“Is it wise to argue with the king?” Sarah asked in all seriousness.
“They have a way together. Conall kens when to push and when to obey.” Evan rose and leaned against the desk. “Did you come here seeking to argue with me or did you have another reason?” The twinkle bloomed again in his gaze. Maybe not a bright as before wars, but with enough brightness to ease Sarah’s mind.
Sarah tilted her head and studied the young man before her. Rather than dancing around the topic, she drove straight into the heart of the matter. “Robena asked for permission to marry, not that she really needs it from me. I wanted to give you the option of stopping her.”
Evan furrowed his brow. “Why would I stop her?”
No signs of repressed emotion covered his face, no erratic pulse in his neck, she caught no signal that the question hurt or even stung. “Given the fact you spent a considerable amount of time with her, I thought you might want to stake your claim or something.” Why is he not reacting to this?
With a shrug, Evan replied, “Robena is of an age to wish for a home and hearth of her own. Did you grant her permission to leave the household?”
“Well, yes.” His lack of reaction confused her. “Does it bother you that she’s marrying someone else?”
“Nay, we enjoyed some fine times but ‘twas never meant to be more. She kenned it, as did I.” With an exaggerated wink, he chuckled and grinned with a hint of his previous self.
“If you don’t have issues with the situation, then neither do I.” She studied the man before her and couldn’t resist the next question. “There seems to be no one you have an interest in since your return. Care to talk about that?”
Evan closed his eyes and then weary ones opened. “I find my former pursuits empty of meaning. I played when I should have worked. After all that I have seen,”--he hesitated--“‘Tis past time to place youthful follies behind me and focus on the needs of the clan.”
“Have you considered that a person may need a little folly to prevent work from becoming too great a burden?” Chewing her lip, Sarah knew her doctor persona had begun to push forward but didn’t attempt to stop it.
“You would prefer I spend my days sneaking around with the lasses?” Evan laughed and avoided whatever had changed his life.
He’s going to have to face his choices and the reasons behind them.
Folding her hands in her lap, Sarah centered her mind on Evan. “No, but I want to know why there is such a drastic change in you.”
She knew she’d stuck a tender nerve when he walked away from her to stand in front of the window that viewed the dying garden. Brown and wilting plants cast long shadows in the fading light of day. His ragged exhale began for him. “When we first arrived, the battle had begun. We fought and won.” Evan shook his head and braced his hands on the sides of the opening. “Fierce and brutal, ‘twas unlike any experience I have ever kenned.” His head hung while his voice began a harsh whisper. “After the battle, we were ordered to. . . it does nay matter what, but ‘twas the worst of it. As a reward for obeying the Bruce, he sent a bonny lass to me.”
Sarah flinched at the reminders of rewards. It would seem the Bruce has a pattern. Then her thoughts went into her personal forbidden zone. Do what you have to do to survive. Isn’t that what I told Conall? Did I understand the implications, the fact that I told him to screw whomever to remain sane? What the fuck was I thinking?
Evan’s voice pulled her partly back, but she still hated the certainty her husband would have also been rewarded. “The next morn, Conall berated me for taking what was offered. Though I swear the lass said she was willing, nay ordered.” He turned to face her, his eyes imploring her to believe him. “My brother said no mere body would ever make me feel alive, despite my arguing that she accomplished just that.”
His story ceased as he waited for some type of reply. Sarah put aside her emotions to address his. “It makes perfect sense to seek a connection with life after facing death. What you did wasn’t wrong.”
Evan snorted. “Your husband disagrees with you. He told me that I would never truly feel alive until touched by one who loves me. I laughed but his words haunted my mind.”
Sarah nodded and fought the impulse to ask about Conall. But Evan read her unspoken thoughts. “Conall turned away the lass sent to him on every occasion. He would want me to tell you even if he never asked such from me.”
Sarah felt a tension she hadn’t consciously known she was carrying dissipate. Returning to the crux of the situation, she asked, “So that’s why you have been abstinent since your return?”
Evan shook his head and shared a story of finding a couple old enough to be his parents; the man had been found trapped in a ruined barn and they had reunited him with his wife. The tragedy and joyful reconnection resonated as beautiful and tormenting in her head.
“The pair made camp with us that eve. ‘Twas no true privacy, yet they snuck away from the fire to. . . well, you ken why.”
“Yes,” she whispered, sensing the heart of the transformation about to be revealed.
“While serving on watch when some slept, I came across them, thankfully under a blanket.” Evan swallowed hard. “I overheard their whispers, what they deemed important to say given it had been only half a day since finding the other. No one has ever said such to me and I kenned then that I wanted to hear it, to have a lass mean those phrases. My heart wished to offer them.”
Awed by the honest insight and the tender soul before her, Sarah covered her lips with her fingers to prevent uttering an incomplete thought. When she had composed herself, she answered, “You deserve that, Evan. You are a good man.”
“Nay, Sarah. I have committed evil for the sake of a ruler. Actions ordered dinna lessen the crimes, or so I believe.” Before her stood a young man with an aged expression, his personal sense of right and wrong violated much as Conall’s had been.
“You did what you had to do to survive; war is never kind and gentle, even I know that. If it brings you comfort, what you have done will hopefully allow the majority to live in peace.” Damn, that sounds like a crock of shit.
“Conall offered me the same wisdom.” Evan’s small smile faded. “I see them in my dreams.”
Sarah took a deep, cleansing breath. The real work with Evan had begun.
Chapter 34
“We have more,” Peter said as he poked his head inside the study.
“How many this time?” Sarah closed the counts on the herds to tackle what had become a common occurrence.
“Small batch, a family of four, almost five. The wife looks about ready to have the baby in the hall.” Peter’s assessment came with no mirth. “Evan found them while checking on the herds. He brought them to the door and then rode back out to finish up. He deemed them safe for you to speak with.”
Evan has gotten a bit out of control with the watching over me, but he’s so sweet.
She rose and Bella followed. Already there were over forty new clan members, but only a few men. She had no idea how so many had made it so far with no resources and no protection. But each group had met with Conall and that alone let her know he had been seen alive. While they continued to send letters, there still hadn’t been a word in return.
With the colder weather, Sarah had assumed she had welcomed the last of them. The four at the table in the hall proved her wrong. In early December, travel meant cold, ice and snow which all equated to extra dangers being out in the open.
Bracing herself, she also knew each newcomer could bear news she wouldn’t want to hear, but refused to focus on horrid thoughts when before her sat four of the worst she had yet to encounter. Scarecrow thin, the phrase finally made sense to her. She chose to focus on comfort in an intact family: mother, father and two filthy, but likely lovely, girls. Sarah walked with as much grace as she could manage with her belly arriving first.
When the two adults rose, she felt the color drain from her face at the sight of the nearly starved pregnant woman. “Please sit and eat. I’ll d
o the talking until you have had enough.” Catching Lena’s approach, she nodded in gratitude at the bowls of broth and hunks of bread set before each. “Please send someone to fetch Brenda.” While prenatal care remained simplistic, Sarah knew she would feel better if the midwife talked to the woman. She hated feeding starving people such thin offerings, but doubted their ability to digest solid food.
“We are grateful for your hospitality,” the painfully scrawny man said to her with a bow that had him wobbling on his feet.
“Then sit and eat before you fall,” Sarah admonished him. At her side, Bella wagged her tail and strode forward to greet the newcomers, as she had with each batch.
The man sat but held out his hand. “We were told of the great beast and of the Lady with hair of fire.”
Sarah grinned at description that could have only come from Conall. “Then I’m assuming he also told you that we would welcome you and offer you a home.” When the first group had arrived, they had come with a similar message and the clan had welcomed each and every one, with a few of the orphans being taken in by families with generous hearts. Thankfully, the few men had skills enough to help the masons build new cottages to house the influx.
“I have no right to ask. . .” the man started, but Sarah cut him off.
“You aren’t asking, Conall sent you here with the promise of a new start. The Draig clan welcomes you and your family to your new home. All I need to know are your names.” Sarah sat as Peter pulled a chair to the end of the table. “I’m assuming you met Peter. Conall’s brother Evan brought you to the door and will join us later. I’m Sarah and I’m here to help.” Those seven words had been said multiple times and in truth had created a small but needed private practice of counseling. It took more than a roof over one’s head to feel safe and secure in a new home given what most of the refugees had suffered.
The man nodded. “I am called Stuart and my wife is Matilda.” Sarah caught the accent, or more correctly, the lack of the one she expected. Conall never failed to surprise her; his offering safety to English souls only reinforced his gentle nature.
“M’Lady,” Matilda immediately replied.
Sarah scrunched her face and looked at the two girls, both were too thin, extremely filthy and wearing tattered clothing made for a warmer season just like their parents. “What should I do to convince your mother that I prefer to be called only Sarah? The ‘my Lady’ stuff is way too formal.” Solemn eyes greeted her instead of the giggles she had hoped to hear.
The older one spoke. “Just tell her.”
Sarah nodded and winked at Matilda and Stuart. “What’s your name?”
“Megan.”
“How old are you, Megan?” Sarah asked, hoping to draw them out of their quiet shells. Or to gauge how much work needs to be done.
“Eight. And Sasha is six,” Megan answered and then went back to eating, which seemed perfect.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Sasha and Megan. There are plenty of girls your age in the village.” Sarah refocused on the parents when Sasha remained silent. “There are also plenty of young families to make you feel welcome. Given that the sun is setting, it will be tomorrow before we can get you situated into a cottage of your own.”
Stuart nodded and swallowed down the bread soaked in the broth. “One more night in the fresh air will do us no harm.”
“Oh no, you will not be sleeping outside, not on my watch. Lena is preparing a room for you. Given what you’ve likely been through, there will be enough beds for all four of you. I doubt you want to be separated.” Sarah had no need to verify any of the details, as those had already become routine. “We also have a fine bathing chamber that is yours whenever you wish it. Hot water and soap, along with a door that locks.”
Tears rolled down Matilda’s face and Sarah tried to shake hers away. “Please don’t cry. If you do, then so will I.” Patting her stomach for effect, Sarah added, “I can’t seem to stop when I start.”
“How do we thank you?” Matilda choked out. “How can we ever repay you?” Raw emotion choked the woman’s voice and Sarah had a stock answer for what had become the expected question and seemed to quell panic from those who no longer knew what to expect from life.
“Eventually, we’ll find a task that suits your skills and benefits the clan, but that time isn’t now. You all need to rest, eat, and sleep. Regain your strength and learn how to live in peace. I’ll help you in any way I can. But first, you are going to have a bit of time with the Brenda, the midwife. Then we’ll see how tonight goes. The meal will be served a bit later and I expect to see you here to eat again. Clean clothing that might fit is being left in your chamber, something more appropriate to the season. Tomorrow we’ll take care of the rest.”
“Bless you,” Matilda whispered as she attempted to fight the tears.
Sarah focused on Stuart, wanting answers to questions that couldn’t wait any longer. “When did you speak with Conall?”
The man grinned. “We have long been on the road. Chance put us on a path to collide with his. Mayhap over a moon past.”
She wiped a tear from her cheek. “Wonderful. News reaches us so slowly and I. . .” Her thoughts remained private. I haven’t heard anything in ages.
Peter made his presence known behind with a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you. We worry and wait for him to return.”
“Your dog is huge,” Megan said as Bella made her way over to the girls. “Conall said she would be, but I thought he was telling a tale.”
“She’s big, but sweet. You can both pet her.” Sarah said, and Megan patted the dog’s head very gently. Yet Bella walked past her and nuzzled Sasha’s limp hand, asking for affection.
When the girl stroked Bella and whispered something so softly that Sarah couldn’t hear it, she turned to Matilda’s gasp.
Stuart spoke. “Sasha has been silent since, well, for quite some time.” Sarah waited for more of an explanation. “On the day our village burned to the ground, Sasha had been out in the woods. It took us several days to find her. We found no sign of harm, but she won’t speak.”
Each group brought one who had been damaged by war more than the rest. Sarah watched as the girl stroked Bella and slipped a piece of bread from the table to the eager dog. Such a generous heart. “Sasha doesn’t have to talk right now if she doesn’t want to. Maybe tomorrow or the next day she will, even if she only speaks to Bella.” Pasting an overly dramatic frown to her lips, Sarah said, “But I had hoped for some help. I need someone I can trust to keep an eye on Bella for me. She’s too fast for me these days with my big belly.”
“I can help,” Megan immediately offered.
“That would be wonderful. But you are only one girl and I had hoped for two. Do you know where I might find another girl who likes dogs?” Sarah kept her gaze on the silent girl who focused solely on Bella and then altered her approach. “She wouldn’t have to tell me she wants to help, only raise her hand so I knew.” Children were sometimes the hardest to reach and Sarah knew that even if the child failed to respond that she wouldn’t give up hope.
Bella licked Sasha’s dirty cheek and nuzzled her massive head onto the bony shoulder. A small filthy hand went up, not straight up, but enough to signal she was cognizant of what happened around her; a good sign, in Sarah’s professional opinion.
“Well, that’s perfect. Thank goodness you are all here.” Sarah caught the nod from Lena on the other side of the hall. “Your chamber is ready. Let’s go make certain you have what you need to get through the night. Bathe, sleep, or eat, or all the above. My home is yours.”
Matilda crinkled her nose. “Mayhap bathing should come first. We are too foul to touch a bed.”
“Lena, please bring the clothing to baths and help these fine people.” As the family rose, Bella stayed at Sasha’s side, instinctively knowing where she was needed. Even if the family was dirty and the clothing ripped, she caught the signs of what was once quality fabric. “Tell me, Stuart. What’s your trade?” A simp
le farmer wouldn’t have worn such fine clothing.
“My hands will serve wherever you deem them needed.” His reply was genuine and annoying all at the same time.
Matilda filled in the details. “My Stuart made the finest jewelry sold in the land. He works gold and silver like none you have ever seen.” Pride oozed from the woman and Sarah nodded.
“If you can work silver, you have definitely come the right place. Welcome home.” Sarah led the family down the corridor to the baths with her mind already churning with a task for Stuart, once he had settled in and was ready to work.
Chapter 35
Sarah rose from her chair before the fireplace in the hall and pushed her hands against her lower back, groaning at the muscles that tended to tense when she sat. The eyes of those still gathered after the evening meal followed her every step and stretch. Thankfully, no one jumped up to run for the midwife. Evan had already received a solid tongue-lashing from her when she had done the same at the start of the meal.
Yet, everyone hushed as she paced, with Bella ever at her heels. The roar of brutal wind and the tinkle of icy pellets striking the keep mixed with the crackle of wood in the hearth. It all struck her as somber, or maybe that was her mood filling the air.
Cold air chilled her skin as she walked around the tables, rubbing the movement inside her protruding belly. But she’d been too warm near the fire. Nowhere seemed comfortable with early February’s icy grip on the land. Her body had ceased to be hers with the new life taking over and the pregnancy lasting a small eternity.
“Are you going to finish the game?” Peter called out with his eyes still on the chessboard.
As if the game held her interest. Her mind reeled with what she had been told were normal concerns over the final weeks before giving birth. Distractions had become non-existent with weeks of ice that had halted all communication from the outside world. Little work remained to be tended and her days were spent approving redundant tasks, the clean chambers were cleaned again and counts were taken that didn’t need to be done.
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