Death Makes A Mistake
Page 3
am Death!"
"Death!" Reggie echoed. For an instant he stared blankly at Mr. Demise."Death!" he repeated. "Why that's the most ridiculous thing I've everheard." He actually felt a sensation of relief in the realization thathe'd been entertaining some loony instead of an Axis agent as he'dfeared. "You're off your trolley," he said to Mr. Demise. "You'd betterget moving before your keeper finds you. Death! What a gag!"
"I assure you it is not a gag," Mr. Demise said slowly. "Your time isnear at hand and I have been sent to take you to the land of Darkness."
"Think again, chum," Reggie said emphatically. "I'm not going to Harlemwith you or anyone else and that's final."
"It is useless to protest," Mr. Demise said. "Your destiny is sealed.You must come with me."
"You are plain balmy," Reggie said. "I've never heard a sillier yarn inmy life. So you're Death, are you?"
Mr. Demise nodded. "I am one of his agents."
"Changing your story a little, aren't you?" Reggie said triumphantly."Well, since when has Death been announced by personal messengers? A mansteps in front of a car. He's killed. That's all there is to it. Therearen't little black men standing on the curb pushing him into thestreet, are there? And they don't come around a couple of hours inadvance tipping him off, do they? No!"
"When a mortal passes over," Mr. Demise said, "there is always an agentof Death present superintending the details. But he is not alwaysvisible to his charge."
Reggie poured himself a drink and lit a cigarette.
"Well, thanks just the same," he said, "but I don't want any specialeffects when I pass over. If there's a messenger of Death around I don't_want_ to see him. Just let him stay invisible. That's the way I wantit."
Mr. Demise looked slightly pained. There was an embarrassed look on hisnormally expressionless features.
"Usually the agent of Death is invisible," he said. "In fact his ordersare to remain invisible under all circumstances."
"Okay then," Reggie said. "You're breaking orders. Be a nice obedientchum now and fade away."
Mr. Demise shrugged and stepped backward--_and suddenly he was gone_! Hehad disappeared into thin air, soundlessly, instantaneously.
"Why what?" Reggie said blandly. He started to sip his drink whensuddenly the full realization of what had happened burst on him. Thedrink fell from his nerveless fingers with a crash.
He stared frantically about the room.
_Mr. Demise was gone!_ It was incredible! It was unbelievable! But itwas a fact!
He poured himself another drink and drained it in one breathless gulp.He felt his reason tottering as his gaze swung desperately about theroom.
"Mr. Demise!" he cried. "Come back! Where are you!"
"I am here before you," Mr. Demise's voice sounded in the air. "Are youconvinced now?"
Reggie mopped his forehead weakly.
"Yes," he gasped. "I'm convinced."
* * * * *
Mr. Demise reappeared as suddenly as he had vanished. He smiled faintlyat Reggie. He was apparently completely unruffled by his transformation.
Reggie poured himself another drink with trembling fingers.
"D-don't do that any more," he pleaded.
"As you wish," Mr. Demise said agreeably. "I am sorry if I shocked you.I can see now that it was a mistake to let you see me in the firstplace. I understand now why it is strictly forbidden."
Reggie drained his drink.
"I wish you hadn't decided to break regulations," he said moodily. "I'venever been so upset in all my life. Why didn't you remain invisible, ifyou're supposed to? You aren't going to creep into people's hearts ifyou pop up and announce yourself as an agent of Death and start makingspeeches about whisking them off to the Land of Darkness. People justdon't like that sort of thing. By all means stay invisible in thefuture."
Mr. Demise shuffled awkwardly and for the first time his poise seemeddeserting him.
"You're absolutely right," he said gloomily. "But I was curious."
"That's a fine excuse," Reggie said scathingly. "I should think they'dget a man of tact and diplomacy for your job. Not some nosy person whosecuriosity runs away with him."
"You see," Mr. Demise explained miserably, "you happened to be my firstassignment. I've had no experience at all in this work and I was curiousto see what kind of person I was going to take back with me. And Iwanted to get a first-hand reaction from you."
Reggie mixed himself another drink. He was beginning to feelbelligerent.
"So?" he cried. "They sent an amateur down to get me, did they? Isuppose I don't rate an experienced escort. So they sent you. I'msurprised they didn't just tell the office boy to do the job."
"Your levity is poor taste," Mr. Demise observed frigidly. "I can assureyou that I am perfectly qualified to act as your guide to the OtherWorld. I have studied hard to perfect myself for my work and I wasconsidered one of the outstanding pupils in the class which justgraduated. You do not have to relieve your spite by making slightingreferences to my professional ability."
"Bah!" Reggie said. "If you have any professional ability it hasn't beennoticeable so far. You're just out of some college, aren't you? You talklike a college boy. You don't make sense."
Mr. Demise looked hurt.
"I'm sorry you're taking this attitude," he said. "I had hoped we couldbe friends."
"Friends!" Reggie shrieked. "Am I expected to be friendly with someghoul who comes prowling around threatening to whisk me off to Eternity?What more do they expect of me? To pay my own way too, I suppose."
"Your passage will be taken care of at the other end," Mr. Demise said."Since you have taken such an ungracious stand we will not dallyfurther."
* * * * *
"Now wait a minute," Reggie said. He felt his throat getting dry. Theprospects of Death were not pleasant. He didn't want to die right now.He had things to do. There was that badminton match next week withSnuffy Smith....
"Can't we put this thing off a while?" he asked hopefully. "There's nosense in rushing things, I always say. Why don't you go off and getyourself a lot of experience and then come back for me?"
"That is impossible," Mr. Demise said flatly. He drew from his insidecoat pocket a slim black book which he opened to the first page. "Youare first on my list and I must carry out my orders to the letter. Allthe information as to person, place and method is contained in this bookand it would be impossible to change it."
"Place and method, eh?" Reggie said weakly. He ran a finger around theinside of his collar. "You mean you've got the dope there on how it'sgoing to happen and when it's going to happen?"
"Certainly," Mr. Demise replied. "We don't use a hit-or-miss method.Everything is worked out to a science. You, for instance, are--" Mr.Demise paused and shook his head. "No," he continued, "I can't tell you.That is also against instructions."
"You haven't paid much attention to instructions so far," Reggie saidsulkily. "Can't you give me a hint as to how I'm going to get it?"
Mr. Demise shook his head firmly.
"That would be an unthinkable breach of conduct," he said, shaking hishead severely and frowning. "Absolutely unthinkable."
"All right," Reggie said resignedly. There was no point, he realized, inarguing with this inhuman icicle. "But let's have a drink before we getdown to--er--business."
"I am not allowed to drink while on duty," Mr. Demise said primly.
"For gosh sakes," Reggie said disgustedly, "you weren't thinking aboutyour precious orders and regulations when you followed me around,scaring the hell out of me. Oh no! That was all right. But when I askyou to do a little something outside the letter of your instructionsit's no soap. If there's anything fair in that I can't see it."
Mr. Demise shuffled uncomfortably.
"It was indiscreet of me to allow you to see me," he said thoughtfully."Perhaps your objection is justifiable. It might square things a bit ifI would take a drink with you. Not that I would expect to enjoy thestuff
but it seems the fair thing to do."
"Fine," Reggie said.
He mixed two drinks in somber silence. Because he realized that it wasprobably the last time he would ever perform that pleasant chore, he puthis heart and soul into the