Just Trying To Stay Alive: A Prepper's Tale

by Michaels, Brian

“I got a text message!” she said excitedly.

  When I get a text message my reaction is more like confusion and frustration because it usually means a problem I have to deal with, that is after I figure out how to open the text app on my phone.

  Katie stared at her phone for a minute then got a big grin on her face and started jumping up and down like she did when she was a little kid.

  “That message better not be from a boy,” I said.

  “Oh Dad, it’s not from a boy,” Katie laughed. “This is even better, there isn’t any school today.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “I don’t know and I don’t care,” Katie replied happily, “Dad, can Logan have the car today so he can drive me to the mall?”

  “Your mother has to work today and she will need the second car,” I said. “The mall is right across the street from where she works, maybe you could ask her to drop you off on her way to work, but there is only one problem.”

  “What’s that?” Katie asked seriously.

  “You would have to stay at the mall until your mom gets off work,” I replied. “But something tells me you could handle the inconvenience somehow.”

  “Thanks Dad,” Katie said as she ran over and gave me a hug.

  “But there are two conditions,” I added looking her in the eyes sternly doing my best strict father impression.

  “You know I’ll behave myself,” Katie protested rolling her eyes, her signature reaction to everything.

  “I know you will,” I replied. “But my conditions are that you first wait to ask your mother until she gets up. The second condition is you can only go if one of your girlfriends go with you. I don’t want you there by yourself. Understand?”

  “OK,” Katie said humbly.

  “One more thing, well two more things,” I continued. “If your mother says no, then it’s no, don’t argue with her. Second, you call me the second you feel anything is wrong. And no boys, no getting in cars with boys, no hanging around with boys, no calling and inviting boys to come to the mall, no boys. Your mother is done today at 2:00 PM. You meet her at the main entrance at exactly 2:00 PM so she doesn’t have to come looking for you.”

  “Anything else?” Katie asked as a big smile formed on her face.

  “Remember there is an app on my phone, so I can track you and know exactly where you are,” I added.

  “I know,” Katie grinned. “But you haven’t let me show you how to use it yet. But don’t worry Dad, I’ll be careful and I’ll behave myself. I promise I won’t disappoint you. You worry too much.”

  I rolled my eyes and did my best impression of Katie, smiled at her then left the room.

  I went in and woke up Emma before heading for the shower. I told her what to expect when she left the bedroom and entered the lion’s den, then took my shower and got dressed for work.

  Before I left I went back in to the bedroom to kiss Emma goodbye for the day.

  “By the way,” Emma said, “I understand that you and Katie had a long talk Friday after you got home from work.”

  “Did she send you another text?” I laughed.

  “No, we had an actual conversation,” Emma smiled. “It lasted almost a full two minutes. Contrary to popular belief, Katie does talk to me sometimes, I’m sure she doesn’t tell me as much as she tells you.”

  “Did she tell you what her friend Jenny did with her boyfriend last weekend?” I asked then smiled and fanned my face with one hand like it had suddenly gotten warm in the room.

  “No!” Emma replied wide eyed. “She told you that?”

  I nodded.

  “Maybe this weekend we can get rid of the kids, I’ll buy a bottle of wine and get some pizza and I’ll tell you all about it,” I smiled. “I got to go.”

  I left the room and left Emma with her mouth hanging open in near shock.

  I’m sure Emma will be disappointed to find out that Jenny said the Rapid City Fair was a real dud and that Jenny wished that her and her boyfriend had gone to a movie instead.

  I can be sort of ornery myself at times.

  Chapter 6

  I arrived at work early today, even though I had left the house twenty minutes late. The streets had only about half the amount of traffic on them that I usually had to battle through to get to work most days.

  It was just a passing thought, but I figured it had something to do with the schools being closed today.

  Then another passing thought ran through my mind, I wondered if Logan was out on the street corner waiting for the school bus to show up. Since Katie didn’t need Logan to drive her anywhere today, there was a good chance she didn’t bother to tell him there wasn’t any school today.

  Katie had a habit of forgetting little details like that and she also had an ornery streak in her and wouldn’t pass up an opportunity this good to pull a prank on her brother.

  If I found the two of them locked in their rooms when I got home, I would know what had happened.

  My thoughts turned back to my day at work as I walked in to my office.

  The office seemed quieter than usual, a pleasant surprise that I had no intentions of complaining about and I just went to my office and began to review my schedule for the day.

  It was about midmorning when I called out for Mandy.

  I was putting my closing comments on the Johnson account and remembered Bob said he had Mr. Johnson sign the authorization forms for the purchase of fifty new mobile electric meters that we needed for the Southside project that began last week. The forms weren’t in the Johnson folder and I needed to have them in order to sign off that the file was complete.

  A few minutes later Mandy walked into my office.

  “Mandy, would you tell Bob I need to speak with him,” I said.

  “I can’t do that,” Mandy smiled.

  “And why not?” I asked, knowing a smart answer was coming by the look on her face. If Mandy wasn’t such a good worker, sometimes I swear I would replace her with a chimp. A chimp would be almost as amusing as Mandy was at times but without all the aggravation.

  “Because he didn’t come in today,” she replied.

  “Mandy, has anyone ever told you that you can be a pain in the butt sometimes,” I grinned.

  “You’re the first one today,” she laughed.

  “Did he call in sick or anything?” I asked.

  “No, he just didn’t come in,” she replied.

  “That’s not like Bob,” I said. “Why don’t you give him a call and see if something happened. If you can get him on the phone, ask him where the Johnson forms are too?”

  “OK,” Mandy replied and disappeared.

  I just shook my head after she left.

  I then laughed to myself and wondered if this was what it would be like having Katie as my secretary.

  Mandy wasn’t a whole lot older than Katie and she still acted like a teenager at times. Fortunately, unlike Katie, she didn’t always tell me all the little details of her personal life. But I’m sure that would be quite interesting.

  I also decided that I shouldn’t replace Mandy with a chimp, she was too efficient. Besides I knew how to handle her since I’ve had a ton of experience dealing with teenagers.

  Also, I heard that chimps could bite and so far I hadn’t heard of Mandy biting anyone.

  She kept everything perfectly in order, I guess that makes it worth having to deal with her little quirks from time to time. My last secretary acted very professional, but she couldn’t file worth a damn. Whenever I needed any important documents, I had to go on a scavenger hunt that sometimes lasted for days.

  A few minutes later Mandy came back to my office and dropped the Johnson forms on my desk.

  “He was hard to understand today, he sounded like he had a mouthful of mush or something, but I was able to figure out where he put the forms,” Mandy said.

  “Why didn’t he come in today?” I asked.

  “He said he thinks he has the flu again,” Mandy replied. “He said he might be
out all week?”

  “Thanks,” I said. “By the way did you put Bob’s bag of donuts back where you found them?”

  “What?” Mandy asked trying to look innocent.

  I pointed to the end of my nose then pointed at her nose.

  Mandy quickly ran her hand over her nose and looked at her hand.

  She then turned and ran out of the room.

  Mandy had obviously found Bob’s donut bag in his desk.

  I wasn’t sure he had any donuts left after he and I were finished yesterday, but I thought I would take a shot.

  She really didn’t have any icing on her nose, but I guess after dealing with her teenage attitude, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity at some payback.

  Yes, Mandy is a pain in the butt at times, and yes, I guess I am partially to blame for it, but I see getting in my jabs occasionally as a way to keep her on her toes and even the score a little.

  The rest of the day was quiet and boring and quitting time finally arrived.

  I stopped at Timmy’s and bought one glazed donut for breakfast tomorrow morning like I always do.

  The streets barely had any traffic on them again this afternoon and I arrived home in twenty minutes.

  As I walked up the sidewalk, I saw something unusual greeting me as I climbed the steps on the front porch.

  A piece of rope was tied to the corner post and stretched across to the middle post.

  On the rope hung five pair of pink panties, each pair had the name of a day of the week embroidered across the back in red.

  “This is going to be interesting,” I thought as I continued across the porch and went inside.

  Emma was setting the table when I went inside.

  Three bags from PF Chang’s sat on the kitchen counter.

  Emma had picked up dinner on her way home and tonight was our night to have Chinese.

  Katie came running over to greet me as I came in the house.

  “Thanks for letting me go to the mall today, Dad!” Katie said cheerfully as she took my jacket and laid it over the back of the couch. “I had such a great time.”

  I glanced over at Emma to see her laugh and roll her eyes.

  “Did you thank your mother for taking you?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” Katie answered.

  “Who went with you?” I asked.

  “Jenny met me at the mall, but she was only able to stay until lunch time,” Katie replied. “She got the flu shot, she wasn’t feeling too well and her butt was swollen. It looked gross, her butt was almost as big as Kim Kardashian’s.”

  I glanced over when I heard Logan laughing. He was sitting on the recliner listening to our conversation, something he never did. I didn’t know if the ornery look on his face was because he was imagining Kim Kardashian’s butt or if he was up to something. My mind quickly decided that Logan was up to something and I thought I knew what it was.

  “Jenny and I had lunch with Mom at Burger King and Jenny left right after,” Katie continued. “I had to text Mom every hour so she knew I was OK. I was also at the entrance at 2:00 sharp just like you told me.

  Guess why we didn’t have school today?”

  “I give up,” I replied.

  “All the girls that got the flu shot had sore butts, so the principal decided to call off school for the day since so many kids were calling off,” Katie continued. “Boy, I’m glad I didn’t get that shot. I know I promised, but I talked to one boy today. I didn’t have a choice, he was working at the ice cream booth and if I couldn’t talk to him I wouldn’t have been able to order an ice cream cone. I hope that was OK, I didn’t smile at him or anything so he wouldn’t get the idea I was trying to flirt or anything. I know you don’t like it when I flirt with anyone. Hey Dad, guess what I bought at the mall today. I bet a dollar you can’t guess.”

  I took a deep breath and let my brain finish digesting the barrage of information I had just heard, then I smiled.

  “Let me see, I bet you bought some new pink underwear and they have the days of the week on the back.”

  Katie stopped in her tracks and looked at me with a curious look on her face.

  “How do you know that?” she asked. “Where you checking up on me?”

  “No,” I grinned, “They are hanging out on the front porch, I just assumed they were yours.”

  Katie’s eye lit up with an angry look in them.

  She went storming over to the front door, threw open the door and gasped.

  She darted out on the porch and returned a second later clutching her new underwear in her hands.

  It was only a second later when I heard a blood curling scream, “Logan!”

  Next pillows and books started flying across the room in Logan’s direction.

  Katie ran at Logan and he quickly jumped off the chair, ran to his room and slammed the door.

  Behind the closed door everyone could hear Logan laughing hysterically.

  “Dad, are you going to let Logan get away with that?” Katie screamed.

  “Come here,” I said softly.

  Katie, still fuming, walked over and glared at me.

  “First, I have a question,” I said.

  “What?” she snapped.

  “By any chance did you forget to tell Logan that school was called off today?” I asked.

  A smile spread across Katie’s face. “Yes, I forgot.”

  “I bet you forgot,” I said. “Maybe you got what you deserved.”

  “But this is so embarrassing,” Katie protested. “How would he like me to hang his underwear on the front porch for everyone to see?”

  Something told me that Logan could have cared less if anyone hung his underwear on the front porch, of course I didn’t say that, instead I said, “It was probably embarrassing standing out there for the school bus too.”

  “I guess so,” Katie smiled, looking pleased with herself.

  “Logan, come here,” I called out.

  Logan opened the door and walked over to me, keeping me between him and Katie.

  “Katie, tell Logan you’re sorry you didn’t tell him that school was called off,” I said.

  After glaring at her brother for a minute she finally snapped at him, “I’m sorry.”

  “Logan, tell your sister you are sorry for hanging her underwear out on the front porch,” I continued.

  “Sorry,” Logan replied.

  “This is over,” I said. “I don’t want to hear anymore about it or you both are grounded, got it?” I said.

  They glared at each other quietly and nodded.

  After Logan went back to his room, Katie had to show me her new underwear. I guess they were a great bargain at $2.99 a pair, but I really didn’t know. I just nodded my head and smiled.

  Emma interrupted Katie just in time to keep me from having to feel her new underwear to see how soft they were and told her to go get cleaned up for dinner.

  When Katie was gone, Emma laughed and looked at me.

  “Care to hear about my day?” she laughed.

  “Did you get any new underwear or does your butt hurt?” I grinned.

  “No,” Emma laughed.

  “Then can it wait until I catch my breath?” I laughed.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to see my underwear too?” she grinned.

  I shook my head, smiled and walked over to help Emma finish putting the egg rolls, fired rice and Chang’s spicy chicken on the table.

  As I helped Emma with the table I thought, “So everyone that got a flu shot had a sore butt today. The government strikes again. I wonder if everyone in California woke up with sore butts today after their mandatory flu shots?”

  I was going to say something to Emma about the adverse reaction to the shots, but Logan and Katie were now at the table chomping at the bit to eat.

  I didn’t want our entire dinner time conversation to be about infected butts, so I decided to wait until later.

  Chapter 7

  This morning started out like any other morning, but it woul
dn’t end that way.

  As I poured my coffee and settled in to begin my slow morning ritual to wake up and start my day, I heard something unusual.

  Coming from the living room I heard Logan cussing out the TV. He wasn’t using the usual selection of four-letter words one associates with hearing someone cuss, Logan didn’t use those words, but the meaning was clear.

  Logan was upset over something.

  I got up and walked into the living room to find out what had him so upset. I found him standing in front of the TV, he looked more frustrated than angry.

  “Logan,” I said. “What’s up?”

  “I was watching Star Trek, my favorite episode where Kirk, and Spock go back in time to find Doctor McCoy. You know, The City on the Edge of Forever. Kirk just grabbed McCoy to keep him from saving Edith Keeler when the BBC interrupted Star Trek to show this crap!” he shouted and pointed at the TV.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Some kind of news flash,” he replied sounding disgusted. “Why couldn’t they have just waited five more minutes? The best part was just coming up.”

  I hadn’t heard Logan use that many words since Katie hid Logan’s homework and forgot to give it back to him before she left for school.

  “I’m going to go finish getting ready for school,” Logan said, got up and left the room.

  I was going to turn off the TV and go back to my newspaper, but when I heard the reporter say something about flu shots, I sat down to see what they were talking about. After the incident at the kid’s school and that Ms. Davis, I was curious to see if the report was somehow related.

  “California is waking up this morning to a severe flu epidemic that has taken everyone by surprise,” the reporter said.

  The first thing that ran through my mind was that Ms. Davis and her crew had miscalculated what strain of the flu would be going around this year, just like they had missed what type of flu struck the country last year.