It was the emotions he felt now as they held Calvin in their arms that were abnormal. And the emotions he’d felt when the two of them had discussed the problems with Glenn. Those were the emotions that scared him. Those emotions made him remember the good times between them. Those emotions made dents in the barriers around his heart. Those emotions made the “what if” questions loud in his mind. What if Monique had made her choices because she loved him? What if the two of them were able to find what they’d once had?
He shook off the questions. There was no use asking questions that had no answers. His best bet was to spend his time and his energy fighting his emotions. In order to do so, he knew he would have to be a lot stronger than he’d been last weekend when he’d kissed her. He tried not to think about the kiss, but he didn’t seem able to stop. Every time he looked at her, he remembered how good she’d felt and how open she’d been. He’d tried to tell himself that she was as good at faking emotions now as she had been when they were in high school. But that tack lost meaning when he saw her with her arms wrapped around Calvin and tears of love and caring in her eyes.
She was a wonderful mother—there was no getting around that fact. He admired what she’d done with Glenn and the inroads she was making with Calvin. Monique was the perfect mother, as perfect as he’d always known she would be.
He wondered what kind of wife she’d been, but he couldn’t wonder very long because he didn’t like thinking of her as another man’s wife. He knew he had no right to feel proprietary where she was concerned, but he did. He only hoped that soon he would get over the feeling.
Kissing her like you did last weekend is not going to help you get over it, a voice inside his head warned him. And he knew the voice was right. That kiss had been a big mistake. He’d kissed her to take care of his curiosity. Well, he’d taken care of it, all right. He was no longer curious about kissing her. Now, he wondered if making love to her could possibly be as sweet as it had been the one time they’d made love before. He didn’t think he should follow that curiosity to its logical end, though.
Dillon ceased his musings as Calvin twisted out of the group hug and said, “Are we gonna get ice cream?”
He smiled, then glanced over his son’s head at Monique. “Are you ready?”
She wiped at her eyes with her fingers, then nodded. “I think I could use a nice, cold treat.”
“Let’s go, then.”
They stood together, and each taking hold of one of Calvin’s hands, they walked to the ice-cream shop in comfortable silence. Once there, they ate their cones at one of the white concrete tables outside the shop. When Calvin finished his, he headed off to the playground equipment. Dillon and Monique watched him, enjoying his happiness.
“He’s taking the news well,” Monique observed.
Dillon sighed. “So far, so good. This weekend will be the big test.”
“Are you worried about it?”
He shrugged. “Not worried. More like anxious for this to be over and Glenn to be here. I miss him.”
His words warmed Monique’s heart. “He told me you called him. He was very excited about it.”
Dillon grinned. “Well, I don’t want him to forget me.”
“Not on your life. And he can’t wait to meet Donald, the policeman, and Darnell, who owns the motorcycle. You really pulled out all the stops.”
He grinned again. “He was being such a hard case. I had to do something, or we would have spent the entire weekend in a silent war.” He sobered. “He’s really a good kid. If I haven’t told you enough, you’ve done a great job with him.”
Dillon’s praise meant a lot to Monique. Being a mother was the most important thing in her life. “He can be difficult at times. But you’ve seen a glimpse of that.”
“He misses Charles,” he said. “Will you tell me about him?”
Monique wasn’t sure if he was talking about Charles, the father, or Charles, the husband. She decided to talk about Charles, the father. “He was good to Glenn. From the day Glenn was born, Charles treated him as if he were his own son. They were inseparable.” Sadness returned as she remembered Charles getting sicker. “Even as his illness progressed, he still made time for Glenn. They built the tree house when Charles was at his worst. But somehow he managed it. For Glenn. Watching him with Glenn made me realize just how much I had missed as a child—that unconditional love. I don’t remember ever feeling that kind of parental love.”
Monique was silent as memories of the past filled her heart. She was glad, so very glad, that Glenn had never experienced the pain of a loveless home. She’d spared him that at least. And she would have done anything to spare him Charles’s death. But there was no way she could have known that Charles would leave them so quickly.
“You loved him a lot, didn’t you?”
She knew that Dillon was now talking about Charles, the husband. “Yes, I loved him. But it was more complicated than that.”
Dillon shook his head. “Love doesn’t have to be complicated. You loved him. There’s no sin in that. I’m glad you were happy. You deserved to be.”
She looked at him with skeptical eyes, not believing the words he’d spoken. “You don’t really mean that, do you?”
He touched his hand to her jaw. “It hurt when you left me. God, how it hurt. And I’ve hated you for the way things ended for us. But I’ve always wanted you to be happy. If he made you happy, then I’m happy for you. You can’t help who you love. Or, in our case, who you don’t love.” He dropped his hand and turned his attention back to Calvin.
Monique wanted to tell him that the love she shared with Charles in no way diminished the love she had—would always have—for him, but somehow the moment passed. She wondered if she’d ever be able to tell him the entire story and have him believe her.
After putting Calvin to bed for the night, Dillon grabbed the latest Easy Rawlins mystery in an attempt to pass the time. He knew it would be a long time before he fell asleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about tomorrow when Calvin and Glenn met each other for the first time. He figured Saturday and Sunday would be okay because they had plans, but Friday night was causing him some concern. It was important for both boys that the night go well.
He was concerned about Monique, too. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep his distance with her. It was as if she was burrowing a hole through the armor he had placed around his heart. And he didn’t like it. He had been on the receiving end of pain two times too many to think about trying again with her.
Then why did you kiss her? his conscience asked. Dillon sighed, rubbed his eyes and tried to concentrate on Easy’s problems.
“What you reading, bro?”
Donald’s voice surprised him and he almost dropped his book. “What the heck are you doing, Donald? Why didn’t you knock?”
Donald gave his brother a lazy grin then slid down on the couch. “You shouldn’t have given me a key if you didn’t want me to use it.”
“That key is for emergencies. It’s not for every time you get the urge to drop in. I ought to take it back.”
“Won’t do you any good,” Donald said, getting up from the couch. “I made a copy.” He went into the kitchen and Dillon could hear him rumbling around in the refrigerator. “You’ve got to start stocking the brew. Real men drink beer, or haven’t you heard?”
Dillon didn’t bother to reply to the beer comments. Donald knew very well that he didn’t keep beer in the house because of Calvin. “Why don’t you go home and drink your own beer? This is not a bar.”
Donald came back into the living room with a can of orange juice. “I’m just a little dry.” He popped the tab on the can and flicked it into the ashtray as he took his seat on the couch again. “What are you so grouchy about anyway? Having problems with your woman?”
“I don’t have a woman.”
“Ahh.” Donald gulped the juice as if it were beer. “That could be your problem.”
Dillon closed his book and slapped
it on the coffee table next to the ashtray that held the flip-top tab from Donald’s juice can. “Right now, you’re the only problem I have.”
Donald placed his can on the coffee table. “Really, what’s wrong, man? You’re wound tight as a drum. Something must be on your mind. Come on. What is it? Monique? The boys? Both? Tell me.”
Dillon sighed then slouched back in his chair. “I’m taking Calvin to meet Glenn tomorrow and I’m a little worried about how they’re going to react to each other.”
“They’ll be fine. Look at us. You didn’t like me the first time you saw me, and now I’m your favorite brother.”
Dillon laughed. “Yeah, right.” He and his brothers had had their differences, their fights even, but they’d always stuck together against the world. The Bell Brothers. One for all and all for one, just like the Three Musketeers.
“Well, I certainly don’t believe that Darnell is your favorite. He’s the one who got you to put your head in the toilet.”
Dillon laughed again. Darnell had definitely filled his role as older brother. He’d tricked him and Donald into doing some stupid things. To this day, it was hard for Dillon to believe they’d been so gullible. “Darnell had a mean streak.”
“You’re telling me. I’m the one who sat in the closet all night trying to get a picture of Santa Claus. Boy, it was dark in there, and I was scared to death.”
“You were more stupid than I was.”
Donald shook his head. “No, I was just younger. I could blame my naiveté on age. You, on the other hand, should have known better.”
“We had some good times when we were kids, didn’t we?”
“Sure we did. If you don’t count the fights, the yelling and the getting in trouble.”
“That was part of the fun.” Dillon thought about the young lives of Calvin and Glenn. “I wish Calvin and Glenn could have had as simple a childhood as we had. We were lucky. We had parents who loved each other—and us—and we had each other.”
Donald clapped his brother’s shoulder. “Calvin and Glenn are lucky, too, Dillon. They have you, and me, and Darnell and Ma and Dad, and Monique. They’ll be all right.”
Dillon had told himself much the same thing, but it was good hearing it from another person. “When did you get to be such an authority on children and families?”
“Hey, I read a lot.”
“Are you sure you don’t have a special lady somewhere and you’re thinking about becoming a one-woman man?”
“I’m already a one-woman man.”
“Humph.”
Donald grinned. “You’ve never seen me with more than one woman at a time.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Yeah, I know. But I’m not thinking about settling down yet. I haven’t found the right woman.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I’m gonna keep looking, though. Yeah, even it takes the next fifty years, I’m gonna keep right on looking.”
Dillon shook his head. One day some woman was going to come along and knock his brother on his behind. Dillon wanted to be there for that event.
“What about you?” Donald asked.
“What about what?”
“You thinking about settling down again?”
Dillon immediately thought of Monique and quickly pushed the thought aside. “I’ve got enough on my hands with the boys. A wife would be a bit much to handle.”
“Oh, I don’t know. A wife could help with the boys.” He paused and took another swig of juice. “Especially if she cared about them as much as you do.”
Dillon couldn’t imagine being with a woman who didn’t love his boys as much as he did. But right now he could only think of one woman who fit that bill, and she was definitely out of the question. “If you find such a woman, you let me know.”
“I’ve already found her,” Donald said.
“Who?”
“Don’t play dumb, Dillon, you know I’m talking about Monique. She’s Glenn’s mother and Calvin’s crazy about her. I bet she loves them as much as you do.”
“Monique is out of the question,” Dillon asserted.
“Why?”
“You know why. That woman doesn’t handle the truth very well. I couldn’t be in a serious relationship with a woman I couldn’t trust, and I can’t trust Monique. If the going got tough, I couldn’t count on her to hang in there with me. No, Monique is not the one.”
Donald turned his juice can up and drained its contents into his mouth. “It’s your life, brother, but remember you only have one.”
Chapter Nine
“Night, boys,” Monique said. She and Dillon stood in the doorway of Glenn’s room at Sue’s house.
“Night, Mom.”
“Night, Moni.”
“Sleep well, men,” Dillon added. “We have a full day ahead of us tomorrow.”
“All right, Daddy.”
“Okay, Dillon.”
Dillon switched off the overhead light and closed the bedroom door, leaving the boys in darkness punctuated only by a slight night-light next to the bunk beds Sue had bought for Glenn.
“You sleepy?” Glenn asked from the top bunk.
Calvin stifled a yawn. “You?”
“Not me.”
“Me neither,” Calvin said, wanting to be like his older brother.
“Have you been to a Braves game before?” Glenn asked the younger boy. He’d never been to a professional game himself.
“No, but I watched one on TV with Daddy.” He didn’t add that he’d fallen asleep before the game was over.
“I’ve never been, either. My dad was gonna take me, but he got sick.”
“Did your daddy go away?” Calvin asked.
“Yeah, something like that,” Glenn said, not wanting to scare the younger boy with talk of death. He was probably too young to understand anyway. Calvin was still a baby.
“My mom went away, too.”
Glenn wasn’t quite sure what Calvin meant. “Where’d she go?” he asked, not wanting to ask if his mother was dead like his dad.
“I dunno. My daddy said she had to go away so she could be happy.”
“Oh,” Glenn said, wondering why Calvin’s mother couldn’t be happy at home.
“Glenn?” Calvin called.
“Yeah.”
“Are you my big brother?”
Glenn paused for a minute. Dillon had said he was his dad, but his dad was dead. Still, Glenn didn’t want to hurt the little kid’s feelings. “I guess I am.”
Calvin smiled. “I’m glad.”
Glenn smiled, too. “I guess I’m glad, too. I’ve never had a brother before.”
“My daddy has two brothers. A big brother and a little brother. And now I have a big brother.”
“And I have a little brother.”
“Are you really gonna show me how to play baseball?”
“Sure, I’ll show you. Dillon has been helping me.”
Calvin yawned again. “Glenn?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sleepy.”
Glenn yawned, as well. “Me, too. Go to sleep.”
“Night, big brother.”
“Night, little brother.”
Monique folded her legs under herself and waited for Dillon to join her for their evaluation of the evening. She thought the boys had gotten along well. There had been a little tension in the air at first, but once Sue suggested Glenn show Calvin his tree house, things had been set in motion.
“I was hoping you’d still be up,” Dillon said. He was fresh from the shower and looking good enough to eat in his clean jeans and white golf shirt. More than anything, she wanted to move next to him and inhale his masculine cleanliness. “I had to wash off some of the grime. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with those boys.”
“I thought you did pretty well.”
He dropped down on the couch next to her. “But I felt it. I’m not as young as I used to be.”
She smiled. “None of us are.”
He studied her and she fe
lt his masculine approval. “You don’t look too worse for the wear.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“Hey, it was a compliment. You look good. But you don’t need me to tell you that. I bet you have your share of admirers.”
Actually, she didn’t, but she didn’t see any need to correct Dillon’s assumption.
“I’d wondered about that.”
“Wondered about what?” she asked, distracted by his closeness.
“Whether you had a man in your life. Your husband’s been dead for three years now. I would think that you would have gotten remarried.”
She shook her head. “I’ve been too busy with work and Glenn to think about getting married. What about you? Your wife’s been gone a long time.”
“Ouch,” he said. “You don’t give a guy a break, do you?”
“What did I do?” she asked, not understanding his problem with her question. “You asked me the same question.”
He eyed her as if weighing the truth of her words. She hated that he still examined everything she said before accepting it as truth. “I guess I did.”
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
“About marriage?” He shook his head. “I’m not interested in getting married again. One time was enough.”
“Ah, that just means that you haven’t found the right woman yet.”
He shook his head again. “No, it means that I’m not interested in getting married. I have Calvin and now Glenn and that’s enough for me. More than enough.”
He must have loved his wife a great deal to not even want to consider remarriage, she thought. She wondered again why Teena had left him and Calvin.
“Go ahead and ask.”
She looked up at him. “Ask what?”
“Ask why she left. I can tell you’re dying to know. You’re still transparent in some areas.”
She didn’t bother to deny it. “Okay, why’d she leave?”
“Same reason you left,” he said, causing her to wince. “She wanted a more exciting life than I could give her here in Elberton. Seemed I picked the wrong woman twice. I don’t think I’ll be going down that road again.”
Second Chance Dad Page 9
