Twice Shy

by Aurora Rey

  Another sly smile. “What’s overboard, really?”

  Without waiting for a response, Mel took her hand and led her through the crowd toward the door. She searched for Quinn, relieved to find her deep in conversation with Erin and Julia. She resisted the urge to yank her hand free.

  On the sidewalk, topped with a giant red bow, sat a dough sheeter. And not any dough sheeter. No, it was the kind of high-end, free-standing model she’d lusted after for years. The kind that cost ten grand. “Mel.”

  “I think it’s about time you have one of these, don’t you?”

  Whether she did or not was beside the point. It was expensive, extravagant, and completely inappropriate. “You shouldn’t have.”

  Mel slung an arm around her shoulder. “But I wanted to.”

  She shouldn’t accept it. Couldn’t. Though, God, it was beautiful. “It’s too much.”

  Mel released her shoulder and turned to face her. “There were so many years I wasn’t as supportive as I should have been. Let me do this for you now.”

  There was no answer because the first part, at least, was true.

  “And don’t pretend you don’t want it. Daniella assured me this was the thing you’ve been most pining for.”

  “That’s not the point.”

  Mel grinned. “Of course it is. I’m giving you what you want.”

  She realized they weren’t talking about a piece of kitchen equipment or how often Mel did or didn’t show up while they were together. They were talking about something much more in the moment. Embarrassment was suddenly the least of her problems. “Mel—”

  “It’s here. Do you love it?” Daniella’s enthusiastic voice interrupted her train of thought. Which maybe wasn’t a terrible thing because she had no idea what she was going to say.

  Mel’s arm went around Daniella. “She’s getting there. You know how she feels about gifts she thinks are over-the-top.”

  Daniella rolled her eyes. “Seriously.”

  The fact that they’d commiserated over this gave her pause.

  “What’s going on?” Cal appeared, Zoe in tow. “Whoa. What’s that?”

  “M got Mom the dough roller of her dreams.” Daniella seemed to take satisfaction in knowing something Cal didn’t.

  Tanya emerged next, followed by Erin and Jack. Then Julia with Olivia and Joss. The exact thing she didn’t want to happen was happening. The only thing worse than becoming the center of attention was having Mel right there with her, part of the spectacle.

  Mel lifted an arm. “No need to stop the party, folks. I was just giving Amanda her bakery warming present.”

  Amanda closed her eyes and wished she could simply melt into the pavement. And maybe reappear in the kitchen all by herself. Or home. Or maybe in Quinn’s cabin, preferably with Quinn. Anywhere but here. With Mel. And an audience.

  She braved a look around, not wanting to see Quinn, but needing to know if she was among the onlookers. It was a silly question. Of course she was. And if the look on Quinn’s face was anything to go on, she’d have been better off not knowing. She turned back to Mel. “You really, really shouldn’t have.”

  “Sure she should have,” Daniella said and started to clap.

  As it so often did in this sort of situation, people started to join in, and the next thing she knew, everyone was applauding. It would have been sweet if it hadn’t been so humiliating. She waved her hands in a futile attempt to make it stop. Eventually, it did. Only everyone continued to look at her and Mel and the large and shiny dough sheeter. Daniella stepped forward with two glasses of champagne. She handed one to each of them, like the whole thing had been perfectly orchestrated.

  “Since we’re all out here, what do you say we raise a glass to the return of Bake My Day? And, of course, its beautiful owner.” Mel lifted her glass. “To Amanda.”

  A chorus of “to Amanda” enveloped her. Much like the applause, she appreciated the sentiment, even as being the center of attention made her cringe. She looked back to where Quinn had been, only Quinn was no longer there.

  She was pretty sure things couldn’t get any worse.

  “All right. All right. I think I’ve officially exceeded my capacity for being in the spotlight.”

  That earned her a good laugh from the crowd. She gestured to the bakery and people shuffled inside. A few used it as their cue to offer congratulations and head out. Inside, guests continued to help themselves to snacks. She looked around for Quinn but didn’t see her. Great.

  “Could we talk for a minute?”

  Mel’s voice behind her made her jump. “Really? You didn’t get enough attention outside?”

  “Please.”

  She should say no on principle. She should also go find Quinn. But she wanted to give Mel a piece of her mind while her irritation was still fresh. “Fine. Come with me.”

  She led them through the kitchen to the decorating room, quiet and removed from the bustle of the party. “You shouldn’t have bought me such a lavish gift.”

  “I stand by what I said. You deserve it. But I’d be lying if I said that was the only reason I bought it for you.”

  The embarrassment of before gave way to a sprouting seed of dread. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Mel took a step toward her. “Surely you do.”

  Part of her did. Part of her knew deep down exactly what Mel was getting at. But she’d be damned if she was going to own it. Or give Mel even the slightest hint of encouragement. “I do not. And I’m pretty sure anything you have to say on the matter will turn out to be something we both regret.”

  “I’ve ended it with Bella. Amanda, I’m in love with you.” Mel made it sound like a declaration of victory.

  Victory for whom was the question. “Mel, we’re not doing this. I’ve told you that. Several times, in fact.”

  “But you thought I was trying to play both sides. I’m not doing that anymore.”

  Amanda rubbed her hands over her face. She wondered if Mel’s use of “anymore” even registered. “That isn’t the reason. If you actually listened to me instead of fixating on what you want, you’d know that.”

  “Is this gesture not grand enough for you? Is that the problem? I can go grand.” Mel squared her shoulders and patted her chest, like it was a point of pride.

  “Jesus Christ, Mel. No.” She couldn’t keep the irritation from her voice. Even now, Mel pulled out the same old bag of tricks. And with it, that same old way of making everything about her.

  “What will it take then? I’m prepared to do whatever you ask.”

  She couldn’t come up with an honest answer that didn’t feel at least a little bit cruel. “There’s nothing. It’s not about that.”

  Mel’s brow creased, like she heard Amanda’s words but they didn’t compute. “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m not in love with you. I haven’t been in love with you for a very long time.” It was the first time she’d ever had to say such a thing. As much as she didn’t want to, especially right now, it hit her how significant it was to say it out loud.

  “So, the last few months meant nothing to you?”

  She shook her head. “You say that like we’ve had this whole affair.”

  Mel looked genuinely confused. “Didn’t we?”

  As much as she didn’t want to rehash the specifics, it seemed like that was the only way she was going to get anywhere. “We slept together twice. One of those times was a drunken accident. That’s it.”

  “But we had dinner, we hung out.”

  “And we planned one date and you stood me up.”

  Mel pounced. “You’re still mad about that, I can tell. I’ve said I’d make it up to you.”

  Her patience snapped. “You’re not listening to me. You never listen to me.”

  That seemed to catch her attention. “I listen.”

  “Then it’s worse because it means you hear what I’m saying and choose to ignore it.” How could she not see that?

  Me
l offered a playful smile. “Is it so bad if I want to convince you I’m right?”

  “I’m not a target market, Mel. I’m not some coveted demographic you’re trying to sway to your product.” She’d never used that analogy before, but it struck her how much it resonated. Now, but also during their marriage. Even when it came to matters of the heart, Mel never stopped thinking like a marketing professor.

  Mel didn’t answer right away. Amanda could tell her words had landed hard. What she couldn’t decide was whether they were sinking in or if Mel was putting together her counterpoint. Eventually, she said, “I don’t think of you as just some consumer. I love you.”

  Amanda sighed. “I know. I love you, too. As the parent of my children and the first person I ever really fell in love with. But we can’t be together. Please, please believe me when I say that.”

  “You’re a very stubborn woman.” Mel put a hand on Amanda’s cheek.

  Finally, she’d managed to convince her. Amanda leaned into it slightly. “Thank you.”

  The next thing she knew, Mel’s mouth was on hers. It caught her so by surprise, she stood there for a moment, stunned.

  “Oh, my God.”

  Cal’s voice yanked her back to the moment. She pulled free and took a giant step back. “Not what it looks like.”

  “So, you weren’t kissing?”

  “So, maybe it was a little bit what it looked like,” Mel said.

  Amanda glared at her. “You are not helping.”

  Because things weren’t bad enough, Daniella appeared in the doorway. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” she said, but it was drowned out by Cal’s reply of, “Our moms were kissing.”

  “Oh.” Daniella seemed neither bothered nor surprised.

  “Your mother and I have been seeing each other,” Mel said.

  “No, we haven’t.” Her tone was sharper than she would have liked but, seriously, what the hell was Mel thinking?

  Mel didn’t miss a beat. “Okay, perhaps that’s a little bit of an exaggeration.”

  Cal stuck both hands out in a show of confusion. “Well, you either have or you haven’t.”

  Amanda blew out a breath. As much as she did not want to be having this conversation with Mel, she wanted to be having it with her kids even less. Especially as a party—a party she was hosting no less—went on mere feet away. Still. She didn’t trust Mel to do the explaining. “We had a moment. Maybe a couple of moments. But one of us came to our senses and ended it before things got out of hand.”

  “Out of hand?” Cal asked.

  “Moments?” Mel and Daniella said, both in disbelief.

  Oh, dear God. Could this get any worse? “Yes. And it’s over and done and we all need to accept that and put it behind us.”

  She glared at Mel, who finally seemed to be getting the picture. “I’m sorry,” she said.

  Amanda closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, Mel looked both sad and defeated. “I think you should go.”

  Mel nodded. She sighed. She offered Cal and Daniella what seemed like an apologetic look. And then she was gone.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Amanda remained in the room with Cal, who still looked more confused than anything else, and Daniella, who seemed to be on the verge of throwing something or crying. She started with Daniella. “Honey—”

  “Don’t honey me. I can’t believe you won’t give M another chance. She left Bella for you.” Daniella’s tone was sharp.

  “I can see you’re really upset by this, but I’m not sure what gave you the impression we were—”

  “She told me, okay? She told me you got together the night of my concert and she told me she still had feelings for you.”

  “What?” Cal sounded even more bothered by that than the fact she and Mel had hooked up in the first place.

  Daniella planted her hands on her hips. “She still loves you, more than she ever loved Bella.”

  She was pretty certain Mel mostly loved what she couldn’t have, but she wasn’t about to say that to Daniella. “But there’s a reason we broke up. Probably a hundred or more reasons. Those don’t just go away because enough time has passed.”

  Daniella lifted her chin, defiant. “Some of them did. M got tenure. You’re not working as many crazy hours as you used to. And Cal and I aren’t needy little kids taking up all your time.”

  “You were never needy little kids.” She looked at both Daniella and Cal, hoping they didn’t doubt that for even a second.

  Daniella sighed. “You know what I mean.”

  “Honey, I’m sorry if Mel telling you about us made you think there was some chance we’d end up back together.” Apologizing for Mel’s behavior while at the same time wanting to throttle her felt like a cruel irony.

  Another sigh, this one laced with a groan of frustration. “It was my idea, okay?”

  Even without knowing exactly what Daniella meant, she knew it wasn’t good. “What was your idea?”

  “The dough sheeter, the grand gesture, everything. I convinced her to go for it.” Her voice cracked at the end and she swiped away tears with the back of her hand.

  “Oh, Daniella.” Her frustration with Mel remained, but her heart ached for her daughter.

  “It was stupid. I get it. You’re in love with Quinn now and M doesn’t stand a chance.”

  For as mature as Daniella was when it came to a lot of things, her take on love and relationships and her parents wasn’t one of them. At least not yet. “It wasn’t stupid. It’s perfectly reasonable to want your parents to be together.”

  Daniella shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I thought I was over it, you know? Like, I haven’t spent the last ten years pining to be a family again. It’s just, I don’t know. When it seemed like there was a chance it might happen, I guess I got excited.”

  This was exactly the reason she didn’t want to tell the kids in the first place. But of course Mel wouldn’t see it that way. For as much as she loved her children, her own needs and desires always came first. “I’m sorry.”

  “It doesn’t matter. It’s too late.” Without waiting for a reply or anything else, Daniella shook her head and left.

  Amanda was torn between chasing after her and giving her space. Since Cal remained—looking completely shell-shocked—the latter won out. Since the first apology had been directed at Daniella, she decided to lead with, “I’m sorry.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t get it.”

  “It was a bad idea, but sometimes we get caught up in things and we don’t make the best choices.” This one might top her all-time list of terrible decisions.

  “But I thought you were with Quinn. I thought Quinn made you happy.”

  “She does.” It struck her how much Cal had picked up on that, especially given the extent to which Daniella refused to.

  He frowned and continued to shake his head.

  “What M and I had was brief and then it ended before Quinn and I even started dating. I thought we were both clear on that, but I was wrong.” And even in her anger, part of her felt terrible about that.

  “Yeah, okay.”

  She blew out a breath. “I’m sorry she misunderstood, and I’m even sorrier you and Daniella got caught up in the mess.”

  “Caught up?” He stuck out his hands with exasperation. “I’m just finding out about it today.”

  “Do you want to know more?” Not that she wanted to talk about it. But it wouldn’t be fair to let him be the only one in the dark.

  Just as quickly as his hackles were raised, he slumped his shoulders in seeming defeat. “Is it really over? There’s no chance you’re getting back together?”

  She shook her head. “No chance.”

  “Then I don’t think I do. Is that okay?” The worried look on his face made her want to hug him.

  “Completely okay. I think it would be for the best if we could put it all behind us.”

  “Yeah.” This yeah had more feeling than the first.
r />   “Are you okay?”

  He nodded, then rolled his eyes. “Better than Daniella, apparently.”

  Ugh. That was the truth. “She’ll be okay. Eventually.”

  “I’ll go try to find her.”

  He’d probably have better luck than she would at this point. “That would be great. And I really am sorry for this, for keeping it from you.”

  He crossed the room and gave her a hug. “You’re a grownup, Mom. You don’t have to tell your kids everything.”

  And just like that, he made everything a tiny bit better. “Thank you.”

  “Maybe go find Quinn, though. She looked kind of freaked last time I saw her.”

  A whole new wave of panic swept through her. “I will. I just need one second to pull myself together.”

  He hugged her again, then he was gone. She covered her face with her hands for a second and tried to take the kind of slow, deep breaths that were supposed to be calming. How much had Quinn seen? Heard? As much as part of her didn’t want to know, to face it, she needed to find out. Maybe more importantly, she needed to explain. And there was only one way to do it.

  * * *

  Every instinct in Quinn’s body told her to flee, but her feet remained rooted to the floor. Like an accident on the side of the road, she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Not from Mel when she emerged from the room. Not from Daniella and Cal when they followed and looked at her with something resembling disdain and pity, respectively.

  Part of her wanted to go to Amanda. Whether to have it out or reassure, she didn’t know. But she remained fixed in the kitchen. Waiting.

  After a long moment, Amanda came out. She looked exhausted and, maybe, defeated. Quinn’s heart broke a little more, for completely different reasons than before.

  When Amanda caught sight of her, she came to an abrupt stop. “How much of that did you hear?”

  Quinn blew out a breath. “Enough.”

  Amanda winced.

  “I heard raised voices and I was worried.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Quinn nodded without being sure why. No, that wasn’t true. She had no doubt Amanda did feel sorry. What she was sorry for was another matter. Quinn couldn’t even begin to settle on what, exactly, Amanda was regretting. She had even less of an idea about her own feelings.