Stake That

by Mari Mancusi

  Curiouser and curiouser, as Alice in Wonderland would say. . . .

  Anyway, that’s all to report for now. More tomorrow, I’m sure. At least Jareth and I seem to have reached some kind of truce. We’re never going to be BFFs, but at least we’re not at each other’s throats. Well, maybe that’s a bad analogy . . . I mean, let’s be honest here. Annoying or not, I’d let him be at my throat any day of the week. ;-)

  POSTED BY RAYNE McDONALD @ 1 A.M.

  ONE COMMENT:

  AstrydGrrl777 says . . .

  You got bit by a vampire! How cool is that? I’m sooooo jealous! What did it feel like? I mean, I know you kinda described it, but we want details! Lots of intimate, personal, embarrassing details! Come on, girl! Spill!!

  11

  TUESDAY, JUNE 5, 1:33 A.M.

  I Can’t Breathe!

  OMG! So I’m like almost asleep and I hear a car pull up. Mom! I jump out of bed and run to my window, hoping to get a good look at the date.

  The front spotlight flickers on, illuminating two figures on the front porch. Two figures kissing, to be precise.

  At first I’m overjoyed that my mom has found a boyfriend and is at last getting her groove on. But then I look closer. As the boyfriend in question pulls away, I get a good glimpse of his face for the first time. A face I’d recognize anywhere.

  And suddenly I can’t breathe.

  I’ve got to IM Sunny. Now!

  POSTED BY RAYNE McDONALD @ 1:33 A.M.

  TWO COMMENTS:

  ButterfliQT says ...

  ARGH! What is it? You can’t leave us hanging like that! Who is it? It’s not your Trig teacher, is it? The one you and Spider were talking about sleeping with? That’d be sooo nasty! Please post more and tell us it’s not your Trig teacher!

  Rayne says . . .

  Don’t worry—it’s not my Trig teacher. And just FYI, I don’t know about Spider, but I’d rather take an F than come within ten feet of Mr. McFee. I don’t do balding mullets.

  12

  TUESDAY, JUNE 5, 2 A.M.

  Do Boyfriends Bite?

  No time to explain. Pasting in chat transcript with Sunny to fill you in. This is huge. HUGE! And really, really, really BAD!

  RAYNIEDAY: Sunny, are you awake?

  RAYNIEDAY: Sunny, if you’re not awake, wake up now! It’s important.

  RAYNIEDAY: SUNNY!!!!

  SUNSHINEBABY: What the heck are you IM’ing me for at 2am?

  RAYNIEDAY: I need to talk to you. It’s an emergency.

  SUNSHINEBABY: Uh, okay. But why not just walk across the hall and knock on my door? It’s not like I’m in Topeka.

  RAYNIEDAY: Cause Mom’s home. She might hear me.

  SUNSHINEBABY: She’ll hear tiptoed steps, but not the loud, obnoxious IM beeps coming from our computers?

  RAYNIEDAY: So turn your sound down. Jeesh. You and technology. And hurry up. This can’t wait.

  SUNSHINEBABY: Okay, okay. Hang on.

  RAYNIEDAY: . . .

  SUNSHINEBABY: Okay, done. Now what’s so important?

  RAYNIEDAY: I don’t know how to tell you this, but . . .

  SUNSHINEBABY: Oh, god, Rayne, just spit it out. It’s 2am and I’ve got a field hockey game tomorrow.

  RAYNIEDAY: Hmph. This is so much more important than a field hockey game. Mom’s dating a vampire.

  SUNSHINEBABY: Field hockey is too import—WHAT?!??!

  RAYNIEDAY: I told you it was important. But no. You never believe me. . . .

  SUNSHINEBABY: Wait. Focus. I don’t understand? How can she be dating a vampire?

  RAYNIEDAY: She just got home. I spied out my window at them kissing.

  SUNSHINEBABY: You know, that’s pretty rude, Rayne. Whether we like Mom dating or not, she deserves our respect and privacy.

  RAYNIEDAY: Are you going to listen to me about our mom dating the undead or just lecture on parental etiquette all night?

  SUNSHINEBABY: Fine. Go on.

  RAYNIEDAY: So the guy pulls away and I get a good glimpse of his face. And I recognize him immediately. I saw him my first night at the Blood Bar. He was sort of standing in a corner, surveying the place. I’m thinking he works there as, like, a manager or something.

  SUNSHINEBABY: OMG! So he’s not only a vampire, he’s a bad vampire. One of Maverick’s men.

  RAYNIEDAY: Yeah. That’s what I was thinking. He probably thinks by getting close to Mom he can get close to you and then get close to Magnus.

  SUNSHINEBABY: Wow. What are we going to do? We can’t just tell Mom she’s dating Dracula.

  RAYNIEDAY: No. But we have to do something.

  SUNSHINEBABY: Maybe he’s not a vampire. Maybe he’s a human who likes to be bit by them. You know, a customer.

  RAYNIEDAY: It’s possible. But I don’t know. And really, it doesn’t seem that good either way, now does it?

  SUNSHINEBABY: Wow. This is just like what happened on The Lost Boys.

  RAYNIEDAY: The Lost Boys?

  SUNSHINEBABY: Vampire movie from the eighties? With Kiefer Sutherland? Jeesh, Rayne, I thought you watched all those movies.

  RAYNIEDAY: I try to stick to vampire classics. Bela Lugosi. Maybe some Christopher Lee. Jack Bauer from 24 just doesn’t scream VAMP to me.

  SUNSHINEBABY: Fine. But you should watch it. Like, tomorrow. It’s totally the same thing. The kids’ mom starts dating this guy and they think he’s a vampire so they try to prove it.

  RAYNIEDAY: How do they do that?

  SUNSHINEBABY: Um, I can’t remember exactly. Garlic. Holy water. Stuff like that, I think. Really good movie, even if they do all have big hair and bad clothes.

  RAYNIEDAY: So you’re suggesting we try that stuff on the date? Hm. Not a bad idea. Then we’d have proof. I mean, I’d like to have proof before I go and stake Mom’s BF.

  SUNSHINEBABY: Yes. Seems wise.

  RAYNIEDAY: Sigh. Poor Mom. She was so excited about the guy. It’s going to suck to have to slay him.

  SUNSHINEBABY: But it’s in her best interest. After all, he doesn’t really like her. He’s just using her to get to me.

  RAYNIEDAY: Right. True. We have the best intentions.

  SUNSHINEBABY: Anyway—I’ve got to get some sleep. School tomorrow. Goodnight, Rayne.

  RAYNIEDAY: You’re such a nerd. I can’t believe you can think of school at a time like this.

  SUNSHINEBABY: GOOD NIGHT, RAYNE.

  RAYNIEDAY: Sigh. Night, Sun.

  SUNSHINEBABY HAS LEFT THE CHAT.

  POSTED BY RAYNE McDONALD @ 2 A.M.

  TWO COMMENTS:

  Just Curious says . . .

  Wow, what’s with you chicks? You’re all hooking up with vamps? Is there something in the McDonald family water supply? Is your blood supersweet?

  Rayne says . . .

  First of all, we are NOT all hooking up with vampires. Me, for example, the one person in the family who WANTS to hook up with a vampire, has had absolutely no luck in getting one near me. All I get are idiots like Magnus, who go off and bite the wrong girl, or losers like Jareth, who have so many issues they can’t see the delectable treat right in front of them. No, it appears it’s only McDonald women who aren’t interested in being with vamps that have any luck in hooking them. So very sad.

  13

  TUESDAY, JUNE 5, 12 P.M.

  Breakfast Bites

  So I wake up this morning bright and early, throw on a black crocheted sweater and a short black skirt. I roll on my fishnet tights and lace up my combat boots. Then I head to my bathroom for my morning makeup routine. It takes a lot of time to become “me” in the A.M. But it’s worth it.

  Sunny, whose idea of morning preparation involves slipping on a T-shirt and jeans and running a comb through her hair, is already downstairs, dressed and picking at some god-awful concoction my mom whipped up. Mom makes very interesting breakfasts with the food she buys at the co-op and we’re her guinea pigs. When Sunny had been turning vampire, Mom experimented with this garlic breakfast scramble. The smell alone sent Sunny scrambling
to the bathroom to retch her guts out. She claims that was just because of her burgeoning aversion to garlic, but honestly it could have just been the recipe and Mom’s attempt to cook.

  “So what’s the special of the morning?” I ask, sliding into my chair. I’m famished. Nothing she can possibly come up with will make me lose my appetite today.

  “Well, it doesn’t really have an official name,” Mom says, dishing some of the unidentified mush from the frying pan onto a plate. “But the cook at the commune used to refer to it as hippie hash.”

  Then again, maybe I’ll skip first period and hit Dunkin’ Donuts on the way to school.

  “So how’d your date go?” I ask, trying not to wrinkle my nose as she puts the foul smelling scramble in front of me.

  She sets another plate in front of her own spot and sits down between Sunny and me. I glance over at my sister and notice that while the food is being moved around her plate, it’s not going into her mouth.

  “Great,” Mom says, her eyes shining. “We went out to the nicest restaurant. Of course, it was a steak house. He’s evidently a big steak eater. Says he loves them really rare.”

  I try to catch Sunny’s eyes. See? Rare steak. The only thing vampires enjoy eating, as it’s so bloody.

  “He took you to a steak house?” I ask. Mom’s a strict vegetarian, of course. Poor woman. “Didn’t you tell him you don’t eat meat? That you belong to PETA? That you think the chemicals found in cattle are mind-controlling hormones injected by the government to sedate the human race while big business goes around and trashes our world?”

  “It’s okay,” Mom says, of course completely excusing her date’s major faux pas. “I just had a potato and vegetables. It was very good.”

  Wow. Mom must really have a thing for this guy. She would never go to a slaughter house with just anyone. It’s going to be sad to disappoint her. Not that she’ll be disappointed when she finds out he’s a thousand years old and undead. Oh, well.

  “Then what did you do?”

  “He took me out to this elegant club where they had an old-fashioned band and dancing. He waltzes like a dream.”

  Hm. Probably ’cause he was around when they invented the dance and has had a thousand years of practice.

  “But you hate waltzing. And classical music. In fact, isn’t your saying, ‘If it’s not Jefferson Airplane, it’s crap’?”

  She narrows her eyes. “Rayne, I’m an adult with a wide variety of interests. I had a good time. Don’t spoil it because you feel uncomfortable I went on a date.”

  Sigh. Here she goes. Her voice sounds all tight. I knew she’d jump to that conclusion.

  “I’m fine with you having a date. I just want to make sure he’s treating you right.” And doesn’t spend his days sleeping in a coffin. . . .

  “Well, you don’t have to worry. He’s the perfect gentleman. You’ll see, tonight.”

  “Tonight?” Sunny’s eyes and my eyes meet across the table. I’m sure mine are as wide as hers.

  Mom laughs. “Yes, tonight. I invited him over for dinner. I promised I could cook him a tofu steak that’s just as delicious as one made from the slaughter of innocent animals.”

  Wow. I bet the vamp is really looking forward to that! But tonight! That doesn’t give Sunny and me any time to plan. Unless . . .

  I break out into a coughing fit.

  “Oh, man,” I say between chokes. “I’ve had this horrible cough. Just horrible. And I don’t feel very well either.”

  “But you were just—?” Sunny starts in. I kick her under the table. Hard. Her eyes light up. And her coughs start coming.

  My mom looks from one hacking daughter to the other. “Are you two okay?” she asks. “It’s not the hash, is it?”

  It probably would be the hash if either of us had actually shoveled any of it into our mouths, which in hindsight may have made the sickness a tad more authentic, but too late now.

  “No. It’s just, I think I’m coming down with something.”

  “Maybe you should stay home from school,” Mom says, looking worried. “Neither of you sound too good.”

  “No, I want to go to school,” I say, pausing to slump in my chair and close my eyes. “I really hate missing school.”

  “If you’re sick, you need to stay home,” Mom commands, reaching over to feel my forehead with the back of her hand. “You feel warm, Rayne.” It’s amazing what the power of suggestion can do to a parent. “You, too, Sunny,” she says, switching to my twin.

  “But I love school, Mom,” Sunny whines. Gah! Overkill, much? I kick her under the table again. For someone starring in the school play, she’s not much of an actress.

  “Mom’s right, Sun,” I interject, to stop her performance. “If we go to school, it might get worse. We could be contagious even. One day of rest now can save us from a weeklong absence down the road.”

  Mom takes a bite of her hash and nods. “Unfortunately, I can’t stay home to take care of you guys,” she says, as if that would be something either of us would want. “I’ve got to get to work.”

  “It’s okay, Mom,” I say, patting her on the arm. “We’ll probably be sleeping most of the day anyway.”

  “I hope so.” She rises from her seat, kisses both of us on the tops of our heads, and brings her mostly untouched plate over to the sink. Evidently this time even she didn’t like her recipe, not that she’d ever admit that to us. “There’s OJ in the fridge and some veggie burgers in the freezer if you get hungry later.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Do you think I should cancel having my friend come over?” she asks, scraping her leftovers into the compost bin. “I mean, if you two are sick . . .”

  “No, no,” Sunny says, before I can kick her a third time. “We’ll feel better by then, I’m sure.”

  Great. Way to buy us more time, Sun.

  “Okay. Well, you let me know,” Mom says, sounding relieved. “Call me at work if you take a turn for the worse and would rather just lay low.”

  So she goes to work and now Sunny and I are home alone. Sunny rinses our breakfast plates and I run up to my room for my secret stash of strawberry Pop-Tarts. After toasting, we rendezvous in the living room, me on the couch, Sunny on the lounger.

  “So what are we going to do?” my sister asks, mouth full of Pop-Tart. “He’s coming over tonight. That doesn’t give us much time.”

  “Right.” I break my pastry in half, licking the strawberry filling. “What about calling Magnus? Certainly he could recognize a fellow vamp.”

  “Yeah, but it’s daytime. He won’t be up and about ’til well after dinner.”

  “Oh, yeah. Duh.” I smack myself on the forehead. That was stupid.

  “What about you?” Sunny asks. “Aren’t you the knower of all things vamp? The proud graduate of Vampire School? Won’t you be able to tell on sight whether the guy sleeps in a coffin or not?”

  I shrug. “Not necessarily. A vampire can cast what’s called a ‘glamour’ on themselves to make them look human if they need to. That’s how they can walk among us and no one’s the wiser. And I doubt the guy’s going to show up to dinner sporting his fangs.”

  “Great.” Sunny sighs. “What are we going to do then?”

  “What about that movie you were talking about again? The Lost Boys?”

  “Yeah. We could rent that. . . .”

  “No time. Netflix takes at least a day to deliver.”

  Sunny laughs. “You ever hear of a video store, Rayne?”

  D’oh. “Oh. Right. Forgot about those.” Stores that you can go into and rent DVDs instead of having them mailed to your door. How cute and retro. “Do they still exist?”

  “I think there’s a Blockbuster downtown.”

  “Okay, cool.” I pull my feet out from under me. “So you go run to the Blockbuster and rent every vampire movie you can find. I’ll go on the Internet and research what I can from here.”

  “It’s a plan.”

  It wasn’t exactly a plan,
but it was a start. Operation Date with Dracula was on.

  POSTED BY RAYNE McDONALD @ 12 P.M.

  THREE COMMENTS:

  CTU-in-TrainingGrrl says . . .

  Wait—you mean Jack Bauer was in movies before he became a CTU agent? Vampire movies? Whoa. I’ve got to update my Netflix queue ASAP!!

  StarrMoonUnit says . . .

  Can you post the recipe for hippie hash? That sounds de-lish! I mean, I’ve had hippie brownies before and mmmmm. . . .

  Rayne says . . .

  Hey, CTU girl, you are aware that 24 is just a TV show, right? I mean, it’s not even a reality one. It’s got, like, a script. Jack Bauer is some dude named Kiefer Sutherland and evidently he’s been in a billion movies and even dated Julia Roberts back in the day. Sorry to disappoint.

  And P.S., StarrMoonUnit? Hate to disappoint you as well, but there’s actually no hash in the hippie hash. . . .

  14

  TUESDAY, JUNE 5, 10 P.M.

  The Not-So-Lost Girls

  The doorbell rings at six o’clock and Sunny and I are ready. In fact, if Dracula himself were to bust through the door, I think we’d actually have a chance of defeating the guy.

  First up, we’re both wearing necklaces made out of garlic under our hoodies. We’ve got holy water (which we snuck in and “borrowed” from St. Patrick’s Church down the road)in from St. Patrick’s Church down the road) locked and loaded into our Super Soaker Triple Shot water guns. I’m wearing rosary beads and Sunny’s got on her cross necklace. In short, together we’re every vampire’s worst nightmare.

  “Can you get the door?” Mom asks from the kitchen. While we’ve been preparing, she’s been running around trying to get the meal together. I felt bad not helping her, but we had too much to do on our end. I did agree to stir the vegan marinade (not sure why tofu needs to be marinated, but whatever) while Mom went upstairs to change. That gave me a chance to add a few cloves of garlic to the mix.