Faithless Dreams

by C. R. Jane

  Chapter 16

  “I gave you everything,” Aiden roared. I cowered on the floor, fear washing over me. “You were made for me. Made to my every specification and desire. You are mine,” he said again.

  “I don’t love you,” I whispered, shame filling me as I say the words. I’m supposed to love him. I’m supposed to burn for him the way the poison from his serpent burns as it flows through my blood.

  But I don’t.

  “I’m so sorry,” I told him, even as I don’t exactly know why I’m saying I’m sorry. From the moment I came into existence he’s been there, forcing his way into my brain, trying to force his way into my heart. He’s trained me to feel this guilt. Trained me to feel like I had no control over my life.

  I wonder about his words. The fact that he said I was made for him. Is that true? Could a living being’s sole purpose be for someone else? Was that all I was supposed to have amounted to?

  I look up at him, questions in my eyes. He provides no answers. There’s just raging fury.

  “What are you going to do?” I asked softly, wondering how far he will go to punish me. I’ve angled myself in front of Tristan, unconsciously protecting him as much as I can.

  “I want to kill you,” he whispered, a faraway look in his eyes all of a sudden. “I want to tear your heart apart with my bare hands and make you pay for what you’ve done. If I could make you feel one ounce of the pain and betrayal that I’m feeling at this moment, I’m sure you would die.”

  “You would kill me for having my own desires?” I asked, feeling a sharp sting of betrayal that this being who I’ve given everything to could do that.

  There’s not a part of me that could bear to kill him.

  He looked back at me, his hand reaching out to grip my throat. He lifted me into the air, shaking me like I’m a ragdoll. I started thrashing about, desperate for more air. I knew I had been created from a goddess, but did that make me immortal as well? Could something as simple as a chokehold kill me?

  Blackness began to creep into my sight, and I was about to pass out, when suddenly he dropped me, dropping himself to the ground in the process and seemingly writhing in agony.

  “How could you do this to me?” he screams, more upset than I’ve ever seen him.

  He suddenly stood up and launched himself at me, grabbing my lip between his teeth. I try to move away but he only bites down harder. I tasted my blood, and I cried out from the pain. He released me, a feral look on his face, before he reached out and caught on his finger the trickle of blood coming from my wound. He glared at me with so much hate that it took my breath away.

  “You belong to me,” he cursed. “I will destroy the whole universe to get that through your fucking head.”

  I felt a sense of hopelessness. I wanted to crawl to Tristan for comfort, but I knew that even looking at him right now would be his death sentence.

  “Why me?” I finally asked in a hoarse voice. “Out of all the creations that you’ve seen, why did you pick me? What could I possibly possess that would make you want me like this?”

  He brushed a hand across my face again, once more grabbing some of my blood to taste. “You would not exist had I not thought you into existence,” he began, but I cut him off.

  “That can’t be possible,” I whispered. “I feel things. I was not just made for you.” I looked at him imploringly. I know he cared about me; how could he not see this?

  His face became calm all of a sudden, all the rage disappearing behind a blank mask that somehow scared me even more than his anger did. He looked calculatingly behind me and I knew that whatever he had planned for me would be worse than my death.

  “Why don’t you go get washed up, darling,” he soothed, brushing himself off and eyeing my still bleeding lip as if he was debating whether he wanted another taste or not.

  “What are you going to do to him?” I begged, once more angling myself to be between him and my still unconscious Tristan.

  “I believe I told you to do something,” he ordered, not answering my question. He’s never talked to me before like this. It’s like I’m seeing a completely different person. Like there’s been a monster lurking under his beautiful mask this whole time. How did I not see it?

  I debated what to do. Was it worse for Tristan if I tried to stay, or was it useless either way?

  “Come with me,” I begged. “We can talk about this. I’m sorry.”

  “If you don’t leave this room in the next second, I’m going to kill him,” he said calmly, pushing me out of the way so that Tristan was in his path.

  “I will never forgive you if you kill him, “ I told him resolutely. “But I’m leaving,” I replied, as I drug myself out of the room, my neck and lips radiating with pain.

  I was frantic as I stepped out of the room, looking back once to see that Aiden was standing in front of a motionless Tristan, a terrifying look on his face as if he was calculating all the ways he could torture him.

  I had to do something. I ran through the halls, looking for anyone that could help me. I passed his servants, but unlike how they usually greeted me, all of them averted their eyes and hustled away from me, making it very clear they had no interest in helping.

  I was just about to head back to where I had left Aiden and Tristan and do something, anything to protect Tristan, when I saw her.

  It was the Goddess. She was walking down the hallway away from me.

  “Please, you have to help me,” I called after her, running to catch up with her.

  She froze, but I could see the hesitancy in her posture. But at least she didn’t move away from me.

  “I need your help. I know you hate me for some reason, but please it’s about Tristan.”

  “Tristan?” she asked, looking confused. “Don’t you mean, Aiden?”

  I had the sense to blush. “The creature that was brought as a payment for a debt. The one that has served you in your meetings with Aiden. His name is Tristan.”

  Her eyes widen, but yet she doesn’t sound surprised when she speaks.

  “You don’t love him,” she murmured in a resigned voice. I knew somehow that she was talking about Aiden rather than Tristan.

  “No,” I respond despondently. “And I’m so sorry.” I tell her, not sure why I feel the need to apologize to her about something she has no part in.

  “It’s I that am the one who should be sorry,” she answers softly. The sound of her voice doesn’t bring me as much comfort as it usually does when I hear it, and I’m confused. What is she talking about?

  “I let him break the terms of the agreement. He was so eager to have you that you were sent to him first before going to the Queen,” she stated, a far off look on her face. “I thought that maybe you would change him.” She looked at me again, her face in agony. “And you did change him, just not in a way that does anyone any good.” She took a deep breath. “I owe you an apology. I’ve always had a soft spot for him. The millennias have been lonely and he has been my only companion. There was one time that I thought we…” she trailed off and shook her head. “Never mind that. I let him go too far. So much power for so long has warped him and I was hopeful that you could save him.”

  I wanted to hear everything she had to say, but at the same time there was a pressing need inside of me to make sure that Tristin was alright.

  “Will you help me then?” I interrupted her, looking at her beseechingly.

  She stared at me pityingly. “I cannot change Aiden’s mind if that’s what you mean. He has governance over this realm. It could potentially cause a war that I could not win if I tried to stop him.”

  “There must be something you can do,” I beg, falling to my knees in front of her as if I was about to pray at her feet.

  She considered me for a moment. She gazed at me as if she was weighing my moral fiber, looking to see if I’m capable of something.

  “How much would you do for this Tristan?” she demanded, cocking her head.

  “Anything,” I told
her resolutely. And at that moment I knew that it was the truth. He’d captured me, body and soul. I would be his for eternity.

  “I may be able to do something, but I need to consider it some. I will be in touch,” she pronounced, beginning to walk away from my still kneeling figure.

  “Wait, he could be killing him now,” I called after her, shock colored in my voice that she was just leaving me.

  She peered at me over her shoulder. “You did tell him that you would never forgive him if he killed Tristan, did you not?”

  I nodded numbly, wondering how she could know that after she seemed so confused when we first started talking.

  “Then I’m sure he will be safe enough for now,” she stated, continuing away from me until she was out of sight.

  Ten minutes later, Aiden appeared, looking angry at the fact that I’m on my knees in the hallway.

  “Is he dead?” I asked in a forlorn voice.

  Aiden hauled me to my feet. “You are not to mention his name, speak to him, acknowledge his presence...even act like he’s alive. Do you understand me?” he bellowed.

  A fragile hope filled me. That must mean…

  “Yes,” I quickly said, when I know that I’ve taken too long to respond.

  He lifts me into his arms and begins to start walking. “I think it’s time for another session with Indra,” he said casually.

  I panic, the image of his black serpent weaving through my mind. I knew we were getting to the point of no return when it came to the serpent’s venom and its effect on me. “We had a session this morning,” I begged desperately.

  “I think it’s time we speed along the process a little bit, don’t you? I’ve been trying to ease you in but obviously I’ve been too lenient on you.”

  “Please, no,” I begged, unwilling to take the step off into the abyss that he was trying to push me over. There would be nothing left of me to even give to Tristan if this continued.

  He stopped in the hall and pulled me to him abruptly until there wasn’t a whisper of space between us.

  “You belong to me. Your very existence belongs to me. No one else is allowed to touch you.”

  I trembled at the intensity of his gaze.

  “If you would rather die than be with me, that can be arranged,” he said, and I gasped.

  “You would kill me rather than let anyone else have me?” I asked, horrified.

  “Exactly.”

  I gave no more arguments after that.

  A week had passed since my new life had started. It was a little like the prisons that I had read about in books. I don’t sleep, eat, or move without Aiden’s permission. I’m surprised that I’m allowed to breathe.

  The venom is making my head cloudy. I wake up and I’m not sure where I am, or what I’ve done. My eyes are darker, more of a violet than a lavender. I find myself bending more towards whatever Aiden wants, my thoughts softening towards him.

  I hadn’t seen Tristan anywhere. Every time I was allowed to leave the room, I surreptitiously searched for him in the shadows, wondering if he was still alive.

  I walked down the hallways once more, feeling like a prisoner awaiting her execution since I knew that it was time for another of my twice daily venom sessions.

  I became even more uneasy when I walked into the room and saw Aiden lounging on his black throne, an air of excitement surrounding him.

  “I’m here,” I pronounced softly.

  His eyes burned as he gazed at me worshipfully.

  “Come to me, my darling,” he ordered.

  I forced myself to walk until I’m standing in front of him. He reached out and hauled me to his lap where he started to pet me as if I was a kitten. I flinched when his hand started to travel from my head down to the rest of my body.

  “After today, your transformation will be complete, and you will be mine,” he crooned in my ear.

  I looked up at him desperately, my head still cloudy from the last session, but still able to comprehend the death sentence that I was about to receive.

  “I thought you loved me,” I cried. “What do I lack that’s not good enough, that you have to change?”

  “My Queen must match me in her darkness. You, my darling, were created with too much light. An error that was not discovered until it was too late to change without the help of the venom. You’ll be my match in every way now.”

  I sobbed into his shoulder, not understanding why this was my fate.

  I heard the sound of the serpent slithering across the stone tiles of the floor.

  My whole body trembled at the sound, as I prepared not only for the pain, but for the loss that I was about to experience.

  I looked up at him one more time. “If you love me, you will not do this,” I said, as my eyes begged and pleaded with him.

  “It’s because of how much I love you and the fact that I cannot bear to be without you that I’m doing this at all,” he said.

  And then the snake struck.

  Epilogue

  (Lexi)

  She has loved them from the beginning. Given up everything in her life to save them lifetime and lifetime again.

  But she would never save herself. I was always left to pick up the pieces of the ruins she left behind.

  I never wanted to become the bad guy. I never saw myself aligning with the very beings who she had given up her very soul to escape.

  But Eva needed someone to save her from them. Someone who could make her see what I had always seen.

  Eva didn’t need to save them anymore. She needed to save herself.

  To Be Continued….

  Author’s Note

  Phew...this book took a lot out of me. We’re at Book 6 and things are starting to get crazy. Have you guessed how it’s going to end yet? I don’t think you have…

  See you in the next one.

  Sneak Preview

  Keep Reading for a Sneak Preview of Remember Us This Way, Book 1 of the Sound of Us Series…

  Remember Us This Way

  The Sounds of Us Book 1

  C. R. Jane

  Copyright

  Remember Us This Way by C. R. Jane

  Copyright © 2019 by C. R. Jane

  All rights reserved.

  No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review, and except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

  For permissions contact:

  crjaneauthor@gmail.com

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Remember Us This Way

  They are idols to millions worldwide. I hear their names whispered in the hallways and blasted through the radio. Their faces are never far from the television screen, tormenting me with images of what I gave up.

  To everyone else, they're unattainable rockstars, the music gods who make up The Sound of Us. But to me? They'll always be the boys I lost.

  I broke all our hearts when I refused to follow them to L.A., convinced I would only bring them down. Years later, after I’ve succumbed to a monster, and my life has become something out of a nightmare, they are back.

  I'm no longer the girl they left behind. But what if I’ve become the woman they can’t forget?

  When the sun goes down

  And the band won't play

  I'll always remember us this way

  -Lady Gaga, Always Remember Us This Way

  Remember Us This Way Soundtrack

  “Always Remember Us This Way”-

  Lady Gaga

  “Naked”-

  James Arthur

  “Something’s Gotta Give”-

  Camila Cabello

  “Love in the Dark”-<
br />
  Adele

  “Bad Liar”-

  Imagine Dragons

  “Leave a Light On”-

  Tom Walker

  “What If This Is All The Love You Ever Get”-

  Snow Patrol

  “Perfect”-

  One Direction

  “Adore You”-

  Miley Cyrus

  Prologue

  Before

  According to the Sounds of Us Wikipedia page, the band hit almost instant stardom as soon as they finished recording their first album. A small indie band that had gained only regional notoriety, Red Label had taken a huge risk by signing them. The good looks and the killer voices of the three band members combined with the chance at a larger platform ended up making Sounds of Us the Label’s most successful band in history. They released their first album, Death by Heartbreak, in 2013, and the first single, Follow You Into the Dark, made it to the Billboard Top 100 immediately.

  It was their second single that propelled Sounds of Us to legend status though. Cold Heart was number one on the charts almost the second it was released. That led to four other songs ending up in the top ten. Three of them reached number one, with a fourth hitting number two on the charts. That album was torture in its finest form for me. Partly because I had lost them, but also partly because every one of those songs was about me. And that was just the hits. There were a lot more references in the songs that never got released as singles. It was a sharp stab in the chest to hear songs blaring from radios – songs whose lyrics contained exact words each of them had said to me, and that I had said to them.