Give Me Grace

by Kate McCarthy

“You can say that again,” Grace mumbled from behind me.

  Gabriella appeared in the doorway, frowning impatiently. “Can you wrap this shit up? You all need to come down to the station. I need statements.”

  “Tomorrow,” I told her. Grace needed a shower, a bed, and me. Everything else could wait.

  “No,” Gabriella snapped. “Now. This is my first case for the department after my transfer. I want it all wrapped up in a pretty bow because I’m the new team member and a girl. I have to prove myself, comprende?”

  Grace dropped her arms from my waist and went to follow Gabriella. “You up for doing your statement, Slim?”

  She paused, turning. “You heard her. She’s a girl and she has to prove herself. I’ll take one for the sisterhood and get it over with.”

  I lifted my chin at the front door. “Wait for me over there.”

  “Okay,” she said agreeably.

  Grace kept within sight so I turned to Kelly taking him in all over again because I was still in shock he was here standing in front of me. I briefly wondered where the two of us would be if he never took off like he did.

  “You’re not gonna say anything, are you? About Dad?”

  “No.” Relief flashed through eyes the exact same shade of blue as mine. “That doesn’t mean I agree with what you did. Remember that time with the knife? You almost attacked me with it. I’ve got a hell of a temper, but yours was always worse. You need to work on reining that shit in,” I told him.

  “Enough with the big brother crap,” he muttered, folding his arms.

  “Okay,” I agreed. “Just one quick thing.” I glanced over at Grace waiting by the door, starting to look impatient while trying not to. She was muttering to herself and picking at something on her dress and I was sure I heard Mac’s name mentioned. I turned back to Kelly. “I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done in your situation, but when I got the news about losing all of you, his death was the only one I didn’t cry over, because if anyone deserved to die, it was him. So if you’re carrying around a whole bunch of guilt about what you did, you need to stop that shit now.”

  Kelly tipped his head to the ceiling. “Easy enough to say.”

  “Say it for long enough, then maybe you’ll start believing it. Now let’s go. Grace is waiting for me.”

  “Pussy whipped,” he replied, a slight grin tipping the corners of his lips.

  “You’re probably right,” I conceded, “but if it means having Grace, then I don’t really give a shit.”

  Steam built up in the bathroom as the shower ran hot behind me, fogging the mirror and making it a little hard to breathe. After Casey finished checking the temperature, he turned and I used the opportunity to steal a quick kiss.

  Casey ran his tongue over his bottom lip and groaned. I loved how his clear blue eyes darkened when he wanted me, as though it was impossible to focus on anything else. He slid his hand around the nape of my neck and pulled me in for another one. I opened my mouth for him. His kiss was deep and consuming, like sinking under water. I got lost in it. In him. His touch, and his taste, uncaring that I couldn’t breathe.

  He broke off, pressing his forehead against mine. “You okay?”

  “I’m good,” I replied, as if he hadn’t just rocked my world with a single kiss.

  He nudged me into the shower. I stepped inside, careful to keep my cast from the spray despite it being wrapped securely. Casey took hold of my hips as he stepped in behind me then shut the shower door. Then he kissed me again while the steam surrounded us. After a moment, he slowed it down and took a step back.

  “Turn around,” he commanded, his tone husky.

  I turned obediently, splaying my hands against the shower tiles. My right arm throbbed and I knew a return visit to the doctor was in my immediate future. I think I did some real damage when I punched Morgan in the nose. It felt surprisingly good at the time. I never truly understood a man’s affinity for violence until her bone crunched beneath my fist. It was savage, and disturbing, and overwhelmingly satisfying. I kept replaying how she shot Casey and it brought back the urge to punch her all over again.

  “You sure you’re okay?” he asked again, running a soapy washcloth over my back.

  I hesitated.

  “Slim?” He paused.

  “I keep seeing her swing that gun at you. I think it will give me nightmares for the rest of my life. She would’ve killed you without that vest,” I said, my eyes burning. I made a mental note to make him wear it every day, even if he was just going into the office or to the corner store for milk. That would be the price he’d have to pay if he decided to keep me. I still wasn’t sure if he wanted to. There hadn’t been any time to talk about our future. “I’m not a violent person. Not usually,” I added, taking past events into consideration. It seems people could be whoever they needed to be when the occasion warranted it. “But I wanted to rip all the limbs from her body.”

  “I was scared too,” Casey admitted, running the washcloth over my hips and down my legs. His words surprised me because he hadn’t looked scared. He’d looked hard and cold and more vengeful than a Liam Neeson movie. “When I walked into that house, I …”

  “You what?” I asked when he trailed off.

  He stood up and his mouth touched the back of my neck at the same time his soapy hands slid around my waist. “I honestly didn’t know what to do. In that kind of situation you’re trained to talk the person down, but all I could see was you and I wanted to start shooting.” Casey’s breath was hot in my ear as he pressed up behind me. “Grace, I was scared because I can’t lose you. Not when I just found you. You need to talk to me because I’m scared I still might. I need to know what we’re fighting.”

  He ran a slippery hand up my ribs until he cupped my breast in his palm, scraping a calloused thumb gently over the scar. “Does it hurt?”

  I shivered at the touch, pressing my forehead against the cool tile. “No.”

  “Good.”

  “I got tested regularly because of mum. You’re at a higher risk if it runs in the family,” I explained. “So they caught it early. Initially, they thought it was benign and then I got the news it wasn’t. I threw up afterwards. What happened to my mother was happening to me,” I whispered. “My dad, Henry, the twins. How was I supposed to tell them they were about to head down the same path they thought they’d put behind them?”

  Casey turned me around and I caught the flash of fear in his eyes before it was carefully banked. He was trying to be strong for me. The very thought had me swallowing around the lump in my throat.

  “Is it the same path?”

  I shook my head. “They said they got it all, but they want me to do a round of chemotherapy to be sure.”

  Casey didn’t reply. Instead, he reached around and flicked off the taps. The air seemed quiet and still without the hot, gushing water. Reaching for the towel hanging off the shower door, he wrapped it around my shoulders and led me out.

  Then he began patting me dry, his touch so gentle and careful I wanted to cry. “I’m not going to break,” I snapped, my tone undeservedly harsh from battling emotion and exhaustion.

  He exhaled deeply and stopped his ministrations to look at me. “This is all I know how to do, Grace. The doctors can do whatever it is they do, but taking care of you, being there for you through all of it, that’s the only way I know how to fight this. So humour me, okay?”

  Cancer made people feel helpless. I knew this because my dad went crazy trying to do everything he could to fix something that couldn’t be fixed. When something was wrong, men would do whatever was necessary to put their world back in balance, and then they would move on. Maybe I wouldn’t break, but I would humour Casey. Not just because it was a man thing, but because I loved him and he, more than anyone I knew, needed his world in balance.

  “Okay,” I agreed.

  He nodded once and went back to drying me off. My eyes fell on his bruised and swollen knuckles. Today I had learned that Casey could hold hi
s own in a fight. But so could his brother.

  “Do you think you and Kelly will find your way back to being brothers one day?”

  Casey paused as though the question was difficult to answer. “I hope so,” he answered eventually.

  I opened my mouth to speak and hesitated.

  “What?” he prompted.

  “I was going to say that maybe a therapist might help the two of you get through everything, but I’m not sure I can see Kelly agreeing to something like that. He seems so … hard.”

  “He is hard. And you’re right. I don’t think he’d agree to anything like that. He found his family and I found mine, and I’m not sure how we’ll meet in middle. Or if he even wants to.”

  “But you have to try.”

  “Of course. He’s my little brother.” Casey swallowed and shook his head. “He’s carrying around so much hurt and anger from everything that’s happened. I can’t blame him for that and part of it is my fault.”

  “Casey—”

  “No. It is, because he needed me. I should’ve found another way. It was selfish of me to think I could try and make a life for myself at the same time as getting them both out.”

  My brows drew together. I didn’t like that Casey would carry this weight on his shoulders. “That life you made has saved a lot of people.”

  “But it didn’t save the two people who mattered the most,” he pointed out as he wrapped the towel around me, tucking it in at the front.

  “It saved you, and after all these years, you have your brother back. I think he’s a lot more like you than you realise.”

  “Really?” Casey looked me with an expression I could almost believe was hope. I knew then he hadn’t seen in Kelly what I had. Not yet. He was too busy being angry at his brother, and then heartbroken, and now at an utter loss. I wasn’t. They would work it out. Kelly would always be a Sentinel. He would always live in that area somewhere between black and white. That was something Casey would have to accept, but deep down, Kelly had a big heart he hid from the world.

  “Kelly saved my life.” He might’ve set Casey up because he was angry and wanted him to hurt, but it seemed he was at war with himself because he also wanted his big brother happy. “He just went about it in a really shitty way. He grew up with bikers,” I pointed out.

  It was almost the equivalent of being brought up by wolves, wasn’t it? I didn’t know. All I knew was that Bingo, who’d been released from custody, didn’t seem so bad after all. He honestly seemed to think I’d saved his life when all I’d really done was put out his burning beard. Perhaps his mind was hazy on the events of that night because he was drunk. Bingo’s sister was another story. She remained in custody after her efforts today, and Gabriella had assured us she was also under investigation for a lot more than what she’d done today.

  “He did, in his own misguided way, attempt to save your life,” Casey conceded, “but he should’ve just come to me first.”

  “You’re going to have to let that one go,” I advised as Casey took another towel from the rack and dried himself half-heartedly. “You both just need time.”

  “Yeah?” Casey tucked the towel around his hips. “He could use that time to learn he can’t go putting his hands all over you like he seemed so eager to do. Or call you babe. Or be anywhere near you really.”

  I let the topic go when he opened the bathroom door, steam trailing out behind us in a big wave. They had nothing but time on their side to build a new relationship together.

  We passed by a channel-flicking Coby on the couch and walked into Casey’s bedroom. He shut the door behind us, peeled off his towel, and tossed it on the floor. I had to bite my tongue because really, Casey was naked, and he was stalking his way towards me with that predatory look in his eye. The one that told me he was done with the talking and it was time to get down to business.

  “Enough talking for now,” he told me, confirming my suspicions. “On the bed,” he ordered. My towel seized, I watched it sail across the room and land on the floor, meeting his in a joint pile of rejection. I looked back at Casey.

  “I told you I’d take care of you and there’s more than one way to do that,” I was informed as he crowded me towards the bed.

  The backs of my knees hit the mattress and I went down on my ass. On board with his plan, I began edging backwards. The bed dipped as he climbed on and stalked towards me on his knees. My eyes dropped, my pulse racing as I watched him take his hardening cock in his hand. Then he did something I wasn’t expecting. He let go of his erection and crawled further up, hovering over me with both hands planted on either side of my head.

  With solemn blue eyes, he looked down at me as though he never wanted to stop, and his next words stole my breath.

  “Marry me, Grace.”

  I stared at him wordlessly, shock and surprise warring inside me. My knee jerk reaction was to say yes, but I held my tongue.

  “No?” Disappointment and hurt clouded his eyes and it broke my heart. “You need time or is this something you never want to do with anyone?”

  “I want to do all of it,” I told him honestly. It wasn’t until you had the real possibility of your life being snatched away that you truly believed how important it was to live how you wanted to. From the moment I arrived in Sydney, it was like I’d come alive, and a part of that was due to Casey. He lit me up on the inside, and I didn’t want to just give him a lifetime, I wanted to give him forever. “And I want to do all of it with you.”

  “Is it my job? I know it can be dangerous but—”

  “No,” I replied vehemently. “It’s people like you who change the world.” I brushed a hand down the side of his face before letting it fall. “Protecting others is instinctive with you. I would never ask you to change who you are or what you do.”

  Casey sat back on his heels and I saw the realisation sweep across his face. “It’s because you’re sick, isn’t it?” he said softly. “You don’t think you’re a sure bet.”

  “I’m not,” I whispered hoarsely. My eyes burned and I bit down on my bottom lip when I felt it start to quiver. How could I promise forever with this man when forever was something I couldn’t offer? “There’s every reason to believe that after this round of chemotherapy I’ll get the all clear. But what about the next time? What if it comes back, bigger and stronger than before? I can’t watch you lose yourself like my father did. Mum dying broke him. How can I stand before God and promise to love you when I could break you too?”

  “Easy,” Casey breathed. He threaded both our hands together and leaned over me again, pinning me to the bed. I was staring directly in his eyes when he pressed his forehead to mine. “You just say the words.”

  “It’s not so easy,” I argued.

  “It is,” he replied stubbornly. “Do one thing for me?” Casey continued before I could answer. “Ask your dad,” he told me, his voice fierce. “Ask him if it was hard or if it was easy to stand up before God and promise to love your mother forever. I bet I can tell you the answer.”

  A tear escaped and ran down the side of my face. It slid off and plopped onto the sheets below. Because of course it sounded easy when he put it like that. Damn Casey for being so logical and so heartbreakingly persistent. My resolve wavered, but it didn’t break.

  “You’re going to marry me, Slim,” he vowed when I couldn’t find the words to reply. His tone told me he’d brook no argument and I wanted to believe it. “I won’t stop asking until you eventually realise that there aren’t any sure bets in life. Not for anyone. And it doesn’t matter because people don’t need sure bets. They just need hope and determination, and I have enough of that for the both of us.”

  My heart began to pound so hard I could feel the roar of blood in my ears. “Okay,” I breathed, feeling his determination as though it was seeping into my own skin just by touch alone.

  Casey pulled back, tilting his head slightly as he looked down at me. “Okay?”

  “Okay. Don’t stop asking me.”

>   It wasn’t a yes and it wasn’t a no, but it was enough for his lips to curve deliciously. My blood stirred in response, a sweet ache beginning to throb between my legs. He was so masculine in his satisfaction that I found myself returning the smile. “You’re beautiful,” I told him.

  He shook his head, his grin widening. Then he kissed my lips, and my neck, and then down further, until my nipple was in his mouth and he was sucking it deep and hard, forcing a sharp cry from my lips. Moments later, loud music began to pump from the living room. I giggled as the sound of “Sweet child o’ mine” by Guns N’ Roses pealed through the speakers, informing me Coby was into the classics.

  “Oops,” I said with a grin at Casey’s roommate trying to drown us out.

  “You’re loud in bed,” Casey told me.

  A flush climbed my cheeks, making me hot. “I am not.”

  His next words made me jolt with surprise. “My name’s Casey Daniels,” he began. We were having another do-over? My heart began to race at this adorable side of Casey he sometimes let out to play. He kissed his way across to my other nipple, tugging it between his teeth. He sucked quickly and then let go with a small pop. “And I’m madly in love with a woman who’s loud in bed and snores like a man.”

  “I do not!” I practically yelled, my face getting hotter.

  I felt his answering smile as he kissed his way down my belly, sending goose bumps skittering across my skin. “She’s also stubborn, and incredibly sexy, and one day…” he licked the crease of my thigh and my breath hitched “…she’s going to marry me, and it won’t make me the happiest man on Earth…” his tongue flicked out and stroked my clit skilfully “…because right now I already am.”

  I cried out again when he took the small button in his mouth and sucked. The music kicked up another notch and I giggled again.

  “You’re turn,” Casey told me with a laugh, reaching for a condom.

  I snatched it from his fingers and forced him onto his back. It was no easy feat forcing Casey to do anything, so the minor exertion had me breathing hard. I took his warm, hard cock in my hand, feeling it twitch under my touch. Before rolling the condom down, I leaned in and licked the head, swirling my tongue and taking him in my mouth.