Trouble and the Wallflower

by Kade Boehme

  Finally, 9:00 p.m. rolled around, and after taking out what little trash had accumulated throughout the day and taking care of the few closing duties he hadn’t already finished, Davy turned out the lights and locked the shop up for the night. He was happy to find that the night air was still warm, only a cool breeze from the Pacific reminding him that it wasn’t quite summer yet. The streets were deserted, aside from a few homeless people camped out under the pavilion in the park.

  As he stood waiting for the crosswalk signal to tell him he could walk, he saw a familiar car approaching. The blue Mitsubishi stopped abruptly at the curb beside him and rolled its window down. Davy leaned down to see Sean leaning across the center console with his usual friendly smile. “How much you charge for the full monty?”

  Davy smiled. “You could never afford it.” He wasn’t sure at what point he’d developed the ability to joke about sex with Sean. He sure as hell couldn’t with Gavin. Gavin mentioning sex still made Davy’s insides turn to mush and his face turn a bright shade of red.

  “I’m glad I caught you. A few of us are headed out to the beach. It’s nothing fancy but it’s a brown-bag beach and we’ll have a bonfire.”

  “Brown-bag beach?”

  Sean’s look was incredulous. “Dude. You’re so lucky you met me.”

  Davy snorted. “The jury’s still out on that one.”

  Sean threw his middle finger up. “Brown-bag beaches let you have liquor as long as they’re in a brown paper bag. Pretty self-explanatory.” Sean waved a brown bag that had a bottle of something in it. “Wanna party?”

  Davy felt the familiar butterflies in his stomach telling him it was probably a really bad idea.

  “I know, I know, you don’t like the crowds, but you know once we get some booze in you you’ll totally enjoy yourself. We’re just chilling and it’s the beach, hombre.”

  “Isn’t hombre a Mexican thing?”

  “Shut the fuck up and get in the car, Davy.” Sean pushed open the passenger-side door. Against his better judgment Davy slid into the passenger seat, all knees and elbows. At five foot eleven, he wasn’t terribly tall, but the car was definitely more suited for Sean’s five-foot-seven stature.

  They drove for about twenty minutes talking about nothing in particular. Traffic was light on the freeway and over the bridge to West Seattle. Davy loved the view of the cityscape from the other side of the bay. He rarely wandered farther than his apartment in Queen Anne, so he didn’t get the view of the Space Needle and tall buildings in their blue-tinted glow very often.

  When they arrived at the beach, Sean parallel-parked on the ocean-front road and announced they’d made it. Davy had to hold back a caustic no shit, because he could plainly see a bonfire with about twenty people his age gathered around. He’d never been to anything like this. Shocker. It seemed more suited for high schoolers but he wouldn’t say that to Sean.

  “Hey, take a shot of this.” Sean held out the open bottle of liquor he’d just taken a sip from. “And stop freaking out.”

  “I’m not freaking out.” Davy knew he sounded like a two-year-old and it hadn’t convinced Sean if the patronizing look he shot himwas anything to go by. “Fine,” Davy said as he snatched the bottle. “What is it?”

  “It’s just vodka. Here. Chase with this.” Sean offered him a can of Red Bull. Davy scrunched up his nose. Red Bull was certainly not his favorite but it was better than nothing. He took a long drink from the bottle, and Sean laughed at him as he chugged the Red Bull to soothe the burn the liquor left in his throat.

  “Gah! What the hell? Did you buy the cheapest crap they had?” Davy opened his door and spat on the ground to get some of the bitterness out of his mouth.

  “Of course. It’s about the buzz, not the taste.” Sean said this as if he were sharing the meaning of life.

  “Spoken like a true alcoholic.”

  “Spoken like a true smart-ass. I think I miss the quiet Davy. You’ve become so fresh lately.” Sean gave him a lighthearted shove. That made Davy clam up again but he smiled brighter than usual, feeling the booze soothe his nerves. This was why he didn’t drink often. The liquid courage was addicting, and the last thing he needed was to become dependent because that less-inhibited feeling was a joyous thing.

  He followed Sean out of the vehicle and shivered as the cool breeze nipped around him. “Heads up!” He turned just in time to catch a hoodie Sean had thrown him. He mumbles a thanks that probably went unheard over the wind blowing off the sound. It also would have helped if he hadn’t said it while pulling the hoodie over his head. Sean handed Davy the vodka and can of Red Bull, then led the way, carrying blankets.

  Sean called out their arrival to everyone. Mason and Devon approached with fist bumps and hellos and took blankets from Sean to spread on the sand. Nate, as usual, stood back with a hesitant welcome. Davy wondered again what the guy’s problem was. He noticed quickly that Gavin was missing among the group of people who were gathered around the bonfire. He was disappointed but didn’t have time to think on that feeling too long. Sean snagged him by the arm and led Davy over to the group for introductions. He was glad Sean had left him in charge of the booze, so he could take a couple more pulls from the bottle. Soon, Sean noticed his discomfiture. He assured Davy he’d socialized enough that no one would think him rude if he went and relaxed where they’d spread the blankets. And that was exactly what Davy did.

  Someone eventually opened a car door and turned up the radio. Everyone started dancing together. It didn’t take long before most of them were drunk, some wasted. Davy sipped from the bottle every once in a while, enjoying the starry night and the sloshing of the water that could be heard over the music. He’d always preferred being the fly on the wall, anyway. He was amused at the antics of the other people.

  He’d been distracted by Sean and Mason doing a slow grind against each other, wondering if something was there when he became acutely aware of someone standing beside him. He knew who it was before he even looked up. He could feel Gavin’s presence. Gavin was watching the action too. He gave Davy a pat on the shoulder, then eased downto sit beside him. He looked comfortable in a gray hoodie and khaki shorts. Davy felt himself wanting so badly to wrap his arms around Gavin and sit there for hours. He knew he’d said just friends, but sometimes it was impossible to ignore how strong his attraction to Gavin was. He trusted Gavin as a friend more and more every day but he knew how Gavin operated in the romantic department. Davy had been burned enough to know not to even touch a guy like Gavin. Gavin seemed to have lost interest, anyway. Not that Davy could blame him after he’d been such a freak.

  Nothing brings the boys to the yard like a hot mess. He laughed at himself derisively.

  “What are you laughing at?” Gavin bumped Davy’s shoulder with his own.

  “Nothing,” Davy mumbled. “Must be the booze.”

  “Right.” Gavin always sounded as if he knew Davy better than Davy knew himself, and it annoyed the hell out of Davy. Gavin pulled a flask out of the pocket of his hoodie. “Whiskey?”

  Davy studied the flask. “Really? You carry a flask? Who does that?”

  “Hey! Don’t hate. This flask has saved me from paying for expensive drinks in dingy clubs many a time.”

  Davy rolled his eyes. “Classy.”

  “Always.” Gavin patted Davy’s back, eyes dancing jovially. Davy felt the touch down to his toes and was annoyed at how quickly his cock responded. It didn’t help that Gavin smelled delicious. Normally the smell of cigarette smoke would piss him off and Gavin definitely smelled of that, but he also smelled like whatever cologne. Davy never would have imagined cigarettes and Polo would be a turn-on.

  They sat silently for a few moments. Davy couldn’t seem to find his voice, but for once he didn’t feel the need. He soaked in the comfort of having Gavin close. He wondered if Gavin felt the strange peace that existed between them too. Not likely. You told him to get lost, remember?

  “Wanna—”

  “How wa
s—?”

  They started to speak and laughed when they stopped. Davy put his hand over his mouth. “Sorry. Go ahead.”

  Gavin studied him for a minute. Damn the man for always making him burn deep in his soul with just a look. “Wanna stop being a wallflower and dance?”

  Davy shook his head and didn’t miss a beat with his vehement “No. No, thanks.”

  Gavin nodded once. “Cool. Well, I’m gonna go say hey to everyone.”

  Davy didn’t respond, just returned to his people watching. Gavin used Davy’s shoulder to push himself up, then walked down to the group of dancing bodies, who all stopped to greet him. Davy was envious of Gavin’s confidence. Gavin seemed to travel on another plane and it made everyone gravitate toward him. Davy couldn’t be more different if he tried. No wonder Gavin was okay with being just friends. And Davy couldn’t figure out why that bothered him so much. Not like he dated. Dating was too messy. And Lord knew Gavin didn’t date. He was like a tomcat. He prowled and took what he wanted, then he’d slink away in the morning to go find someone else to feed him. Davy was intrigued while at the same time being put off by that fact. If he didn’t know Gavin was more than a total player, he’d never consider him friend material.

  Davy watched them all in wonder for a few minutes. Then decided he’d had enough booze for the night. So he wandered back to Sean’s car to get the bottled water from the messenger bag he’d left in the backseat. He returned to the blanket but before he settled back down in his spot, he caught a glimpse of Gavin, whose body was plastered to a larger guy, mouths sensuously close to kissing as they slid against each other to the beat of the music. It was hot, but it made Gavin’s stomach clench with jealousy. He couldn’t call it anything but jealousy. He wanted to hurl up all of the alcohol he’d consumed. He knew he had no right, to feel this way but he couldn’t stop the emotion from becoming overwhelming.

  Then they kissed. Davy turned abruptly to leave but was caught by Nate. “Davy, where ya headed?” Of course Nate would decide to talk to him now.

  “Uh, I’m gonna go catch the bus. I have to be up early and I don’t wanna drag anybody away.”

  Nate gave him a funny look. “It’ll take forever to get back by bus. Are you sure you don’t wanna wait?”

  Davy knew Nate was right. He weighed his options for a moment, but when he looked over to see Gavin and the guy he’d been dancing with walking off hand in hand to a darker part of the beach, Davy smacked himself mentally. “Nah. I’m just gonna head out. Tell Sean I said thanks for inviting me.”

  Davy could see that Nate had seen exactly why Davy was leaving. “Typical,” Nate grumbled as if maybe his statement was a bit more personal than Davy knew. Of course it would be. The rich kid would be right up Gavin’s alley. Nate was pretty in a yacht-club kind of way. Perfectly cut brown hair, bright-green eyes, polos and khakis no matter where they went. He was tan from his mocha hair down to his blue Sperrys. Suddenly, Davy really needed to get the hell out of there.

  “Have a good night, Nate.” He didn’t wait for a response before slipping off down the street, never happier to hear anything than the fading voices signaling he was getting far away from that party. Far away from Gavin.

  Chapter Seven

  Gavin was good and annoyed as he stood in line at a hot dog stand on Pine waiting to order his lunch. He thought he’d gotten somewhere with Davy. He thought they’d at least developed a decent friendship, but over the last week he’d noticed Davy had started freezing him out again. He’d seemed fine at the party, but after that night, any time Gavin went into Bart’s alone, Davy’s face shuttered and his smiles were forced. Gavin found himself thinking What the fuck? quite often. He didn’t get it. He’d gotten to the point that he’d stopped going in altogether by the time another week of Davy’s freaky behavior had passed. Sean said they’d had lunch a couple of times but they never talked about Gavin. Sean said he could sense something wrong too, though, so it wasn’t just Gavin’s imagination.

  He hated to think it, but it’d be nice to have Davy’s quiet presence around him. Gavin felt an eerie sense of calm when he was with Davy. He didn’t understand it, but he needed it. That scared him, but right now he’d take what he could get.

  He couldn’t remember if he’d mentioned Ray’s cancer in any of his conversations with Davy, but the oncologist had found out the radiation hadn’t helped. Ray was going to die. Gavin was going to be alone. Again. And damn if Davy wasn’t who he wanted to talk to. Damn if he knew why. The guys had been sympathetic enough but they couldn’t understand it. They all still had their families. Yeah, his mom was still around but she could rot for all he cared. Ray was who he had and soon he would be gone. No one would understand that like Davy who spoke reverently about his mother. She’d fucked him up with her overbearing nature and fears of the world, but in the end she’d been Davy’s person. His comfort. Davy would know what it was like to lose that.

  Gavin couldn’t get through this as he did other things. He couldn’t drink and go out with the boys and hook up with random guys and expect everything to be better in the morning. That was impossible. He’d have to sleep through half of Seattle to numb himself to this. He hadn’t even had it in him to do more than make out with the guy at the party. They guy had tried for more, but Gavin left him with his number and an apology, blaming it on whiskey dick.

  He was not himself and he knew it. He didn’t want to dump this on Ray, either. He was trying to put on a brave face. If Ray could be brave about dying, then Gavin could be brave about seeing him through to the end. Ray deserved that. Not like his piece-of-shit daughter would drag her sorry ass around to help out.

  Gavin couldn’t let himself think about his mother right now, though. Thinking about Carmen Walker would make him officially lose his shit and he didn’t have time. He had school, Ray, and a friendship that had becoming important to him quickly all slipping away at the same time. He had to get his head in the game.

  He remembered he needed to call Nate. Sean said that Nate had talked to Davy before he left. Nate was the one who told Sean Davy’d taken the bus. Gavin remembered how disappointed he’d been when he ditched the guy on the beach and just wanted five more minutes of silent comfort from Davy only to find he’d gone and no one knew when. He was surprised Davy hadn’t even tried to find him to say good-bye. It was all so confusing.

  His turn finally came up and he placed his order. While he waited for the vendor to top his brat with cream cheese and grilled onions, he dialed Nate’s cell. He’d been avoiding it until the last minute. Nate had been weird lately too, so he’d hoped Davy would come around before he had to call in Nate’s assistance. Nate answered right as the vendor handed Gavin his bratwurst in exchange for a ten-dollar bill, keep the change.

  “Nate-dawg, what’s up?”

  “Oh. Hey, Gav. How’s it going?”

  “I asked first.” He stared longingly at his lunch and prayed Nate wouldn’t drag this on in the bitchy way he tended to do when Gavin needed something.

  “I’m good. We’re at the yacht club down in Tacoma.” Gavin rolled his eyes. One reason he’d never be very close to Nate was the guy’s pompous way of mentioning his family’s money all the time. Gavin didn’t think it was consciously done, but that almost made it worse. Gavin knew his family wasn’t hurting for anything thanks to his gramps investing well and money from his grandmother’s side of the family. In fact, Gavin’s trust fund probably looked better than Nate’s. He just didn’t spend his like Nate did his. He’d take Vans and American Eagle jeans any day. But Nate, Nate only wore Ralph Lauren and the like. It was obnoxious. But he wasn’t all bad, so Gavin hoped he could appeal to his softer side today.

  “That’s cool.” Gavin walked back to his truck and jumped in, then laid his lunch on the armrest. “So, I have a question.” He could have sworn he heard an unpleasant “Of course you do,” but he chose to ignore it. “So you saw Davy before he left the party the other night, right?”

  “Yes, Gavin. W
hat about it?” Gavin pulled the phone back and looked at it for a second. Rude, much?

  “Did he seem okay? He’s been weird lately, and I wondered if somebody had said something to him or something.”

  Nate huffed into the phone. Gavin was beginning to wonder if there was some secret We Hate Gavin club meeting behind his back. He wouldn’t be surprised with Nate, though. They’d had a couple run-ins over Nate’s one-sided crush on Gavin. Gavin had never even pretended there was a hope for any kind of relationship with Nate or anyone, for that matter. He figured his obvious concern for Davy was probably rubbing Nate the wrong way but he didn’t know what he could do about it. After a minute listening to shuffling and some muffled speaking on the other end of the line, Nate finally came back. “Dude, why haven’t you tried, I don’t know, asking him?”

  “Because that’d get me so far with him. Dude, you know he’s not one to talk about his problems.”

  Nate huffed again. Gavin considered throwing his phone but that wouldn’t make him feel any better and wouldn’t get him any closer to whatever Nate knew. “Nate, c’mon. Did he say anything weird before he left?”

  “Look, Gav. All I know is he looked pretty crushed when you walked off to hook up with that dude at the party. I’d almost talked him into staying until he saw you guys wander off.”

  Gavin grimaced. How’d he not even consider that?

  “I thought you guys were just friends, anyway.” Oh yeah. That’s why.

  “We are. I don’t know why it’d bother him.”

  “Well it did. Bad. Are we done here?”

  “Yeah. Sure. Thanks a lot, Nate.” Nate didn’t hear the thanks, though. He’d already ended the call. Gavin didn’t have the energy to deal with that now. He was too busy reeling from the idea that Davy may have actually been interested in him and he may have fucked it up, yet again. He could handle Davy not wanting him and being his friend, but he couldn’t handle not having Davy around at all because they were both suffering from what they thought were unrequited feelings. He was horrified to try anything, though. He wasn’t exactly relationship material and they were about as compatible in that department as oil and water. All he knew was that he needed to tread carefully if he didn’t want to lose Davy for good. And for some reason, he knew he couldn’t handle that.