. The army looks with disfavor on civil authorities messing around with their own. Capra's hopefully organizing it right now."

  ***

  The camp commandant looked at the affidavit. Shrugged. "Not my business anyway. You've been transferred to OCS instead. Someone higher up obviously decided that the Vats would murder a Shareholder, now that, thanks to the newspapers, everyone knows you are one. You're due to report there tomorrow. So, it looks like I should give you another pass. Try and stay out of trouble on this one."