The Duke Who Loved Me

by Rachelle Stevensen

  His long hair hung down past his shoulders, and it was a mess from him running his hands through it constantly. He didn’t look at her as he walked back and forth, telling her of his life. Rhia wanted to soothe him in some way, but didn’t know what to do. So, she left him to his story.

  He continued with his tale, “He lived in London most of the time. So, he didn’t know that we helped around the house. Didn’t know that we did the chores our servants should do. Didn’t know or just didn’t acknowledge that he cursed our home from having people work here. They were much too frightened. Our only salvation was that he would rather be in London, with the people he wanted to be with, rather than us. It was an answer to our prayers or hopes. We never knew which, but we were grateful just the same. When he did come to see us, our life was a nightmare. He was always ready to punish us for some unknown indiscretion. I tried to take the brunt of his anger, so he didn’t take it out on the girls, or Cole. His anger was always there on the surface, just like his beatings were always ready. They were repeatedly. Soundly. Often. We were always doing or saying the wrong thing. None of us could do anything right. Ever. Or so it seemed. The girls weren’t accomplished enough, Rose didn’t play piano well enough. He would always say it almost made his ears bleed to listen to her play. He said that Lily’s paintings looked like a small child attacked it with a paintbrush, Cole didn’t ride good enough on his horse, I wasn’t fast enough with my footwork for fencing, and so on,” He took a deep breath, and ran a hand over his face.

  She could tell these confessions were not easy for him to tell her. She had to bite her lip hard to keep from crying. What he was saying had started making her stomach hurt with trepidation, but she needed to hear this as much as he needed to tell it.

  “On one of the last times he was here, we had no idea he was coming back to visit. Normally, we were prepared. He usually informed us of his imminent stays, so we were ready. We always did our best to make sure that nothing looked out of sorts, that none of his family was doing anything other than what he expected, but this was a spontaneous visit. One he sprung on us because he felt it was needed. He wanted to keep us on our toes. So, we were doing what we normally did, our endless chores, and it did not go over well. At all. He caught me here in the stables, working.”

  Rhia shuddered. She didn’t want to know what happened, but it was necessary. Didn’t want to hear the horrific things he was describing. But she had to. Had to hear what he wanted to tell her.

  Aidan continued, “Seeing his first-born son, and heir to the dukedom working in the stables like a commoner was too much for him. Knowing that we did things he specifically told us not to do, he snapped. He dragged me to this room and told me that if I was working like a fucking servant, he would treat me like one. He overpowered me, knocked me senseless, tied me to these poles, and then he ripped the shirt from my back. He was far stronger than I was and since he caught me off guard, I didn’t have the chance to defend myself. He was larger in height and width, and I hadn’t a hope in hell in overpowering him. Or stopping him. I couldn’t see what he was doing, and I didn't catch up with his words very well. He told me that a duke shouldn’t work for anyone, that we had people work for us, and since I chose not to listen when he told us not to work at all because it would be the end of our family’s good name if anyone had found out, he would teach me a lesson I would never forget.”

  He stopped for a minute, and turned his back to her. Her stomach was in knots, afraid of the next words he would speak. Aidan’s shoulders were tense, she could see him clenching his fists over and over.

  She had to strain to hear him speak, “I heard the crack of the whip before I felt it on my back. I knew then that he had brought whip of his own creation. It made me fight to get free, but it was in vain. I knew it wouldn’t end well. The whip he had made for his horses was shorter than most, but also thicker. It had a wicked tip on the end that was made of solid metal that was about an inch long and that did the most damage. Hearing the whip crack, and then feeling the first lash was the worst. I cried out at the unexpected pain of it. My father didn’t like that. He told me I needed to take my punishment like a fucking man. That crying out was only for women, and if I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, he would gag me. After that strike, I stayed silent. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, staying silent while my back was being ripped apart, but I did it. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of my voice. Of knowing I was in pain. He brought that whip down, over and over until my back felt like it was on fire, until it was not pain, but something beyond it. The pain was so great it almost stopped hurting because my body or my mind could no longer handle it, or experience it. I could feel the blood running down my back in waves. He didn’t care where he aimed the whip, where he hit me with it, just as long as he made his point. He got my arms, my neck and my face as well as my back. It ripped me apart, I could feel it with each strike, sometimes hitting places that hurt so much more than others. He just kept going. He had a point to prove and he wouldn’t stop until he had proved it. That whip was covered in my blood, and bits of my flesh, but he kept it going. And when I had passed out from the pain, he still kept going. It was almost like he had some demons to exercise.” He stopped talking and Rhia watched his hands as they clenched into fists. They were shaking. Rhia had to bite her lip, not liking that he had gone through what he had to. Couldn’t believe what she had heard, was hearing as it spilled from his lips. The tears started to fall hard down her face, just listening to the horror Aidan had endured.

  “Before I passed out, I could hear how hard my father was breathing, the hitches in his breath, how it was getting hard for him to breathe. I remember just praying it would stop. I prayed until the pain stole my thoughts. I have no idea when Cole came in, but it was after a stable hand had seen my father drag me in here. He had run to let Cole know that my father had brought me here, and had heard the whip and my first cry. Just ran to Cole and thankfully, Cole stopped him. He had to practically wrestle my father to the floor to get the whip from him. He told me it wasn’t easy, that he had to pull a knife on our father. He said it felt like he was wrestling the very hounds of hell, a monster or a demon, something completely inhuman with how strong he was. But Cole needed to stop him, otherwise, who knows if I would even be alive now?”

  Aidan stopped and took several deep breaths. Rhia was sobbing silently, trying to get her brain to process all of what Aidan had told her. She hated how he had suffered. Was still suffering from his father’s abuse.

  “My father finally released his hold on the whip, and walked away without another word. Just got back into his carriage and left. Like it wasn’t anything to him. Like I wasn’t anything to him. Like he hadn't just whipped his first-born son almost to death. Like he wasn’t covered with drops of my blood. He just left my fucking body, bloody and beaten to hell, and he didn't even turn back to see me. To check if I was alive. Cole had to untie my unconscious and bloody body from the pole, and bring me up to the house. He said it took him a long time, because he kept slipping in the blood that kept pouring from my back. That it wouldn’t stop bleeding. My back was ruined, ripped to shreds. Some places the whip hit me so hard that it had gone down to the muscle. It took my mother over 4 hours to stitch me back together. What she could stitch anyway. There were some spots she couldn’t fix no matter how hard she tried. She just had to put something over them and pray that they would heal. I had to be in bed for months. Months, Rhia.” He was still shaking, and Rhia sobbed into her hand. The desolation in his voice too much to bear.

  “It did me no good. Trying to lie still and not aggravate my back. Because I got an infection in some of my wounds and almost died. It took my mother, my sisters, my brother and every member of the staff to do what they could to keep me alive. Doctors refused to come to our house. People had heard and seen too much of my father’s wrath, of his anger and hatred to want to incur it on themselves. So, my family sacrificed and did what they could to keep me alive. Fought for my lif
e, so, I fought too. We all fought for my life for weeks. And I pulled through. Finally.”

  He stopped again, his hand over his face, rubbing his eyes. Rhia had both hands over her mouth, her shoulders shaking and her eyes pouring tears down her cheeks.

  “There are times when I feel it still. Feel myself being whipped, feel the pain of each and every hit on my back and feel my soul being torn apart along with my body. I still have nightmares about it. Even to this day I wake expecting me to be back in that bed, trying to heal.” He shook his head and Rhia watched his hair move on his back. The one that had been so brutally hurt. She wanted to reach out and touch him.

  “My back, my chest, my body, it isn’t pretty. The scars are too many to count. There are scars that are extreme and bold. They are ones that won't fade away. They are not just on my body though, but carved into my very being. It has been hell to get to this point.” He turned to her then, looked right into her eyes and Rhia hated the pain in them. The heartbreak and horror that filled his gaze.

  “I told you this Rhia, so you would know something of me. Some part of my life that people don’t know. That I don’t tell just anyone. But you had to know. I wanted you to know why I don’t act like a Duke or why your status doesn’t bother me in the least. Why I love it and revel in it. This is why. That is still something you don’t fully understand, but you will. And soon. I just wanted to face some of the ghosts of my past and have you know more of me. Of my father and what happened to make me the monster that people see.”

  Rhia was gasping, tears were streaming down her face at the complete sadness and betrayal on Aidan’s face. “Oh Aidan,” she breathed. “Oh, oh. Aidan…” she sobbed, it felt like she couldn’t stop. The horror he had faced and the things he suffered. She couldn't even fathom the depths of his suffering. Of his painful existence from someone who should have loved him unconditionally.

  Her heart shattered into a million pieces for the heartbreak he still faced. Of how people punish him because he was a good man and couldn't let people just do everything while he did nothing.

  He didn't deserve their scorn and hate. This man in front of her was the most wonderful and phenomenal man she had ever met in her life. He was the strongest man she had ever seen.

  He had gone through hell and had come back stronger for it. Here he was, kind, and loving. And he had absolutely no reason to be. Had not been shown from his own father how to love, but he was pure kindness.

  And she loved him even more for it. For everything he had been through. This man held her heart in his hands. And he had no clue. No idea of her love for him.

  Aidan gave her a dark smile. “I almost died in this room. And because of that, I learned how not to be a man like him. That lesson was one of the hardest ones I had to experience. I wouldn't change it though. It made me who I am. Who I choose to be.”

  Rhia covered her mouth with her hands. “I wanted you to know something about me. I had to tell you. To hold nothing back from you. I want you to know all my secrets and pain, so that one day, I can know yours as well. That was a very dark day in my life that was pure darkness anyway. It was a life of never-ending pain and heartache. I was taught from this how to be who I am. And you had to know why you being who you are, is more perfect than you even know or comprehend. Why I can finally see the light for the first time in a very long time.”

  Rhia said, “Aidan,” and he shook his head this time, “I didn’t tell you so you would feel badly for me. I just needed you to know that I am not afraid of your station. Of who you are. That I care not for things like that. Never will either. I care not what other people will say. I have seen what people in the ton are like. And I celebrate that you aren’t them. That you are so far from them that my heart rejoices.”

  He stepped to where she was sitting and dropped to his knees in front of her. “The most important part of today Rhia, was that I wanted you to see that I am simply a man, not a duke, not a wealthy man, not a man like my father, not any of those things. That even though I have seen your struggles, they don't scare me away because I too have had struggles and troubles in my life. I just need to know if you can accept the fact that I am just me. Flawed and scarred as I am. Just Aidan. Can you accept that? Accept me? As just me? Not the title, the money, the name?”

  Rhia swiped the tears off her cheeks and leaned forward, and grabbing a fistful of his shirt, she yanked him forward and kissed him. She tasted the salt from her tears, and Aidan. That was all she needed.

  She poured her feelings into her kiss, hoping that they would come across. He had sealed it for her today. In this moment. Telling her of these painful things, and then telling her again that he didn't care about her past. That her status held no problem for him. That it never bothered him. He was able to stop her questions and concerns with his solid conviction that she was it. That he didn’t care about her past. She shouldn’t either. She held him close and just kissed the man she loved.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Aidan

  Northumberland, England Sept, 1812

  Aidan was surprised at Rhia’s vehemence in their kiss. Never before having her act this way, but Aidan loved it. She took what she wanted from him and he let her.

  Telling her something about him was more difficult than he realized, but he had to. He didn’t want her to keep defining him as the duke. Was tired that his title was all people saw. They didn’t see him. He may be a peer of the realm, but that was as far from his true self as he could imagine.

  Kissing her back, he brought his hands up so he could touch her lovely body. He fisted one hand in her hair, disheveling her perfect chignon with his fist in her hair, and his other hand, he wrapped around her waist, and with a hard tug brought her to the floor with him.

  She cried out softly as he yanked her off the box with barely any strain. He took advantage of her cry as he deepened their kiss with his tongue. He loved being able to taste her, to feel her under him.

  She fought him for dominance as he went to lay her out on the floor and rolled to be on top of her. Since he was much bigger and stronger, he came out on top and almost pinned her to the floor.

  He was out of control, this he knew, but he couldn’t stop himself. After the emotions of the day, here was the love of his life, in his arms, his tongue in her mouth, her tongue tasting him back, and it was absolute bliss. Heaven. The taste of her was like nothing he had ever had before and he was drunk with it.

  She was sweetness and light. And he reveled in her light. Basked in it like it was the sun. She was a breath of fresh air, and he adored and loved everything about her.

  Breaking off from her mouth, he kissed his way down to her jaw, then down her throat. She made moaning noises as he went, and he breathed her in. Her taste, her smell, everything.

  He kissed his way down, until he reached her chest. Looking up, he saw that she had her eyes closed, her face a picture of ecstasy and her chest was heaving. He felt out of control, but he needed to touch her. Everywhere. He leaned forward and nuzzled one breast.

  She gasped and her eyes flew open. He looked into her eyes as he did it again, nuzzling the pert flesh through her clothes and she smiled at him. He could see the heat in her heavily lidded eyes, and he knew his mirrored hers.

  Bringing his hand out of her now loose hair, he dragged it softly down her neck until he reached the bounty that awaited him. The one he knew would fit perfectly into his large hands.

  Cupping her breast through her dress, he watched as she closed her eyes, and threw her head back, her chest arching off the ground. The action raising her breasts higher into his hand. Her hair splayed all over the ground in all its magnificent glory.

  He had to see her. Could take it no longer. Had to see the beauty that was hidden under her clothes. Was too out of control in his quest to see her perfect breasts. She had buttons on the front of her gown, and he undid them slowly, and went back to kissing her full, swollen lips.

  When he felt the buttons give, and her dress sag, he pul
led back from their kiss and he pushed the fabric aside to reveal her chemise and corset.

  Her breasts were heaving up and down and he could see the outline of her nipples through the thin fabric of her chemise. Looking up at her for permission, she met his eyes and then nodded.

  Too lost in the pleasure of his touch to care. He nuzzled her neck, and kissed his way down until he reached the rouched peak of one breast. He could almost see the pink of her tight nipples. Since he had never done this before he wasn’t certain what to do, but he had to taste her. Feel her in his mouth.

  He closed his mouth over the tip, the fabric blocking it completely. He sucked hard and she gasped again, arching her back and grabbing his long hair.

  A rough cry of, “Aidan!” broke from her mouth as he suckled her through her chemise.

  Pulling back, he pushed the fabric out of the way, and closed his mouth around her nipple without a barrier.

  She grabbed harder onto his long hair and held him to her breast. Writhing on the floor beneath him. He licked the tight pink bud as she writhed under him. Then he switched sides.

  Taking her other nipple into his mouth, Aidan felt like a god. She tasted like roses, of orange blossom and woman. Not just any woman though. His woman.

  Feeling her nipples hard in his mouth, it was the most phenomenal thing he had ever felt or done. He loved how they felt in his mouth as he rolled his tongue around them. And now his body had responded. He had gotten hard from their first kiss with Rhia’s vehemence, and now, he needed some kind of relief.

  His erection was hard against her and he couldn’t help but grind down on her. He was on top of her perfect body, lined up with the heat between her legs.