The Solution

by K. A. Applegate

  Jordan nodded. "That's just so wrong, though."

  I shrugged. "Yeah, probably. But it's also how people are. You don't want to go around thinking,

  94 'It could be me next. It could be my sister or mother or father.' You're going to do anything you can not to feel that way. You have to put up a wall between you and the fear. You have to cut yourself off from it, tell yourself you're safe. Bad stuff only happens to people who are careless or stupid or evil."

  Jordan seemed to feel better. She even smiled. "Mom says we can stay home from school today. You know, in case ..."

  I made a face. "Talk about a bad reason to skip school."

  "Yeah. Well, maybe he'll be okay."

  "Yeah. It's like on ER. The doctors are always worrying, but then the patient survives."

  "And if they're a cute girl they get to date Noah Wylie," Jordan said, laughing.

  "Exactly. So don't write old Saddler off yet, okay?"

  She left and I staggered, still half-blind from the sleep gunk in my eyes, to the bathroom. I splashed my face with cold water.

  «0oooh, I never realized you were so wise and all.»

  I jumped straight up. I spun around. Search . . . search . . . search . . . nothing! Nothing in the shower. Nothing on the floor. Nothing on the ceiling.

  95 I stood there, very, very awake. "What do you want, David?"

  «l just wanted to hear your deep wisdom, Rachel,» he said. «What's the matter? Does it make you nervous having me around?»

  I kept searching the room. Inside the medicine cabinet. Nothing! Then, slowly, with a creeping, crawling sensation of disgust, I realized. He could be anywhere. He could be ... on me.

  "Should I go get some flea powder?" I asked the empty bathroom. I tried to sound tough and indifferent. Like I wasn't scared.

  «You have to put up a wall between you and the fear, Rachel,» he mocked. «You have to cut yourself off from it, tell yourself you're safe, Rachel. You have to tell yourself that bad stuff only happens to people who are careless or stupid or evil, Rachel.»

  "What do you think you're accomplishing, David?" I asked.

  «l'm sending you a message, Rachel,» he said with silky intensity. «See, I know where you live, Rachel. That's my message. You want to threaten me? I know where you live.»

  I had to fight down the panic that was competing with rage in my head. I couldn't let him know he'd gotten to me. "My family isn't part of this."

  96

  "Your parents are Controllers now. That makes them different."

  «Are you a hundred percent sure that your mother and your sisters aren't Controllers?»

  I swallowed hard. I had to remain calm. That was the point. I had to remain calm. If I blew up he'd know he had power over me. "You would go after little girls, you gutless piece of crap. You said you wouldn't hurt humans who weren't in morph. I always knew that was bull. A coward like you has no honor."

  It was a pathetic, obvious ploy. Would he fall for it? It depended. How did David see himself?

  «You want rules, Rachel? I'll give you rules: Give me the blue box and I'm gone. I'll go to some other city. I'll take what I need. I have the power! But I want that box!»

  "What for, you idiot? You want to make more Animorphs? Why? So they can do to you what you're trying to do to us?"

  I guess that made him think. I thought it might.

  «Stay away from my family, Rachel. I'll stay away from yours. Just you and me. That's the deal. You and me.»

  "I'll take that challenge," I said.

  98 «Cool. Now, hey, go ahead and enjoy your shower.»

  He was silent after that. He said nothing more. Maybe he was really gone.

  But for the first time, I decided to skip my shower.

  97

  Chapter 19

  I didn't feel even slightly safe till two hours had passed. That's how long David could stay in morph. After that, if he'd been a flea or a cockroach or whatever, he'd be stuck.

  Two hours later to the minute, I arrived at Jake's house. There were extra cars in the driveway. I guess Saddler's family had come over.

  Jake answered the door. I saw half a dozen people beyond him in the family room. They all looked like they were getting ready to go.

  "Hi, Rachel," Jake said. "Did you come over to-"

  I grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him outside onto the porch. I've never done anything

  99 like that to Jake. I shocked myself. I know I shocked him.

  "David was in my house!" I hissed in his ear. "He was in my bathroom."

  Jake looked puzzled. Then his eyes widened. "In morph?"

  "Of course in morph. You think he'd come over and ask my mommy if I could come out to play?!" I was yelling.

  "Calm down, Rachel, the whole family is here. We're all about to head to the hospital to see Saddler. Tom is here," he added with a significant look. Tom is a Controller.

  I lowered my voice to an intense whisper. "He was in morph. He may have been a flea. He may have been on me. On me!"

  Jake nodded warily. "Yeah. I guess we have to expect that kind of thing."

  "He's made me his number-one target," I snapped. "Did you expect that?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean it's personal between me and him. And I think you know why it's personal."

  Jake shook his head. "Look, we all stand together, Rachel. You know that."

  "Do I? Nice job of standing up for me before, Jake."

  "When?"

  100 "You know when," I said. "When David told everyone what had gone down between me and him and all I hear is the big, empty silence from Cassie and Tobias and all."

  "It was a combat situation, Rachel. What did you expect me to do? Stop and explain to everyone that David was lying?"

  I glared at Jake and just then his dad came out on the porch. "We need to get going, Jake. Hi, Rachel. Why don't you come with us?"

  I don't know why, but I said, "Okay, yes."

  Jake's dad closed the door again.

  "You think David was lying?" I asked him.

  Jake looked away. "It doesn't matter what I think, Rachel."

  I laughed. "You know something, Jake, you are becoming a real leader. You even have the whole hypocrisy thing down." I started to walk away. "Tell your dad I changed my mind."

  "Rachel." Jake trotted over to catch up to me. "What's bothering you?"

  "What's bothering me? Aside from the fact I've never been so tired in my life? Aside from the fact that David is out to get me? What's bothering me?"

  "Yeah. Aside from those things. I mean, I know you, Rachel -"

  "Yeah, you sure do," I snapped.

  101 "Look, I don't have time for twenty questions."

  "When you were going after David and you sent Ax for help, why did you tell him to get me and not Cassie or Marco?"

  Jake looked surprised. He shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I thought you were closest."

  "Wrong. Try again."

  Jake flushed angrily. But then I saw the beginning of a rueful smile. "I thought David had killed Tobias. I thought he might kill me. I wanted . . . firepower."

  "I see. You wanted me for my morphs." It was a good answer. It could have almost been true. "Okay. So we come down to the second question: What did you think I would say to David yesterday? In the cafeteria. Why did you let me go after him?"

  Jake's rueful smile became sadder. For a long time he didn't speak. "I guess -"

  "Jake! Come on. Rachel, if you're coming, let's go!" Jake's mom yelled.

  At the same time the garage door opened and the family's new minivan came backing out. I piled in with Jake and there was nothing more said.

  Maybe it was true about the morphs. Maybe I had jumped to a conclusion. After all, it was true

  102 I had the grizzly bear morph and the elephant morph. Both of which were as strong or stronger than David's lion. And it was true that neither Marco nor Cassie had anything to match the lion's raw power.

  Maybe that was
all there was to it. Maybe my cousin didn't see me as some crazed Femme Nikita killer.

  But I'd have to wait and hear his answer to my second question.

  Jake had said, "It was a combat situation, Rachel. What did you expect me to do? Stop and explain to everyone that David was lying?"

  But I knew one thing for sure: Jake was lying. He knew what David had accused me of was true.

  Not for the first time, I looked at Jake and wondered what he had become. He was sitting there, looking like any other kid stuck in any other boring minivan. If you saw him walk down the street you might think, Oh, there's a nice-looking guy. But you wouldn't see half of what there was to Jake.

  But then, I guess that's true of everyone. You can never be sure whether the pretty blond lugging a pair of bulging Express bags through the mall is just another sweet, ditzy, harmless mall rat.

  Or me.

  103

  You think hospitals are depressing? Try a children's hospital. You go to a regular hospital and see sick people and you think, Oh, that's something that happens to old people. You know, like lung cancer or Alzheimer's or whatever.

  But in a kids' hospital you see way too many people who look like they could be sitting next to you on the school bus. It makes you nervous.

  Saddler was in PICU. Pediatrics Intensive Care Unit. It was like the hospital room from hell.

  Four beds in each room, if you can call it a bed when there are these monitors poised over your head showing your heartbeat and brain waves and a bunch of other stuff in wavy, ghostly green lines.

  104 Three of the beds were full. Saddler was in the one farthest from the door. I took one look at him and thought, Okay, I believe in mercy killing. No one should have to be so ... helpless.

  But I guess that was dumb, because later I heard from one of the doctors that more than ninety-five percent of even the most messed-up kids who go into the PICU come out alive.

  No one was being that optimistic about Saddler, though. He was going to be one of the five percent. At least that had been the last thing we heard from the doctors.

  Now . . . well, let me just say that different people react in different ways to "miracles." We almost couldn't get to Saddler's bed for all the doctors and nurses crowding around. Some looked like they'd just had Leonardo DiCaprio tell them they were pretty. They looked transfigured. Others looked mad. Some looked scared.

  Saddler's mother rushed to the head doctor. "Doctor Kaehler? What's happening? What's happening to my baby?"

  Doctor Kaehler was one of the mad ones. "What's happening? Good question. Very good question. I have to tell you that we had a crisis here about an hour ago. Your son's heart stopped. We were rushing him to surgery, but in all honesty he was not going to make it."

  105 "But-"she began.

  The doctor ignored her. "I would have bet my entire career that Saddler would be gone within the hour. Then, as they were taking him up to the O.R., something happened with the elevator. It jammed or... or something. The nurse and doctor with him seem to have been knocked out. When they came to, the elevator was working again. They rushed your son to surgery where he ... where he ... opened his eyes!"

  "What?"

  "He opened his eyes. And he said, 'Hi.'"

  Saddler's mother lost it. She shoved wildly through the gaggle of nurses and doctors. And there she stopped, staring in disbelief at her son.

  Saddler was sitting up in his bed. He looked as healthy as if he'd just stepped in from playing soccer.

  "How?" Saddler's father asked.

  The doctor just shook his head. "You tell me. There is apparently nothing wrong with your son. And I mean nothing. No broken bones - all healed. No internal injuries. No bruises, for crying out loud!"

  He was mad. I could understand that. He was a scientist, basically. Scientists like to understand things.

  "It's a miracle!" Jake's mom whispered.

  106 "I don't even believe in miracles," Jake's dad said, "but this is a miracle. I mean, I saw him yesterday and he looked like raw hamburger."

  Saddler's parents were all over their son. Hugging, kissing, jabbering on and on. It was a cool scene. Even I was feeling overwhelmed. Then I caught sight of Jake.

  He was the only wallflower at the big party of celebration. He turned away, rage barely concealed on his face.

  "What?" I whispered to him. "What's the matter?"

  He said one word. And I knew what I'd been too blind to see. This was no miracle.

  Jake said, "David."

  107

  Jake and I stepped back from the crowd. No one noticed. No one cared. They had a miracle to witness.

  "You think David morphed Saddler?" I asked Jake.

  "I know he did. Days back, I mentioned Saddler to all of you. I saw his eyes kind of light up. I didn't think much of it at the time. Besides, we were kind of busy."

  I nodded. "He needed a life. David's family are Controllers and he needed a place to go, to sleep, to eat. But it's just a morph. If he stays in it more than two hours at a time he's stuck, and he'll lose his morphing power permanently."

  108 "All he has to do is go the bathroom, de-morph, remorph, and he's good for another two hours. And take a look at his parents. You think they're going to notice, or care, if Saddler is suddenly very different than he has been?"

  He was right. Saddler's parents thought they were losing a son. Now he was back. Alive.

  A miracle.

  So maybe his memory was a little impaired. Maybe he didn't remember his friends or his favorite food. He'd be different, but that was to be expected, with what he'd gone through. And anyway, Saddler always had been a jerk. David should be able to play the role.

  What could his family even possibly suspect him of? Being a morph? Obviously not. Then something awful occurred to me.

  "Saddler. . . where's Saddler? The real one?"

  Jake looked grim. "I guess we'll have to ask David, won't we?"

  I looked at Saddler. There was a momentary gap in the gaggle around him. He saw us. We saw him. His look was pure triumph.

  Then the wall of people closed around him again. I was not even slightly surprised when, an hour later, Saddler said he had to go to the bathroom. By himself. He was fine, perfectly fine. Everyone should stop worrying.

  He passed deliberately by Jake and me.

  109 "Cousin Jake! Cousin Rachel! I'm glad you're here. Really, really glad."

  For a brief moment, no one else was within hearing.

  "You won't get away with this," I said.

  "I won't? I already have. And what are you two going to do? The real Saddler was toast. Now those nice people have their son back. So what are you going to do about it?" He started to walk away, then turned back, as if he had some funny secret to impart. "I'll take the blue box, cousins. Bring it to me. You have twenty-four hours. Starting now."

  He laughed, loudly enough for all to hear. So they all laughed, too, giddy from the fact that unbearable tragedy had missed them.

  Jake and I plastered smiles on our faces. But we both felt sick inside.

  David had beaten us.

  Jake and I left. We went out into the mostly empty hallway.

  "Okay, we have to plan right now," Jake said.

  "Plan what?"

  "We are never going to know whether we're being watched by David or listened to by David from now on," Jake said. "Right now we know where he is. Right now we're safe."

  "So what are you going to do? Give him the blue box?"

  110 Jake's eyes flashed. "Never!" I smiled, despite myself. "Okay. So?" "So... I don't know. Do you have any ideas?"

  I stopped smiling. "What do you mean?" "I mean, what do you think we should do about him? About David."

  A nurse came by and flashed an automatic smile. When she was gone I said, "Look, Jake, I don't know what you're getting at. And you know what? I don't think I like what you're thinking about me."

  "What? What's that about?" "You never answered me before, Jake. I want to know.
When David left the cafeteria and I started after him, and Cassie said no and you said to let me go, what exactly did you think I would do or say to David?"

  Jake nodded. "Oh. That's what this is about." "Yeah, 'Oh, that's what this is about.' What did you expect me to do to David? Did you think I was going to kill him? Did you? Is that why you let me go after him? Is that why you sent Ax for me? Because you think I'm some kind of violent nut you can call in whenever you need some dirty work done?"

  "Look, Rachel, every one of us has his strengths and his weaknesses."

  111 "And my strength is being some kind of crazy killer?" I practically shrieked.

  "I didn't say that."

  "You didn't not say it!"

  "Okay, fine, Rachel. You want to do this, fine. I think you're the bravest member of the group. I think in a bad fight I'd rather have you with me than anyone else. But yeah, Rachel, I think there's something pretty dark down inside you. I think you're the only one of us who would be disappointed if all this ended tomorrow. Cassie hates all this, Marco has personal reasons for being in this war, Ax just wants to go home and fight Yeerks with his own people, Tobias . . . who knows what Tobias wants anymore? But you, Rachel, you love it. It's what makes you so brave. It's what makes you so dangerous to the Yeerks."

  I let his words blow past me. I heard them, I'd feel them later, but I didn't want to feel them right then.

  "You did think I'd go kill David the other day. My God."

  "No. I thought you'd scare him. I thought you'd say the things it took to scare him. I thought you'd say whatever you had to. And I thought that of any of us, David would be most likely to fear you."

  An attendant pushed a wheeled bed slowly

  112 past. I tried to look at myself the way Jake saw me. Was it true? Did I love this war?

  "I worry about you, Rachel. More than any of the others except Tobias. I feel like this war is to you like booze is to an alcoholic. Like I don't know what will happen to you if it all ends someday. What are you going to do? Go back to being the world's greatest shopper? Go back to gymnastics and getting good grades?"