All That We Are

by Melissa Toppen

  “That I do.” He grins at Stella, and I swear my heart melts inside my chest.

  It’s one thing to find happiness for yourself; it’s something else entirely when the people you love find it too.

  “So, as I was saying,” Stella continues. “We’ve decided not to wait. And, we were hoping that you two would stand up with us when we say I do.”

  “Seriously?” I squeal, practically bouncing in my seat.

  “Seriously.” She nods. “You two are so important to the both of us, and we can’t imagine two better people to stand next to us on the most special day of our lives.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” I flatten my palm to my chest, feeling an overwhelming rush of emotion wash over me. Of all the friends Stella has, the fact that she chose me means more than I could ever vocalize into words.

  “Say yes.” Winston smiles, and it’s like everything that’s happened over the last couple of weeks has disappeared, and things feel oddly okay in the world again.

  “Yes!” I practically scream.

  “What about you, Miles?” My brother turns his attention to the man at my side. “Think you can squeeze some time out of your busy schedule to be my best man?”

  “Are you kidding?” He grins. “It’d be a fucking honor, man.”

  “Then it’s settled.” Stella claps her hands together. “Now where’s that waiter? I think champagne is in order.”

  ——

  The remainder of the dinner went by in a blur of good food, bubbly drinks, and busy conversation. If you were an outsider looking in, you would have never guessed that my brother had pretty much avoided Miles and me like the plague over the last couple of weeks.

  Walking out of the restaurant, I knew that all was in the past. Miles and Winston laughed and joked like they always have. While Stella and I did our best to keep up with whatever it was, they were talking about. Those two have always spoken their own language of sorts.

  And while I know that things can change on a dime, for the first time in a very long time I feel like everything is exactly as it should be.

  My brother is marrying the girl of his dreams – who I adore. My divorce from Alan should be final soon so I can finally put that chapter of my life behind me. My dad and stepmom are in good health and doing well. And as for me, well, I’m falling madly and deeply in love with a man who makes me happier than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

  It finally feels right. All of it feels right. Every aspect of my life seems perfect right now. And even though deep down I’m secretly waiting for the other shoe to drop, I still can’t stop myself from enjoying every second of the ride.

  “You awake?” Miles nuzzles his face into my hair, his arm tightening around my middle.

  “Yeah.” I snuggle deeper into his embrace.

  “So I was thinking, maybe at the end of the summer we could take a few days off and take the bike up north. There’s this incredible lake in northern Michigan. The water is so blue you’d almost swear you were looking at the ocean, and they have these amazing cabins. We could rent one for the week.”

  “Really?” I roll onto my back and turn my head toward him. Even though the room is dark, I can still see the outline of his handsome face.

  “Really.” He hitches his hand around my waist and turns me the rest of the way so that I’m lying on my side, our faces inches apart.

  “I’d love that,” I whisper.

  “Me too.” I can sense his smile even though I can’t see it. “Maybe after Winston and Stella get married. That should give me enough time to rework my schedule. I might have to push up some appointments which will make my schedule a little tighter over the next few weeks, but it will be totally worth it to get to have you all to myself for an entire week.”

  “I’ll have to see if my boss can give me some time off,” I tease, running my fingers through his chest hair.

  “Approved.” He chuckles, rolling on top of me, bracing his arms on either side of my head before lowering his face down to mine. “You’ve completely obliterated me, Harlow. I hope you know that.”

  “Obliterated doesn’t sound like a good thing,” I counter, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck.

  “I haven’t decided if it is a good thing yet,” he teases, nibbling gently on my bottom lip. “But I don’t ever want you to stop either.” He presses down on top of me, and I salivate under the weight of him.

  “Then I won’t stop.” I groan when he grinds his arousal into my lower belly. Seconds later his fingers flutter down the side of my stomach. “As long as you don’t stop.” I pant when he shifts his weight and his hand dips between my thighs.

  “Never, baby.” He kisses me deep, applying more pressure as his fingers glide along my most sensitive area. “I’ll never stop.” He nips my jaw, withdrawing his hand as his lips work their way down my body.

  I come alive under his touch. Each brush of his fingers singes every nerve ending to life. Every touch of his lips makes my heart beat faster. Every murmur and kiss makes me feel on the brink of exploding into a million tiny pieces.

  I’ve never had anyone affect me the way Miles Hollins does. And not just physically, but emotionally as well. He makes me feel things I’ve only ever dreamt about. He makes me want things I never thought I’d want again. He makes me see the world that was once so black and white, now in bright, vivid color. He doesn’t just make me feel alive, he makes me want to live.

  “Miles.” I urge his face back up to mine, needing to feel him inside me. “I need you,” I plead.

  “I’m right here,” he soothes, somehow sensing that I need the reassurance that he’s actually here. That this is real life.

  I press up, finding his lips in an instant. The familiar zing that I always feel every time we kiss is even more prominent now. Maybe because I know that what I feel for Miles is the real thing.

  “I need you,” I repeat, this time the words coming out even more desperate.

  “Baby.” He groans, pressing his forehead to mine as he lines himself at my entrance.

  Our eyes meet in the darkness as Miles enters me with one powerful thrust.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Harlow

  “Hey.”

  I look up from the paperwork in front of me to see Winston standing in the doorway of the office, a stack of envelopes in his hand.

  It’s been two weeks since the night we went to dinner, and he and Stella announced their engagement. Since then things have returned to normal for the most part. I mean, Winston still acts a little strange when Miles holds my hand or touches me in front of him, but the more time that passes, the less he seems to react.

  “Hey.” I smile, pushing back in my chair. “I didn’t know you were stopping by today.”

  “I had a few errands to run, and I wanted to bring this to you,” he says, crossing the office. “I’m assuming this is the last of your mail.” He drops the envelopes on the desk before plopping down in the chair across from me.

  “It should be,” I tell him. “I updated my address with everyone I could think of and stopped by the post office last week to have anything I might have missed forwarded.”

  I grab the mail and start shuffling through it, pausing on a thick white envelope with my attorney’s name on it.

  My heart rate picks up speed as I quickly tear open the flap and pull out a stack of papers. Tears instantly prick the back of my eyes as I scan the front page.

  “It’s over,” I croak.

  “What is?” I look up to find Winston studying me curiously.

  “My marriage,” I say, barely processing the words as I say them. “I knew this was coming. Monica called me the other day to tell me that the courts would be filing the finalized paperwork in the next couple of days, but seeing it, knowing that it’s really over, I can hardly believe it. I’m free.” A stray tear rolls down my cheek, and I quickly move to wipe it away.

  “This is what you’ve been waiting for, Low.” He leans forward, resting his
elbows just above his knees. “So why the hell are you crying?”

  “I’m just so happy.” I let out what sounds like a mix between a sob and a laugh. “It’s finally over.”

  “Come here.” Winston quickly stands, pulling me from my chair to wrap me in a tight hug.

  “It almost feels like a dream,” I say in disbelief, burying my face in my brother’s chest.

  “Everything okay?” comes the familiar rasp of Miles’ voice and I turn my head to see him standing in the doorway.

  “Everything’s great,” Winston replies first, pulling back to smile at me. “I’ll let you give him the good news.” He winks before heading for the door, clasping Miles on the shoulder on his way out of the office.

  “What good news?” Miles cocks his head to the side and studies my face.

  “Here.” I hold out the stack of papers still clenched in my hand.

  He crosses the office and takes the documents, scanning the top one briefly before his gaze comes back up to mine.

  “Does this mean what I think it means?” he asks, a slow smile forming on his lips.

  “I’m officially divorced.” I nod, still not able to fully wrap my head around it.

  “Thank fuck,” he sighs, dropping the stack of papers onto the desk before closing the distance between us. “This is exactly what I needed today,” he tells me, dipping his face down so that we’re standing eye level. “Why do you look like you’re on the verge of crying?” He tips my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze.

  “I think I’m in shock,” I tell him honestly.

  “This is what you wanted,” he reminds me.

  “I know. And I’m beyond happy. It’s just. I don’t know. For as relieved as I feel, a part of me feels a little sad too.” I shake my head. “That probably sounds crazy.” I let out a loud sigh.

  “It doesn’t sound crazy at all. That was ten years of your life.” He points toward the desk in the vicinity of where my finalized divorce papers lie. “Of course you’re going to feel a little sad. But this is a chapter of your life that you can finally close the door on. You can move on and start a new life...with me,” he whispers the last part.

  “I love you,” I blurt, not actually meaning to say the words.

  A wide smile lights up his face.

  “And I love you.” He leans forward, laying a light kiss to my mouth before pulling back. “We should celebrate,” he announces.

  “We should?” I state more as a question than an agreement.

  “We absolutely should.” He nods enthusiastically. “There’s a festival going on this weekend just a few blocks from here. It started today. Let’s go. We can eat too much food, drink beer, and listen to music. How’s that sound?”

  “Are you sure you have time for that?” I question, not able to hide the hint of excitement in my voice.

  “My last appointment is at six. It’s a pretty easy piece. I should be done by eight. That will give us plenty of time. What do you say?”

  “Okay.” I smile, feeling the relief I should have felt the moment I opened that envelope finally sweep through me.

  “Okay.” He grins. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and meet me back here a little before eight.”

  “You sure?” I hesitate. “I still have a few things to get done.”

  “I’m sure. Besides, I’m pretty certain you weren’t even supposed to work today,” he reminds me.

  “Maybe I just like my job,” I smirk.

  “Or maybe you just like your boss.” He winks.

  “That too.” I laugh, pressing up on my tip toes to kiss his jaw.

  “Get out of here. Go home, have a glass of wine, and take a long bubble bath. In the meantime, I’ll be here, wishing I could be there to help you wash your back.” He gives me a cheeky smile.

  “I’m sure you’d be doing a heck of a lot more than washing my back,” I counter, giving him a knowing look.

  Since this whole thing started, we’ve pretty much been incapable of keeping our hands off each other. You’d think that as the weeks have passed, it would have died down some, but the truth is I think it only gets worse as time goes on.

  I’m addicted to Miles in the most consuming and utterly fantastic way. He makes me so insanely happy that some days I have to pinch myself just to make sure I’m not dreaming.

  “You know me so well.” He leans forward and kisses me. “Now go, before I take you in the storage room and we start this celebration early.” He turns, smacking my backside.

  I squeal and jump forward, managing to snag my purse off the desk as Miles ushers me toward the door.

  ——

  “Tell me something about you that I don’t know.” I sip the craft beer that Miles purchased for us as we weave through the crowd gathered for the festival.

  “How about you just ask me something you want to know?” he suggests, snagging my hand before pulling me toward a vacant stone bench a little off the main path.

  He takes a seat and pats the space next to him.

  “I’d rather you tell me something I might not think to ask,” I challenge, crossing one leg over the other before taking another small sip of beer.

  “Okay.” He thinks for a long moment. “I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” He laughs when I roll my eyes.

  “Not what I meant, and you know it.” I shake my head, feeling nothing short of perfect in this moment.

  Today has been the most incredible day. As promised, Miles was finished by eight when I arrived back at the shop. We walked to the festival hand in hand and spent the last two hours tasting different beers and eating our weight in fried foods from the various food trucks lined up and down the street. We’ve laughed so much that my cheeks ache. And I swear every time he turns and kisses me, my stomach hits the ground somewhere at my feet.

  Miles Hollins hasn’t just changed my life. He’s making it a life I want to live. I’m reminded of that more and more with each moment that passes.

  “Okay, let’s see.” He taps his chin dramatically. “I got it,” he announces after a long pause.

  “Well spit it out already.” I laugh when he makes no attempt to tell me whatever it is that he’s thought of.

  “Do you remember when we were younger, I think you had just turned sixteen when I was visiting home before my first tour overseas. I was hanging out with Winston in the living room when you came home from a party, and I heard you in the bathroom slamming shit around. When I knocked on the door and asked if you were okay, you swung it open and screamed in my face.”

  “I told you to mind your own business,” I say, remembering the night he’s referring to. It was the night I went to Sarah Burton’s birthday party and caught the boy I liked making out with one of my best friends. “What about that night?”

  “Well, what you don’t know is that when you pulled that door open and squared your shoulders at me, it took every inch of willpower I had not to kiss you right there.”

  At the moment of his admission, I took another sip of my beer, causing it to go down the wrong hole. After spending the next thirty seconds in a coughing fit, I croak, “What?”

  Miles laughs, patting my back until I can breathe.

  “Say that again,” I request now that I’m not choking.

  “You heard me.” He grins down at me.

  “But you hated me. Why would you want to kiss me?”

  “I didn’t hate you. You pissed me off, that’s for sure. But I never hated you.”

  “You sure fooled me,” I snip playfully.

  “Pot meet kettle.” He taps me on the nose, instantly pulling a smile to my face.

  “Okay, so keep going. Tell me how much you wanted to kiss me.” I lean forward, eager to hear the rest of the story.

  “It was the weirdest thing. I had always looked at you like a little kid, but in that moment you suddenly weren’t a kid anymore. Your cheeks were red and blotchy, and you had dark red rims under your eyes like you’d been crying. Ev
ery single thought left my brain, and I swear for a moment I really was going to kiss you. Thank god I didn’t.” He shakes his head, smiling when he catches the insulted look on my face.

  “Ouch,” I say dramatically, holding my chest.

  “It’s not like that.” He chuckles. “Can you imagine what would have happened if I had actually done it? You were sixteen, and I was twenty-one. Besides being illegal, I’m pretty sure your brother and father would have both killed me. Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t a guy you would want to kiss you back then.”

  “Why? Because you were such a slut.” I laugh at myself.

  “Not the wording I would have used, but yes, I guess that’s fair.” He shakes his head, his smile firmly in place. “The point is, I realized way back then that I was attracted to you. Of course, I never thought it would be anything I’d act on because you drove me fucking nuts. I never really gave it much thought again until you walked into my office with your brother all those years later. One look at you and I knew I was in trouble.”

  “So I don’t drive you nuts anymore?” I ask, purposely being overly sweet.

  “Oh no, you still drive me nuts.” He chuckles when I swat at him. He catches my hand effortlessly and tugs me toward him. “But it’s a completely different kind of nuts. As in the kind of nuts where I feel like I’m going out of my mind every minute I’m not with you. All I want to do is touch you.” He slides his hand down my bare arm. “Kiss you.” He lays a light peck to my mouth. “Smell you.” He moves his face down to my neck and inhales deeply. “And I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.” I feel him smile against my skin.

  “Keep talking, and you might not make it through that beer,” I warn him, already feeling my skin warm and tingly in all the right places.

  “Why’s that?” He chuckles, pulling back to meet my gaze.

  “You know why.” I bite down on my bottom lip and give him a knowing look.

  “Fuck the beer.” He abruptly stands, pulling me to my feet. Taking my cup, he turns, dropping both of our still half full beers in the trashcan behind him.