Forever

by Rachel Maldonado

  Recently, the hundred year old house had gone up for sale, so Alex knew the house was empty and no one would come out to harass them or shoo them away from the property. This was her reason for bringing a blanket and picnic. She knew there'd be some privacy for their date. They dined at dusk on spaghetti and meatballs with garlic toast, drank champagne, and made love under the stars. Afterward, they sat on a nearby bench and star gazed for hours looking for constellations like Orion and Centaurus.

  “You see that star,” asked Alex pointing to one of the brightest in the night sky.

  “Uh huh,” said Meghan following Alex's finger with her gaze straight up into the darkness.

  “That's our star. I call it the Aleghan.”

  Meghan smiled. “The Ali again? What does it mean?”

  “No, the ah-lee-gen. It's spelled A L E G H A N. It's both of our names put together like Brangelina. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.”

  Meghan giggled. “I like that. That's sweet and romantic.”

  Alex grinned and shook her head before playfully saying, “I'm not romantic. Stop saying that. You're ruining my silly reputation.”

  “You are, too, romantic.” Meghan's hair was lightly blowing in the night breeze and her body seemed to shimmer in the moonlight.

  “Am not,” said Alex. She grabbed Meghan's clothes from the nearby blanket and ran down the length of the lake.

  “Where you going? Come back here with those!” shouted Meghan. She sprinted down the path after Alex who had tossed her clothes by a nearby tree and jumped into the water.

  “Good Lord, the water's cold! Come on in here!” shouted Alex.

  Meghan didn't hesitate. She ran right toward the banks of the lake and leaped in the water making a big splash. She swam right into Alex's arms. Their hair and faces were dripping with water as they began to kiss in the lake under the stars.

  “You drive me crazy,” said Meghan smiling.

  “What do you mean?” asked Alex puzzled.

  “I always feel like I can't get enough of you. I want to be in your arms, in your thoughts, in your life every minute of every single day.”

  “You are,” replied Alex. “You see this right here.” She pointed to her chest right where her heart was. “I carry you with me right there everywhere you go. You're always in my heart.”

  Meghan and Alex made love once more in the lake. Their gentle motion in the water and soft moaning was all that was heard in the still of the night. It was to be the last night that Meghan ever saw Alex.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The following morning Meghan was sitting in her office when she received a text message from Alex. It said, “I will be moving from my house into a new place. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I was going to be busy for a few days.”

  That same day, coincidentally, she received twelve dozen roses. She was surprised to see that they had no card or note attached. “Where did these come from?” she asked her coworkers. They all shrugged their shoulders or shook their heads. No one knew.

  Joanna had been watching Meghan closely. She sauntered over to her desk that looked like a shrine of flowers surrounding her office chair. Every inch of her desk and shelf space had a vase full of budding roses. “I see you got my flowers,” boasted Jo.

  “You sent these?” asked Meghan surprised. She felt her heart sink with disappointment. She had hoped they were from Alex. A part of her even wondered if they were a gift from Willie. Maybe Willie had come home and this was her way to surprise her.

  Meghan hadn't been too forthcoming in sharing her private life with anyone from work. She worried that they wouldn't be accepting of her homosexuality, so she had chosen to stay closeted at the office. The only one that knew she was a lesbian was Jo, but even with Jo, she hadn't told her that she had been seeing Alex for the past year.

  Jo grinned and nodded. “I sure did. I sent you one dozen for every month that I've been thinking and dreaming about you. Aren't they beautiful?”

  “Yes, they sure are.”

  “They're almost as beautiful as you are.”

  “Shh..someone will hear you.” Meghan cautiously glanced around the office to make sure no one was listening.

  The days turned into weeks and weeks into months. She wondered what ever happened to Alex, but didn't want to be the one chasing her down. She wasn't brought up to be like that. Had she been straight, her mother would've said for her not to be chasing any boys. It was what she had heard most of her childhood anyway, up until her mother realized Meghan was a lesbian. It was the man's job, after all, her mother would say, to be the one to pursue a woman and not the other way around. She had held firmly to that belief even though she had never dated a man. She still felt like it was the other more dominant woman's place to do the pursuing.

  When Alex stopped messaging her and stopped taking an interest in her, she began dating Joanna from work. It wasn't the same. She didn't feel the same passion and fire that she had felt with Alex. She didn't think she ever would with anyone else ever in her life.

  The dates started as casual dinner dates or lunch dates and the occasional Friday night date at the movies when a new movie premiered that she had wanted to see, but there no longer were the nights making love under the stars, skinny dipping in the moonlight, or gleefully having picnics at dusk. Joanna also didn't love the glimmer and glitz of the theater, and Meghan didn't want to go there anyway. It would remind her too much of Alex. She did, however, miss the countless romantic nights under the moon and stars. She yearned for it, she missed it. More so, she missed Alex. She spent many late nights staring up at the star. Aleghan. Most girls wished upon a shooting star or stared at the moon wondering if their lover was somewhere out there staring at it, too. Not Meghan. She spent hours sometimes just staring at Aleghan wishing she was in Alex's arms. Even on nights when Jo took her to Lookout Place to see the stars with fellow star aficionados, she spent her time staring at Aleghan and wondering if Alex was staring at it, too.

  Joanna wasn't as romantic, but nearly every single day for two years she sent Meghan flowers. As the time passed, the deliveries became less frequent. Every day deliveries turned into once a week flowers and gifts, then once a month, but they were always gorgeous gifts or fresh smelling flowers. They were freshly cut tulips, carnations, roses of all colors, daisies, and every other type of bouquet of flowers she could find at the flower store to be delivered. Meghan found them every day that she was at work, and sometimes they were delivered to her home with a card that read, “To the one I love.”

  Meghan and Jo finally tied the knot after two years of dating. She wasn't one to date around or see too many women and other than Alex, Jo had been the only other woman to take a serious interest in settling down. She didn't tell Willie in a video chat that she married. Instead, all she did was pen a short letter. It read:

  Dear Willie,

  I got married. Wish you were here. I miss you.

  Love, Meghan.

  There was so much that she wanted to say. She never told her that Alex had dumped her the way she did without so much as a note to say why she never called her or messaged her. She was far too embarrassed to say anything at all. She kept her feelings to herself about the situation. No need to worry Willie while she was out there endangering her life for the country.

  When Jo had finally proposed to her one night at dinner, Alex was the first thought that crossed her mind. Why didn't Alex ever propose to me? She had tears of happiness running down her face, but they were also tears of fear and doubt. She cared for Joanna, but the love she had for her would never be as passionate and strong as it had been for Alex. She had thought that Alex had felt the same. She was sure she felt Alex's love was expressed in the way she kissed her and made love to her. But two long years had passed, and she figured Alex was long gone. She had surely lost interest in her or found another lover.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The day after Alex spent that wonderful night with Meghan at the lake having a picnic, mak
ing love, and skinny dipping, Alex had been excited to restore the old house by the lake. She hadn't told Meghan that she had purchased it. She wanted to wait to restore it to it's original state, then propose at the very spot near the bench and the lake where they'd had their picnic. They could have a small wedding on the property, then move in after a honeymoon in the Bahamas. Once they lived there, they could look up at the stars every night for the rest of their lives and know that they were living right under their star. The brightest in the night sky. Aleghan.

  Alex was so caught up with the romantic fantasy that she wasn't paying too much attention when she was working. She had been on a ladder working on scraping the paint off the house in order to get it ready for a new coat of paint when she slipped and fell from the rung on the ladder she had been standing on. She conked her head so hard on the gravel below that she required serious medical attention. She couldn't move her legs and wondered if she had broken her back. Before she knew it, she blacked out.

  Luckily, the telephone man had been on the property installing a phone line and internet services when it happened, and he was able to phone EMS or Alex would've bled to death from the gash she had on her head. She spent months in the hospital.

  At first, she couldn't hardly speak or move. She knew she wouldn't be able to phone Meghan. She couldn't talk and even if she could, she didn't have Meghan's number. Her phone had broken when she had fallen off the ladder.

  From that day forward she scribbled the name of the newspaper where Meghan worked on a piece of paper along with Meghan's name. Send flowers, she scribbled. Tell her what happened. The nurses were kind enough to help her order flowers from her hospital room, and they left numerous messages asking Meghan to come to the hospital quickly and that Alex might not recover her speech or ability to walk. Meghan never answered.

  Another few months passed and Alex spent it in physical therapy, learning to walk again. She had suffered so much damage to her head and spine that her own doctor thought that she might remain confined to a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

  Every night, she thought about Meghan. Every time she went to therapy, she thought about Meghan. It was what kept her going. She wondered why Meghan had never gone to visit her. Didn't she love her? Didn't she care? Had she just been to frightened to see her in the state that she was in? Or maybe the possibility of being with someone that couldn't walk had scared her off? The thoughts ran rampant in her mind. She had to see her. She had to get well. She had to walk again, so that she could find Meghan again. She prayed that it wasn't too late for them, and for their love.

  Chapter Fifteen

  A year had passed before Alex was able to finally be at home alone without having family or friends helping her. She was still in a wheel chair and still needed physical therapy several times a week. Even if she managed to take one step a day, it was progress. She still sent Meghan flowers often that second year, but Meghan still didn't answer or call.

  After two years of nearly depleting her entire savings with dozens upon dozens of flowers, bears, chocolates, and love notes, she finally gave up and stopped sending them. Meghan had been the love of her life, but perhaps Alex hadn't been the love of Meghan's life the way she thought she was. It was something that she would have to come to terms with in order for her to let go of Meghan.

  Right around the time when she stopped sending Meghan flowers and messages of her unrequited love, was right around the time that Alex starting seeing a new physical therapist. Sheryl Warren. She wasn't nearly as beautiful as Meghan, and she didn't have the same sparkle in her eyes when she laughed, but nonetheless, she had taken an interest in Alex despite the fact that she was in a wheel chair. That, in itself, meant something to Alex. It made all the difference. She had thought it to be the reason why Meghan no longer loved her. She felt Meghan couldn't accept her disability, and that's why she never came looking for her.

  After she regained her speech, she told Sheryl in great detail how much she loved Meghan and about the countless messages and flowers she had sent her over the course of two years. It had started with every day flowers and messages, but as the weeks passed had turned into flowers every few months, and finally to nothing at all.

  “She was everything to me,” Alex sobbed. Finally able to express herself after months of speech therapy.

  Sheryl listened intently to Alex's story and found it so heartbreaking that she wept. “All you wanted was her love, and she couldn't even show up to see you,” she sobbed, her voice breaking as she spoke and the tears running down her face. “If you'll give me a chance, I promise to love you until my last breath.”

  It was the defining moment in Sheryl's life. She cared about Alex and her heartfelt story. Sheryl came over every single day even though she was only supposed to see Alex three days a week. Alex's insurance at the security company she worked for only allowed her three days of physical therapy. Anything more would have to be an out of pocket cost, and Alex just didn't have the money.

  What Sheryl wanted most in life was to find someone to love her the way that Alex had loved Meghan. It was true love even though Meghan wasn't aware of it. But if she couldn't appreciate the love and romance that Alex had to give, then she would. It was after hearing of Alex's heartbreak and her lack of insurance funds that she decided to see her every day. She helped her to walk again and Alex was forever grateful. So grateful, in fact, that she married her. She figured that if this woman could love her and care for her every day despite not being able to hardly communicate and not being able to shower or use the bathroom sometimes without her help, then she was deserving of her love. Now that she could walk, she would walk down the aisle with Sheryl Warren.

  Chapter Sixteen

  It wasn't a big fancy wedding or anything expensive or extravagant. Nor was it a wedding at a gay and lesbian church like the way Alex had always pictured it. In fact, it was a small ceremony at the court house. There were no limousines, tuxedos, or flowing white gowns. She wore a shirt that Sheryl had bought her that had palm trees and pink flamingos on it. She hated that shirt, and she didn't bother to tuck it in. But maybe it was symbolic of her life. It wasn't what she had planned, but wound up being forced to make due with the hand she was dealt in life just like the shirt wasn't a white tuxedo, and the woman she married wasn't the one she had originally planned to marry.

  Sheryl wore a dress and couldn't be happier. She invited nearly everyone from the hospital. They had come to know Alex from her being a patient for so long. The hospital staff, doctors and nurses alike, had all been rooting for her to recuperate and recover from her injuries. Many of them prayed for her, took her cards and bears or balloons that said Get Well Soon. They had felt for her knowing she had sent constant gifts to someone that never appreciated them and never went to visit her.

  When the woman was reciting their vows, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, she thought of Meghan. Her eyes became watery as she realized that Meghan would never have loved her in sickness the way she had in health. And thus, when it came to the part to say, “I do” and make the marriage official, Alex didn't hesitate. Of course, neither did Sheryl. After all, it was what she had most wanted.

  As the years passed, Alex made a life with Sheryl. She finally finished restoring the home that she had bought for herself and Meghan. Since she had loved the tragic story of Claudia and Harriet and had also loved the idea that the house might be haunted, she adored her home. She loved it even more since it was the last place she had seen Meghan. Sheryl wasn't as thrilled to be living there as Alex was.

  “You have to promise me that you won't be conjuring up any demons in the basement or playing with Ouija boards in this house. It's been peaceful, and I want to keep it that way,” Sheryl had pleaded.

  Alex obliged, of course. She kept her ghost hunting adventures to herself. It was her own private hobby that she did at various locations, but always away from home as promised.

  Often in the middle of the night, Alex would go out onto t
he lake and go swimming. Sheryl would find that she would come in only half soaked. She appeared wet, but her clothes were dry. Admittedly, one night Alex told her that she had been skinny dipping in the lake. That, and the stars above, were all she had of Meghan and her memories of her. But that was something that she kept to herself. She didn't want to hurt her wife's feelings, so she kept her thoughts and memories of Meghan hidden from her and never spoke of her.

  Alex found her years as a security guard to be taking a toll on her body. She was never quite the same after she'd had that awful fall from a ladder.

  “I feel the rain coming on,” she would say when she would get pain in her legs or back.

  “I feel it, too,” Sheryl would reply. She, too, had aged more in body than in years. Being that she was a physical therapist, she had spent many years kneeling, squatting, lifting, and bending her knees as she helped patients. She had aches and pains and a tiredness around the eyes that showed all the hard work in her life. Alex wondered if Meghan had aged the same way, or if she was still as beautiful as ever with her dark hair and bright eyes. To think, she could've spent years with Meghan in this very home frolicking in the lake, sitting on the back porch rocking chairs, or relaxing on the porch swing. She hated when those thoughts crept into her mind. It's like they were always there, in the deep recesses of her brain just waiting to come out and break her heart. As much as she tried to shove them down and forget them, they still found their way to the surface.

  Alex never lost her sense of romance. She often ran a bath for her aching, tired wife and read her books and poems as she soaked in the tub. Sometimes she would light candles or leave rose petals on the bed so that Sheryl could find them when she came home from work. It was Alex's way of showing her appreciation for all that she had done for her. She knew Sheryl loved her deeply, and it pained her heart that she didn't quite love her the same, but she didn't think she'd ever find another woman in all the world that would ever sacrifice her time like she did or love or as much. Even though Sheryl was tired after work, she cooked and cleaned and kept house because she always feared that Alex would have pain in her back. She never let her do much, and even wanted Alex to quit her job as a security guard and just stay home, but Alex wouldn't hear of it. No, Sheryl was a good woman, and she couldn't leave her or break her heart. She would spend the rest of her life being good to her for all she did for her. It was a promise that she had made to herself. She would never be able to tell Sheryl that her heart still belonged to Meghan.