The Zee Brothers Vol.1 & 2 Box Set [Zombie Exterminators]

by Grivante

  In the dusty hallway, light streamed through the large hole that had been ripped through the exterior wall. Chunks of concrete and ceiling tile lay strewn atop the bodies. Glass eyes were everywhere, rolling across the floor, embedded in walls and lockers.

  Nantucket peered out from the remains of the science lab’s door, taking it all in. Moans rose from the buried dead. Evidently blowing them to smithereens didn’t quite do the trick after all. She let out a gasp when a torso atop the debris moved. One arm, its only arm, stretched up grasping into the air as its charred head twitched.

  Then, stepping into the settling dust, a woman appeared, outlined from behind by the sun's spotlight. She wore tight blue jeans and a zipped up leather coat. Her long reddish-blond hair rested over her shoulders and she hefted a crowbar in her right hand. She swung it down and crushed the charred zombie’s head like a melon.

  A small dog with a black and orange bandana stepped in at her heels.

  Nat grinned from ear to ear. “What a badass!”

  The woman looked up, spied Nantucket standing in the tattered doorway and smiled. “Hi, my name’s JJ,” she said. “You happen to know where my friend Jonah is?”

  “He’s uh,” Nat glanced up and down the hallway. “Mr. Jonah is in the bathroom.”

  “Mr. Jonah, huh?” she laughed. “I kinda like that. Been thinking about calling him Sir myself. Thanks, sweetie.”

  JJ stepped further into the damaged hallway, sinking the end of the crowbar into another undead head. When she pulled it out, it dripped green and red. She leaned in and peered at it.

  “Don’t touch that,” Jonah’s voice boomed.

  “Ah!” JJ jumped and Xanadu barked. “You scared me!”

  “Sorry, JJ. That stuff’s toxic. It can turn you!”

  She looked around the destroyed hallway where body parts were strewn and oozed the bloody green mixture. “It’s everywhere.”

  “I know,” Jonah said, taking it in. “We had to improvise. Things got out of control fast.”

  “Out!” JJ turned to Xanadu and pointed toward the grass.

  He looked at her, lowered his head and slunk back outside.

  Jonah stepped atop the debris holding his t-shirt over his face. “It’s probably best we don’t breathe this stuff in. Cover your mouth with something.”

  JJ looked around a moment, pursing her lips, set the crowbar down and unzipped her jacket, revealing the bright orange shirt with its chocolate peanut butter cups emblazoned across it. She paused as she slipped her jacket off to look at Jonah, making sure he was looking, then across the hall to the girl. “Better close your eyes, honey.”

  The shirt didn’t hide much, but when JJ reached down and grabbed the bottom of it, Nat’s eyes popped wide open, then she rushed to cover them with her hands.

  Jonah smiled but shook his head. “I can’t believe you go out like that.”

  “What?” she said, peeling the tight top over her head, exposing her large breasts to him. “I didn’t buy ‘em to hide ‘em. My mother always said our mammies are natural and we shouldn’t be ashamed of them.”

  Jonah’s cheeks burned as he watched her. “You just said you bought them?”

  “Yep,” she picked up her leather coat and slipped it back on. “First thing I bought myself with Xanadu’s little surprises.”

  “Then that’s not natural,” Jonah said, and immediately bit his tongue.

  JJ’s hands fell away from the zipper she was about to pull up, leaving her breasts exposed as she glared at him. “Excuse me? Not natural? Just because I’m a C-cup now instead of the double-A I was born with doesn’t make them any less natural.”

  Jonah stumbled over his words. “No, JJ, I meant, uh, crap. I don’t know what I meant, just uh, haven’t you ever heard of a bra?”

  She stared at him, lips parting as her nostrils flared, his cheeks flushed brighter. JJ grabbed the bottoms of her coat and connected the zipper. Her breasts smashed between her arms as she pushed them together and pulled the zipper up while staring him down.

  “Yes, I’ve heard of a bra, you oaf!” She inched the zipper upward, her cleavage getting tighter as it slowly disappeared. “I have quite a few. In fact, breast sizes can go up or down an entire cup size throughout the month depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle!”

  Sweat beaded around Jonah’s hairline and left trails on his dusty cheeks.

  “So, obviously, the responsible thing to do is, hit the mall and buy cute bras on a regular basis.” She reached the very top of her coat’s zipper, fully covering not only her breasts but most of her neck as well.

  On the grass behind her, Xanadu lay watching the scene, shaking his head.

  Jonah opened his mouth to speak.

  “No!” JJ stopped him. “I’m not done. The only reason I don’t have one on now is because I went to your garage first thing this morning to say hi to you before taking Xanadu to the groomers. I wanted to flirt with you! I was going to the gym after the groomers, then back to my apartment. But now, I’m here! To help you!” She tugged the already zipped zipper. “There. They’re put away. You don’t have to worry about seeing my nipples or anything else now.”

  A cry sounded from down the hall toward the office.

  JJ who was done, but wasn’t done, added, “And the only reason I didn’t have one on the night I met you was because I was taking my dog for a walk and going to bed afterward, so don’t think I always run around like this. Though there’s nothing wrong with being naked!”

  Jonah ran a hand across his forehead, wiping the sweat away. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I like them, I want to—”

  “Where’s the nice one?” JJ interrupted. “Where’s Judas?” She turned away from Jonah and looked into the dark and dust-filled hallway Judas had run down.

  Jonah followed her gaze as a shape crawled across the wreckage, emerging from the dust.

  Judas, on his knees, his hat clutched in one hand, looked up at JJ. He muttered her name, smiling. “JJ.” Then he doubled over, groaned, clutched his stomach and vomited.

  She turned away, giving Jonah a quick glance and mouthing, “Again?” She turned back to Judas. “At least you got my name right that time, sugar.” Then she screamed.

  A shirtless woman, her own breasts exposed and her face covered in blood, lunged from the darkness, landing directly on top of Judas.

  “No!” JJ and Jonah shouted in unison, both dropping the shirts that covered their faces and breaking into a run.

  Part XIV - Judas Loves Bobbie

  A heartbeat before the bomb exploded, Judas reached the end of the hallway. He used the corner to hurtle himself into the darkness of the entry as the disco beat started. The force of his momentum and the power of the blast threw him forward. He slammed into a soft body in the darkness, his arms wrapping around it instinctively, and together they collided with the metal shutters that blocked the front doors of the school.

  The ground shook and an eruption of noise rolled through the hallway behind him, drowning out the disco music. The zing of marble eyeballs whizzing through the air was followed by a thunderous crash as part of the ceiling collapsed. Dust and debris filled the air.

  Judas panted for breath, his blood still racing and his stomach churning from the near-death experience, plus the chemical rush of the Energy-Os. His arms held the body in front of him. He moved his hands, recognizing the soft flesh of a woman’s belly in one and a large breast in the other.

  His mind exploded with a thousand thoughts. Who is this? How did her shirt get torn open? That feels nice! I shouldn’t be doing that. Do I smell blood? I feel sick.

  He pulled his hands away and stepped back. “I’m sorry miss, I didn’t mean to... are you all right? I wasn’t sure what was going on, the explosion...” His voice was a rush of words, fueled by the Energy-O’s and the awkwardness of the moment. He pulled his shirt over his face as dust filled the air from the mayhem in the hall.

  The woman turned and the first thing
Judas saw was her chest. Her blouse stood wide open, torn down the middle, leaving both breasts exposed. He might not have looked anywhere else, but she lunged forward, causing him to step back, dropping his shirt from his face as he threw his hands up in apology.

  “Miss, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—” He saw the scarlet stain on her throat, the red mask of caked blood on her chin, cheeks, and mouth, and then she was on top of him. Her breath washed over him, hot and stinking of iron.

  “Oh shit!” He fell backward, arms jutting out to stop her as she rushed to take a bite out of his face. They fell, his hat flying off. He caught her right arm with his left and found his other hand once again on her breasts. Together they slammed into the tile floor, knocking the wind out of Judas.

  He gasped for air with the dead woman grappling atop him, her breast jiggling in his hand and one of her nylon covered knees rubbing against his crotch. Second base and heavy petting, he thought as he pushed to keep her back, tearing off the little that remained of her blouse. That’s the farthest I’ve made it in a while. He found himself strangely aroused as the woman thrust herself forward for a bite, grunting and growling inches from his face, then recognition clicked in.

  “Bobbie?” he said, his voice shaking.

  “Graaaar!” the dead woman responded, drool and blood running from her mouth in a pink trail.

  Oh my God! Judas’s mind raced. Bobbie Burns! His middle school crush, in the flesh. He hadn’t seen her in years. His hand squeezed tighter around the breast he had spent most of his puberty longing to touch. How many times had she come up to him with that cute little smile and pretended they’d never met? He’d always have something planned out to say, but she’d beat him to it. “Hi! I’m Bobbie, one Oh,” then she’d push her arms in, squeezing her boobs together and say, “and two Bees.” She’d laugh and walk away as Judas’s young primal brain shut down, any chance of a witty response or even intelligible words lost.

  Now, here she was on top of him, wanting him, her mouth gaped open and, for a fleeting moment, he wanted to kiss those hungry, bloody lips. Then he remembered in high school, she had asked Jonah on a date. He’d gone. Judas’s blood boiled.

  He’d shown them though. Making that stink bomb and rolling it under their car while they made out. The brothers hadn’t talked for weeks after that, but Jonah had finally come to him and apologized, saying he should’ve known better, Judas had dibs, and thereafter they’d used that system whenever they met a new woman; one of them called dibs. Until JJ, that is. She was a different story altogether.

  His eyes opened wider. JJ! She was here! The bomb? Was she able to get out of the way? He shoved Bobbie’s body hard to the left, knocking her off him. He crawled to his feet, heard Bobbie groaning behind him and looked at a chunk of concrete debris laying next to his hat. For a moment, he considered picking it up and smashing the woman’s head, but he glanced at her and that old childhood puppy love swelled; she was just too cute. Someone else would have to do that one.

  He grabbed his hat and started away into the dusty chaos of the hallway. Light streamed in from holes everywhere and eyeballs littered the floor. He pulled his shirt up over his face again and groaned as the sick tightness in his stomach grew worse, his mouth watering as if he might throw up.

  Ahead of Judas, most of a wall and part of the ceiling had collapsed, creating a large pile of rubble on the ground. He could hear the moans of the dead beneath it. On the far side, he could see light. He clutched his stomach and told himself, he only had to get to the other side and he could relax. Check on JJ and Jonah and Nat and—

  His eyes opened wide again. He groped around his body in a panic until his hand grasped the package of peanut butter cups. Still there!

  Judas let out a momentary sigh of relief, before his stomach plummeted again, just like being on a roller coaster right as it dropped. He doubled over, fell to his knees and crawled forward over the wreckage until finally, like a goddess, he saw her standing in a halo of sunlight. He mouthed her name and vomited.

  Part XV - Bye Bye Bobbie

  Jonah and JJ ran toward Judas as he threw up, both screaming at him. He couldn’t stop. Whatever chemicals they put in the Energy-O’s, his body wanted them out. He felt the hands on his back as Bobbie lunged from the darkness for a piece of him. “Grrrr,” he heard as her weight knocked him flat into his puke. He cried out and dropped his hat, the wind knocked out of him.

  Then JJ & Jonah were there, ripping her off him and tossing her back into the debris. They knelt, turned him over, helped him sit up and checked him for bites.

  “Were you bitten?” Jonah asked him. “Are you okay little brother?”

  Judas wheezed for breath.

  “It’s okay sweetie,” JJ said next to him. “You’re clean, no bites. Catch your breath. It’ll be all right.”

  Judas took small breaths, struggling to breathe and grasping at his still rolling stomach. He noticed the package of peanut butter cups in his coat and a small smile crossed his lips. He pulled them out and handed them to JJ.

  She laughed and smiled at him. “Oh my, Judas! Are those for me?”

  “Mhm,” he gasped in a breath and smiled back at her.

  “That’s so sweet, Judas. You know how to treat a woman.” She threw a quick glance at Jonah, who grimaced and turned away. She turned back to Judas, looking him over. “Something’s different about you.”

  “Is... that... good or bad?” he gasped.

  Still smiling, JJ reached up and pulled the zipper on her coat halfway down, slowly revealing her cleavage and then her naked breasts. She pulled open the left side and slid the pack of candy into a pocket. “I’m gonna save these for later.”

  Behind them, Bobbie had gotten back up and now lumbered toward them, her own exposed breasts swaying back and forth.

  “I’ll deal with that,” JJ said and pulled the Pink Lady from her thigh holster.

  Judas grabbed her hand. “N-no!”

  “What?” she looked at him with her eyes raised.

  “It’s Bobbie.” He looked at Jonah, unable to take in enough oxygen to explain.

  Jonah looked at the approaching dead woman. “No shit. Bobbie Burns?”

  JJ, not knowing what was special about her, looked her over. The only thing special she could tell was that the woman’s breasts were large and natural. They swayed back and forth in the open air. “What’s so special about her?” JJ asked, tracking her with the barrel of her revolver.

  Judas, still taking small gasping breaths, looked to Jonah.

  “She was Judas’s crush through middle school and high school.”

  “Too cute... to shoot,” Judas wheezed.

  “What?” JJ spun to glare at Judas, who still had his hand on her gun arm. She glanced over at Bobbie’s breasts and JJ’s cheeks burned. Her head snapped back to Judas. “Is it ‘cause hers are real?”

  Judas opened his mouth, but couldn’t form a response. JJ unzipped her coat the rest of the way. “You don’t like these?” She shook her chest back and forth, making them jiggle. Then she removed his hand from her arm and stuck it right on her breast. “Feel it!” She mashed his hand around.

  Judas’s eyes went wide.

  “Don’t forget this one!” She moved his hand to the other breast.

  Bobbie stepped closer.

  JJ stood, sidestepped behind her, grabbed her by the hair and kicked the back of her knees. Bobbie collapsed right next to Judas, her head twisting back and forth as she grunted and growled, trying to get at JJ, who yanked her hair to keep her in place.

  “Go ahead,” JJ spat, “try ‘em. Tell me—”

  “Whoa, whoa,” Jonah stood up from his brother’s other side. “Cool off, sweet tits, we’re here to kill zombies, not each other.”

  She glanced at Jonah, saw him smirking at her and scowled back at him. She slipped her revolver back into its holster. “You’re right,” she said through gritted teeth. She reached behind her and pulled Judas’s knife from her belt. “Oh,” she t
urned back to Judas. “I found this, by the way.”

  K-Thunk!

  JJ slammed the knife into the side of Bobbie’s head and watched as her body slumped over, the knife handle jutting up. “Thought you might like it back.” JJ stood, then stormed outside past Nurse Janet who had come out of the bathroom at some point and stood with Nantucket, watching the scene.

  Judas looked at Jonah. “I thought she’d make a cute girlfriend for Larry.”

  Jonah shook his head. “When it comes to women bro, any more than one is asking for problems.”

  “She’s quite the pistol,” Janet said, eyeing JJ as she stormed away.

  Jonah, who was giving Judas a hand up, looked at Janet, nodding. “Oh yeah, she’s like a pistol with a hair trigger and no safety.”

  Outside, JJ parked herself by a planter, puffing on a cigarette as she pulled out a peanut butter cup from the package Judas had given her.

  Judas swayed as he stood and Jonah grabbed him by the shoulder. “What’s the matter bro, did you get bit? Swallow some more chew?”

  Judas shook his head. “Not bit, and I quit chewing.”

  “What?” Jonah tilted his head and stared at his brother.

  “I quit. Though I could really use one right now.”

  “Why’d you do that?”

  Judas put his hands on his knees, panting and looking out to where JJ leaned against the concrete planter.

  Jonah thought about it and nodded. “I get it. So, why are you sick?”

  Nantucket spoke up from behind them. “It was the Energy-Os, he ate a whole packet of them.”

  “He what?”

  Judas stood up. “I ran out of mints. I’ve been using them to keep my mouth busy, so I ate that packet I got out of the vending machine. That stuff’s like cocaine laced methamphetamine. I was so wired I could see the individual spectrums of light.”

  Jonah studied his brother and shook his head. “They give that stuff to kids?”