Trust Me, I’m a Personal Trainer

by Sam Derbyshire

  Neither Rex nor Callum replied. He could tell what they were thinking.

  “I appreciate that you both want to keep the sessions secret, so it’s up to you how you want to play it. I can give you a diet and gym programme if you think that would be easier and we can book in another session to go through it and then just keep this weekly session. What do you think?”

  “Well I’m happy with that,” replied Rex, taking another large swig of water. “I quite enjoyed that actually.”

  “Callum?” asked Thor. “What do you think?”

  Callum wasn’t sure. He felt drained and he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. Thor hadn’t given him an inch. He wasn’t sure now if he was having sex with his wife, but if he was going to catch him out this might not be the best way to do it. He’d maybe give it one more session and see what happened.

  “Well I don’t want to go to the classes, so a gym programme’s probably the best idea for me too,” he replied reluctantly; the prospect of further torture wasn’t appealing. Thor could tell he wasn’t too keen. He’d struggled through the fitness test and despite them both being seriously unfit, Rex had outgunned him on the press-ups and sit-ups. If his confidence was fragile, he would need to plan the sessions carefully.

  “And do you want to come to sessions together? It’s just that, from my experience, it’s better to work one to one for quicker results. Just from this session I can see you have different requirements.”

  Callum looked at Rex. “We’ll discuss it and get back to you, if that’s OK? I’ll need to look at my diary, but if you can keep this session for now that would suit.”

  “Great,” said Thor, standing up and trying not to grin as Rex and Callum got slowly to their feet. Callum winced.

  “May I suggest a pair of new trainers,” said Thor. “You really need a good pair; as we get older, it’s especially important to protect the joints.” Callum didn’t respond.

  “And you can keep the shorts,” he continued, grinning at Rex. “They’ve been in Lost Property for months.”

  “Thanks,” replied Rex. “I’ll try before I buy next time.”

  And as they both left the office for the comfort of the changing room, Thor smiled. He was looking forward to seeing Maggie tomorrow. A little probing was going to be so much fun.

  CHAPTER 41

  Having showered and prepared a meal for Callum, Maggie decided not to wait for him. It was pointless anyway, he’d probably be exhausted and be even less communicative than he usually was. She was starving; sex in the afternoon had made her hungry. Thinking back, she wondered how many calories she’d managed to use in the end. The Cow Girl had actually proved difficult to master. They would need to practice.

  With her weigh-in looming, Maggie had opted for a chicken salad. She was desperate for a gin and tonic but she’d had a glass of champagne earlier and it all added up. She would stick to water. She was determined to get a good result in the morning. She didn’t want to let Thor down. As she placed her plate on the kitchen table, the dogs barked as they heard Callum’s car in the drive. Maggie went to the kitchen window and grinned as she watched Callum get out of the car. Sadly he’d changed back into his suit, but the aftereffects of the football were evident as he stepped out gingerly and visibly winced as he straightened up. Quickly sitting back down at the table, Maggie took a mouthful of salad and pretended to be reading the paper as Callum walked into the kitchen. Maggie looked at him, he appeared flushed.

  “How was the football?” she asked, returning to the paper.

  “Fine, thanks,” replied Callum, placing his briefcase on the kitchen table. “I’m still alive.”

  Callum picked up a glass from the table and walked over to the sink. He was unbelievably thirsty. Filling the glass, he downed the contents. Water had never tasted so good. He felt completely drained and, compared to everyone else in the gym tonight, they’d hardly done anything. He’d never realised just how unfit he’d become.

  “Did you find it OK? Was it at Strath Uni, where you thought?” she probed.

  “Obviously,” he replied.

  “Did you remember it when you got there? You had been there before, hadn’t you?”

  “Not really,” he replied. “All sports halls look the same to me.”

  Maggie left it at that. He was definitely lying, but she had no idea why.

  “I’ve made you a steak and ale pie, it’s in the warmer,” she continued. “I’m afraid I couldn’t wait and I didn’t think you’d want salad anyway.”

  For the first time in his life, Callum actually fancied the salad. The thought of a steak and ale pie at the moment was very unappealing.

  “I’m not hungry yet,” he replied. “I’m going for a shower. I’ll have it later.”

  And as Callum left the kitchen, Maggie sent a text to Rachael.

  * * *

  Rachael and Amy were in the kitchen when Rex got home and Amy was showing Rachael how to make a lentil curry. Rex could either eat it or leave it as far as Rachael was concerned. If he didn’t want it he could get something else. Rachael was keen to see what she could get out of Rex, but as he walked into the kitchen she decided to hold off on her interrogation. Rex was useless at keeping secrets and if she could catch him off guard in a weak moment, she might have more success in getting to the bottom of the mystery.

  “Hi, Dad. How was the football? I can’t believe you’re still in one piece! Was it fun?”

  Rex put his holdall on the kitchen table. He looked flushed but, surprisingly, appeared to be in good spirits.

  “Yeah, it was great thanks and, yes, I am in one piece. See, Rach, I’m a bit stiff but I’m still a gladiator.”

  Rachael rolled her eyes. “Christ, when were you ever a gladiator? I must have missed that?”

  “Isn’t that why you married me?” he continued, patting her on the bottom as he walked past. “For my good looks and boyish charm?”

  “To be honest, I have absolutely no idea why I married you.,” replied Rachael, glaring at him as she poured brown rice into a pan.

  “Mum, that’s a terrible thing to say,” said Amy. “You must have loved Dad or you wouldn’t have married him. You don’t just get married for something to do, you must have loved him.”

  “She did love me,” grinned Rex. “Didn’t you, Rach? And she still does really, she’s just having a bit of a mid-life crisis.”

  Rachael picked up a wooden spoon and gripped it tightly. He had no idea just how much she wanted to use it as a weapon.

  “Dad,” said Amy, intervening again, “that is just so misogynistic.”

  “What does that mean?” asked Rex, peering into the pan.

  “It means that you are being prejudiced towards women. Saying a woman is having a mid-life crisis or is hormonal or menopausal just because she behaves in a way that you don’t like is prejudiced; it’s stereotyping women. Just because Mum is annoyed with you doesn’t necessarily mean she’s menopausal or having a mid-life crisis, it just means that you’re probably behaving like an idiot.”

  “But she is having a mid-life crisis,” continued Rex. “Going on a girls’ weekend, wanting a divorce, getting a personal trainer; that’s all the tell-tale signs, I’ve done my research.”

  “Where?” interrupted Rachael. “In the pub, with your bloody mates?”

  “No, on the internet actually,” replied Rex, dipping a spoon into the curry. He was relieved to see that it didn’t contain chick peas, although lentils would probably have the same effect. It tasted good though; Amy should just move back in.

  “Oh don’t listen to him, Mum, he’s just winding you up,” said Amy, keen to change the subject yet again. “Do you want to taste this, just in case it’s too hot?”

  Rachael took a deep breath and loosened her grip on the spoon. Amy was right, it wasn’t worth the effort. Rex just didn’t get it. He didn’t get it then and he didn’t get it now. She just had to bide her time.

  “So you didn’t die at the football?” she asked calmly
. “Where was it?”

  Rex was looking at his phone.

  “Some school sports hall, off Briers Road,” he replied. “Not sure what it was called, Callum drove. He picked me up after work.”

  “I thought you said it was at Strath Uni?”

  “Did I? It might have been, I wasn’t paying attention. When’s dinner, sweetheart?” he said, turning to Amy, desperate to get off any conversation involving the football. Rachael and Maggie were no doubt comparing notes and he didn’t want to get caught out.

  “Ten minutes,” replied Amy. “It’s lentil and mushroom curry, are you wanting some?”

  Rex hesitated; more curry and more fibre, he wondered how much gas a body was capable of producing. It hadn’t been pleasant at the fitness testing but Thor had found it amusing even if Callum hadn’t, and he’d said that a properly managed vegan diet could help him with his initial weight loss. He’d been surprised by how much he’d actually enjoyed it and he liked Thor. He didn’t believe he was shagging Rachael; she was too old for him for a start. A guy like him could have his choice of women, why would he be interested in Rachael or Maggie? Callum was definitely barking up the wrong tree. Rex had enjoyed himself though and he planned on giving it another go. If Rachael was really planning on leaving him, he would need to get his act together. He would text Thor later and book another session by himself.

  “Yeah, thanks, love, it looks good. I’ll just have a quick shower if that’s OK?”

  And as Rex left the room, Amy and Rachael looked at each other; a week ago he wouldn’t have touched a lentil curry with a barge pole, there was definitely something going on. Amy turned down the heat and left the curry to simmer gently and, as she opened the cutlery drawer, Rachael unzipped Rex’s holdall.

  “Oh my God, I knew it,” she said. “I knew he wasn’t a bloody medium.”

  And as she held up the ripped orange shorts, they both collapsed in fits of laughter.

  CHAPTER 42

  As Kyle drove home from the gym, he was feeling quite pleased with himself. Not only had he managed a quick work-out on top of his session with Thor, Kelsey had actually offered to take him out. OK, it was only for a kebab, but he couldn’t care less. If he hit his goal, she would take him out. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t wait to tell Thor. He’d hoped to see him this evening but he’d been tied up; he would try and catch him tomorrow night after the circuits class. Kyle looked at the clock, he needed to go to the supermarket but he didn’t particularly want to meet Gemma. He could go to another one but he also didn’t relish driving across town. He was tired, he needed an early night. Maybe he’d risk it; it might be her night off. Indicating left, Kyle decided to take a chance.

  * * *

  Unusually for seven-thirty on a Tuesday evening, Thor was on his way home. Annoyingly his seven o’clock had cancelled but he was tired; an early night would actually be quite welcome. As he sat in traffic, Thor thought about the last session and grinned as he relived Rex’s mega fart. It had been difficult enough trying to hold it together when they’d both come out of the changing room; they both looked so ridiculous and he’d had a feeling that Rex’s shorts weren’t going to be up to the job. The fart had been sensational. He and Rex hadn’t been able to stop laughing. Callum hadn’t seen the funny side. He wondered whether Callum saw the funny side of anything. Luckily he’d managed to find Rex another pair of shorts. He wondered what they’d told Maggie and Rachael; the ridiculous kit was possibly the result of trying to keep their activities under wraps. Thor thought about Maggie. He’d need to be careful in the session tomorrow. Callum Dunbar was adamant that Maggie shouldn’t find out and he’d read the confidentiality clause thoroughly. If she did find out, he’d have to make sure that Callum didn’t think it was due to his indiscretion. It wasn’t going to be easy. Sometimes, as the conversation flowed, the professional relationship could slip and he’d never had to deal with couples before. He would need to try and stay neutral.

  Turning up the volume on the radio, his mind strayed to Jess. He hadn’t heard from her for the last couple of days, not since he hadn’t replied to her text. It had only said “Hi” but he hadn’t been in the mood. He’d been exasperated and frustrated and adamant that the relationship was definitely over, but he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. After talking to Kyle he wondered whether Kyle was actually right. Maybe he should keep on trying, maybe it was a relationship worth fighting for. He was tempted to give her a call, but he decided to resist. Their last meeting had been a disaster. He’d leave it a few more days. He had a training session with Molly on Friday, the dark-haired girl from the circuits class. He would see how that went first. It would be good to keep his options open.

  * * *

  Standing beside the veg section in the supermarket, Kyle looked at the shopping list on his phone. He was planning on making a vegetable curry he’s found on the internet, described as extremely easy of course, but these things were usually only easy if you knew how to cook. He was starting from scratch. He didn’t know what half the vegetables looked like; his mum had only ever served him potatoes and peas. Kyle looked at the list. He knew what a mushroom looked like but he had absolutely no idea what a courgette was. He didn’t even know how to pronounce it. Picking up a purple vegetable, he turned it over in his hand. He hoped it wasn’t a courgette; he had no idea how to deal with it, and it didn’t look very appealing.

  “Do you need help?” came a familiar voice behind him. “That’s an aubergine, just in case you’re wondering. Weird, isn’t it?”

  Callum turned around. He’d checked the tills when he came in and, as he hadn’t seen her, he’d assumed she wasn’t working.

  “Yeah,” he replied, “do you know how to cook it?”

  “Not a clue,” she said. “I just know what it is because I work on the till, I’ve no idea what you actually do with it or what it tastes like. I don’t fancy trying it either. What are you making?”

  Kyle looked at her. She didn’t look like a stalker and she seemed to have taken the hint as far as a potential relationship was concerned. She was simply being nice; it wouldn’t hurt to be nice back.

  “I’m actually looking for a cor’gette, I’m going to try and make a vegetable curry. What’s a courgette look like, have you got any?”

  Gemma giggled. “It’s called a courgette,” she replied, pronouncing it correctly and pointing. “That’s them. They look weird too but I think you just slice them, I saw it on Saturday Kitchen.”

  Kyle picked up two courgettes and placed them in the basket with the rest of the shopping. He just needed curry powder and he’d be done. “Thanks,” he said, “are you not on the till tonight?”

  “No, shop floor, I hate it. I like being on the tills, I like the chat, it’s boring filling shelves.”

  “Never mind,” said Kyle, “at least you’re moving around, it’ll keep you fit.”

  “Suppose so,” she replied. “Have you been to the gym tonight?”

  “Yeh,” he said, “just a quick visit as I had my training session with Thor this morning. I’ve lost two and half kilos.”

  Gemma’s eyes widened. “Wow, that’s amazing, I’ve never lost that much and you’ve only been going a week. I wish I could lose that much. I just can’t seem to stick to anything.”

  Kyle felt for her. If he didn’t have the help from Thor, he knew he would struggle too. He could appreciate that it wouldn’t be easy if you didn’t know where to start.

  “Well you started coming to the classes, that’s a start.”

  “Yeah, but my diet’s still rubbish, I know it is, and I’m drinking too much, but it’s not easy when my mates are always trying to get me to go out on the lash. If I said no, I wouldn’t have any mates.”

  “Well I didn’t have any mates in the first place,” Kyle laughed, “so maybe it’s a bit easier.”

  Gemma looked at him. “What do you mean you don’t have any mates? That’s really sad. You should come out with my mates, they’re r
eally nice.”

  “Yeah, but then I’d have to have a drink, wouldn’t I?”

  “I suppose so but you’ve still got to have some fun, we do have a laugh.”

  “Yeah, I know, maybe I will sometime but I’m just trying to get the weight off first. Anyway, I need to go, are you going to the class tomorrow night?”

  “Probably,” she sighed; she was a bit embarrassed after nearly vomiting last time and she wasn’t sure if the classes were for her. She’d really struggled. She didn’t know whether she could face it. “I’m not really sure.”

  “Well I’ll bring a few recipes that Thor gave me if you like. Thor’s a good bloke, he’ll help you too if you ask.”

  “Thanks, I’ll try. Right, back to the pet section. I hate it, everything smells funny, I’m not really a pet person.”

  “Can’t say I’m jealous, I’ll maybe see you tomorrow then.”

  And as he watched her trudge unenthusiastically back to her trolley full of dog treats, he actually felt quite sorry for her. She was desperate to lose weight but the battle was always going to be uphill. He hoped she would come to the class tomorrow, not for him but for her own sake. She was a nice girl. She deserved better. She just had to believe it.

  CHAPTER 43

  Thursday

  Driving to her session with Thor, Maggie took the opportunity to call Myles. Callum had been suffering this morning; whatever exertion he’d participated in yesterday was now starting to take effect, and she’d tried not to gloat as she’d handed him plasters for his feet. How on earth he’d thought he could play football in his daughter Ophelia’s trainers was beyond her, but the result was a stony silence at breakfast. This morning had actually been really depressing. The high of her afternoon with Myles had only served to highlight just how toxic her marriage had become. She wondered why Callum was prolonging the agony. It was miserable for both of them.