Always Us

by C C Monroe

“You’re Miss Smiley over there. Great sex?” Lana draws me out of my wonderland and I just shake my head, looking down at the pile of towels I’m folding. We closed up the shop and came home to have a night in catching up on chores; we’ve been too busy with work and life in general that our time together and the apartment has been neglected.

  “No. Just had a great day with Trey.” I’m itching to tell Lana, bursting at the seams to share this news with her. She was the first to find out about my infertility issues and I so badly want her to be the first to know about the baby. Lana’s my best friend, how can I not want to jump up and down and scream out my news?

  “Yeah, well fess up, because mine was shit. Kingston pissed me off and I could really use a pick-me-up.” Opening my mouth to ask her what happened, she silences me, putting her hand up and dropping the towel on the bed. “Don’t ask, I really don’t want to do a play-by-play right now, we can dive into it later.” I hate when they fight, it almost makes me feel like I’m the one fighting. It’s that tangible. Those two make us all feel like we’re drowning in their relationship.

  “Okay, but you will have to tell me everything after, deal?”

  She nods, with a roll of her eyes. “Deal. Now spill, you look like you’ve got something really juicy to tell me.”

  Oh, I do.

  “Well…maybe you should sit down.” I leave my spot at the foot of the bed and round it, coming to sit next to where she’s currently standing.

  “Why? Oh my God, what?” Moving the towels, I pat the bed, signaling for her to sit. Her bulging eyes stay on me as she hesitantly joins me.

  “I thought about waiting to tell you.” I pause, turning my body into her, lifting my knees on the bed and sitting cross-legged, my hand on her knee. She mimics the movement, her eyes still fully engaged on me.

  “Shay, what?”

  I suddenly feel nervous, worried she may react in a way I’m not expecting. A lecture? Disappointment? Something other than thrilled, I don’t know.

  “Through every ultimate fall?” I question, using our thing, pulling a big part of our friendship into play.

  “Through every fucking ultimate fall, baby.” She cradles my face and I close my eyes. Here goes nothing.

  “I guess the best way to do this is to just come out with it…” Letting out a deep breath, I share my secret. “Lana, Trey and I are pregnant, I’m pregnant.” Unmoving, we both stare at each other. Nothing shows on her face at first, sending my stomach into a fit of nerves. The first sign that tells me she’s still breathing is the crystal wall of tears building in her hazy brown eyes.

  “You’re what?” One lone tear falls, and I quickly reach up and wipe it away.

  “We’re going to have a baby, Lana, and I know we’re young and we aren’t married yet, but I can’t feel terrified, I tried. All I can seem to feel like this is my purpose,” I ramble on.

  “There’s nothing wrong with you getting pregnant, Shayla. Oh my God, you’re going to be a mother,” she speaks, her words shocking me.

  So, she’s happy? I can’t tell, especially when she drops her head in her hands and sobs—ugly, straight from your gut sobs.

  “Lana, hey, are you sad? Upset? What’s wrong, please tell me.” Looking up, a smile splayed across her face indicates it’s neither.

  “No, I am so fucking happy for you, baby. God, I just…” She pauses, now looking reserved, like she needs to get something off her chest.

  “What? You can tell me, please tell me what’s going on in your head,” I plead, I need her support, I need her opinion, I need my best friend.

  “God, this feels surreal,” she states, shaking her head and wiping away the rest of her fallen tears. “You know what I think?” She changes gears, and I shake my head rapidly, I don’t know what she thinks and that’s nerve-racking, I want her to tell me.

  “No, what?” Lifting my shirt, she places her hand on my stomach, leaning her face down toward it.

  “I think…” She kisses my belly, and I smirk. “Our babies are going to be best friends, just like us.” Sitting back up, her hands don’t move, and I laugh, shaking my head. Obviously, they will be.

  “Yeah, they will be, so you better hurry and get yourself knocked up so they won’t be years apart in age.” I laugh, putting my hand over hers, where it still rests on my tummy. I look bloated, but that’s it, I’m not far enough along to be showing.

  “I already did.” She bites her lip and I tilt my head, my brows drawing in, in confusion.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “Shayla, you remember that test crazy bitch Gwen said she saw?”

  I cringe, remembering that day. “Unfortunately, why?”

  “I forgot to take it out of the trash, Shayla…that was mine, I’m pregnant.”

  Now it’s my turn to be still and silent. Is this a joke? If so, it’s not funny.

  “Don’t joke, L.” I tilt my head and analyze her face, looking for any hint of humor. When I see none, my hand leaves hers on my stomach and I cover my mouth, letting out a loud gasp.

  “You’re pregnant?” I ask through my hand, the muffled question echoing around us.

  “Yes, I am, I found out a couple of weeks ago. I’m ten weeks…”

  “How come you didn’t tell me?” I ask while engulfing her in my arms.

  “Shay.” She pulls away and I let her, my hands now finding her tummy. “I was scared because I knew you were still so upset with the news of your health condition, I didn’t want to hurt you. I was so fucking scared.” The tears roll quickly down her soft cheeks. I hate that she was scared to tell me her secret, because she thought my reaction was going to be everything but happy.

  “God, no, I would never—ever be anything other than thrilled for you and my brother. Ever. And oh my God, Kingston, how did he react?” I ask, excitedly. He must be over the moon.

  “Um, that’s another thing, I haven’t told him yet. I’m petrified.” She trails off, and I see it more present than ever in her eyes—fear. Lana’s still keeping the black flame burning; she’s not over the abuse.

  I feel to blame for part of her fear—we all do. Trey, Kings, and I feel like we failed Lana all those years, when we stood back and did nothing. Joel was bad, he was sick, he was disgusting. But he had connections, one word or whisper of Lana leaving and everyone she loved, including her, could have been severely hurt, or worse. Not a day goes by without the guilt creeping into my mind, especially when I see her and Kingston so close, yet so far apart.

  “Don’t do that,” she cuts in, breaking my chain of thought.

  “Do what?”

  “Blame my fears and doubts on you or anyone, it wasn’t your fault.”

  “How did you know?”

  “Best friends for fourteen years, Shay. I see it in your eyes, King’s eyes, Trey’s eyes all the time. You guys blame yourselves for my abusive relationship and the damage it forever caused me. But it’s not your fault.”

  I wish I could believe that, but just like the abuse stuck with her, the guilt stayed with us. “We should have told someone, we should have been a stronger force and protected you. We could have saved you.” We are both crying, and as much as I would like to blame hormones, it’s not, this is two best friends, both guilty and afraid for a past we wish we could change all while tangled into new emotions over our current baby situation.

  “No, we were young, we didn’t know the power that we all had. But, Joel…he wasn’t the man to cross. I am lucky that Kingston saved me, lucky the cops showed up and that he told them everything. Thank heavens my parents were hours away and out of danger. And I’m grateful that you and Trey were out of danger.” With Joel being there and getting arrested, he couldn’t make the call, couldn’t have his goons hurt any of us. When we called her parents and told them she was in the hospital, they rushed home.

  Telling Jeffery and Becky, Lana’s parents, about the abuse, about everything—the lies Lana told, how she blamed her bruises on cheer, how she wasn’t always at our h
ouse—the men he had following her family, it was all devastating to witness. Jeffery stood there, a stoic Marine Sergeant, turned in on himself and wept at her bedside, cursing himself, blaming himself for being blind.

  Becky at his side, with loud sobs. That was the worst day of our entire lives. Kingston never left her bedside, he sat there, praying for the first time in years, telling her how sorry he was, how torn up he was, and how much he blamed himself. We all left something in that hospital room. Whispered apologies, painful regrets, and fragile pieces of our broken hearts.

  I don’t want to take two steps back and tell her that we’re all still living with more regret than we’re letting on. Because I’m afraid that if we do she will find validation in her reasoning to never let go. If we want Lana to let go and move on, we have to forgive ourselves and move on, too. Baby steps.

  “I don’t want to talk about him right now, we won’t let him ruin this.” Lana reminds me of what we really should be focusing on.

  “You’re right, my God, we’re going to be mamas, our babies will be best friends. When do you think you will tell Kingston?” Shrugging, she rights my shirt and rubs her tummy; I do the same.

  “I don’t know. All I know is soon, he needs to know, it’s only fair.”

  I concede with the pursing of my lips and the nudge of my head.

  “This is crazy.” We laugh in unison; I can’t believe we’re pregnant at the same time. Never in a million years did I see this happening; never knowing this is where time would take us.

  “What a difference four years makes… Seattle has brought us so many new things. Even though Kingston and I aren’t in a relationship…”

  She peers down at her not there stomach—how is she smaller than me but farther along? I just chalk it up to Lana works out and I don’t, so on top of baby, age is catching up and I won’t be able to avoid the gym for long.

  “I’m so blessed to be having his child. Kingston will be an amazing father.”

  Her words resonate with me, the imagery of my brother as a father is just that…amazing.

  “He will,” I agree, knowing how she feels. The thought of Trey as a father isn’t just a sight to behold, it’s the sexiest, most lovable trait he has to date.

  “Dad Trey is the ultimate bae,” I say out loud with a fit of laughter. We enjoy the rest of the afternoon talking about baby names. We’ll go see the guys later, to eat some of their barbecue, until then we’ll let them have some guy time.

  Trey

  “BEN, MAN, WHAT’S UP?” GRILLING burgers on our small outdoor balcony, I see Ben appear. Taking my free hand out, we lock hands and pull in for a sideways hug.

  “Hey, T, that smells fucking good, after the night I had, I need some good grub to regain my energy.”

  Leaning against the railing, I look up from my work on the grill and raise a brow. “Oh yeah, too much partying?” He smirks deviously. Ben could drink for nights on end and party like it’s no big deal.

  “Nah, I drank, but then I took this one girl back to the place I’m staying at and fuck, man, she was wild. She let me take her four times before she begged me to stop.”

  “Damn. Stamina strong, bro.” We both laugh, and he pats my back, taking a swig of his Corona. I spent last night ravishing Shayla, like a damn Viking returning to his woman after battle and even though all I want to do is spend time with her, the guy time is nice.

  Still, something about knowing she’s pregnant has me even more obsessed with being near her. I want to fucking lose myself in her, breathe in when she breathes out. Damn.

  “I’m telling you, man, it was fucking epic. So anyway, how’s it been, I haven’t seen you in some time. How are things going with Shay?”

  I close the lid on the grill and grab my beer, taking place next to him against the balcony. It’s all glass with silver railings, some would be terrified since we are on the twentieth floor, but I dig it.

  “We’re doing great, man, we’re getting married in two weeks, which I meant to call you so we could invite you. I know it’s short notice.” I tell him the news Shayla and I decided last night. We don’t see any point in waiting and the damn caveman in me wants to give her my last name like yesterday.

  “I wouldn’t miss it, why so soon?”

  Partly because she is pregnant, but mainly, Shay and I have no reason to wait, we want to start our lives. Shit, this last week I found a house I want to take her to see, I know it’s all moving fast, but history makes it easier. We are not strangers who fell in love we are best friends who fell in love. Moving fast is as easy as it comes.

  “We don’t see the point in waiting or having a big wedding. We’re going to have it on the beach, where I proposed.” I smile at the memory, like a cheesy fuck.

  “Look at you, man, long gone. Shit, she’s got you fucking wrapped around her finger.” I know he doesn’t get it, he’s still learning, still growing, Ben is in the prime years of his career, booze, women, sex, he wouldn’t understand and I don’t judge him for it.

  “Love, just you wait, man.” I nudge his arm with mine, taking the last sip of my beer.

  “Fuck no, love is for mental people. No offense, dude.”

  Laughing, I just shake my head. I hope I get front row seats to his ass falling in love. That’ll be a fucking ride. Bless that poor girl’s soul.

  “Well then, I pity the poor woman who falls in love with you, Mr. Casanova.”

  “I’m Casanova, what the fuck we talkin’ about?” Kingston interrupts, coming out with more beers and his own personal bag of chips. He’s the only one out of us that likes that revolting salt and vinegar shit.

  “We were talking about Shay and the wedding.” Ben and I move to the table, I sit next to Ben and across from Kings. The deck of cards and poker chips are already on the table.

  “Kings, flip the burgers and I’ll deal the cards.”

  “Yes, sir,” he jokes, saluting me with his mouth around a handful of chips. I swear, I don’t get how his ass is so in shape. He’s always eating something.

  “Do you always eat like a caveman?” Ben questions, picking up his stack of cards and looking at them.

  “Oh, I eat all things like a caveman,” he says over his shoulder. Ben and I both throw our heads back laughing, that pervy motherfucker.

  “Really, man, Lana’s my friend, I don’t need the imagery.” I shudder.

  “You don’t, but I do,” Ben interjects. “Lana is fucking fine. Nice ass, tits—small but fucking nice.”

  I swear I hear the utensils in Kingston’s hand crunch all the way from here. I just shake my head and finish setting up the game. I don’t need to look at Kings to know what’s about to happen.

  “Watch it, Cooper, I’ll fucking rip your balls off and feed them to you.” I hear a slap over Ben’s head and shake mine with a smirk. Had it coming.

  “Ow, I could always talk about Shayla’s fat tits…” Before he even finishes, I punch him right in his bicep, where that shit will fucking bruise.

  “Fuck you. Don’t you dare even think of it, smug bastard.” Rubbing his arm, he smiles between Kings and I; he loves being a shit stirrer.

  “Wow, you two are smitten pussies, damn, maybe I need to get some new friends.” We shake it off together and change the subject.

  “Anyway, can we fucking play or are we gonna spend tonight beating the fuck out of your ass?” I question to Ben while Kings grunts next to me.

  “Pussies, all right, let’s do this.”

  TWO HOURS LATER

  “YOU FUCKERS CLEANED ME OUT, I’m never playing poker with you again.” Watching the TV, we rip our eyes away and find Ben coming back in from the bathroom.

  “We used fake chips.” Kingston counteracts.

  “Yeah, I still hate losing fake money.”

  “You’re an idiot,” I chime in. My feet are on the coffee table and my head is resting against the back of the couch, I’m relaxed. My phone dings in my pocket. I dig it out and see it’s from my woman.

 
Little Woman: I’m hungry. Can I come eat your food?”

  Me: Maybe. Can I see your tits?

  I’m only joking, my mood being great after guy time. I watch the three dots dancing and wait for her sassy little response.

  Little Woman: Can I see your little guy?

  Did she just call my cock ‘little guy?’ Oh, that’s cute.

  Me: You know damn well my cock ain’t little, you fucking shit.

  Little Woman: Maybe I’m losing my eyesight, I must get glasses, or for your case, binoculars.

  Okay, what the fuck?

  Me: I’m gonna make your fucking ass red while you take this huge cock. Since you want to call it small. Nice try, baby.

  Little Woman: Damn, Trey, you are a dirty motherfucker.

  Did she just call me ‘motherfucker?’ Did she slip and hit her head?

  I start to type back when my phone rings, her name lighting up the screen. I remove myself from the couch and pick up.

  “What the hell has gotten into you?” I whisper into the phone, looking over my shoulder as I make my way to my room, making sure Kings and Ben aren’t paying any mind to me. I feel my ego actually bruise for a hot second, joke or not.

  “Oh my gosh, baby, that was Lana, she’s being a little turd. I went to the bathroom for like a minute and came back to find her smart-ass on my phone.” I hear Lana burst into laughter, and I shake my head. That troublemaker, now I feel ten times more sympathy for Kingston.

  “Put me on speaker.”

  Shay lets out a loud sigh and then she informs me I’m on speaker.

  “Aw, did I hurt your little ego, Trey?” Lana mocks me like she’s talking to a child, and if I didn’t love her ass, I would give it back to her.

  “You little shit. I swear I will get you back for that,” I warn and she laughs like a hyena.

  “Okay…yeah right, you don’t have it in you…little guy.” She enunciates ‘little guy’ and if she were here I would throw her over my shoulder and fake wrestle her to the ground.

  “I guess I’ll just have to tell Kingston and he’ll take care of you himself.”