Tournament of Supervillainy

by Phipps, C. T.

  I just didn’t know how I was going to do it.

  “You have a small measure of my respect, Merciless,” Entropicus said, looking down. “You are willing to die and send the entire universe careening to its doom for the momentary salvation of your pride. That is delicious hubris.”

  “Eh, I’m the most expendable one,” I said, triple checking my battle strategy. I had no idea if it would work but it was all I had. “After all, you have to live long enough to make a wish after all this.”

  “Which is why I have my people prepared to massacre Guinevere and Ultragoddess when you die but before they regain their powers.”

  Ouch. That was definitely a downside of my plan. “Why do you even want to destroy the universe? Just between you and me before we fight for the wish.”

  “It is my nature.”

  “You realize a Primal named Destruction isn’t going to just let you rule over the afterlife, right? Death is a transition but oblivion is an ending. He’s going to want the destruction of everything everywhere.”

  “I think I know the being a bit better than you.”

  “Who can know the mind of gods? After all, we’re only human.”

  Entropicus’ eyes glowed. “I am going to break you.”

  “Bring it, Ivan Drago.”

  Cindy’s cellphone started playing, “Anarchy in the UK” by the Sex Pistols. It was a song more traditionally associated with the Trenchcoat Magician than me but Mandy, the real Mandy, had done a cover of if called “Anarchy in Falconcrest City.” I promised myself I would listen to it once this was done.

  “Begin!” Entropocius shouted, his eyes glowing and shooting out a pair of Hate Beams powered by all the despair and anger of Abaddon fused into physical form.

  The Shield Perilous, which I’d hidden over my arm with petty illusions reinforced by the Century Box, blocked the Hate Beams as I created a cone of refraction that sent them spiraling back into Entropicus himself. The blast struck him in the chest, sending him back only a couple of feet.

  “Clever,” Entropicus said, before smashing his fist down into the ground and sending the ground up beneath me in an explosion of rubble.

  Entropicus moved with blinding speed, pounding me in the chest and face with a series of brutal punches that would have liquefied me if I wasn’t empowered by the Ultra-Force. He then grabbed me by the head and I slipped out from his grasp behind him.

  “You cannot use the power of Death against me,” Entropicus snarled, turning around faster than I could attack him.

  “Not using it on you,” I said, vanishing into the dirt beneath him. “Using it on me!”

  Entropicus could and would have ripped out the ground then and there but, instead, ended up being attacked by a flying construct of Ultragoddess. I felt my mind merge with hers, which was very awkward to say the least, as the two of us began pounding away at the God of Evil. Gabrielle was faster, stronger, and a better fighter than I could ever be. She was also a better fighter than Ultragod himself, having learned from the best in the Society.

  Unfortunately, being a construct limited her to just rely on punches, blocks, kicks, and jumps. I’d brought out our biggest gun at the start, which was possibly a mistake, but I wanted to weaken Entropicus enough that everyone afterward would have a chance.

  “You assume there’s going to be anyone afterward,” Gabrielle said, in my thoughts. “You should have a little faith in me, Gary.”

  “I have more faith in you than anyone else alive,” I thought back through Jane’s telepathy. “Especially now.”

  “I know who your wife, I mean, your fake wife is,” Gabrielle thought back. I could feel her emotions that were a mixture of excitement, happiness, shock, and shame. She knew I’d been deceived into loving a woman who wasn’t Mandy. Hell, technically, I’d been married to the Fake Mandy longer than my actual wife—but there was a feeling of affection there that made me mad. Apparently, Gabrielle had difficulty turning her back on her friends, even when they committed awful crimes.

  I’d never thought I would be unhappy about that.

  “Focus on the fight, please,” I said, hoping she could succeed against Entropicus. “Please.”

  Ultragoddess leapt into the air and slammed down Entropicus against the ground, only for him to grab her by the neck then slam her in the chest with a glowing fist. I tried to absorb the pain of the attack but that just caused her construct form to become less and less stable. Entropicus then blasted her in the face with his Hell Beams before tearing the construct apart. I heard Gabrielle scream as I felt it alongside her.

  Our psychic connection broken.

  “Is she alright?” I asked Jane.

  “Yeah, just unconscious,” Jane said, through our bond. “Actually, being unconscious is really bad for you and if you don’t—”

  “I know,” I thought back.

  Entropicus started blasting through the ground with his eye beams before I struggled to concentrate on creating another construct. Guinevere arrived moments later and I pulled upwards long enough to give her Caliburn and the Shield Perilous. I didn’t want to share my mind with her and every bit we did was embarrassing as well as uncomfortable but she put a heavy pounding on Entropicus while I hid away from the battle field.

  In a way, I was grateful for all the beatdowns I’d received as it allowed me to concentrate despite the immense amount of pain I suffered with every blow. Guinevere’s movements were even faster than Ultragoddess but our connection was weaker. Still, she managed to hold up against Entropicus for almost a minute and a half. Then he grabbed her hand, reversed it, then stabbed with Caliburn through the construct’s nonexistent heart. What followed was him decapitating the construct with a backhand.

  “Son of a bitch!” I said, hiding underneath the throne.

  The pain was agonizing.

  “Gary, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to maintain this,” Jane muttered.

  “You’re feeling it too?” I asked.

  “Fraid so,” Jane muttered. “It’s like being attacked by a cougar.”

  “An attractive older woman?”

  “Shut up, Gary. I can only do one more,” Jane grunted.

  “Century Box, how much damage have we done to Entropicus?” I asked, hoping it was good news. “Frame it like a health bar.”

  “23% of the damage necessary to disable him has been done,” the Century Box said.

  “Well, shit,” I said, feeling Entropicus coming over. “This plan was not a good one.”

  “Affirmative,” the Century Box said.

  I had to make a decision. Using the Ultra-Force was like making an illusion with magic, a skill I knew a bit about. You created the image in your mind then poured your energy into it. That was the reason why I was able to create the constructs, even though I doubted I would have been able to manage them nearly as well without their hosts working through me. I was pushing the rules to the limit for this tournament but would have to push them even farther.

  “Let’s hope this works,” I said, feeling Entropicus right over me. “Sorry, Jane.”

  I projected my plan to her.

  “I’d say I’m surprised it’s crazy but I’m not,” Jane said. “When this is over, you’re going to have to buy me a forest.”

  I was about to be torn apart by Entropicus when the alien god was smashed by a glowing golden deer who transformed into an Ultra-Force Jane before she unleashed a lightning kick. No sooner did Entropicus lift his fist to crush her, he was stabbed in the back by a glowing construct of Cassius. Then dozens of glowing Ultra-Force bullets slammed into his chest as G started attacking him with two pistols.

  What followed took every single bit of my concentration and will to keep all three of their constructs in existence. I was generally impressed with how fast and capable the three of them were. Jane summoned her own magic to fight, throwing lightning and white magic, before moving fast enough to dodge Entropicus’ counter attacks. Cassius fired glowing blasts of Ultra-Force from his fake pi
stol and actually managed to deflect another Hate Beams blast into Entropicus’ face. G fought like a John Woo character, moving faster than Entropicus’ fists or kicks. Skill was serving as the perfect counterpart to Entropicus’ skill.

  “57% done,” the Century Box said.

  “Yes!” I said.

  Then Entropicus grabbed G by the face and crushed it, destroying his construct. He then fired his Hate Beams, let Cassius dodge it, and then turned the blasts around in mid-air to striking Cassius from behind. Entropicus proceeded to stomp on Star Count’s head, destroying his construct. The pain of having my head crushed almost severed my connection with Jane.

  “This isn’t working!” Jane shouted in my head.

  “Have faith!” I shouted, levitating out of the ground.

  Jane did a backflip over Entropicus’ back and grabbed up Caliburn, charging at him with the blade that had inflicted a genuine wound to his back. “Die you son of a bitch.”

  Then Jane’s construct exploded as Entropicus punched through her chest and out the other side. I lost all contact with her. I had no idea if any of them were alive, some of them, or all of them. Entropicus had smashed the hell out of my allies and I had no more tricks up my sleeves.

  “I am now officially out of patience,” Entropicus said, turning around to face me.

  I came out of the ground, standing there in my insubstantial form. “Well, that’s just too bad. I’ll find a way to take you down, even if I have to sacrifice my powers.”

  I was relying on my insubstantiality exclusively now. There was nothing I could do to him that would even pierce his skin. Still, there was nothing Entropicus could do to me until I turned substantial again.

  “You don’t have any time left,” Entropicus said, turning his hand substantial and grabbing me by the cloak before pulling me forward to his face.

  “Ah,” I said, realizing how screwed I was. “My insubstantiality works on Ringwraith rules where everything insubstantial is solid to each other.”

  “I’m afraid so,” Entropicus said, his eyes glowing as he turned insubstantial too. “Goodbye, Merciless.”

  I used the Ultra-Force to fling Caliburn at Entropicus. Entropicus dropped me then grabbed the sword in midair, catching it in his palms.

  “Shatter,” Entropicus said, his voice full of inhuman power and unnatural energy.

  Caliburn, one of the Great Relics and the only weapon in this dimension that could hurt him, shattered.

  “Oh hell,” I said, looking at that.

  “Yes,” Entropicus said, grabbing me by the throat then slamming my body into the pavement of the ground. He then grabbed me by the leg and smashed me against the ground back and forth like a doll held by a toddler.

  “Fu…” I said, my head banging from the horrific beating I was getting.

  “I was honestly expecting more,” Entropicus said, looking down. “Even at the end, you tried to rely on the power of others.”

  “It’s called having friends, jackass,” I said, through a mouth of broken teeth and blood.

  “Yes, I remember having friends,” Entropicus said, walking over to me before taking my arm and breaking it in one easy gesture. “You know what friends do, Gary? They die. They betray you. They let you down or they forget you when you’re no longer providing them amusement. In the end, you can only rely on yourself.”

  Entropicus then lifted me up one last time and hurled me in the air before blasting me with his Hate Beams full on.

  I caught fire.

  Then fell to the ground, landing with a thud.

  I was surprised to find myself anywhere after it happened, especially since all the pain was gone from my body and it seemed I was healed. I found myself in a sunny bright field with Douglas firs nearby and a light mist pouring down from the clouds above.

  “So, I failed,” I said, face down in the mud.

  “Not quite,” a voice that was surprisingly nasal and obnoxious sounding, spoke above me. “I mean, yes, you’re probably going to die horribly but the Level 15 Invulnerability you’ve inherited from Guinevere and Gabrielle as Ultra-Merciless. You were a limited edition release as the character in Amazing! Cards Universe and a lot of people thought you were overpowered but it’s the best use I could get out of your deck.”

  I blinked, trying to process the sentence that I had just heard. Rolling over on the ground, I found myself across from a chunky white man with a reversed baseball cap, shorts, and a t-shirt that showed the line, “DungeonCon 1999.” He was redheaded goatee and was chowing down on a bag of Mercitos.

  “Don’t take this the wrong way but aren’t you the guy who ran the comic book store nearby my house in New Angeles?”

  “I am, indeed,” the man said, crunching away. “I ran said establishment for the purposes of safe guarding our cultural heritage of toys, video games, and comic books. It was an island of geek heritage in a sea of Philistines who did not appreciate the intricacies of the medium.”

  “If I’m dead, you’re not exactly who I expected to see,” I said, staring at him. “You know, since I actually know Death.”

  “I’m not Death,” the man said. “I’m her brother, Destruction.”

  There was a short pause before I responded. “Yeah, not what I was expecting.”

  “So, I have been told. However, if it benefits you, I should note that I take the appearance of what your feeble mortal brain can process of my true form.”

  “But you ran a comic book store in the suburbs of California’s largest yes.”

  “Yes.”

  I pulled myself up. “Aren’t you the person behind Entropicus?”

  “He perceives me as a nine-dimensional eldritch horror that consumes universes, rends souls, and is made of black holes.”

  “Yeah, I feel a little cheated here.”

  “That’s to your deterrent not mine,” Destruction said. “I’ve brought you here to have a conversation regarding the stakes of your fight with Entropicus before the second round where you probably will lose. Probably but not necessarily.”

  “You have a higher opinion of my chances than I do.” I shook my head. “Wait a damn minute, aren’t you the guy who is trying to obliterate the universe?”

  “No, not at all. You misjudged me a great deal, Merciless. I hate my job and want to change the nature of it.”

  “What?”

  “I want to stop destruction. I want to make it so that the stories I like are repeated endlessly and preserved for future generations across countless realities. Ultragod vs. Entropicus, you versus the Typewriter, Guinevere versus Morgana Le Fae, and all your new friend’s battles like the little deer girl versus the baby killing dryad.”

  “Baby killing dryad?” I asked, before shaking my head. “Wait, my fight against the Typewriter is my iconic conflict? That guy?”

  “I think you’re better as a street-level protagonist than all the cosmic battles you’ve been fighting lately.”

  “How is eradicating the multiverse going to help with the fact you apparently love to play games with mortal heroes and villains?”

  “Getting rid of the other Primals will allow me to make the universe as it should be.”

  “I’ve known you like a minute and a half and I’m pretty sure you’re even less qualified to reboot the universe than I am.”

  “You may change your mind when you explore my realm.”

  “Don’t have time for that.” Mind you, encounters with gods generally took as long as they deemed fit.

  “Even to meet your actual wife?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  THE VALUE OF CONTINUITY

  I stared at Destruction with a dangerous expression on my face. “You know, Entropicus may have cut me down a few pegs and pointed out I’m not nearly as dangerous as I seem but I am not in the mood to have anyone joke about my wife. God or not, I will kick your ass if you bring up Mandy again.”

  “The real Mandy,” Destruction said, simply. “Is here, in Limbo.”

  “Limbo,”
I said, blinking. “Jewish people don’t believe in Limbo.”

  “They also don’t believe Samael is a hot Goth chick but you still see my sister as that,” Destruction replied. “Limbo is the realm between the land of the gods and the world of mortals. It’s the place I store the souls of those who I’m not done with.”

  “Not done with?” I asked, each word bitterer than the last.

  Destruction held out his hands. “Death’s hold over mortals is something I’ve struggled with for many years and have almost always won against. You saw how I brought Guinevere back from the dead a few minutes ago. I’ll do the same to Stephen, Moses, and Lancel eventually but I want to experiment a bit first. Maybe have a female Prismatic Commando or have four Ultragods that all turn out to be imposters. Two of them could be cyborgs!”

  I stared at him. “Lancel Warren is dead, so is Moses Anders. I thought I brought Mandy back from the dead but I didn’t.”

  Destruction threw out his arms. “Yes, silly, I still need the illusion of change. Death should appear threatening even if the only people who will stay dead are the uninteresting ones. But come now, haven’t you noticed your villains have a distressing habit of returning?”

  “I assumed there was no more room in hell,” I muttered, wanting to throttle the man with my bare hands.

  Destruction gave a rictus grin that managed to be terrifying despite the fact he looked like the guy who manned the register after midnight at my local big box store. “You can’t have conflict if you don’t have opposing sides. Good guys, bad guys, it’s like shirts versus kins. You can’t have one without the other.”

  “I’m pretty sure you can. It just means a really nice place versus a shitty one.”

  Destruction gave a dismissive wave. “Come now, Gary, you know I’m right.”

  “If you’re right, why the hell did that imposter fill my bed!” I said, snarling and getting up before coming right up to Destruction’s face.