Conall chuckled and bent down to press one more kiss to her lips. “You are all I want.”
“I love you so much,” Sarah told Conall as he straightened on his steed. “Go get the bad guys and hurry up about it. I’ll be waiting right here for you.”
“Aye, wife.” Conall’s eyes stayed on hers even as his horse shifted to face the gates. After a final brief nod, she watched the back of him ride out into the day that love couldn’t stop from arriving.
Even though Peter tried to lead her back inside the keep, Sarah ran to the gates and then onto the trail that led him away from her. Conall paused and turned to see her before the woods swallowed him.
Sarah forced herself to stand tall and raised a hand to him, the only body signal that came into her thoughts as tears streamed down her cheeks and her heart threatened to explode from the grief at their parting.
Conall matched her gesture, with his left arm up. His sleeve fell to his elbow and she caught sight of his dragon. Sarah covered her tattoo with her palm and she knew Conall understood her silent and distant declaration.
I am yours, always.
Then he was gone as if he had never existed. No sign remained of the man who had filled her life with immeasurable joy and happiness. Only empty space loomed ahead of her. But she could still feel him, the slight tingle of his presence until that too ceased to exist.
The second the tingle ended, Sarah fell to her knees, feeling as if she had been physically struck. Air struggled to make its way into her lungs that burned and ached. She had forgotten how alone she had always felt, only to recall when once again faced with that certainty.
She didn’t turn to see who sat by her side, given that Bella practically crawled into her lap, whimpering and snuggling in close. But instincts were instincts and Sarah let hers take the reins. Her hands stroked and soothed the dog that missed Conall. She listened as Peter spoke of silly boyhood stories of both then-boys.
Her sobs faded to mere never-ending tears and then to a hollow that threatened to consume her from head to toe, yet she stayed on the ground, staring into the void of greenery. Peter offered breakfast, but her stomach wouldn’t have tolerated food. He offered her some sleep, but the large empty bed would smell like Conall and she wasn’t ready to face the chamber without him.
Her bleary vision wandered the forest that had swallowed Conall and then drifted to the village below. Multiple small groups of women hugged, wiped tears on their and their children’s faces and others had yet to rise from the ground.
Forcing herself to stand, she blinked away the remnants of tears, certain more would soon follow. On shaky legs, she managed to stumble to the path leading down.
“Where are you going?” Peter asked from her side.
Sarah didn’t slow her pathetic pace. “To work. There are so many down there lost, frightened and feeling alone. I have to try to help them. It’s what I’ve trained to do.” Welcome back avoidance. It would seem you are always there for me. I’ll help them cope because I can, and I’ll avoid my heartache as long as possible. But she knew her grief would come alive as the other women shared theirs.
“I won’t ask you to be a part of the clan today.” Peter offered her the ability to run and hide.
Several hands rose in greeting as she closed the distance. The gesture brought a sad smile to her face, even as several of the women held their other hand over their mouths to keep the sobs quiet. Only Bella cheered with the walk, immediately leaving to run with the children.
Sarah stopped and faced Peter. “Too late, I’m already a part of the clan. It’s time to begin taking care of them.”
Chapter 31
“That makes ten fingers and ten delightful little toes,” Sarah cooed as she wrapped up the newborn held by Malcolm, one of the warriors who had remained behind. “She’s beautiful.”
“My thanks, though you should be accompanied by Peter,” Malcolm chastised her.
“Bella’s in the grass with some of the children. I can manage finding my way home without him.” She left out that they were always together. Peter had become her shadow for the last five weeks, always there and always needing something from her. “He rode out to check on the herds and this little bundle of sunshine needed to be recognized.”
Taking the child in her arms, she kissed the forehead and then handed her back to her mother, who had the good sense to remain in bed. Word had spread that Sarah wouldn’t stand for formalities.
“You rest, and I’ll come back in a few days to check on you. I brought plenty of food, so you don’t have to worry about that.” Turning to Malcolm, she said, “You have the next few days off. Stay here and take care of your new family.”
“But so few of us remain,” Malcolm attempted to argue.
“We’ll survive with you here. Take care of your wife, that’s an order.” Exchanging grins with his wife, Sarah chuckled. “Seriously, if there’s a problem, you’ll know.”
The newborn began to fuss which Sarah took as her exit cue. “Send word if you need anything. I’m assuming Brenda delivered her.”
“Aye, she was a fine comfort,” Malcolm complimented as his wife grumbled about comfort and birth not necessarily going hand in hand.
“Then I will pay her a visit to commend her on another fine baby delivery for the clan.” Sarah caught the glance passed between husband and wife and chose to ignore it. With her goodbyes said, she left the cottage and caught sight of Bella chasing her ball with multiple kids in pursuit in the gloomy, gray morning.
Walking the neat rows of stone cottages, she paused and then hoped she had the correct door when she knocked. A pleasant greeting from the older woman ushered her in.
“I thought I would be seeing you,” Brenda said with a confident grin as she offered her a seat at the kitchen table.
“I just officially recognized our newest member and thought I should stop in to say hello.” The excuse sounded weak even to her.
Brenda nodded. “Did you ken my hands delivered both Evan and Conall into the world?”
Sarah hadn’t known that, but it shouldn’t have surprised her. Malcolm had said Brenda had delivered him and his wife two-plus decades ago. “You seem to have brought half of the village into the world.”
“Aye, and will be pleased to aid you when your time comes.” Brenda cut to the chase and Sarah sighed, certain that the time for facing reality had finally come. Even I can only avoid it for so long.
“I would appreciate that, but we have quite a bit of time to wait.” By her counting, it had to be early to mid-July. She would have conceived sometime in May. Without a calendar or her phone, time had ceased to be counted by the hour or the actual day. But some counts were solid.
It’s been forty-two days since Conall left.
“Around March if I hear correctly,” Brenda offered after ticking off the months on her fingers. “Late winter ‘tis a fine time to welcome a new child.”
Sarah didn’t ask if there was a bad time, pleasantries were pleasantries. She also didn’t ask how the woman knew. Household whispers had likely been overheard and given a lack of her requesting feminine supplies or telltale signs of blood; all assumed and had begun to treat her differently.
Donald would no longer work with her on the training field, even though she had asked for the basic lessons to continue. Heavier loads of laundry were taken from her hands. Even in the kitchen, most offered her a seat more readily than asked for help in basic food prep. The over-abundance of kindness had begun to frazzle her nerves.
How in the hell do they expect me to ignore that he’s gone if they won’t let me lose myself in work?
Holding the sharp gaze of the woman seated across from her, Sarah asked, “Would you mind telling people that I can still do stuff? I see plenty of round bellies in the village and those women are allowed to carry and work.”
Brenda laughed. “Aye, I can make mention of that, yet none will heed me. You carry the heir. Given that both Conall and Evan are absent, you are seen wi
th too much promise.”
“I don’t want to be that person. I only want enough distraction to get through the day.” The admission slipped out and Sarah lowered her gaze, embarrassed at her admission.
“May I offer you a suggestion?” Brenda asked, her voice serious. When Sarah nodded, the woman cleared her throat. “All have noted how you miss the laird and too many miss their husbands. Yet you are with child. You must eat and sleep.”
“I do that.” Her comment came out with a pout.
“You eat a bit, you sleep a bit. You need to live for the life you carry, nay the one you dinna control. Your gown hangs on you and your eyes are weary. If you plan to greet the child, you must take care.”
The lecture hit a nerve and Sarah winced. She ate enough to keep Lena off of her back, but slipped quite a bit to Bella under the table. Sleeping in the big bed alone only reminded her of how many nights she had been without him. Most of her restless sleep took place in the one remaining chair in the few hours before dawn.
If I had to self-diagnose, I’d say I’m a bit depressed. But they told us never to do that, so I’m ignoring my obvious behavioral patterns.
But her gown did have a bit more room rather than less given her condition. But she’d tried to ignore that too, not wanting to think about a baby with Conall gone. A pregnancy should be shared, not be considered a haunting reminder.
“I’ll take better care of myself,” she said aloud.
“Aye, you will, or I will come to the keep and feed you myself. Dinna make me send you to bed and watch over you all through the night. I prefer to be in my own bed.” Brenda teased but Sarah heard some real threat along with genuine concern. “Does aught ail you? Your stomach?”
“No, I feel fine I guess.” She attempted to smile but felt moisture prick her eyes as if all she could accomplish in life were more tears. “I just miss him.”
“Aye, you do, and he is missing you. Welcome him home by being hale and hearty. Focus your days on bearing a strong bairn, nay on what you miss.” Brenda offered more wisdom, including what to eat and what to avoid, how long to sleep and to rest for a bit each day.
When Sarah had agreed to each, Brenda rose. “Head back to the keep before the gossip beats you to the door. All will ken you sat with me and all will ken the why of it. Tell them yourself.” Stopping at her door, she added, “And congratulations. I am here if you have any need or concern.”
“Thank you,” Sarah said as she stepped back out into the day. Two women slowed their walk and offered a greeting with the question written on their faces. Summoning her courage, she placed a hand on her belly and let the foreign sensation of hope wash over her. “That’s right, I was with Brenda. But you’re going to have to wait until late winter or early spring to meet the next Draig.”
Tears fell down her cheeks as the women cried out in delight and pressed her between them, a hug that filled her heart. Letting the warmth in, she hugged them back and realized she wasn’t alone. She bid a fond farewell to the emotional detachment that had kept her company.
Chapter 32
“Will you admit that I was right? You shouldn’t be here.” Peter’s whispered challenge washed over her as they reined in their mounts. A warm, late September breeze ruffled her hair along with the leaves, the rustling mixing in with the gurgle of the stream that separated Draig and Campbell lands. Add in Bella’s low growl, and the lovely late morning grew a tad ominous in her mind.
On the opposite side of the shallow water, Tearlach and five other Campbell warriors sat on horseback. None wore welcoming expressions and dread trickled down Sarah’s spine. “Oh yeah, I’ll give you this one.” Her mumbled reply was heard only by Peter, not the four warriors in their party.
To her untrained eye, it appeared both clans had kept to the agreement, five armed warriors a-piece. Keenly aware of the wooden setting, despite the well-worn trail, Sarah hoped they were the only ones that had a few extra men in hiding. Somehow, I doubt that.
Peter raised his hand in greeting. “You wished to talk. We’ve come as agreed.” He should have said commanded. The note requesting the meeting had screamed of demands and had a few threats to go with it.
Tearlach sneered. “I requested to meet with Evan, nay his pawns.”
Peter cursed under his breath before replying. “We have a harvest to finish bringing in, as you do. Our elders are calling for an early frost. You get us today.”
To her surprise, she managed not to laugh again at the prognostications of old Fionn’s knee, though the village swore those knees were never wrong.
“I have you as Evan is gone,” Tearlach retorted. “The Draig is without a laird. Dinna lie to me.”
Before Peter could answer, Sarah held out her hand to cut him off. “Hello, Laird Tearlach. While you are correct that Evan is serving the Bruce, the clan has me.”
His eyes drifted to the massive dog, whose hackles were raised before meeting hers. “Times have changed. The days of women leading are gone.”
Sarah had heard enough clan lore to be confident in her reply. Without glancing back, she nodded. “Perhaps. However, I rule with a strong sword to watch my back.”
She assumed Tearlach eyed Donald, given his shift. “So be it, I am forced to deal with you. Where is she?”
“To whom are we referring?” Who’s kidding who? This has to be about Elspeth.
“Spare me. I left Elspeth in Draig care and she is nay to be found.”
Peter answered for her, the details of Elspeth being sent to the convent, all which Tearlach knew.
“And yet none there has seen her for over a moon.” Tearlach’s reply brought another level of dread. While she wanted the girl and Gordain to have a future, the risks and dangers seemed monumental. Those crazy kids managed to reunite.
Sensing the potential for this peaceful talk to escalate, Sarah drew in a deep breath. “Before she left, your sister spoke of Gordain planning to flee from his mandated service to the Bruce, to find her and for them to run away together.” She conveniently left out the gifting of silver to finance the foolish adventure. “We’ve had no contact with her since she left Draig lands.”
Tearlach exchanged quick glances with his men. “You lie. Tell me where she is or face my wrath.”
While she saw no obvious signs of additional danger, not that the five in front of her were harmless, Bella reacted. Her head swiveled to the left and right, catching movements in the trees.
Peter answered the charge. “You know all that we do.”
The laird across the stream urged his horse forward to the stream’s bed. Sarah heard, rather than saw, swords leaving their sheaths, the whoosh of metal scraping leather. Tearlach’s men did the same as he ranted and raved about his need for his sister’s return.
Staring at the mottled face, his phrasing rang in her head. I need Elspeth.
“Why do you need her? You said she’s been missing for a month. You made it clear she wasn’t welcome on your lands. What’s changed?” Sarah asked, instantly knowing she’d found the correct question when he sucked in a ragged breath.
A scoff answered first. “I will nay sit idle when the lineage of my people is at risk. Elspeth’s child may come to hold the laird’s seat.”
Her mind raced with details Elspeth shared during their limited time together. Sarah sat straighter in saddle as she asked, “What happened to your wife?” She’d heard enough to know Tearlach was married and expecting to become a father at some point in the fall.
His gaze cast to the ground and then looked past her. “My wife went to her childbed, has fever and is nay likely to recover. Doubts plague the women my bairn will be born. My brothers were all taken to fight the Bruce’s war. The Campbell line must continue.”
It would appear we’re speaking to grief and fear, a potent combination. While I have no idea if he loves his wife, he’s dictated what he stands to lose.
“We are all very sorry to hear your wife is ill.”
Sympathies were quickly ignore
d. “Save you breath unless you seek to share Elspeth’s whereabouts.”
“I wish I could help you. We have no idea where she went, much less when. Our men could aid you in a search. I spent time with your sister and will worry for her safety until I know she’s safe.”
Peter whispered, “We don’t have the manpower to spare.” A raised hand cut him off.
Bella’s head whipped to the side and the men behind her shifted. In her heart, she doubted their flanking her would make a difference if the Campbell held more than seven or eight in reserve. They’d only brought another eight. A voice reminiscent of Conall rang in her thoughts. Did they station men to attack your back? She silently answered, I sure hope not.
“I suggest you speak or both of us stand to lose our future.” Tearlach’s threat rang loud and clear.
“Down, Bella,” Sarah commanded as the dog’s low growl became louder. Yet, her mind raced with the need for a peaceful solution. “We could send our best midwife to see if she can help your wife. Brenda is quite gifted.”
The angry man before her snarled, “Oh, aye. ‘Tis certain she would heal rather than poison.”
Peter answered. “Why would we bother poisoning her when we could merely leave her to die? Brenda is incredibly skilled. Face it, you have nothing to lose and a family to potentially save.”
Bella’s head whipped left and all faced that direction. Donald’s voice sounded as distant hooves galloped. “Our meeting ‘tis over. The Campbell have broken the truce with forces arriving.”
“I have broken naught. How dare you bring your warriors when invited under a banner of truce?” Tearlach roared. Given that his men appeared anxious at the approach, she doubted an attack, at least from them.
“Answer me, Tearlach,” Sarah demanded. “Will you accept our help?”
“Tell me if you men will aid me against the force that approaches.”
“Hell, yes,” Peter replied as he drew his sword.
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