Trust Me, I’m a Personal Trainer

by Sam Derbyshire

  Following Rachael as she jogged slowly down the hill back to the gym, Thor’s mind was working overtime. This was all getting a bit complicated. He wasn’t sure where it was heading but, if he was a betting man, he’d put serious money on Saturday night being pretty eventful. Rachael was on a mission and, if she was on a mission, Thor had no doubt that Maggie would be on a mission too. He actually felt a bit sorry for the guys. They were no match for their wives when it came to intrigue. He’d need to manage this one carefully. He didn’t want his evening ending in tears.

  CHAPTER 57

  Back in the sanctuary of her car, Rachael called Maggie. Maggie would be up. If she didn’t call her now, she might not get a chance later. Maggie was quick to answer.

  “Morning, sweetheart,” said Maggie. “Hang on, let me just turn my porridge off, I burnt it yesterday. I think I’m starting to lose the plot.”

  Rachael smiled. Maggie was right. She didn’t burn things. Maggie liked to be in control. If Maggie was starting to burn the porridge, life was obviously getting a little bit stressful.

  “Right, sorry about that,” said Maggie, returning to the phone. “Good morning again, is that you just finished another training session? How did it go?”

  “Makes me feel a whole lot better when you start burning things,” replied Rachael, “I do it all the time. Yes, just finished.”

  “Did you go outside?”

  “Yes,” replied Rachael. “He put me in some bloody harness, which was quite erotic actually, and then he attached a rope and made me pull him up a hill not far from the gym.”

  “Oh dear, it sounds as though he’s getting serious,” said Maggie. “Was it tough?”

  “Of course it was; I could hardly breathe by the time I got to the top of the hill. Anyway, I suppose that’s what we’re paying for.”

  “And did you lose more weight?”

  “Just over a kilo,” replied Rachael.

  “Well done,” said Maggie.

  “I was a bit disappointed, actually,” said Rachael. “I was hoping for more, but Thor said it was good and I suppose I did eat out at the weekend so it probably is quite good.”

  “How was your dinner with Rex?” asked Maggie, giving the porridge another stir.

  “Quite nice, surprisingly,” replied Rachael. “He’s adamant that he doesn’t want a divorce and he is trying but I don’t know, I can’t believe he can change that quickly. We had a nice day yesterday too, well until he fell asleep in front of the film he’d downloaded and dropped a glass of red wine on the floor. I think he’s knackered from all this training he’s doing.”

  “Good God, is he going to the gym?”

  “He’s booked more training sessions with Thor.”

  “No!” replied Maggie, stunned by the revelation. She would never have believed that Rex would have signed himself up for training with Thor.

  “But he came clean about it,” continued Rachael. “I think Thor had got fed up with it all and told him to stop lying. He said it was all Callum’s idea because Callum is convinced that you’re having an affair with Thor but Thor told Rex that he definitely wasn’t.”

  “What is Callum’s problem?” sighed Maggie. “I wish we could just talk about it, but he seems to be enjoying making a real drama out of it all, although I suppose I’ve been avoiding it too because of the Myles issue. He didn’t come home at all on Saturday night, no message, nothing, he’s never done that before.”

  “Did you say anything to him when he got back?”

  “Not really,” replied Maggie. “There wasn’t much to say, was there? I really couldn’t be bothered. It annoys me being in the same room as him at the moment. I just hope I get to see Myles this weekend; I could do with a bit of affection.”

  Unsurprisingly, Maggie sounded down, and Rachael felt for her. Callum was really pushing it, but then maybe that’s what he wanted. He wanted Maggie to be the one to call it a day; he wasn’t brave enough to do it himself.

  “When’s he coming up?” asked Rachael.

  “Friday, I think,” said Maggie. “I’m hoping to see him Friday afternoon and then on Sunday. They’re all staying in the same hotel, well the London lot are, and they’ve got golf organised and obviously a big night out on the Saturday.”

  “Do you know where they’re going on Saturday?” asked Rachael, hopefully.

  “No idea,” replied Maggie, “although it might be a good idea to find out so that we can avoid them.”

  “I’d like to find out so I can spy on Rex,” replied Rachael. “I know what he’s like and I don’t believe he can change overnight. I’d like to see him in action on a night out, see if he means it when he says he doesn’t want a divorce.”

  “Well I can’t risk it,” said Maggie. “Can you imagine being in the same bar as Callum and Myles? Even I might find that difficult.”

  “Oh don’t worry, Glasgow’s a big place, I’m sure we won’t see them. They’ve probably booked some bloody private function room to fill full of strippers again.”

  Maggie flinched. She had first-hand knowledge of what had gone on on the last boys’ golf trip and, now that she was with Myles, it didn’t seem so funny. He was another leopard who surely couldn’t change his spots overnight.

  “Well, let’s hope not, shall we,” she replied. “Anyway, let’s change the subject. I’m going to circuits tonight, hopefully that will help with my weigh-in, oh, and I knew there was something else, actually it’s so embarrassing.”

  “What is?” replied Rachael. She was trying to recall whether she had ever seen Maggie show any hint of embarrassment.

  “I think Davie the postman guessed what I was up to in the barn and I think he told his wife and it’s probably all around the village now.”

  “What makes you think that?” asked Rachael, trying not to laugh.

  “Well I went into the shop for bananas, and as I went to pay for them she said something about needing the energy because it must be tiring all that rat-catching, and that maybe I should consider getting a pest control company in.”

  “Well that sounds quite innocent,” replied Rachael.

  “It certainly was not,” replied Maggie. “She said she’d told Callum that if he needed any help with catching rats in his barn, and she almost hissed when she said the word rats, he should get a professional in and not leave it to his wife to have to crawl around in the hay loft trying to catch them, and that Davie had said I’d been trying to attract them with champagne. She was loving every minute of it. She’ll have told everyone who’ll listen. I bet that’s why no one has phoned me about judging the jam contest at the primary school.”

  “And has Callum asked you about it?” asked Rachael, intrigued.

  “He hasn’t said a word,” replied Maggie, “although he might not have been listening. You know what he’s like, he just switches off if he’s not interested and Mavis is always prattling on about nothing.”

  “Or he’s saving it up for the right moment,” replied Rachael.

  “Possibly,” said Maggie.

  “Do you care?” asked Rachael.

  “About what?”

  “About the gossip,” said Rachael.

  “Well I do actually, gossip is so depressing, especially in a small village. Some poor woman got pregnant recently and, depending on who you spoke to, the father ranged in age from sixteen to sixty; even the minister was implicated. She was married too. It was unbelievable. It was probably because she had her nose pierced, they couldn’t cope with that. They’ll just be loving this, trying to work out who I was up in the barn with.”

  “Oh I wouldn’t let it get to you, they’re just jealous. You’ll be out of there soon.”

  “Will I?” asked Maggie, hoping for some reassurance.

  “Course you will. Myles could easily get you another place somewhere else where no one knows you and you can romp around in hay lofts to your heart’s content. Who cares what people say, Maggie, they’ve probably been talking about you for years anyway. Just tell t
hem to fuck off.”

  Maggie laughed as she visualised herself telling the Keep Our Village Beautiful committee to fuck off. Maybe she would one day, then at least she wouldn’t have to judge any more jam competitions. There was always an upside.

  * * *

  As Kelsey walked into the office, Kyle could tell that she’d had a big weekend. She always took a day to recover and she was generally pretty subdued. He wouldn’t expect much chat from her this morning.

  “Morning,” he offered as she sat down. Her hair wasn’t arranged quite so stylishly as usual and she was dark under the eyes. She looked exhausted.

  “Morning, Kyle,” she replied quietly. “Sorry I’m a bit late. Did anyone notice?”

  “Don’t think so,” he replied. “A big weekend, was it?”

  Kelsey turned on her computer and took a folder out of her in-tray. Reluctantly, she opened it. Kyle could see she was struggling.

  “Just a bit,” she replied, trying to smile.

  “Do you want a coffee or something?” he asked.

  “No thanks, I had one on the way. If I have another, I’ll puke. God, I’m never drinking again.”

  “Till next weekend,” replied Kyle bravely. “Do you want water then?”

  “I suppose I’d better,” sighed Kelsey. “Thanks, Kyle.”

  “No problem,” he replied as he left the office for the kitchen. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t feeling quite so magnanimous this morning. He’d acknowledged the fact now; that she had hurt him on Saturday night and the more he thought about it over the weekend, the more he’d come to see the situation as it really was. He knew everything about her, but he doubted she knew much about him. Or, more importantly, cared. He needed to stop being a lap dog. He still thought she was beautiful but she could make her own smoothies from now on.

  * * *

  With Callum having left for work, Maggie picked up her coffee and, dogs in tow, headed out to the yard. It was cooler this morning and she shivered slightly as the chilly air curled itself around her under-dressed frame. Leaning against the fence of the paddock, Maggie clutched her mug with both hands and watched as the steam from the coffee rose comfortingly into the air. She needed it this morning; she hadn’t slept at all last night. In the paddock, her horses grazed contentedly and she sighed at the realisation that she might have to sell them. Despite what Rachael had said, she couldn’t expect Myles to just pick up the pieces of her and Callum’s failure. She could never ask him to do that. If divorce from Callum meant everything had to go, then so be it. They were both at fault. They both had new lovers. Somehow they would have to sort it. As one of the horses came quietly over to greet her, Maggie patted her affectionately and allowed her to nuzzle her neck. She wanted to cry. This whole situation was starting to bring her down.

  “Don’t worry, old girl,” she whispered. “I’ll get it sorted soon, once the party’s over this weekend, I’m coming clean. The old boy’s not going to like it though. I just hope he doesn’t do anything stupid again.” And as she visualised having to confess to Callum that her affair was actually Myles Cavendish and not poor Thor, she finally admitted to herself that she was afraid.

  CHAPTER 58

  Tuesday

  As Thor sat in his office waiting for Kyle, he scrolled through all the messages from Jess that he hadn’t yet deleted from his phone. He had no idea why he couldn’t delete them but, as he scrolled though, it was a reminder of just what a car crash of a relationship it was. Last night, out of the blue, she’d messaged him; it was one of her usual “how are you?” messages that never ceased to put the fear of God into him as they usually led to an argument. Against his better judgement, he’d replied, just a basic, “Fine thanks, how are you?”, which – as expected – had resulted in a cryptic “fed up”. He knew he never should have started the conversation, it would only go one way; a series of one-word messages that hid a multitude of emotions. They’d messaged each other for an hour; work was busy, she was tired, was he watching Love Island, she was trying a new diet, did he go out last weekend, what was he up to this weekend etc. etc. Short and mundane, all of which cried out for him to reply and say he missed her. He knew she wanted to see him again but he didn’t have the energy at the moment. The messages had ended as they’d started; better go, need an early night, take care, bye. He did miss her, but he didn’t miss the hassle. He didn’t have time for it. He was just too busy at the moment.

  Putting his phone in his rucksack, Thor looked at his diary. It was another busy day. As well as Kyle, he had Kyle’s admirer Gemma coming along for her first session. She was a sweet girl and he’d admired the way she’d rocked up, given the circuits class a go and nearly killed herself in the process and, despite his protests, Kyle must have seen something he liked too. Why else would he have paid for a session? Kyle was looking forward to getting to know her better, he’d had a bet with himself that Gemma would soon be taking over Princess Kelsey’s place in Kyle’s affections. And he needed to get Kyle a date.

  Thor picked up his water bottle and took a swig; he also had Laurel and Hardy early evening. It had been interesting chatting to Rex and he had high hopes of getting the guy fit enough to fight his way back into Rachael’s affections. It wasn’t going to be easy; Rachael, quite rightly, was playing a cool hand. Callum, on the other hand, was a different kettle of fish. He was only coming for one reason and Thor would probably only see him for a few more sessions. Once he’d convinced him that he wasn’t having an affair with Maggie, he’d probably call it a day.

  As he heard Kyle’s footsteps, Thor closed the diary. He had no idea what the coming day would bring, but the way things were going he had a feeling it wouldn’t be dull.

  * * *

  Switching off her alarm, Maggie reached for her phone and, lying alone in her bed, she looked at the screen; she wondered what the weather had in store today. It had been getting cooler; autumn was definitely on its way, she would need to look out her autumn wardrobe. Squinting, Maggie tried to focus on the screen. Her eyes were getting worse. Frustratingly, she realised that she might have to consider glasses; another sign that middle age was definitely around the corner. Chiding herself for being defeatist, she stared at the screen. Her phone indicated that she had new messages. Opening them she smiled as she realised they were from Myles.

  Morning. At airport. Off to Paris for meeting. Wish you were coming with me. Missing you xxx

  Can’t wait till Friday, will bring you something from Paris xx

  Maggie smiled as the warmth of his messages filled her heart. She wanted to trust him so badly, but it wasn’t easy. Myles had a record as long as her arm for womanising. She wondered how long it would take him to get bored with her and, if he did, she had no game plan. This weekend she’d had a taster of what it was like to live alone and she didn’t like it, but there was no going back for her and Callum. She’d resigned herself to the inevitable. She and Callum were getting divorced, but they really needed to talk about it. She had to deal with it this weekend, she had to talk to him. If he wanted a divorce then he should just go ahead and move out; it was pointless them both living in the house, both of them trying to avoid each other. He was unhappy too, and she felt a pang of sadness as she remembered the way he’d looked at Emma Balfour. She wondered how long he’d been unhappy; she just wished he’d told her earlier, they might have managed to sort things out. It was too late now though. Her marriage was over; it was time to draw a line under it and move on.

  * * *

  With the weigh-in over, Kyle was pleased with himself for having lost another two kilos. He was starting to notice the difference now; his clothes were definitely looser and he’d had to buy a couple of pairs of new work trousers. Apart from aching muscles, he also felt so much better. The lonely world of Xbox and pizza seemed a million miles away. Life was definitely improving.

  “Well that’s just great, pal, the fat’s falling off you and good effort at circuits last night by the way. Not easy doing a hard session then comin
g back for more at 6.30 in the morning. It was busy last night too, wasn’t it? There were a few more new faces and your admirer came back.”

  Kyle grinned. “Yeah, fair play, she did pretty well, and she said she was coming to see you today too. She’ll be knackered today.”

  “She must be keen,” replied Thor.

  “Yeah, she’s been trying to lose weight for ages, I think,” said Kyle.

  “Not on losing weight, keen on you,” said Thor, laughing. “She’s keen on you, that’s why she’s coming. Most people wouldn’t go to a circuits class the night before their first training session with me, she only went to circuits so that she could tell you about it. Come on, man, sharpen up, you’ve got to start reading the messages.”

  Kyle thought back to the circuits class; Gemma hadn’t stood beside him, but every time he’d looked over, she’d been smiling back. They’d chatted afterwards and she’d told him about her session with Thor. She was looking forward to it and she hoped that this time she could really get some weight off. She’d made herself a vegetable curry for dinner, she’d even chopped up a courgette. Kyle had laughed and held the door open for her as they left the gym. He’d wished her good luck. She’d said thanks and that she’d see him on Thursday if Thor didn’t kill her. They’d laughed again and she’d waved as she’d driven off.

  “Yeah, I suppose,” replied Kyle. “I’m maybe just out of practice.”

  Thor picked up his rucksack.

  “Anyway, enough about your love life which I can assure you is looking a lot more hopeful than mine, you’ve got an appointment with a running track and a tyre. You’re not a beginner now, mate, it’s time to join the big boys.”

  “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” said Kyle, remembering some of the images on TV of blokes trussed up and trying to lose weight by dragging tyres, cars and buses from one end of a street to another.

  “Not as bad a feeling as I got when that woman in Tesco’s handed me her business card. Bloody unbelievable, she did it in front of the kids too – it cost me a tenner!”