Hidden Heart

by Amy Lane

  Then another aftershock rocked Spencer, and Theo roared in his final eruption, and the room went silent, echoing with their cries of climax.

  Theo gave a groan and slumped against his chest, and Spencer stroked his sweaty back in comfort.

  “How was that?” Theo panted in his ear. “That wasn’t bad, was it?”

  “That was amazing,” Spencer replied. “That was fantastic. I’m wrecked. Why did we do that again?”

  Theo lifted his face from the hollow of Spencer’s neck and kissed him, passionately, but with a tenderness Spencer had never felt before—and until now, he’d never given to anyone himself.

  Theo broke off from the kiss, breathing hard, and Spencer slid out of him in a rush of come that Spencer could probably have rolled around in all night if it hadn’t meant changing the sheets.

  “We did that,” Theo said softly, “because I love you. And because I don’t want you to doubt that I’m yours. And because I want to see your body in the daylight, because it’s your body, and I want you to know I love it too.”

  For a moment Spencer could only gape at him, almost betrayed.

  “You… you love me?” he managed, the words opening up a wound in his chest at the same time they healed one. “How… how did that happen?” He’d heard them before, hadn’t he? Had he said them? It felt like he’d said them—how could he not?

  Theo rubbed those thumbs over his cheekbones, then at the corners of his mouth. “I don’t know, Spence. Sometimes falling for someone is like falling out of a helicopter. It takes a little bit of luck, good and bad, and the courage to come up for air and fight for safety. If you could do that and have faith your friends would save us, can’t you fall for me and hope I can do the same?”

  Spencer bit his lip, suddenly shy and with no place to escape. “Oh, Woodchuck,” he said, feeling like he was admitting something huge here. “I’ve already fallen. I… I may be shitty at showing you, but I’ve fallen. You’re not wrong.”

  Theo kissed the end of his nose playfully. “You going to be a grown-up here and say the words when you’re not mostly asleep?”

  Damn him. “I love you,” he mumbled. “There. You happy? I need to get out of bed and use the bathroom, so I hope your—”

  Theo apparently had completely honed his detector of Spencer’s bullshit, because that’s when he leaned forward and took Spencer’s mouth like he owned it and Spencer only got to lease it when it was his turn to give the blowjobs.

  He broke off again and slid to Spencer’s side, running his fingertips over Spencer’s chest, his stomach, and his thighs in the light from the window.

  “You really do have a rockin’ body,” he said happily.

  “Who even says that?” Spencer asked, capturing his hand before he started tickling. Theo laced their fingers together, and Spencer decided that would work and rested their hands on his ribs.

  “That was Oscar,” Theo said. “He was pretty sure that’s the only kind of sex you’d had before me—the kind where someone thought you had a rockin’ body. I was not shocked.”

  “Oscar is straight,” Spencer muttered. Oh dear God, how was he supposed to leave Theo alone here when nobody was giving him the right information?

  “Yes, but his best friend isn’t, and he says he understands the appeal even if he doesn’t feel it himself.” Theo laughed a little. “Of course, Oscar and Belinda couldn’t be separated with a crowbar and giant gorillas, so maybe he was just trying to reassure me, but I think he was mostly right.”

  Spencer sighed. “I… I don’t know. When I do get back in the air, Elsie and I are gone a lot. I mean, Glen’s working hard to make it only three days a week, but when we first joined up, it could be six out of seven days. Nobody wants that for a relationship, you know.”

  “It won’t be easy,” Theo admitted. “But it will help that I’ll be at the office. I’ll see you when you’re loading up, and I know where you’ll be. Glen and Cash go weeks at a time when Cash is on tour. I know that’s rough—and Cash told me he was going to start touring less, because he wanted to be with Glen more—but see? Glen’s already working to give everybody fewer hours. And right now, I’m the one who’s gone, and we’re doing okay, right?”

  Spencer nodded and moved their hands to right over his heart, shivering a little. Theo reached down and pulled the comforter over them, but Spencer could tell he wasn’t willing to give up their time together.

  Well, maybe he had the right idea.

  “Yeah,” Spencer had to concede. “We’re doing okay.”

  “Mm. So tell me….”

  Spencer scowled, and at that moment there was a giant whoomp, and Stupid leapt on the bed. He walked over Spencer’s chest, putting at least 200 PSI on each paw, before he stretched out on his side, panting, between Spencer and Theo.

  “Tell you what?” Spencer asked and then frowned at the cat. “Is he okay?”

  “I was going to say tell me about all the things that made you afraid of intimacy, but no, he is not okay.”

  The cat—who had only grown fatter after Spencer had gotten home—seemed a bit bedraggled, although he’d been eating enough for ten.

  Spencer actually heard himself think that and looked at the cat again.

  “Theo?”

  “Yeah?”

  “We just had sex, and your cat is having kittens.”

  “It was great sex, the world is fine, and the cat is not—” Spencer actually heard the pieces click. “Stupid, you slutty little ho-bag, you went out and got knocked up during the apocalyptic flood, didn’t you?”

  “That would be about right,” Spencer said. “It’s been about eight weeks, and a cat’s gestation period is fifty-eight to sixty-seven days.”

  Theo stared at him. “How would you even—”

  “Theo, we live on a ranch surrounded by dogs. Oscar has his Animal Health Technician certification and Preston has a degree in animal husbandry. Believe me. There are things about animals that I know.”

  “Belinda wanted a cat, didn’t she?” Theo asked, because he was smart that way.

  “She did, and then she got knocked up instead.”

  They both looked at Stupid, who was panting uncomfortably, her stomach rippling with a contraction and her uberthick fur sticking up oddly in all the places.

  “I’ll go get a towel to put under her,” Theo said.

  “You do that. I’m gonna put on some pants.” Spencer stared at the cat as he swung his legs over the bed. “Sweetheart, I know this is probably not your favorite thing right now, but I have to tell you, your timing is impeccable.”

  “I heard that!” Theo shouted from the hallway as he rifled through the closet. “You are so not off the hook!”

  Spencer rooted around the foot of the bed, found his briefs, and spoke to the cat again. “That’s what he thinks. Nobody wants to hear that shit. Believe me.”

  While Spencer was struggling into his briefs, Colonel came in, whining and wagging his tail slowly in anxiety.

  “Are you here to midwife?” Spencer asked, with only a little bit of skepticism. That damned dog might not know the difference between Spencer and cocaine, but he did seem to have a doctorate in empathy. Sure enough, Colonel put his front two feet on the bed and leaned over, licking Stupid’s head again and again and again. Stupid didn’t argue—instead she just kept panting, closing her eyes like the big asshole was making her feel better.

  Spencer watched them and sighed. “Go ahead, doofus.” Then he called to Theo. “Theo, I think we’re sleeping in your bed tonight.”

  “It’s the guest room, Spencer,” Theo said, appearing in the doorway, still naked.

  Spencer caught his breath for a moment and took time to appreciate Theodore Wainscott completely naked.

  He had the classic hunk body, maybe a little lean because hey, twenty-four was twenty-four, but he had muscular thighs, a bubble butt, wide shoulders, and narrow hips. Like two Doritos, point to point, with a little olive on top for a head.

  Except S
pencer had been inside that ass, and he’d had that body covering his, and Theo wanted him.

  And these facts were… well, indisputable, really.

  “What?” Theo asked, gently—oh so gently—lifting Stupid enough to slide some aged towels under her body.

  “I am processing a very eventful day,” Spencer said gruffly, feeling choked up for no reason at all. “Get dressed. I’m all thinking about sex now, and that seems inappropriate, considering what Stupid is about to do to my bed.”

  “Our bed,” Theo corrected. “And the guest room is going to be our bed too. I know you’re new to relationships, but I think you should learn the lingo.”

  “Sure,” Spencer said, inexplicably shy about this as he seemed to be about all things relating to Theo. “Our bed. Our house. Our dog, our cat, our relationship. I understand now. But get dressed. You’re very pretty, naked, and I think you need to be aware of that.”

  And suddenly Theo was the one smiling shyly and looking away. “Yeah? I’m pretty?”

  Spencer found his jeans and sat down so he could get his feet in. “I can’t even believe I have to tell you this.”

  “And yet here we are. Tell me more about how pretty I am. I’ve never been seen naked by the object of my desire. I think I need to hear it.”

  Stupid let out a distressed, pitiful meow, and Spencer gave Theo a level look. “You are a very good-looking young man, and I can’t believe I hit that. What are we going to do about the cat literally squirting out kittens in our bed?”

  Theo pulled away from Stupid, who was now wrapped in the old towel, and Colonel, who was licking her head like a pro.

  “I, uh… well, I guess I should get dressed and maybe call Preston? You think?”

  Spencer scrubbed at his face and reached for his shirt, which was right under Colonel’s paw. Colonel whined as he tried to pull it away, though, so he hopped to his drawer and grabbed a T-shirt from there.

  “I’ll remember this, traitor,” he mumbled. “And yeah, Theo, I think Preston might help.” He reached for the comforter and very carefully straightened it over the bed, which was a wee bit… messy, after what they’d been doing before the kitty emergency. “But maybe we should, I dunno, Febreze the place first?”

  Theo grimaced. “Yeah. You’re right.” Then he grinned. “Heh heh heh… the day keeps piling up the new experiences. My ass feels great by the way. All tingly! You should be proud!” And with that, he practically bounded away, leaving Spencer in awe.

  “Jesus, and people complain about my mouth! Tingly? Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “I heard that!” Theo called, and Spencer looked at the animals, who seemed to be very much engaged.

  “You two,” he muttered. “You do realize that this living situation was your choice, both of you? Stupid, you could have had a nice little old lady, but you had to take off and get laid. Colonel, you adopted me at first sight. This here?” He made a little circling motion with his finger. “This is not my fault. So if that kid wants us all to be family, you need to be nice to him. Cat? That means no kitten tragedies in the foreseeable future. Dog? That means don’t eat the kittens. That’s a real thing.”

  They ignored him, and he hobbled into the living room while Theo buzzed past him with the air freshener, and Spencer collapsed on the recliner with a sigh, because it really had been quite a day.

  He pulled out his phone and hit the number. “Preston?”

  “You are supposed to be resting,” Preston growled.

  “I was, but then a cat jumped onto my bed and started giving birth.”

  “That’s unusual,” Preston declared. “I’ll be right over.” And then he clicked the phone off, and Spencer was left on the recliner while Theo aired out the room.

  PRESTON arrived shortly, with Belinda and Caden on his heels, and everybody but Spencer went into the room to watch poor Stupid pant and be uncomfortable. They came back in and Preston announced that there were two kittens born already, and that Stupid was cleaning them and not eating them, and then he and Theo went back into the room to watch and make sure that didn’t happen. Since Spencer had never known that could be a problem, he was suitably horrified.

  Belinda, on the other hand, was perfectly fine with the fact that this sometimes happened, and as a consequence, so much more excited that Stupid appeared to be a good mother.

  “Oh, they’re going to be potluck in colors,” she said. “We’ve got a black one and an orange one, and Stupid is that unusual dark gray. I can’t wait until they’re a little older—we’ll be up here all the time to watch them grow!” She gave Spencer a sly look. “It’s a good thing Theo was here to make it look nice. It’s like a real home and everything.”

  “Theo’s good that way,” Spencer admitted. “I didn’t really spend a lot of time here in those first months.”

  She smiled prettily. “Well, this thing has forced you to slow down a little—that’s not always bad.” She set the baby down on the ground, where he proceeded to grab the couch cushions and pull himself up. And then sit down. And pull himself up. And then sit down. And then laugh because apparently this was the best frickin’ game he’d ever played.

  “See?” Belinda said, looking fondly at the chubby brown-haired angel of her dreams. “You’re just like him. You were probably on the move from the time you could crawl. Having to sit still makes you see the whole world and not just the parts you’re avoiding so you don’t crash.”

  “That’s really wise,” he said, admiring her a lot. Belinda would never yell at her child for being sick and lazy. She wouldn’t let anybody else lay a finger on him because he didn’t finish his chores fast enough. And this woman—this smiling, adorable woman who was perfectly content to spend her life taking care of dogs with her husband and raising her child, or children, in a place where they could run and be happy and learn kindness—would never teach a child that it was okay to hate someone because of the color of their skin, or who they were hardwired to kiss, or what they wanted to wear.

  The charming creature currently eating his couch was going to grow up knowing he was loved.

  Spencer swallowed, remembering Theo’s request (ha! His demand!) that Spencer tell him what made him afraid of intimacy and thought that maybe—just maybe—Theo had a point. If he put a voice to the things that scared him, then maybe he could leave them behind.

  He certainly did like where he was now, Theo’s smell still lingering on his skin, people he cared about running into his house to see what even he had to admit was a miracle. Friends he loved to work with, doing something they all enjoyed. A best friend who would always have his back. And children. Whether they were Elsie and Josh’s or Oscar and Belinda’s, and whether he eventually came around to one for Theo and himself, there would be children in their lives to love.

  Watching Caden continue to eat his couch and yell about how tasty it apparently was, he remembered when he was a kid and had been lying in bed sniveling with a bruised ass and a burning anger, and how he’d made all sorts of vows about what sort of parent he’d be when he was grown.

  And it was a lot like the kind of parents Belinda and Oscar were, and Imake happen.

  Spencer smiled at Belinda, thinking she and her family were wonderful, and asked if he could get her something to eat—it was getting toward dinner time, and he’d put away groceries. He knew they had some to spare.

  Belinda smiled at him and patted his knee. “No worries. In fact, I’ve got a casserole at home I was going to bring you. Theo said you might not be up to going to the big house tonight.”

  Spencer sighed. “We’ve got a golf cart, honey. Don’t put yourself out.”

  Belinda gave him a distinctly female look, the kind that made her eyes go like a cat’s and her mouth turn up wickedly. “I think he was talking about a romantic night in, Spencer. The kind of night where the cat had to jump up between you when you were in bed at five in the afternoon.”

  Suddenly Spencer could look everywhere but at her. “Well, yeah, but now the
cat’s squirting out babies, and I think Preston needs to be here to make sure they come out. Not hardly romance.”

  “True, but I’m still going to go get the casserole, and we can eat it here while we’re waiting for the miracle of birth.” She eyed Caden, who had decided to sit down and gnaw on the end table instead, his eyes at a distinct half-mast. She plucked his chubby baby body up off Spencer’s carpet and put him in Spencer’s arms, along with a bottle of juice that she’d pulled from some sort of brightly colored purse thing over her shoulder. She set the purse thing on the floor by the end table while Spencer tried to understand the sleepy creature in the crook of his arm.

  “Here. Hold this. It wiggles sometimes but will probably doze off right now, so don’t panic. Theo’s in the next room, and he can do the chasing if it comes down to that. I’ll be back in a sec with your casserole and salad fixings, and we can all eat before Preston and I get out of your hair.” She bent down and kissed his cheek. “I know you’re anxious to get back on your feet, Spencer, but think about it this way. You have this sort of rare opportunity to get to know a really great person better. And if things go right, he may be the love of your life. So enjoy yourself.”

  And then she turned around and practically bunny-hopped out of the house.

  Spencer started to call after her and then remembered the thing that might wiggle, who was currently stashed in the crook of his arm. “Heya, kid,” he muttered, offering the bottle of juice. The baby grabbed the bottle and stuck it in his mouth, no help needed. Sucking contentedly, he turned his sunshine face up to Spencer as Theo came out of the bedroom.

  “What’s the damage?” Spencer asked, gazing down at the kid with the same sort of adoration he’d seen on everyone else’s face.

  “We’ve got five so far, and she’s still working. I’ll have to tell Thelma—she’ll be excited to hear about Stupid’s rockin’ sex life. Apparently she got very busy, with a variety of daddies, because damn. No two kittens the same.” Theo had gotten emails from the woman and children he’d been stranded on the porch with that fateful day. It made Spencer happy to think that Theo hadn’t left all the people he’d grown up with behind.