American Honey

by Caitlin Ricci

  Gavin wasn’t done though, and he wasn’t having any of me either. He pushed me aside. “I wasn’t having sex with someone twice my age though. Cal, shit, he’s just a teenager. He can’t even legally drink.”

  I got in his face again, but this time Cal was there. Fully dressed and looking like he was ready to leave. “You’re seriously going to listen to him? About my age? I thought we were past this!” I turned on him.

  Cal laid his hands on either side of my shoulders, and then he pulled me close. I hated how much that one hug felt like our last one. Like he was hugging me goodbye.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he quickly reassured me. “But me being here right now feels like I’m just going to make things worse. You’re an adult. You won’t get any arguments about that from me. Whatever you need from me to help your family see that, too, I’ll do. But right now, I don’t think I should be here.”

  “You shouldn’t be here at all,” Gavin agreed with him.

  I flipped off my cousin. “So we’ll talk later?”

  He kissed me, long and slow and sweet right in front of Gavin, and then he was gone, leaving me alone with a pissed off cousin on my hands.

  “I don’t want to hear it,” I said, cutting him off instantly. But I did take his plate of cinnamon rolls. There was no way that I was going to waste good cinnamon rolls just because I was mad at him.

  “He’s thirty-eight,” Gavin continued even though I’d tried to make it clear that I didn’t want to hear his reasons why I couldn’t date Cal. “And he’s a stripper.”

  I rolled my eyes. “What does his job have to do with anything? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You were better off sticking to the fact that he’s almost forty. Now I know you’re just grasping at straws.”

  “Were you safe at least? He’s probably been with dozens, or god, hundreds—”

  I put my hand in his face, stopping him right there. “No. You don’t get to do that. You think just because he’s a stripper that he has sex with whoever? Don’t even start. And the used condoms are in the trash if you want to go check for yourself. You can look at them while showing yourself out of my house. The door is three feet to your left, in case you got lost. Don’t come in my house trying to shame my boyfriend and having ideas about him just because of his job. You don’t know him. The only thing you know is that he’s thirty-eight and a stripper. Get out. Go. I’m not dealing with you right now.”

  I was so angry at him. It was better that he just leave. I was glad when he was gone, too, though I seriously wished he hadn’t come over in the first place.

  I’m sorry about him. I promise that not everyone in my family will be that messed up, I texted Cal. He was driving though so I didn’t expect to hear from him for a while. If he was even still into me after that blow up. If Gavin ruined my chances with Cal because of his issues, I was going to be seriously pissed at him. Even more so than I already was.

  * * * *

  I showed up for game night with my family a few nights later not because I wanted to, but because I was expected to. I hadn’t seen Cal since the morning Gavin had barged in on us, but I had talked to him. Sort of. We’d texted. It wasn’t ideal but I got it. He wanted to let my family settle down a little before we got together again.

  So I sat there, glum and glaring, as the others played Monopoly around me. I’d barely bought any properties or put down any houses. I was barely there at all really. My body was, but my mind was a million miles away wishing I could be with Cal instead of stuck there while everyone else had fun and I pretty much hated life.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Kyle asked me about an hour into what was supposed to be a fun family get-together type of thing.

  “He’s pissed because I caught him in bed with Cal and told him he was too young and that he couldn’t date a stripper,” Gavin supplied for me.

  I snapped my attention over to him. Before I’d just been kind of zoned out but now I was back to being pissed at him. “First of all, you didn’t catch us. He spent the night. Don’t make it sound like you walked in on us in the middle of it. And second, I’m an adult and I already told you that his job has nothing to do with why you don’t want me dating him. I think you’re just pissed that I’m having sex when I’m only four years older than Kyle, but you were having sex when you were his age, so maybe it’s just that you don’t want him to have sex and get some girl pregnant like you did. But that’s ridiculous because your life turned out great and Kyle is a great guy and you need to just back up out of my life right now because I’ve had enough of you trying to control this situation. This isn’t a threesome. You aren’t dating him. So you don’t get a say.”

  I got up from the table and walked out.

  I expected that someone would probably try to come after me. We’re a close family after all.

  But I hadn’t expected all of them to be there when I turned back around. “Well?” I demanded.

  Asher came forward and put his arm around me. He led me to his car, and then put me in the passenger seat. Whatever was going on, I was still pissed. I didn’t want to be coddled by them all. I just wanted to be left alone and allowed to make my own choices and live my own life. Asher got into the driver’s seat and then we were on the road as he took me home.

  “I could have walked,” I complained. I’d walked there after all.

  “I know. But I wanted a few minutes with you without Gavin there to breathe down our necks and get all judgmental. Plus, I had some questions.”

  “I’m using condoms,” I said, already guessing where he was going with this.

  But he just snorted. “I already figured that you were, and that’s not what I was going to ask anyway.”

  My house wasn’t that far from Gavin’s, so it only took a few minutes for Asher to be pulling up in front of it. I sat there in his heated leather seat and wondered where he was going with this as he turned off his engine.

  “Was he your first?”

  “He is. Don’t make him sound like he dumped me already. It was one major blow-up. We can get past this if everyone just stops getting involved. I’m trying to have a relationship here and you all are just getting in the way.”

  Asher ruffled my hair. “We’re not trying to. At least I’m not. But there’s one problem with you wanting to have a relationship that’s just you. And that’s the family. We’re a big, close family. Whoever you’re with, if you want to be serious about them, we’re going to know and we’re all going to have opinions and sometimes you’re not going to like them. But you can’t storm off and blow up when that happens because you’re part of this family, and we settle things by talking them out, not throwing fits during games night.”

  He was making this all out to be my fault and that made no sense at all. “I didn’t start this. If Gavin hadn’t—”

  But Asher cut me off. “Last any of us heard you had a crush. When you moved beyond a crush into something more serious, something like you two spending the night together, then it would have been nice to get a big group text saying hey everybody, just so that you know, I’m serious about Cal so don’t freak out if you see him over. It might have made things easier for Gavin.”

  I didn’t think I needed to send my family a text when I decided to start having sex, but maybe some heads up might have been helpful. “I don’t know how to change that now. I’m not a kid. I haven’t been for a while now.”

  “Not storming off would be a good start. We get it. I get it at least. I can’t speak for the rest of them. But I’m trying to. You’re into an older guy who is a stripper. It’s not the worst thing for you to be into.” He dragged his hand over his face. “Go home. Relax for the rest of the night. We’re your family. Some of us are just struggling with you growing up. I’m not, but I’ve always been a screwup and you’ve always been more mature than me.”

  I really hated when he started to talk about himself like that. “You’re not a screwup,” I grumbled.

&
nbsp; “I was. And sometimes maybe I still am. I know you don’t think it was that big of a deal, but Dillon, I could have killed you. I was stupid, and reckless, and—”

  I cut him off. “It’s not that I don’t think it was a big deal. It’s that I forgave you. I had to. I couldn’t stay mad at you and I couldn’t blame you for what you did. You chose to get drunk and then come get me and drive us home. I know that what you did was awful, but I can’t hold that against you. That’s not fair to you and it would have killed me to keep that going.”

  Asher reached over and ruffled my hair, but his simple, friendly gesture didn’t have any of the warmth it normally did. He just seemed sad. “You should get inside. Is your boyfriend working tonight?”

  I had no idea. “It’s Saturday, so probably, but he could have taken the night off, too. If you want to go see him, call the club and ask. It’s called Gents. It’s off Franklin Street in Springfield.”

  “You don’t care if I go?”

  “Not really. If you tip him really well maybe he’ll buy me some bee stuff I’ve been wanting. I could use a new extractor, but I can’t make myself spend that much and I wouldn’t ask for it, but if you really want to throw money at him, go for it.” I wasn’t kidding either. The extractor I wanted got the honey out of twenty-four frames at a time, it was all electric, and it came with a lifetime warranty. It was also almost three thousand dollars.

  Asher laughed and pushed me toward the door. “You’re the strangest guy. Go, get inside. If I go to the club and see him, I’ll say hi.”

  “Cool.”

  I hoped he did go. Maybe he’d have some fun and unwind a bit. “Don’t drink, though.”

  He gave me a tight little smile. “Yeah. I know. I’m sober. I’ve been sober. I promise.”

  “Okay.” I couldn’t really do anything but trust him on that. Still, I hesitated. “Asher, you don’t normally go to places that have drinks. I get that. I’m glad that you don’t. But Gents has a two drink minimum. I don’t want you to be tempted. I don’t really want you to go there at all really. I won’t be mad if you drink, but just call me if you do, okay? I know you’re sober and I’m not expecting you to drink. I’m just saying that I’ll forgive you if you do. That place you were at as a teenager, I can’t imagine being there. I have no idea what having an addiction is like. Just... be careful. Okay?”

  He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a hug tight enough that it cut off my air, but I didn’t care. I loved him. I just wanted him to be okay. “Get inside. I’ll be good.”

  “See you later,” I said. I knew that he wanted to go. He didn’t usually put up with me being all dopey over him. We didn’t get like this. Not anymore. We’d all been angry, and hurt, when our parents had left us. And we’d been plenty messy then. But we were better now. Mostly anyway.

  I slipped out of the car and he let me go. I waved as he drove away and then I was back inside my house. I made a milkshake and then I settled in for the night.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Cal

  I had no idea what Dillon’s brother was doing there in one of the front tables. He was only a few feet from me. He had a great spot, but if he was actually there to watch me dance, this was a lot weirder than I was able to handle. I’d heard of families being close, but if he was interested in me the way Dillon was, I definitely wanted nothing to do with Asher and I would have had serious reservations about continuing anything with Dillon.

  But as I danced, and kept watching Asher, it seemed like he wasn’t there for me at all. He danced in his chair to the music playing around us and even though he had to order two drinks to stay, he didn’t drink either of them. The bartender used different glasses for alcohol and soda, even when they were mixed like a Rum and Coke, but Asher was only drinking soda. He’d ordered the drinks. I’d seen that. But he’d sent them to various people in the club. He didn’t seem to be interested in them either, though.

  When my set ended, I headed over to him. “Hi.”

  “Hey, Cal.” He smiled at me and kept bouncing in his seat as if he really wanted to be dancing and never got to go to a club. “What’s up?”

  “I’m working. Did Dillon send you?” It was the best thing I could think of. It was the only explanation that really made sense to me.

  But Asher shook his head. “No. I came to talk to you. I get that you’re working, and I don’t expect you to stop for me. So how much is a lap dance?”

  He pulled out a bunch of twenties and I took three of them. “This is weird,” I said as I led him back to the private dance rooms.

  Asher laughed and followed me into a room. “Why? We’re just talking. I don’t want you to dance. You’re gorgeous, and I’ve seen plenty of you. But my brother is pretty serious about you, so let’s hang out and talk.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief and sat down next to him. “Sure. So what’s up? Is everything okay with Dillon?”

  Asher nodded. “He’s amazing. He’s... well, pretty close to a saint where I’m concerned. But I wanted to tell you not to let Gavin stop you from being with Dillon. He’s not the kid we treat him like. We’d be stupid to think that he was. Sure, he’s the youngest of us outside of Kyle, but that doesn’t mean that we should treat him like we have. I’ll work on Gavin. We all will. But don’t let him ruin what you have with Dillon. He’s a good guy. And you seem to be, too.”

  As nice as his speech was, he really didn’t know much about me. “Did Dillon tell you that I just broke up with my ex? A guy that I’d been living with for five years? I don’t know how much of a serious thing I can really have with him. I want to, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t have started anything with him if I didn’t intend to treat him right. But I’m still struggling here, and it has nothing to do with his age. At least, not anymore.”

  Asher snorted. “He didn’t say anything like that, but hey, I’m not one to judge. I picked him up from school one day and nearly killed him. And the idiot still forgave me for that. I’m pretty sure he’s willing to work with you on stuff and wait or whatever you need from him. He’s never brought anyone home before. He’s never been that serious about someone before either. But I’m glad he seems to be serious about you. You’ve got my support. And the support of everyone else but Gavin. We all know how he can be an overprotective asshole. So what do you say?”

  I was going to say that he could have told me all of this with a phone call, and also that I didn’t need him, or anyone else in Dillon’s family, coming up to tell me that Dillon was worth it. “You know I wasn’t going to give up on Dillon, right? One cousin catching us in bed together and throwing a fit doesn’t really deter me that easily. Maybe when I was his age, but I’m not that young anymore.”

  “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear.”

  “You could have just called.”

  Asher shrugged me off. “I wanted to drive. Besides, the music is nice, and the views aren’t half bad. If I was looking to date, I could find a worse base of people to choose from. And I bet dancing is a lot more exciting than growing apples. Most of my day is spent going for walks in the orchard.”

  I was going to suggest that he go for an interview, but the idea of stripping next to Dillon’s brother, who was also mostly naked, just wasn’t something I was comfortable even thinking about, much less doing. It was much better to keep these parts of my life separate.

  “Out of curiosity, why did you break up with your ex?” Asher asked.

  “He cheated.” I had no problem telling anyone who wanted to know about that.

  “Ugh. That’s the worst.” He checked his phone. “Well, let’s get back out there. You’ve been sufficiently told to ignore Gavin I think, and I want some more eye candy that isn’t dating my brother. Hopefully this little drop-in conversation hasn’t been too weird for you.”

  It had been pretty strange. I didn’t often talk to people I knew while I was working. “I think I’ll live.”

  “Hopefully. Then you can be enliste
d to help Dillon when he has to harvest again. It’s messy, sticky, hard work and I’ll be very happy to pass it off to you.”

  I was smiling as I led him back out to the main area. “Hey, thanks for coming out tonight and talking to me. You could have just called, but I’m glad you didn’t.”

  Asher gave me a wink, then shooed me away.

  I had a few minutes to spare so I headed behind the stages to get my phone and send a quick text to Dillon. Hey. Hopefully I’m not waking you. Asher’s here. He told me to ignore Gavin.

  Is he drinking? Dillon texted back, less than a minute later.

  I wasn’t surprised by his concern. Only soda as far as I can tell.

  Thanks. I’m beat. Heading to bed. Call me tomorrow when you get up?

  I was wide awake, but I definitely wouldn’t have minded some time in his bed just holding him while he rested. Sure. Get some sleep.

  Night.

  Goodnight. I put my phone away and headed back to work.

  Like Dillon had asked, I called him once I was actually up the next morning. I’d wanted to talk to him as soon as I’d sat up in bed, but waiting until I was showered, dressed and had my morning routine done seemed better.

  “Hey,” he answered right away.

  “Hi. What are you doing today?” I could hear people talking in the background, probably his family.

  “We’re all at Gavin’s. He’s the only one with a house big enough for all us to fit in. Do you want to come over? There’s games, burgers, hot dogs and stuff. I made potato salad. I’m definitely not good at making stuff, but if you put on enough ketchup you won’t be able to taste it anyway if you don’t like it.”

  I laughed. I definitely wanted to be there, but I didn’t want there to be another blowup like there’d been with Gavin last time. We had time. I was okay with going slow. Maybe Gavin and I should have gone to dinner to get to know each other first before I jumped into a family day like he was describing. “Maybe another time.”