Love You Still

by Kat Bammer

  “He’s a good guy. A good cop. Don’t blame him for being a straight shooter; there’ll always be bumps on the road, at least you’ll always know he’s honest.”

  With that he left, and Lisa went up to her room to wait for this day to end.

  27

  “You did good.” Lisa wrapped her towel around her body and pressed water out of her hair before she turned to Alan, who grinned back at her. He looked cute with his hair all wet. Surprisingly, the doctor had some muscles on him too which was hard to ignore with his wet suit only covering the lower half of his body and rivulets of water running across his chest.

  “I guess I haven’t forgotten everything.” Alan gave her a half-shrug and a grin, that completed his sexy-boy-next-door look. Maybe she should have taken a good look at the doctor before she threw herself at Peter.

  Peter. Lisa sighed while she stored her wet suit in the shed.

  Last week had been tough, but this morning she finally went through with her promise.

  Diving really made everything better. Nothing calmed her more than being under water, and she had been in dire need to escape her life even only for a little time.

  She hadn’t talked to Peter. Not because he wasn’t trying. He called her at least once a day, but she deliberately left her cell phone up in her room. It was a little cowardly avoiding him like that, but she wasn’t sure of her next move.

  Maybe they had moved too fast. The sex had been great, and all the feelings had been there. At least for her. But maybe she was delusional. Again.

  Maybe it was just like when she was eighteen. Peter Fisher gave her a bit of his special attention and she fell head over heels.

  Despite reality.

  “It’s different in the lake, pretty dark down there.” Alan’s voice was muffled under the towel he used to rub his hair dry.

  Lisa closed the door to the shed. “Yeah, it sure is different. But it has its own charm.”

  “Marty, down at the school, has an underwater obstacle course. That’s a lot of fun too.”

  Alan nodded, with his towel around his neck.

  Goose bumps appeared on her arms. Even though it was the middle of summer, there was a slight breeze from the lake that chilled her.

  “Meet you on the patio in ten?”

  Alan nodded, and they split up. Lisa showered and got dressed in her room in record time while Alan did the same in the bathroom on the ground floor.

  When she came down again, she could still hear the shower going, so she made a quick detour through the kitchen.

  “Hey, girl, everything good?” Lisa asked.

  Claire was working on another concoction of hers. They still hadn’t talked about whatever was going on between her and Blake. But since Blake showed up a lot, and their flirting was sickeningly obvious, it was pretty clear.

  Claire swept a strand of hair off her forehead. “Yep, all good. How was it?”

  “Good, nice to get my head under water. Dr. Alan wasn’t half bad. Got back into it very fast. Kept the dangling hands to a minimum.”

  Lisa prepared two, tall glasses and filled them with the delicious iced tea, that was one of Claire’s specialties.

  “Care to join us for an iced tea on the patio?”

  Claire nodded. “Take some cake with you. There’s some left in the fridge. I’ll be right out—just have to finish these first.”

  Lisa loaded a tray and carried it out through the breakfast room and onto the patio. She chose the table on the far left, where the sun already shone.

  It would be another beautiful day.

  She took a seat, angled it so the sun hit her right in the face, and closed her eyes.

  “You look like a cat rolled up in the sun. Very cozy and cuddly.”

  Alan said things like that all the time. At the beginning it made Lisa uncomfortable but by now she took it with a grain of salt.

  “Yep, but cats are really not all that cuddly all the time, at least not when you want them to—only when they want to.”

  He moved his chair right next to Lisa and got very close.

  “So, do they want to? Or should I be afraid of your claws?” With that his face closed in on her and he kissed her. This was not just a small, friendly peck, but a serious kiss.

  Lisa froze at first—did she really want that?

  Kissing Alan was different from kissing Peter. He was a lot softer, more tentative. And Lisa felt absolutely nothing. Not even a little twinge of lust.

  Alan stopped kissing her and looked her in the eyes. “That was anticlimactic.”

  Lisa nodded.

  “And a little strange, like kissing a sister.”

  She nodded again, her lips pressed together.

  “Well”—Alan shrugged—“now we know. Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He grabbed his glass and took a huge sip.

  “So, is there someone else in your life, now that I know that it’s not me?”

  Lisa turned to her glass and busted out laughing. Alan diffused what could have been awkward between them.

  “Kind of, I don’t know, it’s complicated.”

  He took a deep breath and leaned back a bit. “Oh, it always is. At least, now that we are friends, you can tell all your girlfriends what a catch I am and then maybe, some other woman will take pity on me.”

  Lisa laughed again. This man really had her kind of humor. “You are that desperate, hey?”

  Alan yelped like a little puppy, but his eyes squinted, lit with an inner glow of mischief.

  Lisa snorted and jabbed at his shoulder. Maybe she shouldn’t take things so serious all the time. Life was much more fun that way.

  “See, I’m funny and I help people as a job. I’m a catch. No doubt about it,” Alan said, cocky as a peacock, and Lisa gasped for air in between giggles.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  Lisa had been so focused on Alan, she hadn’t seen or heard Peter coming, until he stood right next to her chair, blocking out the sun.

  “No, of course not, take a seat. How’s everything going, Peter?” Alan asked. Alan either ignored Peter’s pinched expression, or he just didn’t sense the angry waves that radiated from him.

  “So, you two taking a swim?” Peter asked. His voice was dull and matter-of-fact. But his eyes were hot and angry when they met hers.

  “I was diving for the first time in ages. It was great. Have you ever done it? Diving?” Alan asked, clearly not knowing about Peter’s prior occupation.

  “Yep, a time or two,” Peter answered.

  Okaaay, obviously Peter intended to keep it that way.

  Peter’s look never wavered from Lisa, while he drew a chair from the next table and plonked down between them. His eyes were focused and intense. Pretty much the opposite to Alan’s fun and lightheartedness. Probably because he wasn’t there for small talk.

  They talked diving for a few minutes with Alan telling funny little stories of how he learned to dive, that made Lisa crack up, and Peter sitting between them politely nodding, but not contributing anything of his own experience. The tension between Lisa and Peter was almost palpable.

  Lisa tried hard to stay calm and cool, as if she had no care in the world but it became more difficult by the second.

  But Alan was no fool; soon his gaze ping-ponged from Lisa to Peter and his eyebrows rose.

  Peter and Alan exchanged a long look and obviously some nonverbal male thingy passed between them, because Alan abruptly stood up.

  “I need to get showered and changed before office hours,” he said, and his chair scraped over the stone surface of the patio.

  Lisa stood too.

  “Thanks for a beautiful morning. I really enjoyed our time together,” Alan said.

  The noise of Peter grinding his teeth made Lisa’s pulse speed up.

  “Thanks, Alan, it was a great morning. Just keep up with the diving. And let’s do this again some time.”

  They hugged, which turned Peter’s face into a stony mask.

  Lisa’s body te
nsed while she watched Alan leave the patio. By the time he turned the corner toward the parking lot, her hands were shaking.

  “What is wrong with you?” She turned to Peter who drew his eyebrows up.

  “You had no reason to be so rude.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you behaved like a—I don’t know, just rude.” Lisa shook her head.

  “Maybe I just didn’t like how he looked at you, or how you were behaving with him.”

  “Really? Like two friends having a good time?” Lisa narrowed her eyes. “Am I now not even allowed to have a good time? Oh right, you’re out to make my life miserable.”

  That seemed to sober Peter up and he cupped Lisa’s hand with both of his. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I… You’re right. It’s just…something about you two sitting here all friendly and cozy that rubbed me the wrong way.”

  “Well, I have friends—deal with it.”

  “Is he just that? Your friend? Looked like more to me.”

  Lisa threw her hands up and stomped back to her chair. Unbelievable. She was really tired of dealing with shit.

  “So why are you ghosting me?” Peter asked.

  “I’m not ghosting you.”

  “Why?” Peter tapped his foot and waited.

  Most likely he wouldn’t leave before she gave him a good enough reason. “Don’t play dumb.” Lisa rolled her eyes. “You know exactly why.”

  How could he come here, sitting on his high horse, and act like nothing had happened?

  “So, the thing with your dad?” Peter leaned closer to Lisa. “I told you there was nothing I could do about it. I’m not part of the investigation anymore.”

  “Yes, so you said.” Lisa turned away from him and looked at the lake. The breaking waves licked at the shore. A little at a time, the stones there would be ground into sand.

  “What do you want me to say?” he asked.

  “Nothing.” She rubbed at her aching chest. “Just say nothing.” There was nothing more to say. If he believed there was even a possibility her father was guilty, there really was nothing left to say.

  Silence stretched between them. And Lisa continued to stare at the waves.

  “Do you still believe Dad should be a suspect?”

  Peter groaned. “Look. It doesn’t matter what I believe. The only thing that counts are facts. What I believe is irrelevant.”

  Lisa’s breath hitched. Wow. Could he really be so cold?

  “So, can we please stop with the games? Stop punishing me for the investigation.”

  Lisa thought about this for a second. Could she? Could she separate her feelings for Peter with her disappointment about him not standing up for her father?

  “No.”

  The word was out as soon as it came to her mind and left her with a hollowness deep in her chest.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I don’t think this”—Lisa waved her hand between them—“will work. I don’t have the time and energy right now to deal with this. There’s too much on my plate right now. I think we should take a step back. Take a good, hard look at our lives and what we want out of it.” Clearly Peter still didn’t get where she was coming from.

  His eyes widened and the vein on his neck stood out. “I know exactly what I want out of my life…” He hesitated, as if he wanted to say more but didn’t. “I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but—”

  “Yes, I need some time and space. I need to clear my dad’s name. Focus on the Inn. And this…this thing between us…it just doesn’t work for me.”

  He shook his head. “Come on, you don’t mean that.”

  He cupped her hand again, but Lisa shook him off and her voice cracked. “But I do.” She swiped at her eyes, trying to hide the tears from him, and stood up.

  Peter’s face tightened. “Don’t run, we can work this out.”

  But Lisa just shook her head, turned, and walked toward the Inn. “Lisa…” he called after her, his voice rough and demanding.

  But Lisa didn’t care; she had to get away from him. Now. How did it happen that her life had turned from okay into a total shit-show in a matter of weeks?

  28

  “Finally, girls, I thought this would never happen.” Julie plonked down at their table and then giggled at Lisa’s and Claire’s guilty faces.

  Lisa folded her arms across her chest and leaned back. “We made it, didn’t we.” There had been so much going on—they had postponed this get-together at the Black Cat Café twice already.

  Julie just smiled and waved her off. “I completely understand. I just couldn’t resist the jab. Taking over the Inn in mid-season, with no time for preparation or planning, must’ve been hard, on top of everything else that happened.”

  “It is, but we also absolutely love it. Being our own boss, making all the decisions. It’s exactly what we always wanted,” Claire answered.

  The tightness in Lisa’s chest, that seemed to be a constant companion these days, released slightly. At least this part of her life was running smoothly. The partnership with Claire had been easy. Sometime in the last months they had established a routine. Claire was manning the kitchen and Lisa manning the front desk and all the bookkeeping. Luckily, her parents had hired old Mrs. Connor who had cleaned the guest rooms, and she’d agreed to stay on. She was a widow, and a bit chatty, but her work ethics made up for it.

  Some guests had left them early when the FBI showed up, but despite this, there was a steady stream of guests over the summer.

  So business was good, Claire, and her had faced all obstacles together, and Lisa was still excited when she woke up every day.

  Holly served the table next to them before she hugged and kissed Julie and took her order. “I’ll be with you as soon as I can, but today is kinda crazy.” With that Holly flitted across the room to serve another group of people who’d just entered. The summer rain really brought the people in.

  “I’m thinking of quitting my job,” Julie said.

  Lisa stopped her coffee midair. As far as she knew, Julie worked as a physical therapist in Whitebrook.

  “Quit being a PT? What do you want to do instead?” Lisa asked.

  “No, not exactly quit being a PT. I never intended to stay at my job in Whitebrook long-term. I wanted to go on, maybe work for a professional sports team, something like that. But now. I like it here. I have friends here. I don’t want to leave Moon Lake and I would have to leave, to get that kind of job. So, as an alternative, I thought about opening my own PT center. Right here in Moon Lake.”

  Lisa hesitated. Moon Lake was small—tiny. It would be tough making it work. She looked at Julie who picked at the cuticle of her left thumb and bit her lip.

  It was a rare moment to see Julie unsure of anything. Usually she was a force of nature, even as a kid. Sweet and likable, but relentless. If anyone could make it work, it was her.

  So Lisa broke out in a grin, stood up, and hugged Julie, while Claire did something resembling a motivational squeal, that ended in an awkward squeak.

  “You go, girl.” Lisa slumped back into her own seat. “If this is your dream, you should totally go for it.”

  “What did I miss?” Holly hurried to their table and put her mug and a tray of goodies on their table. “I always miss the good stuff, don’t I? I planned to have the afternoon off, I swear, but she’s new and easily frightened”—she pointed with her thumb at the new waitress behind the counter—“and I tried to not scare her away in her second week.”

  “I didn’t know you got help.” Lisa looked at the little elf, with huge, fearful eyes. Maybe being a barista wasn’t the right choice for her. She looked more like a librarian, maybe a kindergarten teacher.

  “Yep. I really hope it works out. I really like Wendi. So, the good stuff?” Holly raised her left eyebrow and looked at Julie.

  “I’m thinking about opening my own physical therapy center in Moon Lake,” Julie answered, with her voice still wavering.

  Holly eyes sparkled an
d her mouth split into a wide grin. “That’s great—more power to Moon Lake. Look at us, bringing business to town.”

  They all chuckled.

  “And, the news about Peter and Lisa?” Holly looked at Lisa expectantly who clenched her jaw. “What? Please share.” Holly made a puppy face. “I need a little adventure in my life and you two are the talk of town. Well, you and Peter…and the other stuff.”

  Her chest tightened back up. There was just no escaping it.

  “What? Did I say something wrong?” Holly’s eyes moved from Lisa to Claire to Julie and back to Lisa. “Of course, the other stuff isn’t true. I met your father. He’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and the FBI will soon realize their mistake.”

  Lisa squeezed Holly’s hand on the table. It was true. Why did she always expect people to think the worst? Oh yeah, right. Because someone she needed on her side more than anything declared it was up to the law to decide. Fuck him.

  “So-o, the two of you?” Holly waggled her eyebrows. “The whole town is happy for the two of you.”

  Argh. So now the whole town was talking about them? Lisa wished they would just stay out of it and mind their own business. God, she had forgotten how bad living in a small town was. No anonymity and no escape, and nothing remained private.

  Lisa’s breath caught in her lungs and she deliberately stared at her hands in her lap. She still wasn’t sure about her feelings. The only thing she was sure of, was that she was confused, and lonely, and hurting. She hadn’t slept a minute since the moment Peter left. And he hadn’t called. “We’re not in a good place right now.”

  “What!” The simultaneous answer of Holly, Claire, and Julie, and their outraged faces nearly made Lisa chuckle, but at the same time tears gathered behind her eyelids.

  “What did he do?”

  “What an ass.”

  “What a jerk.”

  “Men are assholes.”

  Lisa shrugged her shoulder. “I think I broke up with him yesterday,” she clarified. Yes, he was all that, but he wasn’t the only one to blame. She’d had a lot of time to think about their last conversation during her sleepless night. Yes, she wanted a man who was loyal to her, who would protect her and love her. But did she really want someone who didn’t take a stand for the things he believed in? Even if the things he believed in wasn’t the things she wanted to hear?