Reclaiming Brave: The Kane Brothers Book Three

by Gina Azzi

  "I already called Carter. He's booking our tickets and on his way to get us. Our flight is in an hour and a half; we should land in New York around six am. Finish packing and meet me by the front door."

  "Okay." I take a deep breath, my scattered mind focusing on the task at hand.

  I finish packing quickly and curse as I trip down the stairs, stubbing the hell out of my toe.

  Daisy looks up at me, a flash of sympathy crossing her face. Outside, Carter honks the horn.

  Grabbing the water bottle Daisy hands me, I hike my duffle bag higher on my shoulder and grab my sister's small traveling suitcase. We fly out of the house and down the steps to Carter's SUV. I slide into the passenger seat and drop my head against the headrest, my eyes closing. Around me, Carter and Daisy sort out logistics and speak in some type of code I'm too overwhelmed to sort out at the moment.

  Is Sierra okay?

  Is the baby okay?

  What happened?

  Jesus. Please let the baby be okay. Please, please let the baby and Sierra both be okay.

  She shouldn't be on her own. I never should have left her in New York alone. I never should have pushed her away, hurt her. I broke her heart and now she's bleeding. Not even a parent and I already failed them both. What if the baby doesn't survive? What if Sierra never forgives me? Why would she? I've cost her too much.

  A dull throb starts in the base of my neck, working its way up until my temples are ringing, and my head is engulfed in a fog. I drink some water, hoping the cool liquid will bring some clarity to my frame of mind.

  Carter breathes out a sigh and hands Daisy his cell phone. "What hospital is she at?"

  "Lenox Hill," Daisy responds, tapping on the phone screen as she places a call, speaking in hushed tones. "She's okay," Daisy finally says from behind me, squeezing my shoulder as she leans forward from the back seat of the car.

  "You don't know that."

  "I do. I called the hospital. Said I was her sister, and I'm on my way."

  She called the hospital. Why the hell didn't I think to call the hospital? Relief and guilt swell equally in my stomach, churning until my gut aches as much as my head. Jesus, I need to get it together. What is wrong with me?

  "What happened? Is the baby okay? What caused the bleeding?" I trip over my words, desperate to get them out.

  Daisy's fingers dig into the material of my sweatshirt. "I don't know. They wouldn't give a lot of info. Just said she is recovering and on bed rest."

  "We need to get to that fucking hospital." I throw out to no one in particular.

  Carter accelerates, and I close my eyes again, desperate and anxious and on edge. I feel cagey and agitated, knowing at any moment, my temper, the one I work so hard to control, could completely unravel. I need to keep it together.

  I am not my father. The thought pops into my head unbidden.

  I will never be him.

  But as we approach the airport, I'm scared out of my mind for Sierra and our baby. And I've never felt more like my dad in my life for all the pain and hurt I've caused.

  I have no idea how I manage the flight to New York. My knee jerks up and down in agitation while my fingers tap out a restless beat on the armrest. Daisy reaches over and places her hand over mine, causing me to jump. I cut her a sharp gaze, and she raises her eyebrows at me.

  Sighing, I turn to look out the window. But I also flip my hand over and squeeze her fingers in mine, grateful for the reassurance. Grateful that my brother and sister are doing this with me, even if I can't voice my appreciation, especially when I don't deserve their support, not after the way I treated them, pushed them away. Not after I hurt Sierra. I don't deserve anyone's kindness, and yet Daisy and Carter have rallied behind me the way they always do.

  When the wheels touch down in New York, I feel like a caged lion—restless and desperate. I barrel off the plane and beeline for the taxi stand, Carter and Daisy close on my heels. Thank God we all packed in quick carry-ons, and there's no need to wait at baggage claim. I couldn't spend one more minute in the airport without completely losing it.

  "Lenox Hill Hospital," I bark at the taxi driver who meets my eyes in the rearview mirror. For one moment, I see recognition flicker in his eyes, a look of compassion that grounds me almost as much as it heaps more guilt on my conscience. I'm not worthy of anyone's understanding, not even strangers.

  He pulls into the New York morning traffic, and I watch each passing block with anxiety and nerves flooding my limbs. At last, we make it to the hospital, and I sprint out of the car, jogging to the wide double doors, my head swinging for reception.

  Carter must handle the cab fare, as Daisy is close behind me, colliding into my back when I stop suddenly in front of the receptionist.

  "Welcome to Lenox Hill Hospital. How may I assist you?"

  "Sierra Begay. She's my…my girlfriend. She's pregnant with our baby. She came in last night for bleeding. I need to see her."

  The woman types on her computer before looking up, a frown marring her features. "Ms. Begay is in room 384." She looks at my sister and brother behind me. "But only family is welcome at this time. As the baby's father, you can visit."

  "That's fine. We're her sister and brother. I called earlier," Daisy cuts in smoothly.

  For the first time in my life, I'm grateful that none of my siblings look like me. While they all favor my mother, blondish hair and light eyes, I'm all my father. Dark hair, black eyes, olive skin. Miserable and stupid and a failure.

  She glances at them curiously before handing them each a visitor pass.

  "Take the elevators to the third floor." She gestures toward the elevator bay and we take off.

  The elevator opens the moment Carter pushes the button, and the three of us step inside, hitting the third floor. I hold my breath, suddenly nervous. What if Sierra doesn't want to see me? What if she hates me and won't let me be part of the baby's life? What if something happened to the baby? What if she blames me for causing this? My guilt surges forward with unrivaled intensity, stabbing just below my ribs and stealing my breath.

  The elevator announces our arrival to the third floor, and we make our way to Sierra's room, a heavy silence stretching between us. I pause outside the door and look at my brother and sister.

  "Thanks for coming with me."

  "Get in there." Carter tilts his head toward the door.

  Daisy offers me a tight smile. "We're going to grab some food for you guys and be back in a few."

  I blow out a long exhale and rap my knuckle against the door twice before pushing in.

  25

  Sierra

  I look up, startled when Denver's hulking frame, enters my hospital room.

  "Den?" I ask, positive I'm seeing things. What a roller coaster of emotions the last eight hours have been. Now, I have to add hallucinating to the long list of crazy I'm dealing with.

  "Sierra." He's at my side in three strides, sinking to his knees, his hand folding over mine. "Are you okay? How's the," his says, eyes darting to my abdomen covered by a stark white sheet, "how's our peanut?"

  I soften slightly toward him at the concern, edging on panic, in his voice. His eyes are too dark to read, but his expression is tight, his features exhausted.

  "We're okay."

  His eyes glaze over, moisture collecting in the corners, as he drops his head to where his hand covers mine. His breathing accelerates and he nods once, at a complete loss for words. "I…I didn't know what to think."

  "Me either," I admit. I still don't know what to think. The baby is okay, thank God. Everything is okay with my physically. But Denver shattered me, devastated me in ways I never thought possible.

  Except now that he's here, I'm relieved, even though I want to be angry. Carrying around the fear and uncertainty and anxiety for the past eight hours on my own, without having him to share it with, took more of a toll on me than I anticipated. Lifting my free hand, I run my fingers over his head, latching onto this moment in case I never get another
one. Once my nails snag on the band securing his man bun, he shifts back, his eyes swinging up to mine, searching.

  I avoid his gaze and free my hand from his. Untying his hair, I let it fall down. It nearly hits his shoulders. Dark and wavy, black and chocolate and chestnut, his hair is thick and beautiful. "I never see you with your hair down," I tell him quietly. "I always wonder..."

  One side of his mouth lifts up. "I don't usually wear it down."

  "It's…you're beautiful."

  He snorts under his breath, his hand reaching up to cup the side of my face. His thumb swipes up my cheekbone. "I've never been more scared in my life. "

  "I can't believe you're here."

  "I never should have left."

  "No, you had to go see your dad. I understand that. What I don’t get is everything that happened afterwards. You never should have pushed me away."

  He winces, shaking his head. "I know. You're right. I'm so sorry, Sierra. So unbelievably sorry for everything I put you through. You were right; I was being a coward."

  I don't say anything, waiting for him to continue.

  "I'm not leaving you again."

  "You mean the baby."

  "I mean you."

  I smile at him sadly. "I don't know if I can trust that, Denver. And that's okay. I really want you to be present in our baby's life, whether that happens from Georgia or New York or Scotland. But me and you," I say, shaking my head, "I'm not sure if that's realistic anymore."

  He swallows, and I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down. "Please, Sierra. I know I was stupid and desperate, and I let you down. I hurt you, badly. And I hate myself for that. But I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting you."

  My eyelids grow heavy, and I know it's because of the lack of sleep and blood loss. And, in some strange way, the comfort that someone is here, and I can finally rest.

  "Please forgive me, Sierra. Let me make it up to you. I promise, I won't let you or our baby down again. I swear I'm all in, and I'll explain everything, answer any questions you have." His voice is low and gruff, tugging on my heart. His thumb brushes against my cheekbone again. "I'm not giving up on us." His gaze moves to my stomach as his hand settles there. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to prove to you that you can trust me, Sierra. And we're going to figure it all out. We have to."

  My eyes drift shut, emotions clogging my throat, but I'm not ready to have this conversation right now. I'm not sure I can trust Denver, and I'm too tired to wade through my murky emotions.

  "Tell me about the baby."

  I smile at the mention of my peanut. Snuggling deeper against my pillows, my eyes crack open, watching Denver as he stares at my belly, his fingers drawing lazy patterns.

  "The baby is okay. That machine there," I say, pointing to one of the stands at my side, "is tracking the baby's heartbeat, and it's strong and steady. About one-hundred-forty-eight beats per minute."

  Denver's shoulders relax, and he tips his head toward my stomach. "Can I?"

  I nod, and he rests his cheek against my baby bump, as if listening to the baby's heartbeat himself.

  "Why did you start bleeding?" He nuzzles his ear against my abdomen.

  I sigh and Denver straightens, his concerned eyes swinging back to mine. I offer him a pinched smile, and his eyebrows pull together.

  "What is it?" he asks.

  "It's called placenta previa. It's when the placenta, the part that gives the baby all of the nutrients, covers the opening of the woman's cervix," I explain.

  "You have that?"

  "Partially. The placenta is covering part of my cervix, and that's what caused the bleeding. The hope is that as the baby grows and my uterus stretches, the placenta will move farther away from my cervix. I will have more frequent ultrasounds now. If it does, great. If not, I'll need a C-section."

  "That's okay, right? I mean, having a C-section."

  I nod. "It's fine. Whatever the baby needs."

  "What do you need?"

  I wrinkle my nose. "I've been put on pelvic rest and bed rest."

  Denver's eyebrows drop again, a confused expression on his face.

  "It basically means no sex."

  His teeth rake over his lower lip as he watches me carefully.

  "And not a great deal of physical activity. A lot of lounging in bed and watching Netflix."

  His expression turns thoughtful as he considers this.

  "I think the sooner I move to Scotland, the better."

  He visibly starts at my words. "Please don't take the job offer. I know I told you to, but it was stupid of me. I didn't mean it. I want to be here for you, for the baby, and if you give me a second chance, I'll make it work. I promise."

  I frown at his words. "You've been making a lot of promises you haven't followed through on. And I need a support system I can count on. At least in Scotland, I have my mom, James, my brother Liam, and my cousins Aaron and Finn."

  His eyes widen, an undercurrent of panic flashing through the blackness. I've never seen Denver unsettled before, but I honestly can't concern myself with his rollercoaster of emotions. I have my peanut and my health to consider, and while my heart still yearns for Denver, my head needs to be smart about my future decisions.

  "Please, Sierra. Don't move away. Don't take our peanut away from me. I'll move here to New York, or Scotland if you're that set on going, but please don't shut me out."

  "Like how you shut me out?"

  He curses under his breath. "I know I messed up, but I'm going to fix this. All of it. Please just give me the opportunity to do right by you. And the baby."

  I breathe a heavy sigh, resting my eyes again. "Denver, I'm having a child. I'm on bed rest, and my pregnancy is substantially more high-risk than it was yesterday. I need someone I can count on, someone who is reliable and present, and not going to get scared and push me away for reasons I don't understand."

  "He threatened you."

  "What? Who?" I ask, confused but more awake than I was a few minutes ago.

  "Darren. My...dad. He knew all about you. About the baby. Where you lived and what you do. He threatened to hurt you, to hurt you while you were pregnant, if I didn't drop the investigation to clear my name. After I told him to go fuck himself, he threatened you no matter what. As if you’re connection to me was going to result in you and the baby being harmed."

  My eyes widen in response, and while the story would be far-fetched if anyone else said it, the small amount I know of Darren Kane, coupled with the severe expression on Denver's face, convinces me he's telling the truth.

  "I know I hurt you, but I honestly thought I was protecting you. Seeing him again, having him plant all of this doubt about the type of father I could possibly be along with his threat, it scared me. More than I admitted to myself. And it was stupid, the way I hurt you, and I hate that I did that. But at the moment, I really thought I was doing what was best for you and the baby."

  "And now?"

  "Now, I realize what an idiot I was. And how anything can happen at any time, with or without Darren. I don't want to miss our baby growing in your belly." His fingers twitch on my abdomen, his expression so serious and sincere, my breath catches in my throat. "I don't want to miss out on the chance of proving to you that I can be the man you need. That I want to be that man, for you and for our baby. Please, just one chance. I swear on everything, I won't mess it up. I'm not saying I won't make mistakes, but they'll be the small kind, like leaving the toilet seat up or getting your coffee order wrong."

  I snort, biting my lower lip as I watch him.

  "I can't keep putting my and the baby's life and future on hold while you work through whatever's in your head," I tell him seriously.

  "I'm in, Sierra. I'm all in. If you'll have me."

  I blink, my heart hammering in my chest at his words, but my hope refusing to soar too high in case it crashes and burns again. "We'll take it slow."

  He nods. "I'm coming back to you, to New York. I’ll rent a pl
ace and come to you every single day if you don’t want me in the apartment again. I won’t miss another prenatal class and I’ll be at every appointment. Please, I want to build the crib and pain the nursery and set up all the things your mom bought for the baby. I’ll cook our dinners and bring you ice cream at three am."

  "If you're really committed to this, I'm going to need you to move back into the apartment with me. I'm going to be on bed rest, so I can hire someone or—"

  "I'm there. Whatever you want. We can still move into a new place or—"

  "It's okay. Really. We can stay at James's apartment for now. I don't want to move while I'm on bed rest. I'm comfortable where I am. I have my studio and my painting and I’m close to work. If—"

  Denver holds his hands up. "As long as James and your Mom don’t mind that I'm there."

  I release a big breath. "They’ll be fine with it. Especially once they learn about this pregnancy scare. I need to tell my brothers I’m pregnant. I’ve kept this from them for way too long and Mom says they’re all starting to worry about me. She’s had to talk them out of flying here several times already.”

  "Okay. We’ll do whatever is best for you and the baby."

  "Will you get me a bell to ring when I need you?"

  He snorts again, some life coming back into his face. "Now, you're pushing it."

  A knock on the door causes both of us to turn just as Daisy's head peeks in.

  "You're here!" I shriek, giving Denver a look, as if to ask, why the hell didn't you tell me?

  He shrugs.

  "You got me, too," Carter announces, stepping into the room behind Daisy, holding a bouquet of flowers.

  Daisy's by my side in an instant, wrapping her arms around me tightly. "You okay?"

  I nod into her shoulder, squeezing her back, so unbelievably grateful that she's here. I didn't realize until this moment how much I miss my best friend, how much I need her to be by my side, have my back, while I'm going through the most important and significant change of my life.

  "Thanks for the flowers," I tell Carter once Daisy pulls back.