Descendant

by S. M. Gaither

  By the time I made it to the front porch, my stomach had successfully tied itself into several knots. The excitement from earlier had all but faded, leaving behind an empty nervousness—and a nagging question— in its place.

  What if I couldn’t do this?

  Was shifting something I would instinctively know how to do, or was this going to be a long, difficult process? I was hoping for the former on that one. Time wasn’t exactly in my favor.

  My hand lingered for a long while on the brass door handle. A tall, skinny window flanked the door on either side, and through the one on the right I could see Will and Kael leaning against the porch railing, obviously waiting for me.

  I took a deep breath, gripped the doorknob with my sweaty palm, and turned it.

  “Hey,” I said. Was that really my voice that sounded so pathetically weak? I took a deep breath.

  “Hey Alex,” Will said. I’d never been more grateful for his cheerful, disarming smile than I was in that moment. It was impossible not to smile back at Will, and when I did, I felt the tiniest bit better.

  At least until he spoke again.

  “You ready for this?” he asked.

  “Of course,” I lied.

  Will’s smile grew even wider, but behind him Kael was frowning— probably because he could hear the doubt in my mind.

  I tried to put on a determined face.

  “When do we start?” I asked, looking at Will and Will alone.

  “Well, we were just talking about where we’re going to do this.”

  “What’s wrong with right here?”

  Will hesitated, and glanced back at Kael. But Kael’s jaw was set, and he just looked at Will expectantly.

  “Um…” Will began. He was still smiling at me— but it was a sheepish, please-don’t-freak-out-on-me kind of smile. “Well, there’s a small chance you might go a little crazy on us—”

  “What do you mean, crazy?” I asked.

  Will again turned to Kael, who gave a reluctant sigh and then fixed me with a serious look. “You might not be able to control your wolf instincts at first, and we don’t want you running off on us,” he said. “This is a pretty secluded spot, but there is a small residential area a couple of miles south of here. We were thinking of hiking up the mountain to see if we couldn’t find someplace a little safer.”

  “So I’m going to be some kind of raging monster then?”

  “Probably,” Kael said with a shrug.

  “I doubt it,” Will said quickly. He must’ve seen the fleeting look of horror that crossed my face. “I told you, there’s only a small chance you’ll be dangerous. Shifting’s an innate thing for lycans, so you should feel right at home in either form. The only reason we’re concerned is because your first shift is coming so late in your life. Thing is, most lycans spend a lot of their childhood in both forms, and their human and wolf brains develop at equal rates. But in your case… Well, in your case we’re not sure what’s going to happen.”

  “Awesome.”

  “Isn’t it?” Kael said with an entirely-too-amused smile. “And since we’re going to be hiking, we should probably get going,” he added, leaving his post against the porch railing and heading down the steps.

  Will followed him, still wearing his sheepish grin. The two of them had almost reached the woods before I managed to step off the porch myself.

  “Come on Alex,” I said through gritted teeth as I took slow steps towards the trees. “One foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other...”

  * * *

  “The most important thing is to stay calm and focused. And follow through—you have to keep willing it to happen. You don’t want to change your mind halfway. Not when you’re this inexperienced, anyway.”

  It had taken us about half an hour, but we’d finally found a spot everyone agreed on.

  We were in a small clearing, surrounded mostly by steep, craggy rock faces and the occasional evergreen tree that jutted out from the rocks at an odd angle. The ground was rough and uneven.

  “What happens if I lose my focus?” I asked, dragging my toe through the loose, rocky dust covering the ground.

  “Your minds might get confused,” Will said.

  “Minds?” I repeated, looking up.

  “Once you’ve finished the shift you’ll only have one brain to deal with, and it’ll be a combination of the human and wolf brain. But until the transformation is complete, you’ll still have your full human mind, and the wolf one will be forming too. So if you hesitate for too long in-between, your human side and your wolf side may end up fighting for control— which could get ugly.”

  “How ugly are we talking here?” I asked, a small lump forming in my throat.

  “You could get stuck,” Kael said. “Your human mind would be telling you to go backward and the wolf one would be urging you forward.”

  “And what do I do if that happens?”

  Neither of them said a word, but the looks on their faces were explanation enough.

  “I stay stuck. Right. Okay.”

  Will gave a single nod.

  I took a deep breath. “So—focus. I got it. What’s next?”

  “Okay, so once you’re in a calm mindset there’s really nothing to it except to make it happen.” He shrugged.

  When he didn’t elaborate, I managed an anxious laugh.

  “Wow, those are pretty much the least helpful instructions ever,” I said. “Thanks so much.”

  Will laughed too, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck. “I guess I should’ve thought about how to explain this a little better… The thing is, shifting is really different for every person. Personally? I focus on transforming one part at a time.” He held his arm out in front of him and it began to change. His tan skin became tan-colored fur, and his fingers shortened and grew thicker as his nails simultaneously grew longer and thinner. “Limbs have always been easiest for me, for some reason,” he continued. “Maybe because they seem kind of detached from the rest of my body, so it seems less weird.”

  “It seemed plenty weird yesterday,” I muttered.

  He stopped his transformation. Within seconds, his hand was back to human. “Yesterday?”

  “Oh yeah… I guess I left that part out when I was telling you guys about what happened,” I said. “When I was fighting with Sera, my hand started to transform. I didn’t have anything to do with it though—it just sort of happened. But it stopped and transformed back on its own, and when I tried to make it change again, nothing happened.”

  Will and Kael exchanged a glance.

  “That’s…weird,” Kael said.

  “But good, right?” I asked hopefully. “Since I mean, obviously I am capable of transforming, right? Even if I can’t control it yet?”

  Kael looked uncertain, but Will nodded enthusiastically.

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “Actually, the fact that you did it without even thinking about it is pretty impressive,” he said.

  I felt a small surge of confidence. “Well, since I already know that at least my arm is capable of transforming, maybe I should start there?” I suggested quickly, before that confidence could evaporate.

  “Good idea,” Will said. “We’re ready when you are.”

  I nodded and held up a shaky arm. A cold sweat swept over me.

  Nothing to it except to make it happen.

  Could it really be that simple?

  “Are you sure about this, Alex?” Kael asked quietly.

  “Of course I am,” I lied quickly.

  But if he kept second guessing me like that I wouldn’t be.

  “We don’t have to do this right now. If you’re not confident, then you’re probably not going to be able to focus and—”

  “If I don’t do this now, when am I supposed to do it? I don’t have time to waste.”

  They just didn’t understand.

  Dad was dead.

  My so-called mom had gone crazy on me.

  Lora was the only person I had left. I had to
get her back, and if this weak human body couldn’t do the job…

  Well, then it would just have to go.

  I was use to the tingling sensation by now, so when it started to spread up my hands and arms, prickling the skin as it went, it wasn’t too unsettling. What was unsettling was my arms doubling their length right before my eyes, which happened next. The muscles in my freakishly long arms began to pulsate. I had to look away as patches of silky fur in varying shades of red began to cover my now grossly muscular arms.

  This was just too weird to be real.

  But it was real. My legs started to shift, which made balancing difficult, and I had to crouch to keep myself from falling over. As I moved closer to the ground, it suddenly occurred to me that I would feel more comfortable in a four-legged position.

  Yeah, four-legs made much more sense than two.

  Why had I ever bothered standing upright, anyway?

  I stretched my new legs as my eyes fell on the humans in front of me. They were so… awkward looking. So weak. I bet they were incredibly slow, too.

  Had I really been like that once?

  No, that wasn’t possible.

  The humans kept watching me. It was starting to make me angry, and a snarl of disgust tore its way out of my throat before I could stop it. What were they staring at? I tried to look away, but no matter how hard I stared elsewhere, I could still feel their eyes on me. I tossed my head angrily back towards them.

  There were two of them, each one maybe half my size.

  I could take them out easy enough.

  I lowered my head and bared my teeth—that was their fair warning.

  But neither of them backed down. In fact, the one with the light blue eyes actually took a step forward. I wanted to make him regret it. But when I tried to take a step of my own, I found that I couldn’t even lift my paw off the ground.

  (Your muscles aren’t finished forming yet. You should keep still.)

  I didn’t know where the voice was coming from, or who it belonged to. But the words made no sense, which frustrated me. I gave another angry growl.

  (Look at me, Alex.)

  I snapped at the thin air, like the voice was a fly or something—something I could eliminate if only I could get it between my jaws.

  (Look at me.)

  My head jerked up. I was ready to kill. And I might have, too; my legs could bend relatively easily now, and I was about to crouch, about to spring, when I met the blue-eyed human’s gaze.

  Something happened.

  I’m not sure what, exactly, but my anger came to an abrupt halt, and my growl became a low whine and I just stared, unmoving and unsure. And as I stared, another person materialized beside the blue-eyed man. Her green eyes were watching me curiously. She didn’t blink. I stumbled backward; my muscles weren’t as strong as I’d thought. There was something about this new girl—something I didn’t like.

  She was familiar in a strange, unsettling way.

  The longer we stared at each other, the more I began to feel like I knew her—or at least I had, at some point.

  And then, suddenly, I understood.

  I collapsed to the ground, panting, still staring in horror at the girl. I looked frantically back and forth. What was going on here? This was wrong. I was supposed to be like that girl. Not like this.

  What was I doing on all fours like some kind of animal?

  I had to stop.

  I had to go back.

  (You can’t stop now.)

  A sharp pain ripped through my head. My eyesight started to dim.

  (Focus.)

  I think I knew that voice.

  (Okay—you can’t just stop. You’re going to have to change back. Keep moving, keep changing. Focus on your human side, your human life…you’ve been a human for seventeen years now. I know you remember what it’s like. Just think about it—anything about it.)

  I couldn’t see anymore. I’m pretty sure my eyes were open, but I might as well have been searching for light in a black hole for all I saw.

  (Damn it Alex, I know you’re stronger than this. Wake up!)

  The voice started to fade.

  I didn’t want it to go.

  I didn’t want to be alone in this dark place, but I couldn’t call out, couldn’t tell that voice to stay. I was too tired. Tired of the pain. Tired of the confusion.

  And most of all, I was tired of fighting.

  * * *

  Even before I found the strength to open my eyes, I knew I’d failed. Horribly.

  There were voices, saying things I couldn’t make out. And I could understand their tones enough to know that whatever had happened hadn’t been good. My head felt like someone had jammed an ax into it; I almost lifted a hand to see how far the handle was still sticking out.

  After several minutes of lying there, I decided to open my eyes. I lifted my head a few inches off the ground and saw that the sun had all but disappeared behind the trees.

  How long had I been out for?

  “What happened?” I managed to cough. The sound of quick footsteps was the only reply I got. I tried to sit up, but only made it about halfway before my strength left me and I crashed back to the ground. The clouds above started to spin, and I shut my eyes tightly to try and relieve my stomach, which was churning right along with them. When I opened them again, Kael and Will were both crouched beside me, their faces completely devoid of color.

  “Are you okay?” Will asked. There was nothing about his expression that even suggested the huge smile he normally wore.

  “I’ve been better,” I mumbled. “I don’t understand what happened.” I tried to sit up again, and this time I managed to prop myself up on the palms of my shaking hands. “I thought I had it. But then I saw myself, my human self…and I just lost it. It was strange.”

  “It was dangerous, that’s what it was,” Kael said angrily. “There’s got to be a better way to do this.” He looked at Will expectantly.

  Will shook his head. “Look man—I never claimed I was an expert. I mean, I told you it isn’t really something you can teach. Most young lycans figure it out on their own… but they do so over time, you know? Al’s only known what she is for twenty-four hours, we should never have expected her to instantly—”

  “I don’t have time to waste,” I reminded him. “I’ll just have to try harder.”

  “It’s not just about how hard you’re trying; it takes practice, Al. Lots of it.”

  I started to get to my feet. My legs shook as I did; I felt like I’d just gotten done running a marathon. “I still have time to practice a bit more before—”

  “I think you’ve practiced enough for one day,” Kael interrupted quietly.

  I gave him an incredulous look. “I haven’t even accomplished anything.”

  “You accomplished nearly getting yourself stuck in a permanently disfigured, comatose state.”

  I made a face. “Thanks for reminding me. That’s helpful.”

  “I’m just saying, if you try again now, the same thing is probably going to happen. You’re tired. We should go home. Eat. Sleep. You can try again tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but I actually can’t go home. I don’t have a home to go to. And tomorrow? What happens if tomorrow is one day too late for Lora?”

  “I don’t think your sister would want you to put your own life at risk to—”

  “How do you know what my sister would want?” I asked, throwing my hands up in frustration. “You’ve never even met her.”

  “That’s kind of beside the point,” Will said.

  “No Will,” I snapped, turning on him. “That is the point. The point is that neither of you could possibly know what I’m going through right now.”

  “I never claimed to know,” Will said, his voice remarkably calm, despite the growing aggravation in mine. But his even tone only made me that much angrier.

  How could everyone around me be so calm?

  It didn’t make sense.

&n
bsp; I turned and started to walk away. I wasn’t even sure why. I wasn’t even sure where I was going. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the moment.

  “Where are you going?” Will’s asked.

  “Away.”

  “Alex.” Kael’s voice sounded annoyed, but I didn’t care. I just walked faster, determined to put as much distance between myself and them as possible.

  Of course, putting distance between myself and the guys meant going back into the woods. Alone.

  Which was fine at first.

  But soon my anger subsided, leaving room for the uneasiness to come creeping in. To make matters worse, I hadn’t wandered through the trees for long before all of them started to look the same. And the sun was rapidly setting, so now only a pathetic amount of light was actually penetrating the canopy of treetops—and it was only a matter of time before even that disappeared completely.

  On the plus side, I could still see pretty clearly even after the sunlight was gone.

  Yeah, these new senses were going to come in handy for sure.

  With that in mind, it occurred to me that I might be able to find my way out of this place after all. I tried my best to hone my senses—and I did notice a lot of new sounds and smells. I smelled what I thought might have been the trail we’d made coming up here. But every time I tried to follow it, I just ended up losing it in the billions of other smells around me.

  I stopped walking and closed my eyes, thinking maybe I could pick up the sounds of Will and Kael heading home. Then I could follow them at a distance, and show up at the house before they—or Vanessa—had too much time to worry about me.

  I listened for a few minutes to the sound of the wind and the leaves it rustled, to the trickling of a nearby creek, to the birds fluttering in the trees above.

  I was starting to get restless, when all of a sudden I heard a voice.

  And then another.

  I was about to breathe a sigh of relief—Kael and Will were still nearby after all—when I heard another voice, one clearly distinct from the first two.

  I slunk back against a nearby tree, and I tried to quiet my breathing and listen. But my heartbeat was impossible to silence, and it was beating so loudly that anyone within a ten-mile radius could have heard it.