Lover

by Penelope Sky

  “Are you sure you’re ready for that? I mean, you haven’t recovered all the way yet.”

  It would take a long time to be back to normal, but I was well enough to do what needed to be done. “I’m ready.”

  Damien stared at me for a while, as if he were reading my gaze. He didn’t object to what I said, just let it be. “Then we’ll start as soon as possible. No going back.”

  I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to finish this. I wanted to do what I should’ve done a long time ago. “Then we’re done here.” I rose to my feet and prepared to depart.

  Damien grabbed my arm. “Hang on.”

  I twisted out of his hold and gave him a venomous stare. “Don’t touch me again.”

  Damien returned his hand to his thigh. He looked at me for a while, apology slowly coming into his gaze. “I don’t want it to be this way. Hades, you mean the world to me. I would die for you…I mean that. I love Sofia like a sister, and I hate myself for what happened to her. I just want you to know that.”

  I stared at him for several seconds, and I almost felt the sympathy in my heart. But it disappeared quickly, evaporating like boiling water. I turned my gaze away and walked off, leaving him alone at the bar.

  When I walked in the door, it was past midnight. I gently shut the bedroom door behind me so Sofia wouldn’t wake. It was dark because all the lights were off, so I slowly crept to my closet and undressed.

  When I walked back to the bed, I realized she was awake.

  Wide awake.

  I stopped at the edge of the bed and looked at her, seeing her expressive eyes. She didn’t look tired at all. Instead, she looked exhausted but unable to sleep.

  She stared at me with unblinking eyes. “Where were you?”

  “Out with Damien.” I pulled the sheets back and got into bed.

  She seemed uncomfortable with that answer. “With Damien at this time of night?”

  Did she not believe me? Why was that so hard to believe? “Yes.”

  She turned her gaze away, visibly closing herself off from me.

  I leaned against the headboard and stared at the side of her face. “I’m missing something.”

  She looked out the patio doors even though the view was blocked by the closed curtains.

  When she didn’t say anything, I pressed further. “Talk to me.”

  She refused to look at me.

  “Don’t make me ask you again.”

  She slowly turned her gaze my way, her eyes reflecting the sliver of light in the bedroom. “Don’t lie to me.”

  My heart started to slam in my chest. My initial response was anger.

  No. It was rage.

  I was an honest man, so honest, it got me into deep shit all the time. And the idea that I would lie to her, my own fucking wife, was bullshit. I had to carefully swallow those emotions and not explode at her. “I’m not lying.”

  “You hate Damien. And you have no reason to talk to him in the middle of the night.” She looked forward once again.

  I had to take a couple breaths so I wouldn’t do something stupid. “And what do you think I was doing?”

  “You already know.”

  I reminded myself of everything she’d been through…due to my mistakes. I reminded myself that she was emotionally stunted. I remembered her view of marriage before she became my wife. All she’d ever known was rich men with mistresses. Now that our relationship was rocky, she assumed the worst. If only she knew how much I loved her, she would understand how fucking stupid she sounded. I wanted to tell her then and there that I was madly in love with her. I’d rather spend a lifetime with her not getting laid than spend my nights with endless beautiful women. “I’m gonna cut you some slack, ’cause shit is hard right now. Let me remind you that I’m painfully honest. If I’m fucking someone, I’ll say it to your face. Spoiler alert. I’m not. If I tell you something, it’s the complete truth. I was with Damien at the bar talking about Maddox.”

  She wouldn’t look at me.

  “When I told you I was committed to this marriage, I meant it. Just because we aren’t having sex doesn’t mean I’m gonna go looking for it somewhere else. You’re the only woman I want… I wish you understood that. The only reason I’m not screaming at you right now is because I know you’ve been through a lot. But I would never do that, no matter how hard things get. You could never sleep with me again, and I’d still be right here. I’m in this for the long haul. Even if you wanted to divorce me, I wouldn’t let you. It’s you and me…forever. Do you understand that?”

  Her breathing picked up noticeably, and she turned her head slightly farther to the right so I couldn’t see her face. She was unresponsive to my declaration, but her heightened breathing relayed its own story.

  “Sofia, do you understand that?”

  She ignored me.

  My voice became sterner. “Look at me. Now.”

  She fought me initially, but when her body started to shake, it was obvious she’d lost the battle. She finally turned her face back to me, eyes full of tears and with wet cheeks. Her bottom lip was trembling because she couldn’t keep her emotions stable.

  It broke my heart to see her like that, to see such a strong woman feel so insecure. If she only understood the depth of my feelings, she would understand just how perfect she was, regardless of the things that had happened to her. But it also told me she was scared to lose me, that she didn’t want me to be with anyone else, that she wanted me all to herself. She was invested in this marriage, and her guard was down. That meant I could hurt her…and that terrified her.

  “Baby, I’m yours.” I moved into her side and wrapped my arms around her. I brought her close and cradled her face against my chest. My fingers slid into the back of her hair, and I held her against me. I listened to my wife cry, listened to her open her heart to me. She underappreciated her value and thought I would do the same thing. “I will never hurt you. I promise.”

  Her arm wrapped around my waist, and she cuddled into me. Her tears only lasted a few more minutes before she forced herself to calm down. Once the silence was the only sound between us, she whispered into the darkness, “I don’t want to lose you.”

  Those words brought me joy, but they also brought me pain. My chin rested on her head so she couldn’t see my face. She couldn’t see the moisture that built up in my eyes. “You could never lose me.”

  Our relationship improved over the week.

  She wasn’t as distant with me. She extended affection often, kissing me goodbye when I dropped her off at work and embracing me when I picked her up again. When we went to sleep together, our bodies were always wrapped around each other.

  But it never went further than that.

  I noticed she still didn’t change in front of me. Her outfit changes always took place in the bathroom. It was strange because I’d never given her the impression that I’d tear her clothes off and bend her over the bed. I was always delicate now, and I would never pressure her unless she explicitly told me that was what she wanted. So changing in the bathroom seemed a little excessive.

  But I didn’t dare complain.

  I was in my office at the bank when Damien walked inside. Unfortunately, we had to deal with each other often. It was always uncomfortable, always tense. But we usually said whatever needed to be said and went on about our day.

  Damien approached my desk, his eyes guarded and his hands in the pockets of his suit. “How’s Sofia?”

  I noticed he only asked about her. He hardly asked about me. “Better.”

  He gave a slight nod. “Good.”

  I was still used to telling him everything, so I wanted to tell him what Sofia had accused me of last week. She actually thought I was sneaking around behind her back. She actually thought I went to a whorehouse or picked up a woman at a bar. It was ludicrous, because I would never find a woman who compared to her.

  When we had nothing else to say, Damien spoke. “I got a good list of his distributors. I sent the guys out to take
care of it, but it’ll be a while before we get them all.”

  “I’m available if we need more hands on deck.”

  “I’m already getting my hands dirty. I think you should stay home with Sofia. She needs you right now.”

  That was a valid point. When I was gone just one night, she assumed I was having an affair. She probably couldn’t sleep unless I was there. I didn’t know what her sleeping arrangements had been with Maddox, if she had been forced to sleep beside him every night. I suspected that wasn’t the case because Sofia would’ve killed him with her bare hands. “True.”

  “The guy doesn’t have a single person he cares about. Just drugs and money. Doesn’t even hit up the whorehouses. The only person he has some kind of vested interest in is you. If that weren’t true, he would’ve killed you.”

  “So, if he knows I am the one who’s compromising his livelihood, he’ll probably be provoked.”

  Damien nodded. “Yeah. Who knows what he’ll do. He might even knock on your front door.”

  Maddox was definitely unpredictable.

  “Ash offered to help.” Damien pulled his hands out of his pockets and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s crazy to think he hated you, and now he’s doing everything he can to help you.” He stared at me like he expected me to say something to that.

  “What are you trying to say?”

  He shook his head. “Things change…”

  18

  Sofia

  I was in my office when Damien stopped by.

  He didn’t verbally announce his presence. He just stepped inside, dressed casually in jeans and a sweater. He helped himself to the chair in front of my desk.

  I closed my laptop so nothing obstructed my view.

  He stared at me with wide eyes for several seconds. “You need to tell him.”

  Guilt washed over me. Several weeks had gone by, and I was getting bigger and bigger. It was a miracle Hades hadn’t figured it out by now. Maybe he just assumed I was gaining weight and didn’t dare act like he noticed.

  “Sofia, it’s been long enough.”

  “I know…”

  “The longer you wait, the more he’s going to be blindsided. And if you decide you don’t want to keep the baby, you’re running out of time for that too.”

  “That’s not an option.” I was aware of the life living inside me, the little person developing in my womb. This was a real entity to me, and I could never live with the guilt of taking its life away. If I really didn’t want to raise the baby, I could give it up for adoption. But I didn’t think I could even do that.

  “Either way, he deserves to know. This is your husband we’re talking about. That man has been nothing but good to you, and it’s ridiculous to think that would ever change. I know you’ve been through a lot, but his feelings are no different than they used to be.”

  For the last few months, I’d felt uneasy. I wasn’t sure where I belonged, if my value had changed. My emotional instability prevented me from reading the truth right in front of me. Hades hadn’t changed…I had.

  But this was totally different.

  I was still afraid he would leave once he knew the truth.

  And I couldn’t blame him if he did.

  Damien continued to watch me. “I’ve kept your secret, but I can’t do it much longer. When I look him in the eye, I feel like a traitor for not telling him this. It needs to come from you. So, do it soon.”

  I had been dragging my feet because I knew it would change everything. I didn’t want to accept my fate, accept my future. Would we survive what was about to come? I was already afraid Hades would walk out at any moment.

  “Don’t be scared.”

  “You have no idea what I’m going through…”

  “No,” he said. “But I know your husband better than you do.”

  Damien’s words pierced my conscience. Whether Hades was the father or not, he deserved to know what was going on. He wasn’t just a man I was seeing. He was a man I’d pledged a lifetime to. What happened to me happened to him.

  It was too cold to sit outside on the terrace, so we sat at the table inside. We finished a great meal Helena had prepared for us. There was always a basket of fresh bread, and I ate more of it than I usually did.

  Because now I was eating for two.

  Wine was always poured, but I never drank from my glass. Thankfully, Hades didn’t seem to notice.

  Our dinner was spent mostly in silence. We were closer than we had been before, but not back to normal. There was a distinct distance between us, like we each had our own secrets. Now was the right time to tell him…but I didn’t want to.

  It would change everything.

  It would make this real.

  In a couple months, I would be a mother. And I had no idea who the father of my child was.

  I took a deep breath, and when I finally found the courage to come clean, he spoke instead.

  “Damien and I are working on Maddox.” It didn’t matter if it was deep winter, he preferred his shirtless attire, his sweatpants that were low on his hips. He wasn’t back to weight training or his previous exercise regimen, but he was still strong. His chest muscles were like two slabs of concrete, and his stomach was so tight you could grate cheese on it.

  The mention of my greatest enemy made me forget what I was about to tell him. “What does that mean?”

  “It means we decided to hit him where it hurts…his business. That seems to be the only thing he cares about. We are going after his distributors, the guys on the ground that sell his drugs on the streets. He has bigger partners that ship his product to the rest of Europe. I’m taking those guys out too.”

  That sounds like serious business. “That sounds like war…”

  He wore a brooding gaze, like he could snap at any moment. During quiet moments, he seemed to be the angriest. He probably relived the terrible things we both endured, and it pissed him off all over again. His eyes returned to mine. “It is war.”

  War meant there was a battle on two sides. Someone had to lose. I just hoped it wasn’t us. “Couldn’t you just track him down and kill him? He’s gotta live somewhere, right?”

  He shook his head slightly. “The guy is never in the same place for long. And he doesn’t have allies…he doesn’t let anyone in. So I can’t torture anyone for answers.”

  “Could I lure him out?” Of course, I didn’t want to be the bait. I never wanted to see that man again. Just looking at him would make me shake. But my desire to kill him outweighed my fear. I was willing to do anything to see him dead, even risk myself in the process. It wasn’t just vengeance for what he did to me. But for what he did to my husband.

  Hades’s eyes narrowed on my face, and his eyebrows furrowed. There was a hint of rage in the look, like he was about to tell me off. But he wrested control of his emotions and let it go. “No.”

  “It might be easier that way.”

  “I said no.”

  I didn’t press further because it was like poking an angry bear. If I pressed my stick into his side too many times, he would eventually turn on me and maul me to death. The quiet companionship we’d had minutes ago was long gone. The only thing left to do was the one thing I didn’t want to.

  So I didn’t.

  I couldn’t drag my feet any longer, so I took myself to the doctor. If I were going to keep this baby, I needed to make sure everything was okay, that I grabbed my prenatal vitamins and did everything I could to prepare for how my life would change.

  I never had been afraid to do anything alone before Hades came into my life. But now it felt so strange to be by myself. He should be there with me, holding my hand and telling me everything would be okay.

  But even if he knew the truth, would he say those things?

  Maddox was a man he hated more than anyone. Could Hades realistically accept this child if it weren’t his? Would he be a supportive husband? Or would he turn me away for good? He said he would always be there…but he had no idea what was comi
ng next.

  The doctor gave me the news I’d been waiting for.

  I was almost four months along. That meant it was possible the baby could belong to Hades. But it was equally possible that it didn’t. The doctor also said he could tell me the gender of the baby.

  But I didn’t want to know. My husband didn’t even know I was pregnant. I didn’t want to get that far ahead. But at least the baby was healthy.

  That was something to be thankful for.

  I was in my office when Hades came by. Instead of waiting for me to stand and greet him, he lowered himself into the chair and rested one ankle on the opposite knee. His hands came together, and he stared at me with wide-open eyes.

  My skin turned cold. I didn’t like that look. He never stared at me that way…like I was his enemy. I could tell he was angry, could feel it in the air around us. It made my heart race painfully, made my skin turn warm.

  Hades kept up his stare and said nothing.

  I shut my laptop and put my stuff away. “I’m ready to go.”

  He continued to sit there. “Where were you?”

  I froze on the spot.

  His malicious eyes stayed glued to my face. “I came by, and you weren’t here. No one could tell me where you’d gone.”

  “Why didn’t you just call?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you just answer my question?”

  I grabbed my purse and tried to breathe through the suffocation. “I had a personal errand.”

  “What kind of errand?”

  I started to lose my temper. “You don’t tell me every little thing you do.”

  He rose to his feet. “Because I can take care of myself. How can I protect you when I don’t know where you are?”

  “You said I had nothing to worry about.”

  He stared at me for a while, like he didn’t have a rebuttal.

  “It was personal. Just leave it alone.”

  His anger died away, and his eyes slowly softened. He probably understood how much he was cornering me, how uncomfortable he was making me. “You can tell me anything. How many times do I have to say that?”