Unspoken Words

by Latoya Chandler

  Naomi-Ruth’s eyes darted around as she neared the end of the aisle. Her free hand clenched into a fist at the end of her lace sleeve, pulling the fabric nervously. With trembling lips, she whispered, “Dez, w-where . . . Where is he?”

  “I-I don’t—”

  “I need thee, oooh, I-I need thee . . . No matter where or how far I’ve searched, the love I wanted was never in reach. When you crossed my path, Love was sent to me for you to teach,” Pastor Lewis serenaded his bride as he tearfully sauntered down the path leading him directly to her.

  As Desirae gripped Naomi-Ruth’s hand, hesitating to release her, Pastor Lewis took his place to the right of them at the altar.

  “Marriage is a blessing. Who presents Naomi-Ruth to wed this man, Pastor Dexter Lewis?” Elder Gerald Martin solicited.

  “I-I do, but she gives herself with blessings from God,” Desirae stuttered. Pulling her in to embrace her, she whispered, “Are you sure you want to do this, Nomi?”

  “I’m positive.” She kissed her on the cheek.

  Releasing her, she stared at her bosom buddy wide-eyed and fearfully worried. Then Desirae broke down. “I love you, Nomi. No matter what, I will always be here for you.” She then took a seat on the first pew.

  As Mother Diane sat beside her, Desirae wept with deep-body, thrashing sobs and softly moaned with sadness. Filled with emotions, she witnessed Naomi-Ruth vow to take a man she feels her friend knows nothing about from the other side of the pulpit. While Naomi-Ruth pledged to love, honor, obey, and submit from the script written by the man she’s vowing to, Desirae’s body was overtaken in a fever of misery, and nausea gripped her middle as a sick feeling swept over her. Uncomfortable with the sudden emotions that seized her, she bounded from her seat and dashed toward the doors. Stopping in her tracks before exiting, she turned to face the trail of unspoken words and emotions sitting throughout the congregation.

  “I-I’m so sorry, Nomi. You know I don’t know how to pretend or be fake. I love you, my sister, and always will. Please remember, no matter what, I will be here for you when and if you need me.”

  Chapter Two

  Shaky Grounds . . .

  What do newlyweds do once the honeymoon is over? Still in seventh heaven, Naomi-Ruth glowed, admiring her husband from the passenger’s seat as their mini honeymoon ended.

  As long as she could remember, she had desired to marry a God-fearing man and live happily ever after. She had always longed for that fairy-tale wedding and honeymoon. With a pastor as her father, Naomi-Ruth’s image of the perfect man mirrored her dad. In her eyes, Pastor Lewis couldn’t be any closer to reflect. Everything was so surreal for her. Not only had the ceremony embodied the wedding of her dreams, but Pastor Lewis had put it and the mind-blowing honeymoon together himself. Naomi-Ruth had only traveled outside of the suburbs of Long Island once when she was a teenager. Other than that, it was for an event supporting her father or Pastor Lewis’s church. Thus, she’d spent the first day of her four-day mini-moon in Lake George in tears. It had been one of the most incredible hotel experiences she’d ever had. She didn’t want to leave the glamorous lobby with glittering chandeliers and gleaming marble floors. The fifteenth-floor suite they’d shared looked out on the skyline and Yara River, and the luxuries in the room were beyond what Naomi-Ruth could’ve imagined. To top it off, Pastor Lewis had set up a fantastic excursion of riverside horseback riding and hot-air balloon sightseeing. The romantic special flight put Naomi-Ruth in awe. The only thing she could do was sob as her groom gloated proudly. Obviously, his mission in their marriage was to keep a smile on his wife’s face.

  “You’ve made me the happiest wife in the world,” Naomi-Ruth gushed.

  “That’s my job,” Pastor Lewis returned as they made their way to the door of his captivating, three-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bathroom condo that was a well-lit oasis of tranquility.

  Covering her mouth, she exhaled. “All of this for me? What did I do to deserve this?” Naomi-Ruth stood astonished, mesmerized by the dozen different assortment of flowers adorning the living room.

  “I didn’t know what your favorite flower was, so I got some of everything.”

  “You’ve made the dreams I didn’t know I had come true,” she blubbered, unable to control her breathing like a child trying to stop crying.

  An introductory meeting of their lips took place, followed by an intense, irresistible melting of their flesh. Their mouths moved in unity. They devoured each other with their lips and tongues. Incapable of containing the obvious craving to become one with his spouse, Pastor Lewis lifted Naomi-Ruth off her feet and carried her into his master bedroom and bedded his wife for the first time. During their honeymoon, he decided the right moment would present itself. He felt they didn’t need to rush the intimacy. Their bodies would lead them. Their hearts would know. At this hour, Pastor Lewis knew. The time presented itself for them to consummate the vows they’d sworn to each other.

  * * *

  Naomi-Ruth moved slowly, inching one leg, then the other, until they were hanging off the bed, and she could ease her way to her feet, then tiptoe from the bedroom. After making her way downstairs, momentarily, surprise captured her tongue, witnessing a now-empty living room.

  “Dex . . . Dex . . .” She grabbed her chest, almost walking into Pastor Lewis.

  “I didn’t mean to startle you, my love. I felt you leave the bed. I’m surprised you didn’t hear me behind you.”

  “I-I didn’t hear you at all. What happened to all the flowers?”

  “I cleaned all of that up for you. We are one now, so there’s no need to lie dormant in yesterday. Today is a new day for us.”

  “Oh, Pastor Lewis, I mean, Dexter, you’re full of surprises.” She slipped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his chest. She whispered, “I cannot wait to see what you have in store for us today.”

  “Well, we must deal with first things first, my beautiful wife. Let me give you a tour of our home. You don’t have to worry about clothes because you have a whole new wardrobe. As the pastor’s wife, you have an image to uphold, so I purchased some things for you.”

  “Really? How did you know my size?”

  “When God sends you a great thing, He leaves no stone unturned. This is your walk-in closet.” He pointed to a closed door that appeared to lead to another bedroom.

  Speechless, Naomi-Ruth cried tears of joy mixed with some unnerved feelings that suddenly consumed her.

  “You are beautiful, Naomi-Ruth. I used to blush just looking at you. Sometimes, I had to look into the congregation so I wouldn’t lose my thought. I had to focus because I’d get lost in your beauty. Now, I don’t have to worry about any of that because God saved you just for me.” He twisted her around and joined his mouth with hers.

  Locking his hands with hers, he snickered, “You’re irresistible, my love. I cannot imagine my life without you. I am honored to have you as my wife.”

  “I am speechless. Words cannot describe the emotions that have captured my entire being. You’ve made my wildest dreams come true.”

  “God knows our hearts. You know as a pastor, but a man first, I have expectations, which is why I thought it’d be best if we started fresh.”

  “Whatever you need, I will do and be all that you want and need me to be, my beloved.”

  Brushing his hand along the side of her face, he confessed, “You are my rib, and I am now complete. Not every woman could handle or is qualified to be the first lady. God created you just for me. You may not know or be aware, but I am not a fan of makeup, pants, or sneakers. You’re beautiful without all that extra stuff. I also believe women are dainty and should always drape themselves in skirts, dresses, and heels.”

  Naomi-Ruth blinked and stared at her mate in horror. Her hands trembled as she tried to make sense of the words spilling from his lips. As her heart raced, she felt breathless, like he had knocked the wind out of her. She could not understand how or why the things she’s passionate about and made
a living doing were now wrong or perhaps a sin in her husband’s eyes. Outside of spending her every waking moment confined in the four walls of the church, Naomi-Ruth was a highly recommended and desired personal stylist and image consultant. She helped her clients develop and enhance their professional and personal images. Naomi-Ruth selected clothing for a variety of occasions and assisted people in choosing which styles were flattering and communicating an appropriate message.

  How can I not wear jeans and a blazer? There’s no way I can provide a beauty boost in things that I’m unable to take part in.

  With tears bucketing down her cheeks, she defended, “I have never done too much in the way of makeup or pants. I’ve always dressed modestly. If I am not mistaken, being who I am and how I carry myself are the things that grabbed your attention.”

  “Well, you now have my undivided attention. Unless you’re searching further for extra attention, none of those material things are necessary.”

  “Dexter, I do this for a living. How will this work or make any sense to my clients?”

  “That’s another thing we will have to discuss. My wife needs to be full time in ministry. I can’t imagine building up this ministry without you by my side at all times. In my dream, or vision, I should say, you want these things since I seek to have them. Am I incorrect? I can’t be because God doesn’t confuse.”

  Each gasp was like a searing pain rushing down her throat. Her mind was scattered, sending her thoughts in a million different directions. Naomi-Ruth didn’t understand what was happening as her dream had been to work in the fashion industry and to spend the rest of her life with a preacher like her mom. What was wrong with her having both? She had never put anything or anyone before God, which caused her to be at a loss for words and completely baffled.

  “My love, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. We don’t have to talk about this now if it’s too much for you all at once.”

  “I-I think I need a little time to digest and make sense of it all. If you don’t mind, I might do better with some fresh air. My life just did a complete 180. I need a moment to try to catch up with it.”

  “Of course, you do. Take all the time you need to get comfortable. I will be upstairs in my study. Before I forget, I left something for you on the kitchen table.” He kissed her forehead.

  Naomi-Ruth turned in the opposite direction, and her eyes crinkled as she made her way into the kitchen. There, she saw a table spread of eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, sausages, grits, biscuits, tea, coffee, apple juice, orange juice, water, and what appeared to be a love note along with a single white rose.

  “Oh my! Who did he plan on feeding with all this food?” She shook her head.

  “I didn’t know what you liked, so I had a little of everything prepared for you.” Dexter startled her again.

  As her stomach turned to ice, Naomi-Ruth confessed, “You scared me again. I didn’t hear you come up behind me.”

  “My apologies, beautiful. Please have a seat and enjoy your breakfast.” He pulled her chair from the table.

  “Thank you, but I don’t have too much of an appetite.”

  “At least have a glass of juice and some eggs.”

  As soon as Dexter excused himself from the kitchen, Naomi-Ruth opened the love note he left for her.

  To my beloved wife, Naomi-Ruth,

  I, Dexter Lewis, promise to love and honor you until I take my last breath. I write this as you sleep, and as my emotions have gotten the best of me. I cannot express how much you’ve made my life complete. I sought God long and hard, and when He showed me you were my wife, I made sure to prepare the perfect wedding, honeymoon, and home for you. God ordained this union, and what God joined together, no man or woman can tear apart. Not everyone will agree, understand, or approve. However, the Bible instructs man to leave father, mother, friends, family, and foe, and in marriage, become one. We are no longer two individuals but have formed a new unity. With that, I think it is best you break it easy to Desirae with the letter I have enclosed for her as we do not welcome her in our home. She took malicious satisfaction with that outburst on one of the most important days of our lives. I cannot tell her where to worship. However, she won’t be a suitable fit for where God is taking us. She will bring us down.

  I love you, Naomi-Ruth. This will be hard, but there’s nothing too hard for God.

  P. S. I have an exciting day planned for us and left your outfit for the day on the bed for you, my love.

  Love always,

  Your king and pastor,

  Dexter Lewis

  With trembling hands, Naomi-Ruth closed the letter and sobbed.

  God, I would never question you because I know your ways aren’t our ways . . . But why? I thought this would be one of the happiest times of my life. Yet, I feel as if my world has just come tumbling down. I’ve put no one or anything before you, God, so again I ask . . . Why?

  Chapter Three

  The Pain of Being Different . . .

  Pastor Dexter Lewis was born to Anastasia Lewis, who was 12 at the time. A parishioner at the church Anastasia and her foster family attended had raped her at the age of 11 and impregnated her during service in the church restroom. Her foster parents didn’t believe in abortion as they considered it a sin. Therefore, they forced her to carry and birth her rapist’s son. At 12, Anastasia struggled to give birth for three days and died during delivery because of severe bleeding. As a result, Diane and her husband, Reginald Lewis, adopted Dexter into their family of seven. Diane struggled with conceiving because of premature menopause as her menstrual cycle ceased when she was 26.

  Reginald and Diane, like so many others, stood at the altar, envisioning their beautiful lives together. As the years tumbled by, Diane begrudgingly threw away many negative pregnancy tests. They dreamed of having a son to carry on the family name. No matter how hard they tried or followed instructions, it was impossible. Considering she was medically unable to conceive and being a product of foster care herself, Diane opted for becoming a foster parent. Although disappointed with the outcome, Reginald had wanted to do whatever he could to make her happy. He’d been aware of how adamant Diane was about displaced children and preventing them from becoming products of the system.

  They longed for a son. However, God blessed them with daughters—five to be exact—Ramona, Taniece, Chanté, Anastasia, and Alethea. When Anastasia passed, the Lewises took Dexter in and adopted him as their son-slash-grandson. Although they adopted Dexter, they opted to call him their grandson as Diane didn’t feel like she had any right or place to call him her son. Internally, she felt Anastasia’s passing was her fault, and she could have prevented everything that had taken place.

  Dexter grew up in somewhat of a middle-class family. All of his physical needs were met. He’d eaten three healthy meals a day, had clean clothes, and a clean house to live in. On the surface, they appeared to be a “normal” family, but behind closed doors, things were different. Being the youngest and only boy, Dexter became the family’s “CinderFella.”

  Diane and Reginald spent most of their time in the church house. Therefore, they often left Dexter in the care of his older—and evil—foster sisters. The sisters blamed him for the death of Anastasia. They knew Dexter had been brought into the world forcefully, and, as a result, in their eyes, Anastasia died because of him, which left a hole in their sisterhood. The girls’ bond had been clannish, and outsiders had not been welcome. Back then, if you hurt, betrayed, or disagreed with one—you felt the wrath of all of them.

  At 12, they inducted Dexter into the role of CinderFella. Ramona, the oldest of the four sisters, had been the closest to Anastasia and knew how much it pained her to carry and birth a child of the man who stole her innocence. Dexter became a constant reminder of the agony her sister underwent for a year before passing away from complications of childbirth.

  “Ramona, why didn’t you tell Dexter, Happy Birthday?”

  “What’s happy about it, Taniece? Our sister passed away giving
birth to him.”

  “I know, and it hurts like hell, but we have to be strong, Ramona.”

  “I’m trying to, but that doesn’t mean my feelings can and will change. Our sister is gone, but he lives. There’s nothing to celebrate. He should’ve died, not Anastasia.” She broke down.

  “We have to try to not think like that.” She sniffled before continuing. “You know G-ma Dye is going to check you if you don’t acknowledge her precious jewel.”

  “I don’t care. Why do we have to cook and bake a cake for that little fag anyway?”

  “Ramona!”

  “What?” She rolled her eyes.

  “Tolerate him like we’ve been doing while they’re around. If we don’t look after him, they will make us go to church every second.”

  “I’ll try, but I can’t stand that little boy.”

  With that, Dexter’s childhood became a living hell. While the Lewises were out of the house or sight, the girls forced him to operate in his newfound CinderFella role. They treated him as if he were their maid between talking down to him and making fun of him.

  “Clean that bathroom,” one sister said.

  “When you finish, get to them dishes,” the other said.

  “And don’t drag your feet,” they ordered daily.

  Dexter spent many hours in his room, hiding and envisioning a different life. The schoolkids and his evil sisters bullied him regularly. The kids made fun of him and called him everything except Dexter. When it occurred the first time, he came home from school and cried to the girls.

  Rolling her eyes and taking in a deep, aggravated breath, Ramona mocked, “What’s wrong with you now? What’s the baby crying about now?”

  “The . . . the . . . The kids at school keep calling me names. They said my clothes are old-fashioned, and I’m a sissy.”

  “That’s terrible, but I have something for you to wear to school tomorrow. We’ll show them who’s the sissy. Go take those clothes off. I’ll be right back.”