Apostate

by Frankie Robertson

  Kellan was grateful when Dave lifted his hands as if separating two boxers. He and Tasha had already chased each other around this particular mulberry tree several times.

  “What’s the idea?”

  “Before I became an U’dahmi, I was a Lightbringer like Jared. Knowledge is my area of expertise.”

  “Sharing knowledge,” Tasha interjected.

  Kellan continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “If I can get close to The Lion I can remove or change his thoughts about Julie.”

  “You can make him forget her?” Dave’s tone suggested this solution was too good to be true. “Permanently?”

  “I can, but it would be better to alter his memory, not erase it. He’d have fewer anomalies in his mind and therefore less confusion. His lieutenants would be less likely to notice anything amiss in his speech or manner.” Kellan swallowed the bile that threatened to rise in his throat. What he was suggesting ran counter to the Lightbringer philosophy of increasing knowledge, and barely skirted the U’dahmi edict of doing no harm to humans. “I can use your original plan. Make Szegedy believe that the information his henchmen got from the man they tortured was false and that it was he who called to warn The Lion about his companions’ betrayal. I can plant the belief that the men who attacked the hotel were trying to kill Chad’s girlfriend to cover their tracks so he wouldn’t know they’d stolen his money.”

  “But some of his men know differently. What if they say something? Question The Lion’s change in direction?”

  “That’s the hard part, but if I do a good enough job, he’ll have no doubt about his conclusions. Most people defend what they believe to be true, even when presented with contradictory evidence. You see it all the time, like the anti-vax people. They ignore the science that proves vaccines are safe because it doesn’t agree with what they believe. And The Lion strikes me as someone who doesn’t appreciate being challenged. It’s likely his men know that it’s not in their best interest to contradict him by insisting on their version of events.”

  “Is this really the only way?” Tasha asked, focusing her attention on Dave. “Kellan was a Lightbringer. They’re all about helping people understand more about the world, not less. You shouldn’t make him do this.”

  Dave lifted his hands. “I’m not making him do anything. He volunteered.”

  “I’ll be fine.” It was a lie, and she knew it, but he wanted to reassure her. She knew what this would cost him. That’s why she’d fought him so hard when they’d discussed it earlier. Was still fighting. She was thinking of him, not the greater good. He’d let her get too close, know him too well. But he had no idea how he could have stopped that from happening. He wouldn’t have stopped it even if he could.

  “She’s right.” He almost laughed at Tasha’s surprised expression, but he didn’t. This was too serious. “As a Lightbringer, I’d rather there were no secrets. But we bargained away our right to share our knowledge. As an U’dahmi, I’ve promised to keep various truths to myself. My inclination and my honor are constantly at odds. I’m always in conflict. This is no different.”

  Dave regarded him gravely as if he was reordering his opinions. “Unfortunately, it’s the best option I’ve heard so far—but it’s probably moot. Your plan hinges on getting close to the man for enough time to do your thing. I have no idea how to accomplish that.”

  “We know The Lion uses philanthropy to polish up his reputation. I’ll bet he likes to show off by attending charity events. Are there any coming up? Maybe we could draw him aside at the next one,” Tasha suggested.

  Kellan’s surprise must have shown in his expression because she shrugged and gave him half a smile. “I may not like your decision, but if I can’t change your mind I’ll help you get it done.”

  Dave pulled out his phone. “Let me check.”

  “Don’t bother,” Kellan said. “He needs to be asleep and suggestible for me to work that deeply on him. If I do it while he’s awake he’ll resist and I could damage his mind.”

  “Damn.” Dave shoved his phone back in his pocket. “We’re back to square one. I don’t know how to get you past his security and into his bedroom.”

  Tasha thumped her head against the padded headboard and groaned. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this.”

  “What?” Kellan asked.

  “I think I may be able to get you in.”

  “How?” Dave asked.

  “You know how my sister can do magic and manipulate the air to do things?” Tasha asked.

  Dave nodded.

  “I learned how to control my abilities while I was away. In addition to knowing ritual magic, Ana works with Air. I can shape Earth—but I also have an affinity for Shadow. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that it has an affinity for me.”

  “How is that going to help us?”

  Kellan made an unhappy growling noise. Dave glanced at him and Tasha answered him as if Dave hadn’t spoken.

  “It’s the only way to get us in past all the security.”

  “You’ve never done it with another person in tow, and you’d have to start well outside the security perimeter. You’ll be vulnerable for a longer time than you’ve ever been before.”

  “Yeah. So?” Tasha tried to sound unconcerned, but there was an anxious look in her eyes like a new recruit facing his first firefight. “Julie and her son don’t deserve to die because I’m afraid of the dark. I can do this.”

  Dave felt like he was at a tennis match, looking from one to the other. “Would one of you please tell me what you’re talking about?”

  “Tasha has a unique skill. She can travel through Shadow, bypassing what we know as the physical world.”

  Yet another twist on what Dave had once thought was reality. But after being possessed and working with Celestials and the Fey descendants of Gaians, this was barely a blip on the radar of his emotional landscape. “Great. She can get you in and out without being seen?”

  Kellan grimaced. “Maybe.”

  “Yes,” Tasha corrected.

  “There are things that live in the Shadow. Some seem to be benign, but others apparently don’t like having their realm invaded by day-walkers. If they attack, I’m not sure what defense we’d have against them. Tasha might have to retreat into the ‘real’ world, and then The Lion’s security would have us.”

  Dave sat down on the corner of the mattress near Tasha. “What will the creatures in the Shadow do to you?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never let one catch me. But I’m pretty sure they’re not going to throw me a tea party.”

  Dave knew what that was like. He’d walked through his share of villages with his head on a swivel while the residents glared at him and his men with dark angry eyes. You never knew in those situations if they’d throw rocks, grenades, or just dirty looks your way.

  Kellan paced over to the window and then back to stand at the foot of the bed. “I don’t want you putting yourself at risk. We’ll find another way.”

  Dave held up his hand. He didn’t like putting non-combatants in harm’s way, especially when he didn’t understand the threat being faced. Sending his men into peril had never been easy, but they’d all signed up for the duty. They all knew what the risks were. But Tasha wasn’t a soldier, and even she didn’t fully know what the hazards were. Whatever they were, they terrified her. But she was willing to confront her fear to get the job done.

  “This Shadow-walking thing. You’ll be able to walk in under their noses? You won’t show up on infrared cameras?”

  “No one will see us. I’ve never tested it against IR, but I don’t see why we’d show up on it. It’s like not really being there. I walk through walls.”

  That would have been a sweet ability to have in Afghanistan. Dave braced his elbows on his knees and stared at his clasped hands. “I don’t like planning a mission when there’s so much I don’t know, or putting so much responsibility on the shoulders of a green recruit.”

  “Kellan will be there with me. I won
’t be alone,” Tasha said.

  Dave closed his eyes and shook his head. He was crazy to even be considering this. But he didn’t see any other way to keep Julie and Alex and Jack safe. “Can we do this tonight?”

  “Tasha will need a couple of hours to rest,” Kellan said, his tone resigned. “I can help her, but if I’m to do that and manipulate The Lion’s mind I’ll need to feed.”

  Tasha started to say something, but Kellan shut her down. “Not you. You’ll need your strength. It has to be someone else.”

  Sensible. An army traveled on its stomach. No one should go into battle hungry. “It’s past the cut-off time for room service, but there must be someplace still serving. Denny’s is always open.”

  The U’dahmi winced and shook his head. “I thought Jared would have told you. I don’t need a burger. I need blood.”

  Dave shot to his feet, fear and disgust on his face. “What the fu—,” he glanced at Tasha, then growled, “excuse me?”

  “It’s part of the magic that lets me wear a body for more than a few days. It also gives me strength for extraordinary efforts. I usually find someone who is willing to be private with me for a few minutes and then blur their memory of me. I take very little, once a week or so. Some blood, some life force. Those I feed from aren’t harmed. A short nap restores them.”

  “And you want to go…hunting…now?” Dave asked.

  “I must. Though I’d rather not leave Tasha alone. Would you stay with her until I return?”

  “I plan to rest anyway,” Tasha interjected. “I can feed you.”

  “No,” Dave and Kellan said in unison. The U’dahmi gestured as if to say be my guest.

  Dave forged ahead, even though his track record at persuading strong-willed women to change their minds left a lot to be desired. “Whatever this shadow-walking thing is you do, you’ll only get one shot at it. If you can’t get Kellan in there to change The Lion’s mind about going after Julie, we’re out of options. You’ll need every bit of strength you’ve got.” Dave’s stomach churned. “I’ll do it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  The U’dahmi wasted no time. He pulled a small knife from his belt buckle, but then he hesitated. His gaze met Dave’s. “Are you sure?”

  Did he want to do this? Hell, no. But it was necessary. He wasn’t going to jeopardize the success of the mission or Tasha’s well-being by being a wuss about this. Dave held out his arm. “Do it.”

  It took all of Dave’s will to hold still and let the bastard slice the inside of his arm. The blade must have been wicked sharp because the cut didn’t hurt much at all. Blood, dark and red, welled up.

  Kellan lowered his head and put his mouth on him. Dave clenched his teeth as the other man’s lips made a tight seal and his warm wet tongue swept across the wound. The slight pain disappeared and Dave began to relax as a mild feeling of well-being settled over him. He drifted for a moment, relieved that this bore no resemblance to the mind-rape of Aelziroth’s possession.

  But these weren’t his feelings, not entirely. Horror wrapped an icy hand around his throat. His arm twitched and he barely kept himself from jerking free of Kellan’s grasp. He’d volunteered for this. Years of conditioning, of doing the hard thing because it was necessary kicked in. He didn’t pull away.

  “Stop that,” Dave ordered. “Don’t blur my mind.” He was never giving up control of his mind again. Not to alcohol and definitely not to some mind-messing Apostate.

  The euphoria bled away but the relaxation remained.

  “He didn’t mean to frighten you,” Tasha said. “It’s reflex for him.”

  “I wasn’t scared.” Dave rolled his eyes. His mentor had coached him to be honest with himself and others. “Who am I kidding? This is freaking weird and I have control issues.”

  Tasha smiled. “And stones. Not many would do this after what happened to you.”

  She knows?

  When Dave raised an eyebrow she added, “Ana told me.”

  Ana didn’t know the half of it—thank God. “Yeah, well, the less said about that, the better.”

  Less than two minutes later Kellan licked the laceration and lifted his head. His mouth wasn’t a bloody mess like in the vampire movies. It was tidy, like he’d been drinking from a straw. The lack of gore made the feeding seem more like a medical procedure than a violation of his body. Dave clamped a hand over the wound even though it had stopped bleeding. How was that possible?

  Kellan’s lips curled in a wry smile. “U’dahmi spit. That will close completely in a few minutes.”

  “Are you reading my mind?”

  “No.” Kellan went to the bathroom to get a drink of water. “I just guessed that’s what you might be wondering about. I picked up some of your surface thoughts while I was feeding. Tasha was right. The feeling of pleasure I sent you was reflex. I’m sorry I triggered memories of that Apostate.” The corner of his mouth twisted with disgust. “I don’t have any ongoing connection or influence over your mind.”

  “Jared can compel people to tell the truth,” Dave challenged. “Don’t you have similar skills?”

  “I do, but it’s not casually done. I don’t do that sort of thing without great need.”

  Dave believed him. Kellan was ethical—at least as much as someone like him could be.

  “I didn’t take enough blood to weaken you, but you should drink some water and get some rest.”

  “I’ll catch a combat nap. We’ll meet in two hours in the parking garage. Wear dark clothing.”

  Coastal fog wrapped around the three of them like a chill cloak, reducing visibility to less than a dozen yards. Tasha shivered, more from nerves than the cold. Pete had been left behind to protect Julie and Alex—and so they wouldn’t have to explain to him what Tasha and Kellan were doing. Dave had escorted them to the edge of The Lion’s property, thirty feet beyond the fence line. It would be up to her to get Kellan inside so he could do his thing.

  “The house is about a hundred yards in that direction.” Dave pointed past the barely visible wrought-iron fence. He’d already briefed them about the compound’s security and how the guards were armed. She was glad he didn’t repeat it; she was nervous enough.

  Tasha shivered again, staring into the swirling fog. She hoped she didn’t lose her way and lead them in a circle.

  Kellan put both hands on her shoulders. “I’ll be with you.”

  She wasn’t going to be a baby about this. She’d done this before. Sort of. She’d never walked so far in Shadow, or taken anyone else with her, but she was sure she could do it. Pretty sure.

  They’d find out soon enough.

  Tasha lifted up on her toes to give him a quick kiss. “Don’t let go. You might get lost in there without me or pop back into the physical world in an inconvenient place.” They’d been over this already, but nerves made her repeat her concerns. She appreciated that he didn’t point that out.

  “We have about two hours before it starts to get light,” Dave said. “It’ll take a while for the fog to burn off, but I’d like to be back in the car and heading home before then.”

  “We’d better get started then.” Tasha took Kellan’s right hand in her left, but he switched her around so his right hand was free.

  “Just in case I have to draw my blade.” He wore it on his back tonight so the hilt extended over his right shoulder.

  “Are you sure you don’t want a gun? Or a Taser?” Dave asked.

  Kellan shook his head. “We tried it. A gun acts like an anchor to this world. It seems Shadow rejects steel that hasn’t been forged with magic.”

  “Your samurai sword might not work against anything in there either,” Tasha warned.

  Kellan squeezed her hand. The warmth of his clasp reassured her even if his words didn’t. “I hope we won’t find out.”

  So did she.

  Tasha reached inside herself, quieting her mind and locking her fear away in a mental closet before opening the passage into Shadow. When she was still, she heard t
he whispers. They drew her closer, promising something and warning her away in the same sibilant voices. A curtain like black velvet marked the boundary. She swept it aside and pulled Kellan in after her. It was cool inside the Shadow, but dryer than the foggy night she’d just stepped from. She could see better. Living things glowed faintly with their own distinct colors while inanimate objects, like Dave’s gun, were blacker than shadow. She emanated a dark earthy green brighter than she had in the past. Kellan shined like a muted blue flame, while his sword glowed a soft indigo.

  **Merde.** Kellan’s fingers tightened on hers for a moment, then relaxed to a merely firm grip.

  **You okay?** Tasha squeezed his hand. He was always so…capable. It hadn’t occurred to her that he’d find Shadow distressing.

  **I’m fine. But everything is in shades of gray, and indistinct. I hope you can see better than I do.**

  Next to them Dave breathed, “Fuck me,” his expression one of shock. He slowly swept his arm across where they were standing. A faint warmth rippled within her as Dave’s hand passed through. He looked at his palm and then rubbed it against his leg.

  Tasha almost laughed. She’d explained what would happen, that it would seem like they disappeared, but there was nothing like seeing—and feeling—it for yourself.

  **Impressive.**

  Tasha swallowed hard, trying to ignore the anxiety knotting her stomach. **Let’s get there and back. Then you can sing my praises. Come on.**

  They headed toward the house at a jog, passing through the iron fence within a few steps. It felt cold and dragged at her ever so slightly. It took a little more effort to pull Kellan through.

  **I feel like I just walked through a garlic press.**

  **It gets easier with practice,** Tasha said. It had for her, anyway.

  **I hope so.**

  In the distance, a few men patrolled near the residence. Their pattern didn’t change as they grew closer. She and Kellan hadn’t triggered any alarms. So far.

  **Why don’t we sink into the ground?** Kellan asked.