Bang Lords Box Set (4 Book Series includes All Bonus Chapters)
Page 40
I panic.
He’s preparing me.
He’s going to do more than make love to or fuck me.
He’s going to hurt me and all this slickness is going to make it easy for him.
I stiffen.
Quickly, I’m pulled out of a rising state of ecstasy and rolled, thrusted to my side. A hard smack lands across my backside.
Whatha? Nick just swatted me with the paddle! He swats me again.
I cover my mouth to keep myself from screaming aloud.
“No, baby.” He pulls my hands away from my face. “I need to hear you.”
He swats me again but my eyes clench shut along with my lips.
“Lou. Fuck. C’mon.” He tosses the paddle and smooths my ass over with his hand. Then he smacks my butt with an upward hard slap of his hand but I don’t make a peep. “Baby.” His voice is gravelly. “Scream. I need you to scream for me, so I can make love to you.”
Make love to me? I want him to make love to me, but for some reason, I don’t feel like I deserve it. I’d rather he hit me. Deep down, I know Nick is the way he is and can’t function normally because of me and I want to alleviate his pain, even if it’s just a little, like a pill. I want to be his painkiller.
Nick makes another attempt to make me scream again with the push of the baton’s end into my back. He digs with hard jerks, twisting and kneading. Then again and again, forcing my spine to curl. “What the fuck, Lou? I know this makes you uncomfortable. Just tell me it hurts. Show me it hurts. Say something before I have to swat you harder.”
I shake my head. He sounds desperate, but there’s no way I’m going to say it hurts—not if it’s a little or even a lot.
He raises his voice in frustration. “Lou, Goddamn it.” He grips my hip for leverage, pulling my bottom against his groin. “If you don’t make any noise, I’m going to have to really hurt you. Is that what you want?”
I nod and my hair is pulled. “No, you don’t!” he yells. “Don’t tell me you want me to hurt you.”
“But I do,” I say softly.
The space in the room becomes rigid again as Nick beats the bed with the baton so hard, I’m bouncing with the mattress. He raises the baton in the air and I take a breath with what’s to come but when Nick’s swat lands, it’s effortless, barely tapping my butt. He falls forward, his forehead landing on my side.
“Why won’t you scream for me, baby?” he chokes. “Just fucking scream, Lou.” He bites into my ribcage and the pain is excruciating but it’s more emotional than physical pain. “Taloulah!” he yells into my body, his voice creating a thick low hum that vibrates between my small frame of bones as he falls heavy on my side.
We pause.
Motionless. Heavy. Awkward. Each one is unable to give the other what he or she needs because of some consequence we fear might end us forever.
Nick finally claws at the back of my dress. “Fuck, I love you,” he cries, tugging on my dress—or more like clinging to it—for dear life. “Why can’t I just make love to you, Lou?” he asks.
I still say nothing. I can’t. I want him to hurt me. I want him to hurt me bad. My hands cover my mouth again as Nick’s sweaty palms snake up my body until his fingers reach the top of my dress where I feel his square fingernails brush across my fair skin. He slips the tips of his fingers behind the hemline and rips, tearing the back of my dress open. I feel free but caged at once.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Lou, but I want you.” He licks up my back. “Oh God, I want you.” He licks again and, as he fumbles, I figure he is reaching for another one of his toys. The whip? But he’s not. He’s undoing the clasp of his belt. “Please tell me to stop, Lou. I can’t make this work unless I hear you screaming. Tell me to stop before I ruin you. Before I hurt you.”
A leather strap unfolds to dangle against my inner leg. My body clenches in response, in preparation for the pain that’s coming, for the pain I’ve been waiting to receive my whole adult life, for the pain I pray will alleviate my guilt.
Nick says he doesn’t want to hurt me, but the truth is I would love it if he did like I asked him to, like he should’ve done repeatedly on the night of the fire twelve years ago...
The limousine ride from the fire to Nick’s house was strange. Nick behaved in such a way that I’d never seen before—fidgety and nervous, most certainly not the smooth, cool, bad boy that everyone at school knew him to be. He was holding my hand so tight it hurt.
When we pulled through the heavy automatic swinging metal gates of Nick’s property, the driver steered away from the three-story red brick mansion with a pristine lawn and gorgeous landscape towards an elongated red brick garage with three white painted doors. The driver clicked a button on the roof of the limousine and pulled through the garage door as it arose.
Once inside, the driver quickly got out to exit the garage, stopping to push on some buttons mounted to the interior wall and shut the garage door behind him.
“Lou,” Nick was frantic. “Whatever you do, don’t speak unless I tell to you to. Do you understand?”
I grimaced. It was a strange request.
He pointed his finger up, repeating, “Don’t speak, unless I tell you. Do you understand?”
He was serious. I nodded.
“Nicholas,” Nick’s father spoke as he opened the back door to the limo.
Nick’s father was a handsome man. I already knew the two of them had the same first name, but I’d never seen Nick’s father before. The first thing I noticed was his black leather belt with a rose gold buckle wrapped snug around his waist, accentuating his black slacks that tapered loose but perfectly all the way down to his ankles. When Nick senior bent down to peep at Nick and me still holding hands in the back seat, I felt shameful for noticing Nick’s father’s smooth tan chest that peeped out from his white collared shirt that was only buttoned halfway up his front.
I blushed when the man smiled, setting his sights directly on me and said, “Well, hello,” but the warmth in my cheeks quickly dissipated when Nick’s father looked to Nick to finish. “Ain’t she a pretty slut?”
“Dad!” Nick snapped, pulling my head against him, my forehead leaning into his neck so I could not look further at Nicholas senior. Nick covered my ears, though I could still hear. I couldn’t tell if Nick was trying to ease the insult made by his dad or trying to protect me from more of it.
“I heard there was a fire,” his father inquired. “You wouldn’t have something to do with that, would you, son?”
“No, of course not,” Nick defended himself with a snicker back and I rather enjoyed the angry hum of his vocal chords vibrating through his chest and into my warming cheeks.
I heard Nick Senior tap on the limousine with his fingers. It was strange that Nick’s father didn’t ask whether his son was okay. It was even stranger that the man made an awkward sucking sound with his mouth right before he spoke, “So, this your new girl?”
Nick cleared his throat, “No, Lou is just my friend.”
Just his friend? Ugh. My shoulders shrunk. I had always been attracted to Nick except I knew well to stay away from him. But after all that happened with him saving me and everything, I was crushing on him harder than ever.
His father laughed wickedly. “Just a friend, huh?”
Nick’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “Yeah.”
“Well, get your girl-friend out here and let me have a look at her.”
Nick gripped my arm. “It’s late, Dad. She’s been through quite a lot. Her parents are probably looking for her as well. I should take her home.”
“So, you were both there?” inquired Nick senior. “At the fire?”
“Nick saved my life,” I said proudly, turning my head to smile at Nick senior.
The man chortled, “My son risked his life to save you?” Beady eyes glossed over me with the most peculiar look.
I nodded, despite the discomfort of being appraised.
“Son, get out of the car,” he said and stepped back.
Nick got out, closing the door behind him. I watched the two argue until Nick’s father threw a hand across the top of Nick’s head. Nick kept his mouth shut, squeezing his lips between his teeth. I thought that would be the end of it but Nick senior hit his son again and then a third time.
I quickly got out. “Oh my God, please stop!” My heart was in my throat and I wanted to scream at Nick senior for raising a hand to Nick, who right then became my Nick. I wanted to hold him. To protect him. How could a father hit his own son after what he’d just done for me and a bunch of other girls. “Your son saved my life. Please!” I begged. “He’s a hero.” Tears begun falling down my cheeks.
But my tears became suspended when Nick senior stepped to me and raised his hand.
“Dad!” Nick squealed, jumping in front of me and stepping on my toes. The pain on the tips of my feet pushed me off balance and my back fell flush against the limousine. I grabbed onto Nick’s waist as he fell heavily against me, raising his arms to protect me. Nick senior whacked his own son across the forearm and then grabbed it. The man looked mad but that didn’t sway Nick.
“Dad, you can’t touch her,” Nick cried. “Not her. Not this one.”
Nick senior assessed me again, but this time with mad eyes. “She looks like a fucking nobody. A nerd. Less than a whore. Nobody’s going to give a shit about what happens to a girl like her.”
Nick quickly interjected. “Dad, she’s not a nobody. She’s my high school’s valedictorian. Please, Dad. If you touch her, I’m sure her parents will sue and you’ll lose money, maybe even your company, maybe everything.”
Nick senior huffed and growled, growled and huffed. The madman was becoming aware his inner Big Bad Wolf was going to have to pass on trying to blow me down, but that didn’t mean there weren’t other walls he could huff and puff at.
He yanked on Nick’s arm before he pointed. “Hands on the wall.”
Nick swayed. His head bowed. “Dad, c’mon. Not in front of her.”
“Why? You think she’s too good for this? She’s the one not good enough for you, boy.” Nick’s father wrapped his hand around the neck of his eighteen-year-old son and pushed him towards the wall. “You haven’t been listening to anything I’ve been telling you. It’s you who needs to maintain control. They’re all whores. Just like your mother was a whore. Did I tell you I caught her in bed with another man?” Nick’s father turned Nick around to face me. “I tell you what, tell your girlfriend she’s a whore and I’ll spare you the belt.”
The belt? Nick’s father was planning on belting Nick right in front of me?
I covered my mouth. Stomach acid was rising to the back of my throat. Nick glanced at me briefly and looked to the floor.
His father shook him. “Tell her she’s a whore, Nicholas!”
Nick shook his head, biting his bottom lip.
“Mmm,” Nick’s father growled lowly. “Always a disappointment.” Nick senior cocked his head up and reached for the clasp of his belt. “Pull up your shirt and hands on the wall.”
Holy fucking Jesus H. Christ! I internally screamed. I didn’t even believe in God. My parents were atheists, but I was praying in that very moment. Praying harder than I had when I thought I was about to burn in the inferno of Charlotte’s room less than an hour earlier.
“Give me a number, girl,” Nick’s father requested as Nick pulled his shirt over his head.
My teeth were chattering. “Excuse me?”
“A number. Now.”
“What kind of a number?”
Nick senior laughed as he cocked his head to his son, throwing a thumb to point in my direction. “I thought you said she was smart. She can’t even give me a number.”
Nick grinned at me. So innocent. So sweet. “She doesn’t process things the way we do. She sees a bigger picture. It’s okay, Lou, just give him a number.”
My mind was completely unsettled. I stuttered. “D-d-do you mean you want a positive integer?”
“Sure,” Nick’s father said coolly. “Any simple number above zero. See? I’m a smart man. Maybe even as smart as you.”
Mr. Rohr’s eyes squinted with the last statement. He thought he was being smart or perhaps sarcastic, but the remark was no less than evil.
My mind went blank consumed with knowing I was in the presence of darkness. I could hardly breathe much less think, so the first number that came to mind was, “A hundred?”
A hundred was always a positive number for me. A hundred was a light at the end of every dark tunnel. I never strived for anything less than a hundred.
“A hundred?” Nick’s father laughed liked the lunatic he was as Nick grimaced placing his hands with fingers spread against the wall. Nick senior again requested his son to demean me. “Tell her she’s a whore and I won’t have to beat some sense into you.”
Nick didn’t say anything. Instead, he put the crown of his head against the cold brick.
“One,” counted Nick senior as the first lash of the belt fell across Nick’s bare back.
“Mr. Rohr,” I pleaded through my hands clenched at my cheeks. I genuinely had no idea the man had planned to belt his boy a hundred times.
“You keep your mouth shut,” he pointed. “You could use a lesson in interfering. You need to learn to standby, keep your mouth shut, and watch when a man is disciplining another. You’re the reason my son nearly got himself killed and I’m sure that fire had something to do with you as well. Am I right?”
My mouth turned upside down into a deep frown and I nodded.
The lashing resumed and I was sick. I felt nauseous. I wanted to run into a dark corner and hide. I wanted to be alone. Alone with no one but...
Nick. My poor Nick. Every time he grunted and whimpered, I wished to coddle him—soothe his aches and pains, take away all that was happening to him.
I watched him intensely, hoping he would look up at me, and when he finally turned his head my way, peeping under his arm, I pulled my hands from my face to mouth to him, Just say it. Just say it. I repeated the words over and over, moving my lips as best I could to make him understand me. Tell him I’m a whore. Just say it. Please.
Nick wouldn’t do it. His face turned red and his body glistening of sweat began to jerk with more intensity as the numbers of beltings kept climbing. My legs turned into spaghetti. I thought I was about to pass out when my butt landed on the floor with my back still against the limousine.
I was amazed at how strong Nick was. He never grew tired of keeping his gaze—strong, fiery, and fixed on me like he wanted me to know that he was enduring the pain, the humiliation, the punishment for some bigger purpose. Because that was Nick’s true nature—to stand against bullies. It was also at that moment, I knew Nick wasn’t at all what his renowned reputation reported of him. Nick was special, a special creature, unlike any on earth. It wouldn’t matter to me how he would need to find comfort, not even if it meant he needed to go dark—feed his darkness—in the arms of someone else. I would accept him because, it was in that moment, I knew Nick Rohr was more than a hero—he was the love of my life.
“Stop.”
Nick stiffens at my command.
“Get off.” I push against his shoulders, regretting that he can never be mine, knowing this will be the last time I should ever be close to him.
“Lou,” he stands straight, respecting my wishes and tossing his belt, which clamors as it slides across the floor.
“I’m sorry.” I pull up my dress, holding it in place as its torn at the back. “I have to go. I’m getting married.”
Nick crosses his arms in front of his chest and wipes his clenched eyes with his fingers to avoid letting me see the wetness. “You love him then? More than you love me, at least?”
“I do,” I lie. I have to lie. If I say I love my fiancé, then Nick won’t hurt him. That’s why he keeps aski
ng. Nick has always found a way to love all that I love.
It’s also silly—how long it’s taken me to figure this out. I’ve always wanted to be close to Nick to ease his pain, but I have to leave him. The last thing Nick wants is to become his father. As long as I am around, Nick fears he will turn into that monster. I should be ashamed of myself for allowing someone—the love of my life, no less—to live with such temptation, to always face that inner evil.
I collect myself, coming off the bed. I need to be the strong one here for once and take a stand. For him. For both of us.
Taking a step, I’m stopped. Nick’s hand falls on my shoulder, gripping.
“Lou, you’re forgetting your hair tie,” he says softly.
It’s strange how Nick was about to hurt me, maybe beat me, just so we could have sex, but with one little word everything has changed. Nick’s fingers rake up the back of my neck and my entire body feels as though it has become electrified. I try to enjoy this feeling, this caress that is making every fine hair on my body come erect. Nick rakes more of my hair into both hands until my hair is pulled tight to the back of my head where he twists and loops my hair between the hair tie until I have a ponytail.
Nick swallows before he whispers in my ear. “You don’t have to go. Maybe I could talk to Don and get him to help me with some of my interpersonal issues. We make a good team you and me. Here at NIM, I mean. I could give you a bigger role. Make you a managing partner. I’m sure the rest of NIM would be okay with that.”
NIM. It was his dream. It was their dream. The Nine Inch Males. I chuckle to myself at that dumb name but my eyes get weepy. Despite my lack of male anatomy, I always thought I was one of them. Clearly, I’m not and it’s hard to accept that I’ve never been.
Not to mention, Nick is doing what he does best. He’s trying to turn this into a business proposal and if I don’t leave now, he’ll manipulate me. He’ll bat his pretty eyes and find some way to sweeten the deal. He’ll find a way to convince me to stay, to continue being his pet while I forever torture him with my presence.