All He Needs: A MMM Romance (My Truth Book 1)

by Ann Grech

  “Out,” Anna ordered, pointing to the privacy curtain.

  I pouted playfully but made my exit all the same and stood on the other side of the drapes. Anna hissed at what I assumed was the pinch, and instead of being disappointed, I was proud of her for being so damn brave. Lord knew I hadn’t overcome my fear.

  I tentatively poked my head back in just as the doc said we’d be going through to the operating room in twenty minutes. My pulse leaped, but that time in a good way.

  I grinned at Anna. “It’ll be on like Donkey Kong.”

  “It’s time to kick ass and chew bubblegum,” she replied, impersonating Duke Nukem in a weirdly accurate way.

  Annalise and I were taken through exactly twenty minutes later. Once she was settled, I held her hand and resolutely looked at the walls while the anesthetist jabbed her in the back with another needle. Apparently, that one blocked all the pain so she could have the cesarean. It was all a little overwhelming, but Anna was taking it in stride and still ordering me around. She had a plan of exactly what she wanted to do after the baby was born: chest-to-chest cuddling and breastfeeding for the colostrum, but bottle feeding after that. I hadn’t even known what colostrum was until two days ago, so I was happy to go with the flow.

  Helping her lie down, I resisted the urge to crack another joke about her being a beached whale, not wanting to risk being stabbed in the eye by one of the stainless-steel instruments on the tray near me. Still, I couldn’t help my smirk, and even though the words weren’t spoken, Anna glared at me, almost daring me to open my mouth.

  Once she was comfortable, the nurses laid a sheet over her, and I undid the tie at the back of her neck so she could slip off the gown when ready to feed the baby. The nurses dropped the green sheets down so they acted as a dividing wall between Anna’s face and her belly. It extended out far enough that I couldn’t see anything either, thank God. I was her support person, but there was no way I could watch the operation. Then again, doing it by C-section would surely be better than going through hours of screaming. If I were a straight dude and on the business end of a delivery, I don’t think I’d ever look at pussy the same again.

  I bit back a laugh and Anna shook her head, grinning at me. “I know that look. What are you laughing about?”

  “I’m thinking that I’m grateful I’m not a straight guy who has to see his wife’s bits being mangled by a baby, because I dunno if I’d wanna be all up in that any time soon after the birth.”

  Anna laughed, as did the anesthetist.

  “Trust me, Mr. Lambert, no woman would want you all up in her bits any time soon after the birth either. That feeling is entirely mutual,” an older woman in green scrubs, a face mask, and white latex gloves said as she moved the implements on the tray around. “Hello, Annalise. Great seeing you again.”

  “You too, Helen.”

  I was introduced to Anna’s doctor while she connected Annalise to a bunch of machines. Then Helen gave us a rundown of exactly what would happen from there on out. It wouldn’t take long for the delivery, and after Annalise was looked after and the baby had latched on properly for a feed, we’d all be transferred back to the ward. Anna didn’t want the baby to go into the nursery, so a little cot was going to be brought in with us.

  Excitement buzzed in the air between us, both of us giddy. It was nothing like I’d ever experienced before. I’d been on some big stages, had performed at the heights of my sport, even stood on the podium after winning gold at the Olympics, but it was nothing compared to this. Knowing a new life was being brought into the world in a moment’s time was surreal, absolutely brilliant. I suddenly understood why characters broke out into song during all the happy parts in a Disney movie.

  I ran my fingers through my sister’s hair and smiled down at her, planting a kiss on her forehead. “This is it, huh? You’ll do great, snotface. You’re gonna be the best mom around.” Taking her hand in mine, I added, “I can’t wait to meet him.”

  “Her.” Anna grinned and squeezed my hand, becoming more serious for a moment. “Thank you for being here, idiot balls.”

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” I ran my fingers through her hair again, mainly to keep my hands busy. I hated not being able to do anything, having to just sit there while the doctors did their work. Annalise wasn’t in pain, she was comfortable and joyful, but I still wanted to be more than the token dude who held her hand. Looking at her, I could see the excited sparkle in her green eyes. Her smile was wide. I’d never seen her happier.

  Before I knew it, the doctors were telling her that the baby was out. They were cutting the cord, about to hand the baby over so Anna could see for herself whether she’d had a boy or girl.

  My excitement had fizzled though, my concentration snagging on Annalise. Something had changed in her—a tiny frown replacing the smile, the color fading from her face. Machines started beeping, alarms sounding as the anesthetist called out, “BP’s dropping.”

  “Anna,” I called out, my voice shaking. “Anna, talk to me.” I was loud, too loud with a new baby in the room, but fear shot through me.

  “I’m dizzy,” she whispered, reaching up to press her fingertips against the bridge of her nose. Her arm went limp midair, dropping by her side and hanging off the table as her eyes rolled back in her head. All the air rushed out of my lungs, and I lunged to grasp her hand again. Holding it in my own, I squeezed, but she didn’t squeeze back.

  Confusion swirled around me. I don’t understand. Why isn’t she squeezing my hand anymore? “Anna,” I begged. What’s wrong with her? Why isn’t she answering? “Anna.” I looked around, frantic for someone to do something.

  “Help her!” My shout cut through the chaos, but no one stopped moving as they spoke in a language I didn’t understand. Monitors and sirens blared around me, and over it all, I heard the cries of a tiny baby.

  Anna’s baby.

  “Get him out,” the doctor ordered. “Now.”

  Fuck no. I’m not going anywhere.

  The nurse closest to me took me by the arm and tried to lead me out, but I shook her off. I couldn’t leave Anna. I needed to help her, but the more I fought, the harder I tried, the further she slipped, like a chasm was opening and separating us. I watched on, desperate to stop her slide.

  Annalise’s lips were turning blue.

  No.

  That shouldn’t happen. It wasn’t supposed to happen.

  Desperate, I shook her, trying to wake her up. “Wake up, Anna,” I cried. “Please.” I was begging, tears springing to my eyes.

  She wasn’t answering. She wasn’t waking up.

  Arms hooked around my middle, dragging me away. No matter how hard I fought, the arms around me were stronger.

  “Anna!” I shouted.

  Flailing, I was practically lifted and carried out. I threw my hands out, trying to grasp on to something to stop my exit, but I met nothing but air until my fingertips brushed against the frame of the door. Instinctively, I curled my hands around the ledge and held on, using every ounce of strength I possessed.

  Not letting go. Not leaving. I can’t abandon her. I need to stay. I have to help her.

  Then I saw the blood, and my own went cold. Blood was everywhere. Anna, the curtain, the doctor—they were covered. It was pooling on the floor and growing bigger, spreading wider. Footprints were being tracked around the room by the nurses rushing around. The doctor smeared it on the floor as she moved. And it still grew, dripping in a steady flow from the gurney Annalise was lying on.

  Screaming sounded in my ears, a howl that couldn’t have been human.

  Why aren’t they stopping it?

  “Get him out,” the doctor shouted now, not pausing what she was doing.

  The anesthetist injected Annalise with something, calling out numbers and playing around with the machinery. His next utterance stopped my heart, shattering it into a million pieces.

  “Resus.”

  That word. That one word. Resus.

  She was
going to die.

  She couldn’t die.

  No! “Don’t you die, Anna. Don’t you fucking die,” I shouted, my voice hoarse. Another set of arms closed around me, tugging me back. I couldn’t hold on, couldn’t stop them pulling me out. “Don’t you let her die.” My desperate cries ripped through the air, falling on deaf ears as the doors whooshed shut in front of me. I fought, kicking and screaming to get back to her, but it was no use.

  I found myself in a room. It was quiet, serene—the exact opposite of the turmoil raging through me. I needed my sister to be okay. I couldn’t lose her. Her baby needed her.

  The baby.

  My mind blanked and the room spun. The man’s strong arms hadn’t left me, but they’d loosened when the fight left my body. I was led over to the plastic chairs and helped into one. My limbs were heavy, my heart in pieces.

  Tears tracked down my face unchecked, one landing on my hand. The wetness drew my eyes, and I looked at the splatter on my skin and against my darker hairs.

  The aide’s deep voice broke the silence. “Is there someone we can call?” He was crouching in front of me, peering at me with a concerned expression.

  “Dad. He’s in the waiting room.” My response was quiet, broken like I was. We couldn’t lose her.

  He nodded and stood, turning to walk out of the room.

  “Wait,” I called. “The baby. What’s she had? Where is he?”

  “She had a girl. A very healthy, perfect little girl. She’s being cared for in the nursery until you’re ready to see her.”

  “A girl,” I murmured. “She wants a girl.” When he opened the door, my breath caught and I choked out, “Please save her.” I was begging, but I wasn’t ashamed of that. I’d do anything to save her, sell my soul to the Devil himself if it meant Annalise would live. She was meant for great things. She was meant to save people, to protect them, to turn into an old woman watching her little girl grow up, not to die before she’d even met her baby. Not her. Not someone who had so much to give and had so much to live for.

  “The doctors in there are the best at what they do. Your sister is in good hands.” He gave me a small nod that was probably supposed to be reassuring and walked out, quietly shutting the door behind him. It wasn’t lost on me that he hadn’t promised a thing.

  It was like I was having an out-of-body experience, watching myself sit and stare at the wall. Hours had to have passed before my father rushed in, looking wild-eyed and panicked. The room erupted with activity when he pushed through the door, demanding to know what was going on. The aide pointed to the chair next to me, but Dad refused to sit, snapping at him to answer his questions. Pacing in front of me, he was all anxious energy and flying hands as the aide tried to explain that there were complications and the doctor would be out to talk to us once she had an update.

  I couldn’t move. My body was numb. The walls were closing in on me, and I couldn’t breathe. I was cold down to my bones, frozen like ice had been poured through my veins. Trapped in a nightmare that was all too real. I was waiting to wake up, for Ashton Kutcher to stick his head in and yell, “Punk’d.” For anything except the reality that had my world crashing down around me.

  Why? Why her? Why now?

  Sick to my stomach, my vision spotted, blacking out on the edges, and I swayed in my seat.

  The aide was beside me in an instant. “Breathe, buddy. Come on, take a breath for me.” He rubbed my back and I took a gasping breath, my lungs burning. “That’s it. Take another one.” I did that too and he pulled back, giving me some space. “I’m going to check on your sister and the baby. Does Annalise have a name picked out yet?”

  “Grace, after our nan. She wants to call her Gracie.”

  “That’s a beautiful name.” He patted me on the back. “I’ll go check on Gracie, okay?”

  We waited for what could’ve been an eternity. Dad paced. I sat with my fingers interlinked, elbows resting on my bouncing knees. Each second passed by slower than the one before, the ticking of my watch thundering in my ears.

  When the door pushed open, I jumped up, but the look on the doctor’s face said it all. The air rushed out of my lungs and my legs gave way beneath me. My knees hit the cold linoleum, the sharp pain a welcome distraction. I fisted my hands by my sides, but they still shook.

  She was gone. The realization slammed into me like a freight train at full speed, shattering my body and my soul.

  Wailing filled my ears, the screams of “no” filled with utter agony. It was me making the noise, me crying and sobbing, begging for the doctor to be wrong. Begging for this nightmare to end and my sister to walk through the door.

  She was so alive, so beautiful and perfect. She was supposed to be the best mom out there. Why did this happen to her? Why? It was so fucking unfair. She didn’t deserve it. None of us did, especially not Grace.

  “Oh God, Gracie.”

  “She can’t be gone. She can’t be gone.” Dad was repeating himself over and over, rocking in his seat.

  My baby sister was dead. She was gone. My heart was crushed, lying shattered in a million shards of splintered glass. I ached. I wanted to reach out and hold her, to bicker with her and tease her. But I’d never get the chance again. And her baby girl would never know her. She’d miss out on all the wonderful things about Annalise.

  I curled in on myself, hugging my legs and rocking on the floor. All I could see was bleakness stretched out before me, a world without color. Not even the light was as bright. It was as if Anna had sucked all that was good out of the world when she was torn from it.

  Shuffling and footsteps behind me made me glance up, and I saw Dad stand. He looked as broken as I was, as beaten down and trodden on by life. Fate, if that’s what this was, was a cruel bitch, one I’d love to kick the shit out of if I ever came face-to-face with her.

  “Dad,” I whimpered, not wanting to be left alone.

  “He’s going to the chapel, Mr. Lambert. Would you like to go with him before we talk?”

  “What?” I asked, confused. “No. No, I… where’s Anna?” I got to my feet, my bones creaking like I’d aged decades in thirty minutes, and walked to the door. I needed to see her, but the doctor’s gentle words had me pausing.

  “You can see her in a minute. We’re looking after Annalise for you.”

  I rested my forehead against the cold steel of the doorframe, my hand on the knob. “What happened? What went wrong?”

  “Annalise had what’s called a uterine atony. It basically means that her uterus failed to contract after we got Grace out. It caused a severe hemorrhage.”

  “Did it hurt her?” I turned and looked at the doctor, sitting in the chair across the room. She’d changed her scrubs and no longer wore the gloves and face mask. Sadness hovered around her too.

  “No, Caden. She didn’t feel it.” She took a breath and wiped away a tear. “Annalise was an amazing person. She’d become a good friend since she was stationed here. I’m so sorry that she’s not here to care for her baby.”

  “I don’t know what to do,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes again. “I don’t know how to look after Gracie. I don’t even know if I can. What happens if her father wants her? I don’t know who he is.”

  “Do you want to look after Grace? Will you raise her?” Her tone held no judgment, but it was like a kick to the chest. I’d wanted to be in that baby’s life from the day I found out about her. I’d never abandon her, never even dream of letting another soul take her. If Anna wasn’t here, her baby was mine to love and cherish and raise. I loved her and I hadn’t even met her. I’d fight for her until the day I died. Just like I would’ve happily handed my soul over to save my sister, I’d do the same for her baby.

  “Yes,” I choked out. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I just need to know what it is.”

  “And your sister didn’t tell you who the baby’s father is?” I shook my head. “All I can say is that Annalise told me he’d signed over parental rights to her a few months ago. The
lawyer on base looked after it for her. He’ll be able to help you.”

  “What about Anna?” I paused. I couldn’t get the words out. Just thinking about burying my sister crushed me again. “And Gracie?”

  “You aren’t alone. There are a lot of support services for families. I’ll put some people in touch with you to prepare the funeral and help care for Grace.”

  “Can I see them now?”

  The doctor nodded and walked me out. I followed her, numb, unfeeling. Or maybe it was the opposite—maybe I was drowning in pain. I didn’t know. It was hard to breathe, as if my lungs were being crushed.

  I found myself standing before a door, but I had to work up the courage to push through it. Knowing Anna was on the other side of it had me swallowing past the lump in my throat, but I had to do it. I needed to tell her that I’d take care of Gracie, love her like she would have.

  It took a good minute of me steeling myself to be able to push through and walk into the small room. What I saw took my breath away, the air rushing out of my lungs as my knees began to fold under me.

  Anna, my baby sister, so full of life and bright and happy, so strong and feisty, lay unmoving on the table. So ashen. So still. Her vivid green eyes would be forever unseeing behind her closed lids, her long eyelashes fanning out on her pale cheeks. Her lips, normally turned up in a smile, were blue.

  Walking across that room took me an age. The simple act of putting one foot in front of the other took every ounce of strength I possessed. My lungs seized as I stepped up to her, the little girl I’d watched grow up to be a woman I admired and adored lying there. Dead. Forever gone. I reached out to her, my hand shaking so badly that I had to pause for a breath to center myself. I touched her hand, curling my fingers around hers, and I couldn’t have stopped the sob that escaped my lips even if I’d tried. Heaving cries erupted from me, the reality of losing her hitting me all over again.