Conflicted (The Corded Saga Book 3)

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  She sounded like the old Quinn again. Careful but willing to face the truth.

  “As safe as anything can be now,” Bolton explained. “I’ll be right back.” He disappeared down the narrow hallway.

  “We won’t be under there forever. They will fight these intruders off.” Maverick stared up above the stairs to the trap door.

  “We’re not coming back.” There was no reason to pretend. “We all know that, so there is no reason to lie.”

  “We don’t know that for sure.” Maverick tore his eyes from the ceiling. “Nothing is for sure.”

  “You can say what you want, but you know the truth.” And I knew that once we left the compound, there was little chance Mason would find me again. I knew leaving was our only option, but that didn’t make it an easy one.

  “Believe what you want. I’d rather leave all options open.”

  “We’ve never had options.” I was being negative again. I couldn’t help it.

  “We’ll see how hard these tunnels are to navigate,” Bolton reappeared with a bulging bag on his shoulder.

  “We need to go.” Quinn stopped Bailey as she started to climb the stairs. “Waiting here is a big mistake.”

  “Agreed.” I adjusted Faith in my arms. She was squirming, wanting to be down on the ground with her cousin, but that couldn’t happen yet.

  “I wish I knew what was happening,” Quinn asked quietly. “How far do you think the fire has spread?”

  I thought of the flames. They had only been in the distance when we’d grabbed the girls, but the smoke was heavy by the time we slipped into the boathouse.

  “That depends.” Maverick held out his hands as if offering to take Faith.

  I shook my head. I was fine holding her.

  “Depends on what?” Quinn asked.

  “The wind. How many places they started it.” Maverick didn’t need to explain who he meant by they. They meant Ramona and the others. This was all part of the plan. Leave nothing for Central to take. I understood it, but it was beyond depressing. It meant giving up. And it proved my point. We were never coming back.

  “Do you think burning everything helps?” Quinn scooped up Bailey.

  “Not really. Nothing at the camp is valuable to them, aside from the women and children,” Bolton moved his bag to his other shoulder.

  “Nothing valuable,” I muttered. “The orchards. The fields. There is so much value.”

  “Not to them.” Bolton’s eyes were dark. “Central only has one goal.”

  “Immortality.” That revelation was still a hard one to wrap my mind around. It made sense, but it was so unbelievably selfish—it underscored just how corrupt the government had become.

  “Exactly. Accepting that is our only chance of outsmarting them.” Bolton eyed the stairs. “And we need to get moving. No one else is coming.”

  “How do we know? Should we send someone else to check? What if it was a false alarm and we’re leaving for nothing? What if they stopped the fire?” Quinn rattled off question after question.

  “Someone meaning me?” Bolton eyed her skeptically. “Trying to get rid of me, Quinn?”

  “This is no time to joke.” Quinn set Bailey down but held her arm.

  “Did I say I was joking?” Bolton put a hand to his chest.

  “What about Ramona?” I worried about all those we were leaving behind, but it seemed especially wrong to leave without the leader. She wasn’t particularly mobile.

  “She’d rather go down with the camp than leave,” Bolton said resolutely. “She will be the last to leave.”

  “We can’t leave an old woman here to die,” Maverick appeared torn.

  Bolton shot him an annoyed look. “Who says she is going to die? Ramona is more resourceful than you give her credit for. There are other entrances to these tunnels.”

  “Why don’t you want to go back?” Quinn inclined her head to the side.

  “Because I’d rather the four of you not get caught. I risked a lot saving Kayla and getting her to you.”

  “He’s right,” Maverick pointed out. “We’ve all sacrificed a lot. You all the most. We need to stick to the plan.”

  “The plan.” I brushed my braid off my shoulder. “The plan to run and hide.” The plan with nearly no details. “I know we need to do this, but it goes against everything.”

  “Except that little girl in your arms.” He pointed to Faith.

  “Even Quinn feels strange about this.” I suppose I shouldn’t have used the word even. It wasn’t fair. But if Quinn was questioning our decision, it wasn’t nearly as clear-cut as they wanted us to believe.

  “Even me?” Quinn raised an eyebrow. “I won’t read into what that is implying.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  She smiled. “Yes, I do.”

  “So where does that leave us now?” Bolton tightened his grip on the strap of his bag. “Are you ready to move? Sitting here isn’t safe.”

  “We need weapons.” No weapons we had would help us if we ran into actual Central militia, but that didn’t mean we had to go in defenseless. “There have to be some reserve weapons down here.”

  “What do you think I have in here?” Bolton lifted the strap.

  I eyed the large bag. “Hand it out.”

  “You are holding enough already.”

  He was right. Holding weapons while holding Faith was a bad idea. “Fine. Let’s go.”

  “Even if we don’t know where we are going…” Quinn trailed off.

  “Exactly. Because we don’t.”

  Eight

  Faith

  I knew all the stories by heart. My mother and aunt had told them to us so many times. I even knew the proper times to add inflection to my voice. By the time I was eight I was so sick of hearing them I’d daydream instead of listen, but I knew better than to interrupt or voice my boredom. Some things would never be forgiven.

  Yet ten years later I would have given anything to hear my mother tell the stories again. To hear her voice. To see her face even for an instant. But to do so would be to give up something else, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.

  “Is that what you’re wearing?” Bailey gave me a sidelong glance when I walked into her room. The room was an exact replica of my own. Small and square. Just like the dozens of other small square rooms that made up our wing of the dormitory. I’d never been inside the other wings filled with the younger girls, but I was quite certain they would look the same. The same gray carpet and stark white walls. The same deep blue bedspread with white sheets and a thin, feather-filled pillow.

  “What’s wrong with it?” I looked down at my modest navy dress. “You act as though I’m wearing dirty clothes.” In fact, I’d showered, brushed out my oftentimes unruly dark hair, and even brushed on lip gloss.

  “But that shade of blue?” She held up the hem of her soft pink dress as she swayed in front of the full-length mirror. “This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Not a sad one.”

  “And wearing a navy dress means I’m sad?” I knew she was only making excuses to get me to wear something frilly, but I wasn’t going to make it easy on her.

  “If you want to wear blue, I have a few dresses that would work better. I keep telling you to enjoy the fact that we’re the same size.”

  “I don’t want to borrow a dress. I want to wear this one.” I tried to keep the anger out of my voice, but I was losing patience.

  “Do you get some sort of obscene pleasure out of being difficult?” She took a seat at the edge of her neatly made bed.

  “Obscene pleasure? No. A small amount of pleasure. Sure. But I’m not being difficult. I love this dress.” I ran my fingers over the simple embroidery of one of the straps.

  “Oh.” All color drained from her face. “Right. Your mom made that for you.”

  “She did. And you know she isn’t one to make dresses.” In fact, this was one of the only ones she made. She gave it to me before I entered the dormitory. Her eyes had been pooling with t
ears, but she’d worn a twisted smile. Her making the dress was part inside-joke. An inside joke I’d never shared with my cousin.

  “No. That was usually my mom’s thing…” she trailed off. Although Bailey liked to pretend she didn’t mind being in the dormitory, she’d had a harder time with it initially. She’d quickly put her rose-colored glasses on, but there was a short period of time when they slipped off and she’d let her true feelings show.

  “So, is this dress good enough for you? Can we go to this wondrously exciting event now?” I wouldn’t let things get to me any more than they already had. It was time. I was strong enough to handle anything.

  She smoothed out her dress. “If you go in with that attitude you will have a terrible time.”

  “If I go in with any attitude I’ll have a terrible time. I don’t want to go. It’s an absolutely ridiculous tradition that needs to disappear.” I straightened my shoulders. I tended to hunch over when I was stressed, and that only showed fear. I refused to show how I felt.

  “It’s already disappearing. It’s now only every three years. You’re lucky your eighteenth birthday lined up with a ball year.”

  “Lucky. Yes. That’s the word.” I fought the urge to roll my eyes. That always annoyed her.

  “If you maintain a positive attitude, you may just surprise yourself.”

  And it was time for brutal honesty. “You know I would be okay if you left.”

  “I know you would be, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you.”

  “Why not?” I brushed my hair away from my face. “I want you to be happy, and if partnering off with someone is going to make you happy, you should do it.” I didn’t really think she’d find happiness that way, but who was I to tell her what she wanted or needed? I didn’t want her doing it to me, so I couldn’t do it to her.

  She stood and walked toward me. “We are supposed to stay together.”

  “But we can’t stay together, and both have the happiness we want. There is no way.”

  “Yes, there is.” She took my hands in hers. “We just need to end up with friends. Or even brothers. That’s possible.”

  I didn’t want to destroy her optimism, but I didn’t believe in sugar coating anything. Especially not the bad. No matter what you wrapped around a pill, it was still medicine. “Bailey, you aren’t getting it. I don’t want to be with anyone. I want to remain on my own. Wanting independence isn’t a bad thing. I’m not weak or somehow unworthy because of it.”

  “But the future…” she trailed off again. She was doing that more and more often now.

  “There are plenty of others to see to that. Plus, I can contribute in other ways.” I was worth more than my potential reproductive capacity. Considering what our moms had lived through, Bailey should have understood that, but sometimes it’s impossible to change someone’s mind.

  “They’ll never let you out of here unless you agree to a match. And if you get out you can see your parents.” And she went straight for the jugular so to speak.

  “How do we know? How do we know they are even still out there? We know nothing.” And I wasn’t going to trust blindly in anything.

  “I’m not telling you that you have to fall in love with someone. Let’s be real. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find someone you like well enough and that can get you out of here. You don’t want to stay in the Glen forever.” Bailey was changing tactics.

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I know you. I know you are bored with this life.”

  “I am not bored. I’m stir-crazy. There’s a big difference.” I eyed the tiny window on the other side of the room. It was dark outside, so I couldn’t see anything through it, yet I longed to slip through it into the night. Why weren’t we born with wings? It would have made life a whole lot easier.

  Bailey followed my gaze but didn’t comment. “Big difference or not, both would be helped if you were able to leave.”

  “Maybe.” I knew she was right, but that didn’t mean I was going to do this on anyone else’s terms.

  She put her hands on my shoulders. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

  “I’m not afraid,” I shot off immediately while tearing my eyes from the window.

  “You’re afraid of what happens when we get out of here. Of what happens when we see our parents again.”

  “I’m not afraid.” The words felt strange coming from my mouth even though they were words I used often enough.

  “It’s okay to be afraid. It’s normal.”

  “But I’m not afraid,” I argued, feeling the threat of tears building behind my eyes.

  “It doesn’t matter. We’re going.”

  “Then I’m wearing this.” I ran my fingers over the flutter sleeve of my dress.

  “Wear that. It doesn’t matter. At least you made an effort.”

  “I made a real effort,” I mumbled.

  “I heard that.”

  “So? How is you hearing that a bad thing?”

  “I don’t know. You tell me. You were the one who mumbled.”

  “Nothing. Forget I said anything…” Bailey wasn’t the only one taken to trailing off lately.

  Nine

  Quinn

  The tunnels were far worse than I’d expected. I’d prepared myself for the darkness and heat, but I hadn’t prepared myself for the sensation of being trapped. Or the flashbacks. Even my always prepared sister felt it too.

  “This was a mistake.” Maverick was the first one to voice it out loud.

  “You think?” Kayla mumbled.

  “You are forgetting the alternative.” Bolton pushed on ahead. He seemed to be the only one of us not affected by our decision to leave. He kept on moving forward, only pausing when we reached a new fork in the tunnels. Unfortunately, we’d hit quite a few of them.

  Eventually, the girls had fallen silent. Bailey walked right beside me. Faith clung to Kayla. She wouldn’t let anyone else hold her. I had the idle thought about how she’d be when she finally met her father, whether she’d warm to him, but I kept it to myself. There was absolutely no reason to upset Kayla more than she already was.

  “Yet the alternative may be far better than this.” We didn’t know what we’d left behind. That was the problem. We’d left in fear, the way we always left, but it was sloppy, and it was dangerous.

  “Yes, because you wanted me to be the sacrificial lamb and go out and check,” Bolton called over his shoulder. “I know why you suggested that, Quinn.”

  “You don’t.” I knew what he was implying. “Don’t get confused here. I don’t hate you.”

  “But you wish I weren’t around.” Bolton kept trudging forward.

  “That’s not true either.” I was too tired for this argument. “Don’t pretend to understand me.”

  “Okay. That’s enough.” Maverick put his hands out, one toward each of us.

  “No. It’s not.” Bolton stopped. “It’s not enough.”

  “What do you want me to say?” If I wasn’t careful I was going to say something I regretted.

  “I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to understand that I’m not going anywhere. And I want you to understand that you should be thanking me for saving Kayla, not punishing me for loving her.”

  “Loving her?” I gasped. Had he really said those words out loud?

  “Yes. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

  “Let’s keep moving.” Kayla adjusted Faith in her arms, making sure she was mostly on her hip. I was sure her arms and back were aching, but I didn’t offer to hold Faith again.

  “That’s all you are going to say?” Bolton wrung his hands at his sides. Maybe the tunnels were getting to him too. Or maybe he was finally facing reality.

  “What is it you want to hear?” Kayla looked right at him, looking deep into his eyes.

  Bolton shook his head. “I can’t even with you two.”

  “Then don’t.” I shrugged.

  “I’m not leaving.”

  “T
hen what’s the point of being so argumentative?” We were wasting our breath and our energy.

  “You tried to get me to leave. I’m trying to help all of you, yet you are trying to get rid of me.” His eyes were wide, but there was no anger. Just hurt.

  I did my best to deescalate the situation. “In the end, only two lives here matter. We all know whose they are.”

  “It’s not only their lives that matter.” Maverick watched me carefully. “Please remember that.”

  “But they have to come first. They are so young.”

  “As are you.” Maverick lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I’m not picking sides here. I’m not agreeing with Bolton, but right now we need to stick together. We have no idea what we’re going to face next.”

  “Or how we are getting out of here.” Kayla slipped around the still frozen Bolton and took the lead.

  “You shouldn’t be first. At least not if you are holding Faith.” I added that part before she could snap at me about underestimating her.

  “Faith doesn’t want to be held by anyone else.” Kayla sped up. So much for listening to me.

  “I don’t see why Kayla can’t lead.” Bolton stayed right behind her.

  “See that’s my problem with you. You don’t care.”

  “No, I put my trust in Kayla. As you should too.” He didn’t even turn around.

  “Stop!” Kayla snapped. “Stop this now. Do any of you actually want to get out of here? Because I do! We’ve been down here for hours. What happens if it becomes days? Weeks? Sure, we have food for now, but it can’t last forever. We need to keep moving.”

  “You’re right.” I knew she was correct. Anything I needed to say to Bolton could be said later. “Let’s go.”

  We continued through the tunnels. I tried to ignore the uncomfortable tightness in my chest. I ended up carrying Bailey most of the time. She was getting heavier, but she was my daughter. I would do what I had to for her.

  “You know I can hold her. She doesn’t mind.” Maverick put a gentle hand on my arms.

  “I know that.”

  “Then why haven’t you asked me to?”