Twice Shy

by Aurora Rey

  Amanda sank into Quinn’s embrace as she came down. As her body and mind stilled, she began to trace circles on Quinn’s chest with the tip of her finger. “I have to say, I think I could get used to rustic.”

  “Could you now?” Quinn kissed the top of her head, making her smile.

  “Absolutely. It’s so peaceful up here. So relaxing. And clearly, the lack of neighbors makes me more than a little uninhibited.”

  Quinn shifted, nudging Amanda onto her back and rolling on top of her. “I like you uninhibited.”

  “You bring out something in me I didn’t even know was there.”

  “Good.”

  She let out a contended sigh. “I literally can’t tell you the last time my body felt this amazing.”

  Quinn kissed her. “Does that mean you’re ready for a hike?”

  She closed one eye and made a face. “Yes?”

  Quinn kissed her. “I was kidding. I think we’ve exerted enough.”

  “Oh, thank God.” She would have hiked. She wasn’t a wimp.

  “I thought we could take a shower, build a fire, start making dinner.”

  Now they were talking. “Shower?”

  “Come with me.” Quinn took her hand and helped her up. Without letting go, she went to the lone closet in the cabin and pulled out a pair of towels.

  Amanda looked around, realizing the room was a perfect square, save a small water closet that definitely didn’t have room for anything besides a toilet. “Wait. There’s no bathroom. You promised running water.”

  “There is. I wouldn’t lie about such a thing.” Quinn pulled her to the cabin door.

  Amanda stopped short. “We’re naked.”

  “And there is no one around for miles and miles.”

  She frowned. They hadn’t seen another soul, or another house, for the last fifteen minutes or so of the drive. Still. “Are you sure?”

  Quinn kissed her nose. “Maybe we’ll give the bears a show.”

  “Bears?” It came out more as a squeak than a word, but she didn’t care. They most definitely had not discussed bears.

  “They’re more scared of you than you are of them. Promise.”

  “Yeah, not helping.”

  “But I’ve distracted you from fretting about the shower, right?”

  Amanda laughed because she had. “Maybe a little.”

  “I promise no bears are going to wander up to the cabin in the middle of the afternoon.”

  She wasn’t sure how Quinn could make such a promise, but freaking out about the possibility wouldn’t do her any good. And she did want a shower. Sexy weekends required showers. “All right.”

  Quinn led them out the single door and around the side of the cabin. A tidy flagstone path covered the ten or so steps it took to get from the door to the shower. Even without the threat of being seen, it felt so weird to be outside naked in the middle of the day. Weird, but also kind of freeing. The sun peeked through the leaves and kissed her skin. The breeze was like a full body caress.

  The shower was enclosed on three sides by the cabin and a pair of cedar plank walls. There were hooks for their towels and a bench. The floor was done in smooth river stones that massaged the bottoms of her feet.

  “And it’s warm?”

  Quinn smiled. “I promised you hot water, didn’t I? There’s a small water heater that runs on propane.”

  Amanda grinned in return. “Doesn’t sound rustic at all.”

  Quinn reached around her and turned on the water. After fiddling with the knob and letting it run for a few seconds, she motioned for Amanda to step under the spray. “I’ll be honest, putting the shower outside was more choice than necessity.”

  She dunked her head and the warm water sluiced over her. Sunlight poured in, along with the breeze. Quinn’s arms came around her. She blinked her eyes open and found Quinn staring at her. “You know, I’m coming to see the appeal.”

  They took turns lathering each other and rinsing off. Quinn pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “We’ve got a few minutes left before this runs cold.”

  Amanda glanced down, smiling at the image of their wet bodies. “I think I’m good.”

  “I’m not. But I will be.”

  Before she could ask what that meant, Quinn spun her around and placed a hand between her shoulders. She got the hint, bending forward and bracing her hands on the shower wall. But she tossed a defiant smirk over her shoulder. “Is this because I—”

  The rest of the question vanished when Quinn’s hand moved between her legs, two fingers buried deep inside her. Quinn raised a brow. “Maybe.”

  There was a cockiness in Quinn’s tone, in her eyes. She should have found it a turn off, but she didn’t. Maybe because it was such a departure from her usual demeanor. Whatever it was, it was sexy as fuck. “Should I talk back? Test you?”

  Quinn slid out of her, then thrust back in with force. “I guess that depends on what you want to happen.”

  A shocking array of X-rated images and scenarios flashed through her mind. She’d never call herself a prude, but her brain absolutely didn’t work that way. She was a mother, a woman pushing fifty.

  Quinn tightened her grip around Amanda’s waist and filled her again. “Having second thoughts?”

  She bit her lip. “Not unless you count ‘more’ and ‘yes, please’ as second thoughts.”

  Quinn started fucking her, slow but deep. “No, I’d say those things put us right on the same page.”

  “Oh, good,” she managed.

  “I like you like this, pliant and at my mercy. Is that wrong?”

  “Not. Wrong. At. All.” Each word came out staccato, matched to the rhythm of Quinn’s hand.

  “Because I profoundly respect you.”

  Something about Quinn making that statement with fingers buried deep inside her did wicked things to Amanda. “You should respect me harder.”

  Quinn let out a groan. “What was it you said about testing me?”

  She looked over her shoulder again. “I think I asked if that’s what you wanted.”

  “Right.”

  Amanda squirmed, not really wanting to break free but enjoying this game they’d stumbled into. “Like this.”

  Quinn’s hand stilled, her grip loosened. “I see.”

  She wiggled. “Wait. Who’s testing who?”

  “Does it matter?” Quinn angled her head, the look on her face playful.

  “You know, I don’t think it does.” She liked everything about Quinn and wanted her pretty much any way she could get her.

  “So agreeable.”

  She made a show of batting her eyes. “I try.”

  Quinn started her movements again and she moaned. Yep, pretty much any way she could get her. Despite coming earlier, she had no trouble climaxing again. Quinn had this way of getting her body to do things she had no idea it could do.

  She wanted to have her way with Quinn, but the water had turned cold. Not to be deterred, she hastily wrapped herself in a towel and pulled Quinn back to the house. Inside, she disposed of her towel, then Quinn’s. Then she nudged Quinn onto the bed and settled herself right back between Quinn’s legs. If the amount of times Quinn could make her come was a surprise, the seemingly insatiable desire she had to reciprocate proved an utter delight. She’d always enjoyed that, but with Quinn, she honestly didn’t think she could get enough.

  She couldn’t remember the last time she took an afternoon nap, but they did that, too, waking up just as the light took on the softness of late afternoon. They got dressed long enough to take a leisurely walk to the lake at the edge of Quinn’s property and got back to the cabin with enough daylight left to enjoy a glass of wine on the porch before dinner.

  They ate and cleaned up. Quinn opened a second bottle of wine to go with dessert and what turned into an epic game of Scrabble. By the time the last word was played, she was more than a little tipsy and wanted nothing more than to tear Quinn’s clothes off again. And since she had nowhere to be and, for the moment
at least, not a care in the world, that’s exactly what she did.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Quinn would have been content to spend the entirety of their time in bed, but Amanda insisted on a real hike. She’d been promised a waterfall, after all. They struck out after breakfast and made it back in time for lunch and another shower together.

  Amanda pulled on her clothes slowly. “I don’t think I want to go back to reality.”

  “I always feel that way after a weekend in the woods. I’m glad you do, too.” She didn’t add that she could already imagine a lifetime of weekends spent like this. Or that Lesedi had never shown even a hair of interest in joining her.

  “Are you ever tempted to play hooky and stay an extra day?”

  Given Amanda’s reluctance to spend a weekend off-grid in the first place, the question made her smile. “I have a couple of times, but only when I didn’t have anything essential waiting for me.”

  Amanda laughed. “I’m not sure I’m familiar with that feeling.”

  “Maybe when Cal and Daniella are both out on their own.”

  She’d meant it in a lighthearted way, but Amanda seemed to turn the idea over in her mind. “Maybe so.”

  After loading the car, Amanda stood surveying the cabin while Quinn locked up. She remained that way when Quinn descended the stairs and joined her. “Ready?”

  She let out a wistful sigh. “Yeah.”

  They climbed into the car and Quinn started the engine. “Thank you for running away with me.”

  Amanda buckled her seat belt. “Thank you for sharing such a special place. I hope we can come back.”

  “I never need much encouragement, so you just say the word.”

  When they pulled onto Route 28 heading south, Quinn turned on North Country Public Radio. The Sunday afternoon lineup—more quirky programming than news—always felt like a gentle way to ease back into reality. They laughed over a Car Talk repeat and ruminated on the weekly puzzle.

  A few miles from Old Forge, Amanda’s phone winked to life with a flurry of chirps, pings, and sound bites. Quinn chuckled. “I guess we’re back in range.”

  Amanda didn’t respond. She was already frowning at her screen. Quinn tried not to let it bother her. Amanda had owned the fact that unplugging was a rarity for her. Of course she’d be anxious to check in.

  Amanda gasped, then swore.

  “What? What’s wrong?” Quinn stole peeks at her while doing her best to keep her attention on the road.

  “Cal’s in the hospital.”

  “What?” Panic gripped her. Realization that it had to be a fraction of what Amanda was feeling quickly followed.

  “He had his appendix removed.”

  “Like, today?” Disbelief warred with the knowledge that an appendicitis could come on and reach emergency status in a matter of hours. That exact thing had happened to her when she was fifteen.

  Amanda didn’t answer. She’d finished reading messages and had her phone to her ear. “Where are you? How is he?”

  She couldn’t hear enough to know if it was Daniella on the other end of the line or Mel. Instinctively, she reached over and put a hand on Amanda’s knee. Amanda looked her way briefly, but there was misery in her eyes.

  “I’ll come right there. It’ll be three hours at least, but I’m coming.” Amanda led out a shaky breath. “I know. Okay. Call me if anything changes.”

  She ended the call and Quinn gave her a second to settle her nerves before asking, “Is he all right?”

  Another shaky breath. “Mel says so, but I won’t believe it until I can set eyes on him myself.”

  Probably not the moment to confess how much she loved Amanda’s mama bear instincts. “So, he had the surgery already? He’s in recovery?”

  “In a regular room, apparently. He felt lousy yesterday. Mel said he called her at five this morning because he hadn’t stopped puking and had a sharp pain in his side.”

  Quinn tried to offer a reassuring smile. “Good thing he knew the symptoms.”

  Amanda shook her head. “I should have been there.”

  “How could you have known?”

  “I shouldn’t have been inaccessible.” Amanda poked at her screen, then held up the phone. “He texted me last night and I didn’t get it.”

  “And he called his other mother, who seems to have done the right thing.”

  She let out an exasperated sigh. “You don’t understand. I’m the one who is always there. I’m the one who takes care of everything.”

  Quinn swallowed the retort on the tip of her tongue. “This is no exception. You’ll be at the hospital in a matter of hours and I have no doubt you’ll take impeccable care of him until he’s back to one hundred percent.”

  “I need to check on Daniella.”

  Quinn focused her attention on the road while Amanda called her daughter. The conversation started tense, but Amanda laughed before they finished. That was a good sign. “What do you need from me? What can I do?”

  Amanda blinked at her a few times, as though surprised by the question. “Just bring me to Cayuga Medical. I told them I’d be there as quickly as I could.”

  A small knot of helplessness rooted in Quinn’s stomach. “Do you still have your appendix? I had mine out when I was fifteen.”

  “I still have mine.”

  Amanda seemed only half focused on the conversation, but she had to believe even minor distraction was an improvement over worrying and beating herself up for the next three hours. “I went from fine to hospital the same day, but I was home the next and back to normal in less than a week.”

  “I know that’s how it works, but it doesn’t make me feel the tiniest bit better.”

  “Would you like me to list all the ways you’re an outstanding mother? I’d be happy to.”

  She’d hoped the comment would at least get her a smile, but Amanda’s eyes welled with tears. “My son needed me and I was off playing with my girlfriend like some irresponsible teenager.”

  The words stung. Even as she rationalized Amanda was upset, that she was in an understandably emotional state, they lodged in her chest. Because, emotional state or not, maybe they were true.

  More deflated than she cared to admit, Quinn drove on in silence. Amanda tapped at her phone. She could have been texting her friends or looking up early appendicitis symptoms to torture herself with. Either way, she didn’t bother trying to make conversation.

  She dropped Amanda at the hospital with a promise to bring Amanda’s things over whenever she made it home. She hesitated, then asked for an update whenever Amanda had a moment. Amanda mumbled an “of course,” but climbed out of the car without a kiss or even making eye contact.

  Quinn headed home, telling herself a hundred times Amanda’s actions were completely reasonable given the situation. But when she pulled into the lot of her building, she sat for a long moment. She might be good at telling herself all the right things. Believing them was another matter entirely.

  * * *

  Thanks to her back-and-forth with Mel and Daniella, Amanda didn’t have to bother with tracking down where Cal was. She took the elevator to his floor and barely resisted the urge to run down the hall to his room. At the door, she made herself pause for a moment. The last thing her son needed was seeing her all freaked out.

  She took a deep breath, then blew it out. She was fine. Cal was fine. Everyone was fine.

  She entered the room to the sound of Mel laughing. No, not laughing. It was a guffaw that bordered on a snort. When she rounded the wall, she found her ex-wife doubled over with laughter and both of her kids giggling like, well, kids. It was jarring and sent her already frazzled nerves into orbit.

  “What’s so funny?” She didn’t mean to snap, but it sounded like that. She cleared her throat. Hopefully it passed for surprise.

  All three of them froze and looked her way. Like when the kids were little and she’d caught them in the middle of something they knew they weren’t supposed to be doing. The funn
y thing was, Mel had usually been part of the antics then, too.

  “Mom.” Cal looked both happy to see her and relieved. “You’re here.”

  The familiar twinge of being the killjoy faded and she went to him. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and kissed the top of his head, just like when he was little. “How are you, baby?”

  He leaned into her for a moment, then pulled away. “I’m fantastic now. This morning, I thought I was going to die.”

  She felt the blood drain from her face and a fresh wave of guilt wash over her. “I’m so, so, so sorry I wasn’t here.”

  “Not literally die. It was fine. I called these two and they took care of me.”

  Amanda shook her head. “I should have been here.”

  He gave her a look of exasperation. “Mom, chill. I’m fine. It’s not like I’m some five-year-old you left to fend for himself.”

  “Still.” She turned to Daniella, pulling her into a fierce hug. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

  When she let go, Daniella smirked. She angled her head toward Cal. “It’s all good. He lived.”

  It was hard to tell if Daniella really was fine or hiding the fact she’d been scared behind sarcasm. Now wasn’t the time to poke at her, but she’d make sure they had a heart-to-heart later. In the meantime, she turned her attention to Mel. “Thank you for swooping in and taking care of everything.”

  Mel offered her a soft smile. “I’m still part of the team, you know.”

  She didn’t know what she expected Mel to say, but it wasn’t that. No, she expected a hint of snark or, at the very least, condescension. How was it that everyone in her family seemed to be throwing her off her game? Maybe the problem was she was already off her game. Unsure what to do with that, she fell back on maternal guilt. “I’m sorry you had to handle this by yourself.”

  Mel brought a hand to her cheek. “You’re here now.”

  If the gesture gave her a tingle of discomfort, she chose to ignore it. Everyone’s emotions were high. Emergency surgery could do that to people. “I am. Where do things stand? What do I need to do?”

  Mel let out a chuckle. “I know you struggle with this, but I don’t think there’s anything to do.”