Totally Intoxicated

by Wanitta Praks

  “So, you’re implying Her Majesty has changed her speaking pattern because she had hit her head?” Cecilia asked sternly.

  “Yes. There were many cases that have been documented in the past.”

  Cecilia loved whipping her head. Once satisfied with Dr. Ford’s explanation, she immediately whipped her head back to me. I whipped mine, too, when she came in for another full hug.

  “Then you must rest. Leave everything to me. Regan and Zayden should be back from their journey, soon. Mikael is making his way here now. As soon as he arrives, I will inform him that you have woken up.”

  I was about to ask Cecilia who Regan, Zayden and Mikael were when she turned her attention to the two girls.

  “Look after Her Majesty,” she ordered them. Then Cecilia turned back to me and gave me one final hug. I wouldn’t mind going in for another one. She was so squashy and warm, full of insulation, making me feel all mushy and happy.

  “Clarissa Rose, dear. If you have any concern, just call me. These maids will look after you.”

  I smiled stupidly, feeling her warm kiss on my forehead and watching her and Dr. Ford exiting the door.

  Who was Cecilia? She must really love the previous Clarissa Rose. Judging from her demeanor, she must hold a high position in this household. Thinking it best to ask the two girls, I turned my attention to them. The minute my eyes landed on them, they both started shaking like leaves caught in the wind. I wondered if they were okay.

  “Uhmmm.” I cleared my throat.

  Upon hearing my voice, skirts and feet shifted, and I was bombarded with them by my side.

  “Yes, Your Majesty. What can I get for you?” the one with red hair asked nervously. That was the Keira Knightley voice I had heard earlier.

  “Yes, Your Majesty. Please tell us what you need. We will serve you even in death.” The brown haired girl shrilled out.

  I already concluded the previous Clarissa Rose was wealthy, what with having maids, a personal doctor, and a sixty-year-old grandma who doted upon her, but for her servants to serve her in death, too, that was a bit too much.

  Looking at them, they were about my age. I smiled, a bright idea knocking my head. Maybe in this new body, I could find some friends to consult with. Yes, what a perfect opportunity. Coax them to be my friends and let them provide me with the necessary information regarding the former Clarissa Rose’s life.

  They both were beauties, dressed in some sort of fascinating Victorian era fashion. I edged a little closer, wanting to get a better look at them, when the redheaded one suddenly slammed her eyes shut, startling the shit out of me, I almost jumped back a mile.

  Once I had managed to calm my heartbeat down, I asked, “What are your names?”

  The brown-haired girl jolted in fright, as if her soul had jumped out of her body, as soon as those words left my mouth. She immediately dropped down to the floor and bowed her head at me. When the redhead saw what the brown head did, she followed.

  I scratched my head. Did I do something wrong?

  I slid out of bed and down to the floor, too. When they both didn’t look up but continued to shake in their spots, forehead touching carpet, I nudged them in the arms. They both lifted their heads, eyed me with a look of pure fear, then shrank back to the carpet again.

  “Are you both all right?” I asked in concern, eyeing from one to the other.

  The redhead lifted her head again, locked eyes with mine and her pupils dilated in fright again.

  Why was she so afraid of me?

  “Are you all right?” I asked again, this time gentler. The girl nodded her head and helped me up into bed, while the other one tucked me in like I was a child.

  “Your Majesty shouldn’t worry about us.” Her voice quivered. “Please, tell us what do you need? We will get it for you.”

  “What I need is to stop calling both of you by your hair colors. So, tell me. What are your names? And why are you both shaking out of your bones. Did I offend you both in some way?”

  “Your Majesty, I’m...” Silent.

  “We...” Silent.

  Either the previous Clarissa Rose was such a bitch that they were literally frightened to death of her, or it might just be their normal behaviors. And I wouldn’t know until I found out myself.

  “Tell me. What’s wrong?” I said, much gentler this time, touching the brown-head’s arm.

  I wasn’t one to beat around the bush. If I wanted something, I go straight to the point. And it annoyed me that these girls acted as if I was going to strangle them or something. In fact, one just flinched away from my touch.

  “Please, Your Majesty. Don’t worry about us. We are fine. Please instruct us as to what you need.”

  “Sheesh. I give up,” I slumped back in bed, closed my eyes, energy running low. “What is wrong with you both? All I asked are your names and you both acted like I’m about to kill you or something.”

  “Your Majesty, please don’t be mad at us.” The brown-head one said, clutching the blanket, her knuckles turning white.

  “I will be mad if you don’t tell me your name,” I told her.

  “My...my... name is Lucy,” she answered, eyes lifting slowly to meet mine.

  “Lucy,” I smiled, nodding my head in approval. “That’s a nice name. Very simple and easy to pronounce. I like it. And yours?” I turned to the redheaded one.

  “Belle.”

  “A very pretty name too. Like Beauty and the Beast. Have you heard of the fairytale?” I asked, making conversation. In fact, any subject would be fine, so they could open up to me. But they both looked back in confusion.

  And then it clicked.

  Oh, right. How silly of me. Of course, they weren’t expected to know about Beauty and the Beast. They might not have time to watch T.V. In fact, there was no T.V in this room either. I thought all rich people had TVs in their bedrooms.

  To pacify the dire tension between us, I laughed. “Oh, how rude of me. I asked for both of your names but didn’t introduce myself. My name is Tami,” I told them, pulling my hand out for a shake, feeling proud of myself for taking this small step to initiate our friendship.

  Lucy looked perplexedly at Belle, then they both turned their confused gaze to me. Belle said, “But Your Majesty, your name is Lady Clarissa Rose Alessandra Evington.”

  “Oh, right. Ha-ha. Such a long name. Even I forgot.” I laughed awkwardly, mentally kicking myself in the backside for forgetting about my new persona. “Yes. I am Clarissa Rose. The Clarissa Rose of this house. But you can both call me Tami in private.” I tried coaxing them out of their shells again.

  “I dare not to, Your Majesty. Lady Cecilia will fire me for sure.”

  “Please, Your Majesty. We can only address you as Your Majesty.”

  “Bullocks! I’m no queen. Lady Clarissa Rose or Your Majesty sounds too posh. I prefer just Tami.”

  “We cannot do that, Your Majesty. If Lady Cecilia hears us, our heads will be severed.”

  “You mean to say Cecilia can have both of you killed?” I jokingly asked. But they were so serious in their expression when they mutely nodded in reply.

  Gee! What country had those twins deposited me in? Surely there were laws to these kinds of things, like employee rights and the right of speech.

  “Say, who’s Cecilia?” I asked, my interest piqued. “She seemed to have quite a bit of influence over this household.”

  “Ah?” Lucy gave me that weird look that Cecilia did. “Your Majesty. You must have hit your head really hard not to remember Lady Cecilia,” she timidly answered with her eyes looking at the floor.

  “Yes. I suppose I have,” I chuckled drily, recalling the thumping headache in my skull which had subsided a bit now. “So, tell me, who is she? She sounds like she’s the owner of the household. Is she the owner of this household?”

  Lucy gave me a perplexed look but Belle was the one who answered, “Lady Cecilia is your personal attendant.”

  “Really?” I almost jumped out of the bed in
surprise. “Old grandma Cecilia is my personal attendant?”

  I was more shocked than happy. I always saw in those reality TV shows about the rich and famous housewives having their own personal attendants, where they didn’t have to lift even a single finger. Their personal attendant did all the work for them. I never thought, for the life of me, I would have my own personal attendant to tend to my needs. But grandma Cecilia was old. Shouldn’t she be retiring? And even if she were still young, I really didn’t need a personal attendant. I could do things myself just fine.

  “So, if grandma Cecilia is my personal attendant, then what am I?” I asked again, when the thought struck me. I hadn’t a clue who I was supposed to be in this household. Looking at all the beautiful drapes and furniture in this room, which was three times the size of my old house, I assumed the previous Lady Clarissa Rose must be some rich socialite.

  Lucy looked shifty again. “Your Majesty, you really don’t remember yourself?”

  “Not a bit. Like Dr. Ford said, I hit my head really bad. Maybe I lost my memory as well. I can’t remember some things.” I made up some lie, which was also kind of the truth, since I really hadn’t a clue who I was. “So, tell me? What am I in this household? And why do you keep calling me Your Majesty. You make me sound like some queen or something.” I chuckled when the thought entered my head.

  How silly. It was like I was in some TV show. Maybe I was being filmed right now, like in that Punk’n show.

  “Your Majesty. You are the Queen of Alyria.”

  I could only stare at her, then I burst out laughing. God, it was hilarious. How could she crack a joke with such a serious face?

  “Lucy. You’re very good at making jokes.” I bellowed into another round of laughter, chuckling until tears shed out of my eyes, until I realized she wasn’t laughing with me, until I realized whatever she said was the complete truth. But I didn’t believe it. Not one bit. So, I quieted down and gained some composure before asking, “You’re not joking, are you?”

  “No, Your Majesty.” She confirmed in her serious tone.

  If she wasn’t joking, then Grim and Reaper must be playing a joke on me.

  And for the first time after waking up in this new world, I finally registered their strange dress code. Both Belle and Lucy were wearing dresses reminiscent of the Victorian era.

  “Belle, pinch me?” I asked.

  “Your Majesty, don’t ask me to do something like that.” Damn, Belle was frightened again, bowing her head to the carpet.

  “Lucy, if you said I’m queen, then what country do I govern?”

  “Country? Your Majesty, we are not a country. We are a kingdom, divided into four nations.”

  Country. Kingdom. Same difference.

  “Okay, kingdom then. What kingdom are we in?” I asked.

  “Alyria,” she replied.

  “Where’s Alyria? Where is it on earth?” Gosh I was bad at geography. I wished I had paid more attention in history classes back in high school, but I was always too hungry to absorb any information. And now when I surfed my brain for the database on countries or a kingdom named Alyria, not one came to mind.

  “Your Majesty, what is earth?” Lucy asked, confusing me even more.

  “What kind of question is that, Lucy?” I said back. “Earth is earth. Third rock from the sun. Our world. Where you and I both live. You know, with modern technology. T.V, internet, mobile phones, YouTube, Netflix.” At this stage I was a bit hysterical, just randomly spouting out facts about the 21st century, as if they didn’t know it already.

  Lucy and Belle blinked, backing away from me like I was some mentally sick patient they were scared of getting infected from.

  “Lucy, maybe we should get Dr. Ford,” Belle quickly said to Lucy, seeing my mentally unstable state.

  “No. No. Don’t get Dr. Ford.” I clamped onto Belle’s hand to prevent her from going. Instead, I jumped off the bed, forgetting my weakened state, and rushed to the huge floor to ceiling curtain. I pulled the drape, sunlight pouring into the room, blinding me as I walked toward the balcony, mind in a daze.

  I took one glance at the panoramic view of the picturesque site before me. There were no sky scrapers, no electric lights, not even a single advertising sign-board like New York City. Instead, mountains peaked with ice caps like snow cones, nestled a town that was filled with orange roofs, surrounded by a wall. Beyond that wall were more orange roofs, this time scattered across the green fields. My eyes zoomed down below. I was at least one hundred feet up in the air, and whatever building I was in, was the highest one in the vicinity. This country— kingdom as Lucy had put it—reminded me of the old medieval cities back in ancient history.

  The cool air brushed against my skin; the sunrays warmed it in that instant. I inhaled fresh air, for the first time in my life. This was all too real to be a dream.

  “This... this is Alyria?” I asked my two maids.

  “Yes, Your Majesty. This is Alyria,” Lucy confirmed.

  “And you are the queen of our kingdom.” Belle finished off.

  Those twins. They sent me to a body that’s in another realm. Not only that, I was also a queen who must govern this kingdom. I should be proud, since not everyone could get a second chance at life and be declared queen upon waking, but all I could think of was how was I supposed to get back to my sister if we weren’t even in the same world?

  And that was the final thought running through my head before I screamed out so loudly that Dr. Ford, Cecilia and the rest of the palace residents came scurrying in, declaring that I had gone insane after the drowning episode in the bathtub.

  The Delicious Taste of My First Meal

  Chapter 2

  I had been declared insane, but I was saved from that label with, once again by Dr. Ford, some explanation whereby I’d lost my memory— or temporary amnesia, as he’d worded it—and would need some time to recover before I could return to my normal self. Bless that old man. I’ve got to hug him one day for saving my life again and again.

  Cecilia nodded her head, believing every single word Dr. Ford dished out. With tears shedding from her eyes, she hugged me, comforting me that in no time at all, my past memory would come back. I nodded meekly, pretending that I’d try my best to remember. Everyone rushed out as soon as I was tucked in bed, leaving only Belle and Lucy to tend to my needs.

  I groggily sat up in bed. Belle fluffed up my pillow and made me comfortable. I’d never been sick in my previous life, since I led an active lifestyle, but here in this body, I felt so weak, like I was about to faint every few minutes.

  “Lucy,” I called out tiredly.

  “Yes, Your Majesty,” she answered, still in that timid voice of hers.

  “Did I pass out? I feel horrible.”

  “Dr. Ford gave you some sleeping potion to help calm you down. You’ve slept for the past two hours.”

  “Oh, right.” I nodded numbly, then suddenly remembered about my sister who was on earth while I was here in this new world called Alyria. And with this came the crushing feeling all over again.

  I would never get to see my sister again. Those damned brothers. If only they had told me in advance that I’d be in possession of a corpse who’s all the way in another realm, I would have reconsidered. But now it’s too late. Now...

  Back up a minute there, Tami. Grim and Reaper both said I could find my sister here. And since this realm resembled those fairytale stories, that must mean magic portals exist, or some sort of secret doors for me to travel back to earth. In that case, I just had to find one. And the best way to find one would be to become the real Clarissa Rose. As queen, I could ask people to investigate for me.

  Ha-ha. I felt revitalized again. I now had a purpose. I would live and be Her Majesty Clarissa Rose, and when no one was watching, I would take the opportunity to travel back home. I knew it was a farfetched possibility, but any idea was better than none.

  But first though, I must collect data and learn all mannerisms relating to the lat
e Clarissa Rose, if I didn’t want people suspecting I was an imposter. And there were no better resources here than my two maids.

  A loud roar erupted from my stomach, distracting me from my plan. How long since I last had my meal? Oh, yes, on the morning of Christmas eve, the day I died.

  Storing my plan to the back burner for now, I decided to feed my stomach first. I called out, “Lucy. Belle. I’m starving. Could you maybe get me something to eat? I’m so hungry right now, I can eat a whole cow.”

  I laughed, feeling the happiness welling up inside me. I even snorted a bit, not embarrassed at all with my current behavior. Lucy, though, looked like she was running out of oxygen, while Belle was also gasping for air. Both were still not used to my odd behavior. Soon. Soon, I would act like their previous queen, but for now, I was too hungry to think straight.

  “Come, now,” I urged them. “I’m really hungry. You don’t want me to start sucking your blood, now, do you?” I teased them both. “I was a vampire in my previous life, you know.”

  But my playful behavior obviously scared them as they both made a mad dash out the door the minute I finished talking.

  Super sensitive, I thought, shaking them out of my head and rejoicing in my new life.

  “Oh, I love my new life already.” I laughed even louder, settling down on my triple king size bed, waiting for my banquet meal. Sure, there’d be some challenges with trying to act like the real Clarissa Rose, but I was sure, in time, people would get used to me.

  I was like a spring flower, imagining an all-you-can-eat buffet, with bountiful food. I remembered that time when I had received my first pay check from my part-time job as a waitress. I took Amy to an ‘All-you-can-eat for ten bucks a head’ restaurant as celebration. It was so delicious and plentiful; we ate until our tummies almost exploded. And now I was looking forward to doing it again.

  Ten minutes later, my face drooped like a wilted flower. This was to be my first meal ever in this new world. I had expected some sort of grand feast, like ham or turkey, with an array of other cuisines like Chinese, Italian, Thai, and Indian to celebrate the revival of Her Majesty Clarissa Rose, since she was the queen and all, but the food in front of me wasn’t even enough to feed a baby bird. A bowl of salad, slices of cheese that I could count with one finger, one slice of ciabatta bread, and some nuts in a little dish. That was it. My lips curved into a thin line.