Looking Real Good

by C. Morgan

  “You two are unbelievable,” Lisa said. “How can I ever trust either of you again? Why did you do this, Kayla? So he’d give you more money? Are you just like all those other sluts who want to be part of his life?”

  “Lisa,” Lukas said sternly. “You’re out of line.”

  She rolled her eyes and marched for the front door. “I’m not the one out of line. You two are. Screw you both.”

  The front door slammed behind her. To me, it felt like the whole house shook.

  My eyes started to burn as tears began to build.

  Lukas sighed and raked his fingers through his disheveled hair. “Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about trying to figure out how to tell Lisa about us anymore.”

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat as Lukas walked over to me.

  He put a hand in the small of my back and smiled. “Were you going to make me breakfast?”

  I shook my head. “I have to go.”

  “What?”

  I turned from the stove and made my way to his bedroom, where I dropped his robe and put on my princess costume. Talk about the walk of shame.

  “What do you mean, go?” Lukas asked.

  My heart was breaking into pieces. “I think it’s best if we don’t see each other for a little while.”

  “What?” Lukas shook his head. “No, come on, Kayla. Lisa is overreacting. She doesn’t get a say in who we choose to be with. Stay.”

  “I can’t,” I managed to say through tears that wouldn’t stop falling. I turned to him and searched his eyes. Was I really about to walk out on him after everything? “We have to make things right.”

  He reached for me. “They’re right when we’re together.”

  I stepped back. He let his hand fall to his side.

  “I’m sorry,” I breathed.

  Chapter 35

  Lukas

  The black screen with lines of code and commands taunted me. I hadn’t been able to get a single thing done over the past few days. Usually, the office was the place for me to find solace when things in my life were piling up and becoming too much.

  But this week?

  There was no comfort in those lines and chains.

  I sighed and leaned back in my chair. I was too distracted to be productive. My thoughts were consumed with concerns and worries about my mother and her condition. Since Halloween, I’d gone back every day for four consecutive days to check in on her, and none of those days had been as bad as the night Kayla and I went to visit her.

  My mother had been in high spirits for the last couple of days. What was more, she knew my face when she saw me, and she knew I was her son, not her good-for-nothing husband. I’d forgiven her, of course. It wasn’t her fault that she remembered me as someone I hated. And it wasn’t her fault that she was hurting me.

  Even though Kayla hadn’t said those words, she’d shown me that my mother still loved me simply by how she’d got her talking about me. There was nothing in the world I could ever do to thank her enough for that.

  Even if I could, it was hard to thank a person who went dark on you.

  I hadn’t spoken to Kayla since she rushed out of my home the other morning after the confrontation with Lisa. My sister had sent her running for the hills and it was clear to me where Kayla’s loyalties really rested.

  With Lisa.

  It hurt. It hurt a lot. But I also couldn’t hate her for it. Lisa and Kayla had been best friends since they were old enough to play hopscotch. Sure, I wished Lisa had the emotional maturity to be happy for me and Kayla rather than shame us for falling for each other, but apparently, that wasn’t in the cards.

  Kayla and I had been doomed from the start.

  I should have known better. I should have stopped things before they went too far. I should have listened when Kayla expressed concerns about Lisa. At least the pain wouldn’t be so bad if we’d put a pin in things early on. I might wonder what might have been, but part of me wondered if that was better than knowing what I knew now.

  I was in love with Kayla Goodfellow. Madly, wholeheartedly, desperately in love with her.

  Part of me wished it hadn’t been so easy for her to walk out on me that Sunday morning. Part of me wished she’d said screw it all and thrown herself at me, deciding she loved me more than she needed Lisa.

  But then she wouldn’t be the woman I loved.

  I loved Kayla because of how good she was and how she cared for everyone. I loved her because she was kind and generous and she would never hurt someone. I loved her because she knew how to repair things, how to pour love into things, and how to save people from nightmares of their own making.

  And she did it all with grace and no judgment.

  No, if Kayla had been able to turn her back on Lisa, she wouldn’t be the woman I thought she was.

  Even though I knew all these things, it didn’t make it hurt any less.

  I was relieved for a distraction when my assistant knocked on my office door and popped her head in. “Mr. Holt? Rebecca Mills just published her article about you. Would you like to read it?”

  “Sure, why not?”

  My assistant came in and put a newspaper flat on my desk in front of me. My face was on the front page. It wasn’t the usual sort of picture I was used to seeing of myself on the front page of anything editorial. Normally, the image was posed. Normally, I was in a suit and tie. Normally, there was professional lighting to capture my best angles.

  But this picture wasn’t that.

  It was candid.

  I was laughing, half turned away from the camera, facing Kayla, whose head was thrown back in laughter as well. She had a hand on my arm and an apple in her other hand. The backdrop was the orchard farm, the place where I’d first started to have genuine feelings for my sister’s best friend.

  “It’s a very good picture of you, sir,” my assistant said.

  “Thank you.”

  “And she’s very pretty.”

  I smiled as I gazed down at the black and white image of Kayla. “Yes, she is.”

  My assistant left me alone to read the article. I flipped a couple of pages in after reading the first page to finish the rest of the piece, where Rebecca had compiled all our interviews into one story where she concluded that the subject of her stories had changed a great deal in the time of our working together.

  In the article, she described me as someone introspective, sympathetic, and changed for the better.

  For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of pride.

  But what really stood out to me in the article were all the snapshots of Kayla and me. I wondered if readers would notice that she was in almost every frame with me, and in each shot, we were smiling like idiots at each other. There were pictures from the gala, from the orchard, and from the Halloween town. I hadn’t even known pictures were being taken there. There were shots of me with my head in the bucket bobbing for apples and a picture of me holding Carson above the bucket by his ankles while Addison cheered us on.

  Had Kayla seen the articles? Did she think it was well written? Did she think it was accurate?

  Or would she refuse to read the article because she didn’t want to be reminded of me?

  I sighed and got out of my chair to go to the window and look out at the city.

  In each and every one of those pictures, it was clear on my face that I was looking at a woman I loved.

  Suddenly, it struck me.

  Kayla was looking at me with the same look in her eyes in all those pictures. She had genuine feelings for me, just as I did for her. If I was hurting now, how must she be feeling as the one who had to put a pin in things all for Lisa’s sake? Was she questioning herself? Did she resent Lisa for this? Did she want to call me more than anything and explain it all?

  Did it matter?

  I loved her. That was what mattered. And I was quite certain she loved me, too.

  I’ve come too far to give up now.

  I loved my sister. Lisa was one of the most pre
cious people to me in my life. But she didn’t get to choose who I fell in love with or wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She didn’t get to tell me no, and she didn’t get to stop Kayla either.

  No, I refused to let her stand in the way of the best thing that had ever happened to me. I wanted Kayla.

  And at the end of the day, I was still Lukas Holt. The new and improved Lukas Holt to be sure, but I was still the guy who went for what he wanted. I was still the guy who put it all on the line even in the face of rejection.

  Now was not the time to throw in the towel and go soft.

  Chapter 36

  Kayla

  “Lisa, pick up your phone,” I said into Lisa’s voicemail service. I’d called several times a day for the past four days and she’d sent each and every call to voicemail. I’d texted and emailed and received no replies. “We need to talk about this. You can’t ignore me forever. I understand that you’re upset and that I hurt you, but please, give me a chance to tell you what happened. You know me. You know I wouldn’t do this to you on purpose. Things just… I don’t know. They got away from us. Please. Call me back.”

  I hung up the phone.

  I knew she wouldn’t call me back. Lisa was as stubborn as her brother. Once she’d been wronged, or felt like she had, she would stick to her guns and hold a grudge against her enemy until the end of time. I never thought I’d be on the receiving end of that stubbornness but there I was.

  Suffering.

  I wanted my best friend back. I also wanted my lover back. But I couldn’t have either of them.

  The guilt and shame that I’d felt on Sunday morning had long since morphed into despair and, to my surprise, anger.

  I was angry at Lisa’s reaction. I was angry that she didn’t seem to care about Lukas’ happiness, or mine for that matter. She could only see this thing from her side, and for some reason, she thought it was all about her. It wasn’t.

  It was about me and Lukas and how happy we made each other—how much better we made each other. Couldn’t she see that? Couldn’t she see through her own cloud of fury long enough to realize that this was real?

  I wouldn’t have risked our friendship for something that wasn’t real.

  I raked my fingers through my hair as I sat at my desk at the Good Fellow’s head office. I had so much pent-up frustration because she wasn’t giving me a chance to speak my piece. I needed to get it off my chest. I needed her to hear me. Otherwise, I was going to be stuck in this lonely place for eternity.

  I wanted my relationship back with Lukas but I knew I wouldn’t sacrifice my friendship with Lisa for it. Somehow, I had to get her to understand how I felt about him. I had to get her to listen.

  I grabbed my purse and left the office, locking up after myself. Clearly, the phone calls and virtual messages weren’t working. I needed to take drastic action.

  I hopped on the bus and rode it to the closest stop near Lisa’s duplex. There was no way to know if she’d be home, but I figured she’d be trying to spend as little time as possible at Lukas’ office that she could. So, naturally, the first stop was her house.

  After walking six blocks from the bus stop to her duplex, I found myself standing at her front door feeling more than a little nervous.

  I’d thought of everything I wanted to say to her on the bus but now my mind was blank. There was nothing but white noise up there.

  It doesn’t matter. You need to buck up and knock on that door and make her listen to you. If you’re not willing to put it on the line, then you never deserved Lukas in the first place. Right?

  My fingers tingled as I lifted my hand to the door and knocked.

  To my surprise, the door swung open and Lisa stood there with her phone pressed to her ear. Her eyes narrowed on me as she spoke to the person on the other line. “I’ll have to let you go, Mrs. Weiss. Can I call you back in an hour?”

  She hung up the phone.

  “Lisa,” I started.

  “What do you want?”

  “I want to talk.”

  “Talk?” she scoffed. “You had plenty of time to talk to me before I found you in my brother’s house half naked cooking him breakfast.”

  I rubbed my lips together. You can do this. Don’t let her intimidate you.

  “I didn’t spend the night with Lukas to hurt you, Lisa. I know it might feel that way but I swear to you what happened between me and him had nothing to do with you. Can I come in so we can talk properly?”

  “No.”

  I nodded. “Okay. Fine. Can we—”

  “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, Kayla. There’s nothing you can do that will make this better. You were sneaking around with my brother behind my back. How long did it go on? How many times did you smile in my face and pretend that you weren’t screwing my brother? Huh?” Lisa shook her head in disbelief. “Nobody should ever do that to the person who is supposed to be their best friend. Ever. Especially when you know how I feel about people taking advantage of my brother.”

  I adjusted my purse strap on my shoulder. “Lisa, I wasn’t taking advantage. It just happened naturally.”

  “Oh? Naturally? It did, did it? How does that work? One minute, you’re picking apples, and the next, you have his tongue down your throat and then the pair of you are making a pact to keep it a secret from me?”

  “You know that’s not true.”

  Lisa laughed. “I don’t know what’s true anymore. How could I when the two people who mean the most to me have been in on a lie for the past month?”

  She was overreacting. I wanted to tell her so. I wanted to scream at her that she was acting like a spoiled brat. She did not get to call the shots where Lukas was concerned. He was a grown-ass man who could do what he wanted.

  And what he wanted happened to be me.

  “We never conspired against you, Lisa,” I said calmly. “Lukas and I spent a lot of time together—time that you orchestrated for us to spend together, I might add. And that’s how these things work. You spend time with a person and then you realize you like them more than just a friend, you know?”

  “He’s my brother,” she said.

  “Do you seriously think I don’t know that? Do you think I threw myself into this thinking fuck Lisa, I do what I want? I’m not that person and you know it. I fought this, Lisa. I fought it as best I could. I told him no. He knew we shouldn’t have let things get too far. We both did. But—”

  “But you got in bed with him anyway,” Lisa said. “Words are just words, Kayla. You betrayed me. Plain and simple. You went behind my back and deliberately kept it from me. You’re just like all the other girls who are always throwing themselves at my brother. What was it? You realized how easy it was to get close to him and you thought you’d try your hand at getting in his pockets? I know he has a lot of money and there’s a lot of good you could do if you got your little claws on his billions.”

  I blinked. Was she seriously accusing me of sleeping with her brother to try to get his money? Who does she think I am?

  “I did not go for your brother to get to his money,” I said, my tone developing a sharp edge. “I can’t believe you would even suggest that. “

  Lisa crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow. “I’ve been there to pick up the pieces of my brother’s bad decisions for years now. That’s all this is. A bad decision. He let you get in his head.”

  “Why am I the bad guy here? This took two of us.”

  “You knew better. You knew better and you went for it anyway without caring what it would do to me.”

  “Lisa!” I practically yelled. “This isn’t about you! I didn’t do this to you. I didn’t do it to hurt you. Holy shit. Since when did you become so damn self-absorbed? Do you think I chose to fall for your brother? Do you think I wanted this extra complication in my life? No, I didn’t. But we don’t get to choose these things. Sometimes, they just happen to and for us.”

  “Are you trying to make me feel bad for you now?”

  “No
,” I said, shaking my head. She was impossible. She didn’t want to be reasoned with. She wanted to stay angry and bitter because it was easier than forgiving and moving forward. There wasn’t a damn thing I could do about that. “I wanted to apologize.”

  “For what you did to me?”

  “No, for hurting your feelings. I didn’t do anything to you. But I hurt your feelings, and for that, I am deeply sorry. We should have told you when things first started to get serious between us. I regret that now.”

  Lisa searched my eyes, but her body language remained stiff and angry. “Our friendship can’t come back from this. I think you should go.”

  That stung. I flinched under her words. “So that’s it? You’re going to let a twenty-year-old friendship die because I have feelings for your brother?”

  “No, I’m going to let it die because you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

  “Would you have wanted to hear it?”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “You’re impossible, Lisa. You want to be angry. You’re just like Lukas used to be. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be shut off. It was easier for him. But as soon as he let go of those old ways, he changed. He grew. Hate me if you want, but I promise you, this will only cause you more pain down the road.” I turned and hurried down her front steps to the sidewalk, where I faced her one more time. “If you change your mind, I’ll be ready to talk anytime.”

  Lisa closed and locked her door.

  I walked back up to the bus stop in tears. How had I lost my two best friends all at once? How had we gotten here?

  Chapter 37

  Lukas

  When I arrived at the office that morning, the first thing I noticed was that Lisa was in the conference room with my assistant. She was standing, the lights were out, and she was pointing to the pulldown screen where a projector was blasting a chart of some sort onto it. My assistant was nodding where she sat at the table and taking notes while Lisa talked.