The Devil You Know

by Sophia Holloway

  ‘He told me you helped him in his darkest time. You told me you were selfish, my lord, but in that at least you showed yourself the reverse.’ She turned, and looked up at him, a little shyly and with a hint of what he thought was, inexplicably, fear.

  ‘What is it, Kitty? What makes you put distance between us? My reputation still?’ He stepped quite close, and she looked away.

  ‘It was you who put the distance, my lord, all the miles between Melling Hall and London.’

  ‘Yes. I am not proud of it, but I did, and I did it because you, the recovering wraith, bored me. That is the plain truth. I did not blame you; I believed it to be the consequence of illness, not your character, but I was bored, and I am, really, very selfish.’ His hand slid up her arm. ‘You have not bored me this evening. You would not bore me tonight.’ He leaned, and kissed her beneath her left ear. ‘Must I wait, Kitty?’ he whispered. ‘I do not want to wait.’

  His breath was warm and caressing against her neck, and part of her wanted nothing more than to give in to his seduction. He wanted her; it might only be now, and because of an enjoyable evening and, perhaps, enforced celibacy, but he did want her. At which point the other part of her warned her of the outcome. He wanted and he would take, and then he would no longer be interested even as she lost herself to him. If he had to wait a little longer it would test him, might enable them to establish a bond beyond the physical that might survive the transience of conquest, and she would be able to prepare herself, so that however much her body might delight in submission, her heart could remain safe. There was also that niggling doubt. Would she be a disappointment a second time, even though now aware of ‘what went on’. He might forgive her the ignorance of the wedding night, but not twice, and if she failed to come up to his expectations he would put her from him once and for all, and there would be no hope. Whilst in the limbo of waiting she could hope, and dream. She was very confused.

  ‘I… I am afraid, a little,’ she admitted.

  His cheek brushed hers as he stepped back to look her in the eye.

  ‘I will not hurt you. You must know that.’

  She could not tell him she thought he would break her heart. She shook her head.

  ‘I need confidence, need to build up to it. The new room, it is the fresh start. I fear failure, for how can I compare with…’ She gasped at revealing so much, blushed fiery red, and pulled away, rushing from the room and leaving him staring after her.

  He made no attempt to follow her. He disliked being rebuffed, but this rejection was almost touching, and yet ironic. His mistresses stood as silent ghosts between him and his wife, not because she blamed him for them, but because she felt innocence could not compete with experience. It was frustrating, but… He would accompany her tomorrow, and have workmen stripping those damned roses off the wall before they returned from shopping. She was not, after all, the alabaster effigy, his wife with the nice laugh and the straight nose, and however little experience he had of marriage, he had plenty of wooing a woman. He went to his bed confident.

  10

  Kitty woke to a feeling of anticipation and girlish excitement that was most certainly not founded solely upon going on a shopping expedition. Then she remembered how she had parted from her husband. He had not followed her, which was both a great relief, and also a disappointment. Had he been angry enough he would have come after her. Perhaps he did not care. She rang for Wootton, and was looking thoughtful when her maid entered.

  ‘Good morning, my lady. A nice spring morning it is too, though you be sure to wrap up warm if you are taking the air. I have a note from his lordship, with instructions to give it to you first thing.’

  She handed her the folded paper. Kitty’s heart thumped. He was cancelling their joint outing. When she read what was there, she could not help but exclaim.

  ‘Oh!’

  ‘My lady?’

  ‘Lay out my riding habit, please, Wootton, for I am, it appears, engaged to ride with my lord at…’ she paused, ‘my earliest convenience. What time is it now?’

  ‘A little after nine, my lady.’

  Kitty swung her legs out of bed, still holding the missive. Its contents made her feel quite jumbled inside. The handwriting was not particularly neat, the hand of one who wrote upon the spur of the moment.

  Before we brave the emporia of London, ride with me, at your earliest convenience. It completely left my mind yesterday, but I have wedding gifts for you, and one has four legs. Please me in this.

  G

  ‘You’re never going out without breakfast.’

  ‘I do not need breakfast. I have a horse, Wootton.’

  ‘Hmm, well you won’t be eating that. But what if you was to feel faint through lack of sustenance? Let me have a roll and some hot chocolate brought up, at the least, while you dress.’

  Kitty acceded to this, but was clearly in haste to be ready. She sent a message to her lord that she would be ready in half an hour, ate but half the morning roll, and drank the chocolate whilst it was still too hot.

  *

  It was only upon waking that his lordship had remembered the mare, or the velvet jewel case, and no sooner than he had formed the pleasant intention of inviting his wife to ride with him than he was assailed by the disconcerting thought that there might be no side-saddle in the stables, let alone one that fitted. He sent a message round to the stables before he had even begun to shave. He was taking breakfast when a reply was brought up that Mr Coates had anticipated this eventuality, and discovered a lady’s saddle in the tack room and had it made fit to use. Lord Ledbury sent his head groom his commendation, and resolved to pass that worthy a guinea in thanks for his forethought.

  He received his lady’s message and smiled to himself, imagining her rushing to be ready. He called for the horses to be brought round at half past the hour, and made sure he was in the hallway a few minutes in advance. Kitty’s heels on the stair made him look up. The severe, almost mannish, cut of her habit suited her. Not for her the hussar frogging and fancy revers chosen by ladies who wished to be seen upon horseback at the fashionable hour. Kitty was interested in riding, not showing off. She looked bright and eager, despite her attempt to seem as if this was simply a regular event. He ostentatiously consulted his pocket watch.

  ‘I believe you are one minute late, my lady.’

  ‘How terrible. I am so glad you did not leave without me, my lord. I shall blame it upon my boots, for we could not immediately find a shoehorn.’ She extended a small foot encased in shining black leather. ‘What woman would be late intentionally, when in expectation of a present?’

  ‘None I ever met, for sure.’ He surveyed her, critically. ‘You look very neat.’

  ‘Thank you.’ It was a genuine compliment, and if he did not say she was beautiful, well, she would rather have truth than falsehood, or she told herself.

  ‘Come and see your wedding gift, then.’ He held out his hand, and she took it. He nodded to the footman, who opened the front door. A big, dark, bay was being walked up and down, in company with a smaller animal, the colour of polished mahogany, with a white blaze and an intelligent head. Kitty stood speechless for a moment.

  ‘What do you think?’ He looked at her.

  ‘I think you are a fine judge of horseflesh, my lord. She is a beauty; such lovely, clean legs.’

  They descended the steps together, and he pre-empted the groom, linking his hands so that he might throw her up into the saddle. The mare sidled, briefly, but was brought under control with confidence. He mounted, nodded the grooms away with a word of thanks, and the pair clip-clopped over the cobbles to the southern exit of the square, making their way towards Hyde Park. They made a fine couple, and several heads turned to see who was riding with Lord Ledbury. It was however, quite early, and a time when the park was the preserve of those keen to exercise rather than engage in socialising at the afternoon hour of promenading, and they were not interrupted. Once within the confines of the park, Kitty urged the mare i
nto a canter, and found her pace very easy. She turned a joyful countenance to her husband.

  ‘You have chosen a superlative gift, my lord.’

  ‘I am glad you like her. My only request is that you do not name her Pyramid, or anything else Egyptian.’

  ‘There, and “Cleopatra” sprang to mind!’ She laughed. ‘Have you any objections to Greek names?’

  ‘I do not think so, and I think being too prescriptive would be unfair, do not you?’

  ‘Ah, but husbands can be dictatorial.’

  Looking at her, at that moment, he was conscious of only wanting to make her as happy all the time. It was, he admitted, an odd sensation, wanting to give happiness to another. It was most certainly not uppermost in his affaires, and he put it down to his growing awareness of ‘responsibility’.

  She saw his expression become thoughtful, and tilted her head on one side, interrogatively.

  ‘You see, you have got a name in mind, after all, sir, haven’t you? I expect you are trawling through your classical education and will put me to shame.’

  ‘I have forgotten most of it, and if I had a preference it was for Latin. I do recall most Greek female characters being victims, chained to rocks and such, or vindictive creations like Clytemnestra.’

  ‘Well, that is no name for a horse, and I do not even want to know what she did.’

  ‘Very wise.’ He grinned. ‘She murdered her husband.’

  ‘Oh. Oh dear. That would not be felicitous, would it?’

  ‘Not very. Do you have to think of a name right away?’

  ‘I have to call her something.’

  ‘Excellent! “Something” it is. Original, practi…’

  ‘You are in a funning humour, sir.’ Kitty brought the mare down to a walk.

  ‘I am in good humour, certainly. Why not call her that though? It is novel, and means you can tell your friends “my lord gave me a special Something”.’ There was a touch of huskiness which invested the words with added meaning, and she blushed.

  ‘Now that would be more difficult than you suppose, my lord. I doubt I have friends.’

  ‘But surely young women gather in… flocks.’ He frowned.

  ‘Like sheep? Or sparrows? I find neither appealing. I had but one bosom friend at my Come Out, and my closest acquaintances number three who will most definitely not be in London, since they are either about to be confined, or have just presented their doting husbands with progeny.’

  ‘You will make friends then. You are no longer a debutante, and I think perhaps you are better suited to the married state.’ He saw her puzzlement, and explained. ‘You are a very competent woman, but debutantes are not meant to exhibit competence, just innocence and…’

  ‘Charm and beauty. Oh, I had the first but not any other required attributes. I was very forgettable.’ There was just a hint of bitterness.

  ‘I have always found debutantes forgettable, even those with “charm and beauty”.’

  ‘Yes. I…’ She blushed, and bit her lip.

  ‘Let us not beat about the bush. I have only dangled after married women.’ They were riding side by side, and his hand closed over hers. ‘But you are now “a married woman”, Lady Ledbury.’

  The blush deepened.

  ‘But I am your wife.’

  ‘There is no edict which decrees a man may not dangle after his own wife, Kitty.’ The hand was removed, but only after giving hers a squeeze. He frowned, because she sighed. ‘You do not wish me to dangle after you?’

  ‘No. I mean…’ She twisted in the saddle to look at him, face to face. ‘It is just that after you have “dangled”, and won, how long does it last, and are you friends with the woman afterwards? Marriage is for life, and it would be hateful to spend all but a few heady weeks of it despised.’

  ‘My very cautious wife. Do you never do anything from impulse?’

  ‘Once, and it was a mistake.’

  ‘I see. Well, impulsiveness does mean making mistakes, but it means opportunities also, and feeling very alive. I make you no promises I cannot keep,’ he glided over the vows he made at their wedding, ‘but I do not think I would ever “despise” you, and if we have been lovers, even for only a time, will that not give us deeper knowledge one of the other?’

  He sounded quite serious.

  ‘This is madness, my lord. Here we are, riding in the park, and you are calmly discussing whether it would be advisable to seduce me, your wife. I should also say it does not sound very impulsive.’

  ‘I do not know about “advisable”, I was thinking more “desirable”. I have the advantage of you, my dear. You have no experience of seduction, and I have a lot.’ His eyes glittered, challenging her to cry shame on his past. ‘I cannot undo, and nor will I deny, what has been, Madam Wife.’

  ‘No. And I think I admire that.’

  ‘Pretended virtue being worse than admitted vice?’

  ‘Yes. Something like that.’

  ‘Talking of “Something”, she has the fidgets. Let us do what we are here to do, and give our mounts some exercise.’ He urged the big bay into a loping canter, and for a circuit of the park they did not speak.

  Kitty tried to simply enjoy the experience, for she had missed riding, and the mare was a delight, but though her body focused on the physical activity, her heart and mind were at odds. Unusually, it was her heart arguing for restraint. Her head told her to be as dispassionate as her husband, to take what pleasure could be gained from the experience. After all, you are not being deceived. Her heart, on the other hand, feared being torn apart. Think how it felt when it was all imagination alone, how bruising that was. This will be real. You will love him, completely, and he will cast you aside like a worn glove when he has ended his “game”.

  Seeing signs of her preoccupation, the earl forbore to press the matter when conversation was resumed, and stuck to practical topics. The first of these was having her own cards printed so that she might make social calls, and deciding how long it might take before any renovations to the public rooms of Ledbury House would be complete, so that an evening party might be arranged.

  ‘If your acquaintance in London is limited, we make the invitation to those most “useful” to you.’

  ‘And your friends, my lord.’

  ‘Well, Inglesham of course, and poor Duddon, to show there is no lingering animosity over Curdworth. I think he is coming up to Town to squire his mother and sister about.’

  ‘I do hope Sir John recovered from his ear complaint.’ With the passing of time, and in this amicable mood, Kitty could be generous.

  ‘I hope the laudanum induced amnesia about the whole visit. When he started hunting for paphians under the table…’ Lord Ledbury shook his head.

  ‘Oh, at least that was funny. The rest was less so.’

  ‘It was damnably embarrassing. In all fairness, he was not himself, but what he said was beyond the pale.’

  ‘But I suppose I ought to be flattered that I do not look pretty enough to be one. And I note that you do not scruple to mention the word in front of me.’

  ‘Of course I do not. You are not a schoolroom miss who would go all coy, or worse, ask what one might be.’

  They were turning out of Hyde Park and onto Oxford Street. Kitty dropped her voice, so that he only just caught her words.

  ‘No, but… in some things I am… was… very ignorant.’

  He searched for the right words to answer her, but before he could do so he was hailed from a phaeton on the other side of the road.

  ‘Ledbury! How are you, my dear fellow?’

  He turned, and saw a whip raised in salute.

  ‘I am in good health, thank you, and able to present to you my wife. My dear, may I make known to you the Earl of Jersey.’

  Kitty smiled and nodded, and let his lordship’s greeting wash over her, and wondered what, if anything, her husband would have responded if not interrupted.

  ‘…And if you would be so good as to let her ladyship know my wife i
s in Town…’

  ‘Of course, of course. I am sure she will be leaving her card in the next few days. Be good to see Ledbury House back in family hands. Nothing against Erewash, but it was all a bit lacklustre in my opinion, their entertaining, and smacked of desperation. Mind you, with four daughters to get off his hands…’

  ‘Indeed. Now, we must be off. I am duty escort to hunt fresh furnishings for the family pile.’

  ‘Ah. Rather you than me, dear boy. I always say I like just the thing my wife declares hideous.’

  ‘I will try to avoid that. Good day to you, Jersey.’

  Hats were doffed, bows made, and the earl drove on.

  ‘Well, that was the best of good luck. If Sally Jersey pays a morning call, you can be sure she will also bring you vouchers for Almack’s this Season without you applying.’

  ‘Yes. I suppose she will.’

  ‘Lord, you don’t sound over pleased by it though. I thought every woman loved to be seen there.’

  ‘My memories of it are not of unparalleled delight. I spent most of my evenings being told off by my aunt.’

  ‘Why? Were you misbehaving? I hardly see you as the type.’

  ‘I was not “being interesting enough” apparently. My failure to attract partners, according to her, was a source of embarrassment.’

  ‘Well, you will attract interest as the new Lady Ledbury, for certain. There will be no end of people desirous of seeing the lady for whom I at long last gave up the single state.’

  ‘Or for whose money.’

  ‘There is that.’ He did not flinch. ‘But you need not fear to be a wallflower, and I shall escort you there myself, at least upon the first occasion, though I will not be so rustic as to claim the very first dance with you, just the first waltz. You do waltz?’