Undead and Unworthy

by MaryJanice Davidson

  We were still sidestepping each other in the hallway. "Why d'you want to come with me?"

  "I'm unable to be outside of the goddess-like presence that is you?"

  I heard Marc making vomiting noises as the kitchen door swung shut behind us. "No, seriously. " Except with Sinclair, I never knew when he was serious.

  "I miss you, and I want to be with you?"

  "Come on. "

  "I am coming," he said, falling into step behind me.

  "Yeah, this stopped being cute about five seconds ago. "

  "If only," my husband sighed.

  "Sinclair, what the hell is up?"

  "You have a meeting with Detective Berry, who has in the past threatened you with a firearm, and thus I will be in attendance as well. That is all. "

  "That is all?"

  "Oh. Also, if he points a firearm anywhere near you, I shall pull off his arms and stuff them down his throat. "

  He said that just as I was swinging the front door open. "You will not! Jessica will be impossible to live with! (More impossible. )" Then: "Wait a damned minute! You knew about Nick coming to see me before I did, even if he tried to kill me?"

  "Of course. "

  "You prick. "

  Nick, all annoying blond good looks and broad shoulders, smirked at us. For the first time, I noticed he dressed pretty damned well on a cop's salary. That was an Armani hanging off his swimmer's shoulders, if I wasn't mistaken.

  "Did I come at a bad time?" he asked, grinning, and it took all I had not to slam the door in his stupid, rich, cop face. Chapter 13

 

  I should explain that before I died, Nick and I had been almost friends. When I'd been attacked by the Fiends outside Kahn's Mongolian Barbecue (the heavy garlic I'd used had saved my life; the Fiends had nibbled and fled instead of really going to town on my gizzard), he'd been the cop to take my report. We'd occasionally shared a candy bar and, if not friends, had at least been friendly.

  Then I'd risen from the dead and, completely unaware of my undead sex appeal, left Nick panting after me. Sinclair had to mind-wipe him, including the part about me dying.

  Trouble was, it wore off. Or my mind-wipe had been stronger than the king's. Either way, we found out a couple months ago that he knew what we were, knew what we did, knew what we had done to him, and pretty much hated us.

  So out of guilt, I usually try to be super nice and accommodating whenever he came around.

  Except, of course, right now.

  "Nobody's having any meeting until you two jerks tell me when you set this up!"

  Nick arched his brows at my husband. "You didn't tell her?"

  "I was hoping," he said stiffly, "she would be out shoe shopping. "

  "Well, the joke's on you, asshat! Ha! I went shoe shopping last week! So there!" I jerked my pointing finger away from my husband and jabbed it at Nick, who flinched. "So talk! Are you here to kill me?" (Man, the number of times I had to ask this question in a month. . . )

  "No, my captain said I couldn't, unless I could prove in court you were a vampire. "

  I nearly fell down in the foyer. "What?" I gasped, barely hanging on to the doorknob.

  "Kidding. Come sit down before you stroke out. " Nick pushed past us and, like robots, we followed him into one of the parlors. Chapter 14

 

  "So!" he said with faux brightness. "Set up a meeting with your wife, which you didn't share with your wife. I love open marriages, don't you?"

  Since I'd been having some doubts in that area myself, all I could do was scowl at Sinclair while smiling at Nick, which gave me an instant migraine. "How can I help you, Nick? Did you want to see Jess? Oh, wait - " I should offer him a drink. But what did he drink? Was it Sprite, or Coke? Wait. I drank Coke. I -

  "Detective Berry," Tina said demurely. She entered, eyes lowered, and offered him a tray on which were a tall glass full of Sprite, another glass full of ice, a silver ice picker-upper, a small bowl of sliced lemons and limes, and a big, thick, cloth napkin. Also, there was -

  "My queen," she said in a soft voice, gaze on the carpet. I took the iced Coke (with a wedge of lime, just the way I liked it), and Tina managed to somehow glide away while not looking at anyone, yet giving the impression of instant service, should anyone need a refill. This, I had since learned, was the height of vampiric etiquette. It's tough to do the vampire mojo and work your will on the poor human if you're not looking them in the eye.

  I thirstily slurped my Coke, amazed all over again at Tina's unflagging efficiency. Super secretary, maid, waitress, Sinclair's right hand, and she'd been loyal to me from the moment the vampires threw me into Nostro's pit of despair. I couldn't help but admire her, but I never forgot the basic fact: her loyalty, always, was to Sinclair first. Her loyalty to me was because I was his wife.

  The day I forgot that might be a short damn day.

  "Good service around here," Nick said, slurping his Sprite and chewing enthusiastically on his lemon wedge.

  "Oh, like you're not used to it at the Deere family compound," I snapped, chomping into my own lime slice. Yerrgh, sour! Even for a lime. I reached into my left pocket and pulled out a Cherry Blo-Pop. Unwrapped it, dipped it in the Coke, then contentedly sucked the Coke off the Pop.

  "How disgusting," Sinclair commented.

  "Which? That I'm slowly getting addicted to suckers, or that Nick comes from the Deeres?"

  "Finally bothered to find out about someone besides yourself, huh?"

  "Jam it up your ass!" I snarled, a not auspicious beginning to our meeting. And why were we meeting? He hated me, I was scared of him (but not for the reasons he thought), and Sinclair would just as soon he dropped dead (he took a dim view of cops shoving their service revolvers into his wife's face). "On the way out the door!"

  "Hmm. " Nick checked his watch. "Four minutes. . . a new record for us. Actually, Betsy, as I explained to the king of all suckheads over there, I need your help in tracking down a bad guy. "

  "You - me? Tracking down a--what?"

  "English really is your second language, isn't it? And your suckhead is here because he's got this nutty idea that I'm going to try to shoot you in the face. Maybe twice!" he added cheerfully, slurping the last of his Sprite.

  "Have a seat, Detective Berry. " Sinclair looked up at me and patted his lap, and I ignored the tug between my legs because a meeting with a homicide detective while curled up in the arms of the vampire king would not be the severe business mien I was hoping for. Bad enough I was wearing faded blue sweatpants and a sweatshirt that read EVERYTHING YOU'VE HEARD IS TRUE.

  Instead, I plopped on the couch across from Nick (ignoring the plume of dust I accidentally raised), parallel to Sinclair.

  "What's up, boys?" I asked, sniffing my Coke glass.

  "Murder, of course. " Crunch, slurp. He was really going to town on those lemons. "Check it. "

  He spun open several folders, and suddenly there were (gag) autopsy photos all over the Victorian-era mahogany coffee table. Thankfully, none were of children, but in all other ways they were different: race, sex, age, hairstyle.

  "And how can the house of Sinclair help the Minneapolis Homicide Department?"

  I opened my mouth (momentarily forgetting the lollipop; the thing almost fell on the floor), but decided I kind of liked that. House of Sinclair. Like House of Pancakes! Without so much syrup.

  "Guess what all these guys (and gals) have in common? "

  "They all need a set and shampoo," I said, examining one photo and putting it down with a grimace. I wiped my fingers on my sweatpants, as if the picture had actually been dirty.

  A year ago, I'd be sprinting from the room and vomiting. That was before Nostro, and Marjorie, and Alice, to name just a few. The guy who said "the more things change, the more things stay the same" had a major frigging head injury. Because I, Betsy, the vampire queen, am here to tell you that the more things change, the more thin
gs change.

  "Close," Nick said, still looking abnormally cheery, "but no Kewpie doll for you, blondie. "

  Sinclair was also examining the photos. "They certainly weren't killed by vampires. "

  "True. "

  "Do we have to do the guessing thing?" I whined. "Just tell us. "

  "They all had records. "

  "Like, prison records?"

  "Like, they were all thieves, rapists, killers. "

  No wonder he was so happy. Cops loved it when bad guys got killed.

  "This is how you spend your evenings?" the Ant said behind my left shoulder, causing me to yelp and spill my ice all over Nick. "Looking at disgusting pictures? This is worse than when you were modeling for the Target catalog. "

  "Go away. I'm working. "

  "Gaaahhh," Nick gah'd, frantically scraping ice out of his crotch. "What's gotten into you, blondie?"

  "Private family business," Sinclair said smoothly.

  "My dead stepmother is haunting me," I snapped. "Now get lost, Antonia!"

  "Oh, that. " Nick looked unimpressed. "You see dead people. Jess told me all about it. "

  "Well, that's super. Remind me to strangle her when I see her again. "

  "Touch her," Nick said pleasantly, "and I'll empty my nine into your nose. "

  "Children," Sinclair warned. "It seems the late Mrs. Taylor has a gift in death, as in life, of getting on my wife's nerves and distracting us from our point. "

  "Just like your wife!"

  "Shut up," I insisted. "Tell us what you want, or get lost. Or both. "

  "Fine," the Ant huffed, and vanished.

  Well! That was unexpected, and welcome.

  "Guess what else all these guys have in common," Nick said, rattling my empty Coke glass. Tina appeared from nowhere, refilled it, and glided away. He absently handed the glass to me, and I didn't know whether to be flattered he'd noticed I needed a refill, or annoyed he was treating the brilliant Tina like she was a waitress. "Go on. Guess. You'll never guess. "

  "Since we'll never guess," Sinclair said, "why don't you just tell us?"

  "Just one teensy guess?"

  "Niiiiiick," I whined.

  "Um. Ah. Hmm. They were all killed by a rogue cop or cops?" Sinclair inquired innocently.

  We both stared at him.

  "Goddammit," Nick cursed. He ignored, or didn't notice, Sinclair's flinch. "You gotta tell me how you knew that. I know for a fact there's no suckheads on the force. "

  "No, but there are sources available to the suckheads. As you well know, Detective Berry, nothing leaks more quickly or messily than a police station. "

  "So cops are tracking down bad guys and executing them?" I stared at the pictures. Gunshot wounds, all of them.

  "The ones we can't put away legally, yeah. This guy. " Dave tapped the photo of a pale, brown-eyed man who looked extremely pissed off, either because or in spite of the bullet wound over his left eye. "This guy was a burglar, and worse. He'd rape whoever was asleep in the house - we think he was getting the security codes from someone inside the security company, but he, uh, died before we could prove anything. "

  "Charming," Sinclair said coldly.

  "Anyway, after the rape, he'd take everything out he could carry. We know he did it seven or eight times, but couldn't ever prove it. No ID. No prints. No semen. Nothing. Then - bam. He shows up deader than hell. "

  "And your problem with this is. . . ?" Sinclair's dark brows arched.

  "Because the cops are good guys," I said before Nick could reply. "I mean, it sucks if they can't catch a rapist, jeez, you won't hear me argue that, but we have laws. We have rules. The good guys can't all of a sudden throw the Constitution out the window and strap down and shoot people. "

  I looked at Sinclair and Nick, who had identically blank looks on their faces. "Well. They can't. "

  "As it is, I agree with the psycho vampire queen. Which brings me here. "

  "Why does the house of Sinclair have to clean up your mess?" my husband asked quietly.

  "It's like your wife said. We make various promises and pledges when we get our badges - I won't bore a sociopath like you with them - but what it boils down to is, we follow the law. And boys and girls, Sherri's boy Nicky loves the law. "

  "Don't you have a special team or task force or whatever working on this?"

  "Yeah. I'm it. "

  "You? Just one guy? I mean, I know you're good at your job, Nick, but - "

  "Well, let's say I have some influence with the captain. " Nick mimed driving a tractor.

  "No doubt. And, could it be, the police do not necessarily wish for these people to be caught?"

  "It could be," he admitted. "But they're gonna get caught. 'Cause I've got a secret weapon. " He pointed at me.

  "What makes you think - oh, shit, never mind, you know I'll do it. "

  "That's true. " Nick smirked. "I did know it. " Chapter 15

 

  "You should let him solve his own problem," Sinclair said in a low voice, as Nick let himself out. "He's playing on your misplaced guilt. "

  "Misplaced? We raped his brain. And lied about it. To his face. For over a year. "

  He shrugged. He'd been a vampire too long; his conscience went right out the window sometimes.

  "Have you ever considered - "

  "Yes. "

  "Don't be a wiseass. Have you ever thought that the guy hates us and knows how to kill us, but hasn't?"

  "I credit Jessica with that more than Detective Berry's good sense. "

  "Point," I conceded. "And yeah, it's a little obnoxious that he came over all expecting me to say yes right away - "

  "Also, you're flattered. "

  "I am not! Okay, a little. Listen, this is our chance to win him back!"

  "And why," he sighed, rubbing my shoulders, while I tried not to purr and lean into him, "would we want to do that?"

  "Listen. Oooh, don't stop. The whole reason you pushed Jess to go out with him was because you wanted a source in the police department. " I paused. "Another source, I mean. That reminds me. You've been keeping secrets. More than usual, I mean. "

  "Oh?" he said silkily, tightening his grip. My collarbones groaned under the pressure. Or maybe that was me groaning. "Because there are one or two things I would like to discuss with you as well, if you're opening that door. "

  "Ahhhh. . . well, that's, um - " Fortunately, I was saved by the sound of splintering wood, and then Nick skidded down the foyer, his face a mask of blood.

  "Face us, false queen!"

  "Oboy," I said, nearly tripping as Sinclair grabbed me and thrust me behind his back. "That doesn't sound good. " Chapter 16

 

  They streamed in, stepping smoothly over Nick's unconscious body. They moved like cats and had the hungry, feral look of same. At least, as far as I could tell from peeking over Sinclair's shoulder; I kept trying to elbow him out of the way, and he kept jamming me behind him.

  "Uh, hi. You'd be, um, Garrett's friends, right?"

  Happy, Skippy, Trippy, Sandy, Benny, Clara, and Jane glared at me as one. Somewhere, they'd clothed themselves - probably at the farm, I was seeing an awful lot of flannel - but still had the rank smell of the unwashed. They were all too thin, even bony. Their hair was varying colors and degrees of snarled.

  "Well," I plunged, "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you stopped by the other night - "

  They weren't moving. Perhaps I was dazzling them with my ineptitude. It had happened before.

  "But at least this gives me a chance to, um, explain and even, um, apologize - "

  "Do not apologize to them," Sinclair snarled. "One such as you should not even speak to them. "

  "Shush! He's cranky," I explained, "no blood tonight, you know how it is. "

  "We know exactly how it is," Clara said.

  "Oh. Right. " Awkward. What was interesting wasn't their reaction so much as Sinclair's. He w
asn't angry so much as - as - offended, that was the word. Their presence offended him. I guess the Fiends were the vampire untouchables.

  "Anyway, the thing is, it has been a crazy couple of years. For me, I mean. First there was the whole 'you are the queen' thing, which I was so not prepared for. And, I might point out, a lot of people were telling me to kill all you guys when Nostro - when you ate Nostro - but I didn't. In fact, I saved you. "

  "For imprisonment and slow starvation. "

  "I'm getting to that. " I lowered my voice. "Okay, so then there was a serial killer - more than one, come to think of it - and then my half sister turned up, who was the daughter of the devil. The devil! I mean, please!"

  "Yes, please," one of them said. "Let us end this. "

  "But I'm not finished! And then - before then, actually - all these ghosts started showing up looking for favors, like in that movie? Never mind, you didn't see that movie. "

  One of them was rubbing her temples. I sped up the This Is My Life portion of our program. "Then my friend got sick, lethally sick, and I had this wedding to plan, and all these werewolves showed up, and my dad and step mom died because I wanted a baby, and I had to kill a librarian, and it was just - just a crazy, crazy time. I mean, totally nuts. "

  "So. Essentially," Sandy - or was it Benny? - said, "you forgot about us. "

  "Well. "

  "Do not," Sinclair said through gritted teeth.

  "Kinda," I admitted. "But I had all these really good reasons! I - yeek!" Sinclair had shoved me into the curtains as seven enraged vampires launched themselves at me. Chapter 17

 

  It's hard to even describe the fight. With enhanced strength, speed, and reflexes, everything happened so fast, and then it was all over but the bandaging.

  The first one that got near Sinclair dropped, and so did the next one. One got past him and got a good grip on my hair (must have been a female killed in the 1920s. . . that was the hair-pulling era, right?), but I brought my head forward in a blur of coolness and broke her nose with a satisfying crunch. The blow made me stagger, and I wiped her blood off my forehead. . . sluggish, nasty dark stuff.

  And the screaming! All the screaming! Wait. Only one person was screaming. Marc was screaming.