The Duke Who Loved Me

by Rachelle Stevensen

  When she made it out the door, she walked carefully over to the stairs. She had made it this far without anyone’s aid, she could do the rest alone. Had to. She couldn’t and wouldn’t ask Aidan for help any longer. She leaned against the railing and took another deep breath.

  Her thoughts breaking her heart, but after this incident? Hearing what those women thought of her, and knowing they wouldn’t be the only ones who did so? She knew it was important to keep Aidan at arm’s length. It was why she called him your Grace again. She shouldn’t take liberties like using his Christian name again even if he asked it of her. Had to remember he was so far above her station that it was almost laughable.

  She looked up at the seemingly endless stairs and grit her teeth. This would be the hardest part. Trying to make it up the stairs. It was hard on her before, learning to get upstairs. And she knew it took her quite a while to get up them. Knew that she could fall if she wasn’t careful. Prayed that she would be. Because a fall here would be disastrous. At home it was hard on her, she still struggled to get up and down them. Often fell while trying to attempt it.

  She had to do this, and would. Alone. She needed to get back to her room and this was the only way to do so. She dreaded the walk up them. Knew it would take her quite a while to get up the stairs. Knew how badly both her legs would hurt when she reached the top. Her house hadn’t nearly this many stairs. She stared up at them with trepidation, but squared her shoulders and went to take the first step.

  She startled hard when she felt a soft touch on her arm, crying out in shock. She hadn’t even heard footsteps. She looked to see Cole standing next to her. “What are you doing here? I can do this by myself.”

  Cole sighed, “I know you told Aidan that you needed to do this, but seeing your suffering isn’t easy on any of us. Especially when we can help you. Will you at least take my arm and I can help you up the stairs?”

  Rhia nodded slowly and Cole held his arm out to her. “Thank you,” she whispered, “I would appreciate it. I couldn’t stay in there. I am not feeling as well as I would have liked and I am just so tired.” She lied.

  Cole shook his head and Rhia knew he didn’t believe her lie. “Rhia, I know that this night wasn’t how Aidan wanted it to go. It wasn’t how any of us wanted it to be. And for that I apologize. My aunt and cousin live their lives to make others miserable. The apple certainly didn’t fall far from the tree with her or my father. Hearing her say such things and knowing they were meant to cause hurt is the worst part of the evening. I deeply apologize that you had to deal with their foul words. And their slanderous assumptions.”

  Rhia stayed quiet, not certain what to say. She was still reeling from the encounter, and it was hard for her, because it made her question all sorts of things.

  She didn’t like that she was questioning herself. Her value. It had never been a problem before. And she had never been spoken to like she had this night. Never once in her life. She knew Aidan would marry someone meant for his station, but she never thought she was beneath him until today.

  Yes, she was not gentry, not a lady of the ton, it was not something she ever wanted to be, but hearing these women talk about her that way, assuming those horrible things about her and barely acknowledge her in any way aside from saying those nasty things was like being slapped in the face.

  She had never felt less than anyone until just then. Not like that. Not the way they made it out to be. Rhia shook her head, her thoughts too much right now and she needed to focus or she would never make it up the stairs.

  She was able to get her good leg up on one stair, and when she went to lift her bad leg, it would not straighten enough to touch the stair. She tried valiantly to get it to straighten, but it burned and Rhia bit her lip, hard.

  If Cole hadn't been there, she would have fallen face first on the stairs. He grabbed her quickly, and shook his head when she looked up at him, “I am not going to let you attempt to walk up these stairs. Not like this. You could hurt yourself Rhia. And are trying to, by making your leg do something it won’t. It is obviously taxing on your leg, let me just do this.” He started to lift her into his arms, when a loud growling noise startled them both.

  Cole and Rhia both looked around and saw Aidan standing in the doorway to the dining room, his arms braced in the entry. His grip so tight on the door his knuckles were white. He was breathing hard, and he did not look pleased in the least. Releasing the doorframe, he got to them in a few quick strides. “I know you don’t want my help Rhia, but you will let Cole assist you? Hold you in his arms?” He looked hurt.

  “Aidan, uh, your Grace, I don’t need your help. I can do this; it just might take some time. Cole just caught me before I fell. I don’t like having to rely on either of you. But it seems like I was too hasty in my need to get back to my room.”

  Aidan looked to where Cole was holding Rhia’s arm. Cole chuckled, shook his head, and let go. “If anyone is going to help you, it will be me.”

  Shaking her head, she said, “Your grace, you can’t wait on me hand and foot. You are a Duke for heaven’s sake. I can figure this out. It will take some time, but I can do it. It is necessary for me to figure this out on my own. Yes, I may stumble and fall. It is inevitable, but it is a necessary evil. I don’t want to overstay my welcome. And it feels as though I have. I now understand that you have many guests coming here soon, and I am not welcome among them. Just let me go to my room and I will do what I have to, so I can leave.”

  Aidan made that growling sound again. “Rhia, you cannot try to rush your recovery. It would be worse for you if you did. The last few days have proved that. And trust me on this, the only people who are overstaying their welcome, are the ones who interrupted our lovely dinner, spoke to you like you were nothing, and made you leave before we even got to dessert. Scared you badly enough that you ran like a wounded animal.”

  Rhia gasped. “I beg your pardon? I did nothing of the sort. I am just very tired and need to go lie down.”

  Aidan grabbed her arms, - not hard- but enough she could feel the heat of his hands on her arms. “Don’t lie to me Rhia. You ran off like a demon was on your heels. I will not let those women ruin your stay here, not let them ruin your recovery by scaring you away before you are actually ready to leave. More importantly, you could never overstay your welcome Rhia. You are the only person I want here, and that will never change. You will never be unwelcome here.”

  Rhia blushed, “You may feel that way now Aidan, but this is just a dream. A fantasy. This isn’t real life. Real life are the women upstairs. The ones who actually belong here. What happens when you move on with your life? When you realize how far below your station I am? I am not built for this life. How am I to stay here? It was made quite clear that I am not accepted here. I have a life waiting for me your grace. It may not be glamorous or wonderful, but it will be my life very soon. And it doesn’t include you. You won’t be there to stop me from falling, to catch me when I do. You have a life here. One that doesn’t have me.” Aidan’s eyes grew angry as she spoke, but she had to get it out. Had to tell him this.

  “Whatever you are thinking has to stop your grace. You are a busy man who cannot stop everything to help me all the time. That’s absurd. And what happens when I am well Aidan? Do I stay here and walk the halls? Do nothing? Write correspondence to no one who would receive it? Or am I to work in your household? Cook or clean for you? That is the only thing I am suited for regardless of how you feel. And no matter how much you wish it could change it won’t. This isn’t the life I was born to lead your grace. And you and I both know it. It was made abundantly clear.”

  Aidan loosened his hold on her, and he leaned down to look into her eyes. “Rhia, I want the thoughts running through your head to stop. Yes, I know you have a life outside of here, but you need to get stronger before you can lead that life. If you try to leave before you are ready then what? Will you have someone who is medically able to help you? You don’t know these things. You need to be well R
hia.” Rhia shut her eyes, trying to block out his handsome face. This wasn’t going her way. He shook her slightly and she opened her eyes again.

  “My life hasn’t changed and most likely won’t, even when you leave here. I won’t stop you Rhia, but let me clear things up. I want you here, my family does too. Your station has not bothered me before now, why would it bother me later? That has never been on my mind. Not once. Rhia the only thing you are allowed to do, is be my guest. Read whatever books you find in the library, eat the food you want the cook to prepare, take all day to explore the grounds if you want. Write correspondence to me. I will read each and every word and savor them. I shall make certain you have all the materials you need to do so. Laze about, doing nothing for all I care. You are my guest. That means, regardless of your station, that you will never work in my household. Ever. That will never happen. Not ever. You cannot say for certain it was the life you were born to lead. You don’t know the future Rhia.”

  This man was so frustrating. Still he didn’t see. Or wouldn’t see. He had money, his title and all the influence he wanted, and she was nothing. A nobody of any importance. Had nothing left of herself to give aside from her heart. And that wasn’t enough. Not when she was faced with the odds. She couldn’t wait for him to move on with his life. For him to find and fall in love with someone else, it would break her heart to see. She needed him to know how she felt. Needed him to see she was right. And that this, whatever it was couldn’t continue.

  Rhia sighed, “Aidan,” she wanted to say more, but he stopped her words with a press of his lips to hers. His lips were full and feeling them pressed against hers was something she never thought would happen.

  She gasped at the feel of his soft lips on hers, and for those few seconds, Rhia relished in the feel of him kissing her. Her eyes met his as he pulled away.

  She lightly touched her mouth. Her lips tingling. Aidan looked extremely pleased of himself.

  “I didn't mean to catch you off guard. I apologize.”

  Rhia didn’t know what to say. She was still shocked he had kissed her.

  He smiled too. “I don’t regret a second of that Rhia. Not in the least. Next time, we will both be more prepared.”

  Rhia’s eyes widened, “Next time?” She whispered. Relieved to hear that he didn’t regret kissing her. She wanted to kiss him again.

  Aidan leaned down again, and moved forward, he looked down at her lips and then back into her eyes. “Yes, Rhia, next time. I tasted you, could feel every single bit of your perfect mouth, and I am looking forward very much to the next time. And, I just found that it works very well for stopping arguments with you.”

  She put her hands to her cheeks. Certain they would light her on fire.

  She looked up into his gorgeous green eyes. “All right, your Grace. Next time. But you cannot just kiss me whenever you feel you should win an argument. That isn’t fair sir. We still have much to discuss.”

  Aidan laughed, “We may have more to discuss, but I certainly will try when I feel like you don’t really know what you want. It was very effective just now.” She smiled and he did as well. His handsome face so dear to her. “May I please carry you to your room?”

  She looked around, shocked. They were still standing on the staircase, and anyone could have seen the kiss.

  She nodded, “Thank you Aidan.”

  He smiled, “For you? Anything. I mean that. Rhia, I may be a duke, but that comes second to my family and my other responsibilities. You should know that now.”

  Rhia gasped as he swept her off her feet. Then she giggled. He carried her to her room, and put her on her feet slowly when he reached her bedchamber. When he was certain she was stable, he let his arms drop from around her. Then he took a step back. “Thank you, Aidan. For your help.”

  Gathering her courage, she took a small step forward, and then another. Aidan looked down at her. Grabbing his forearms, used them and her good foot to push up on tiptoe, to lightly kiss him on the lips.

  Their second kiss was just as wonderful as the first and Rhia wanted to cheer and smile. She turned and as quickly as she could, she went into her room and shut the door.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Aidan

  Northumberland, England, 1812

  Aidan took a step away from Rhia’s door. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. Both in the dining room and in the foyer. Just hearing her say she wanted to get stronger so she could leave was like a stab in the heart.

  It made him see red. She needed to be here. In his home and his life. She was the only person outside his family, who made him feel like he was a real person. Not just a duke, not a scarred warrior, not a brother, or son. Just Aidan. Nothing more, nothing less.

  It made him happy. She made him happy. Being around her made him feel complete. Made him feel things he never had before.

  He cringed a little thinking of how he grabbed her arms, but he knew he hadn’t hurt her. He just needed to get his point across. To get her to stop spouting off her words that she was leaving and would live her life without him in it. It had been too much. So he stopped the flow of her words in the way he had longed to do from the start. Kissing her beautiful, full mouth with his…. that was the best moment of his life.

  She had shocked him into silence when she had kissed him just now. He loved that she had done that. Loved that she had found a way to reach his lips with her own. That she had obviously thought about kissing him again. He reached up and touched his lips. Never in his life did he think he would ever kiss a woman. Not one of his choice anyway.

  The only woman he had been around for longer than a few minutes had been the whores his father had wanted him to be with. He most certainly had never touched them. Hadn’t ever even been tempted to do so. Not that there was anything against them, they had been beautiful. But Aidan didn’t want them. Wouldn’t have touched them regardless. It had been the closest he had been to a woman that wasn't his relative. And he couldn't get away from them fast enough.

  From the first moment he had seen Rhiannon; wet, bloody, muddy and shivering cold, it felt like he had been hit with a bolt of lightning. Like the ones that had lit up the sky the night he had found her.

  She was his salvation. His life. And now, he would never let her go. He couldn’t. Just thinking of her leaving made his stomach cramp with pain. It sickened him, and he had to push the thought away. He knew her for such a short amount of time, but she was the other half of his heart and soul. The person who completed him in all ways. And he knew that without a doubt.

  Tonight, just sealed it for him. Tasting her lips made him realize he had found her. After all these years of waiting, he found his perfect one. He wanted to know all her secrets, her thoughts, all of her desires, and her dreams, so he could make them come true for her.

  He wanted to help her to get her leg stronger. And, he would do just that. He would be here every day, helping her get up and down the stairs, walking from her room to the dining room, maybe even take her for a walk around his estate.

  He was getting ahead of himself. First, he needed to let her know that he would stop everything to help her. Then, he would put his plan in place. Get her to fall in love with him, his family, his home. Show her what life could be like.

  He would not fail at this. He couldn’t. It wasn’t acceptable if he failed.

  Rhia leaned against her door. The night catching her off guard more than once. The first time wasn’t pleasant in the least, but the second time? Well, it had been the most phenomenal thing Rhia had ever done. She couldn’t believe she had kissed him. Not once, but twice. Her. A nobody, without a fancy title, money, or prestige attached to her name.

  And she loved it. Kissing him had been the best feeling in the world. He had perfect lips. His bottom lip was fuller than the top, and even though his scar pulled his skin a bit, his mouth was a haven.

  She touched her lips and thought of everything that had happened. He hadn’t scared her when he had grabbed her. It made he
r want him to touch her more, which was a scandalous thought. But it was true.

  He hadn’t grabbed her to hurt, just to let her know who was in charge of that conversation downstairs. He was a duke after all. She sighed and thought of that.

  She had nothing to offer him, besides her heart. Maybe that was enough. She really needed to talk to him. It would be a hard conversation, but it needed to happen. She didn’t want to give him her heart if he couldn’t give his in return.

  She walked slowly to the settee in front of the fire, grateful her leg held. Sitting on it, she looked into the flames and contemplated what she would do when she saw him next.

  Julia touched her arm and she jumped. “You startled me.” she told her friend.

  Julia laughed, “Well, I called your name, but, apparently, you are thinking very hard about something.”

  Rhia sighed, not certain she should tell Julia what had happened. But deciding to tell her dearest friend, “I kissed Aidan. Or rather, he kissed me. And, I want more than anything to do it again. It was wonderful.”

  Julia looked at her, “And? Or should I say but?”

  Rhia looked at her oldest friend. “He is a Duke Julia! A duke. He has a fortune, a title. Is practically royalty. And I, well you very well know that I am no one. Can never be anyone else. Be anything better.”

  Julia looked at her with a fierce look on her face. She stood and put her hands to her hips, “Rhiannon Grace Forester. I cannot believe my ears. I never want to hear you speak about yourself that way again. I should box your ears for speaking like that. Your mother and father would both be disappointed in you. You may not have a title, but you are better than the majority of the women in the ton. He would be lucky to end up with a woman like you. And, if he is too blind to see what is in front of his face, or try to hide behind his title, then you don’t need him.”

  Rhia had tears in her eyes, and she looked up at her friend. “Thank you. But it isn’t Aidan who is the problem. He isn’t the one who is blind. He is the one to push back when I push him away. I just worry so.”