At times he was the most pleasant man. Then when he needed a drink, he was nasty. Mean. When he was drunk, he was a lazy man that no one would want to be around.
John would have to prove himself to her. She wasn’t sure he could.
Back at the wagon, she heard the soft snores of John and Laine as she let down the tailgate and crawled into her bed. She pulled up the canvas to allow the breeze to cool her. Thoughts of Ed circled in her mind. She did like him. She had needed to go to him tonight.
Now that she was on a course to do as she needed, nothing was going to stop her from her quest to see what she wanted to do. In her spirit, she knew the Lord was going to help her. That she would know the right decision to make.
She fell into a fitful sleep and awoke to sunshine, blazing into the wagon. With alarm, she bolted up and dressed. Hurrying to get outside before everyone realized how late she’d slept.
But when she turned the corner, all of them were at the table. She blushed and took her seat. “I am so sorry for sleeping so long.”
Anna laughed. “You must have needed it. All along, you’ve been the first one up.”
Susan nodded. “I guess so.” She glanced at Ed. He didn’t look happy but sour. What had happened to him? He didn’t say anything but got up and left them.
John watched Ed walk off, and then he looked at Susan. “You all right? He didn’t hurt you last night?”
“No, no, nothing like that. We had a good talk, at least I thought we did. Did he say anything to you this morning?”
John watched Ed and then looked back at her. “He told me to watch out for you. That I shouldn’t have let you walk to the rock alone last night.”
Her heart ached. Why would he say such a thing after last night? Susan sighed and turned to face John. “Well, we have a party today. I’m making my baked beans and bringing more ham.”
“Want some help? I can make biscuits.”
“That would be great. We better get started.” Susan went to the back of the wagon and started unloading the items. They were halfway to Oregon, and half their goods were gone. She hoped they had enough to make it all the way.
John came up behind her. “We can get more goods along the way. There are a couple of more stores that we’ll pass by. I asked Sam about it, and he assured me. I was afraid you might run out, and I was concerned.”
“Thank you for asking. Dan was a great planner. He even has plans on making the cabin when we get there.”
John nodded. “I know. I was with him when he was plotting them out.”
“Oh, that’ s right. I forget that you knew him for some time. I am so sorry that I never got to meet him. His letters, as few as they were, made me happy when I read them. He must have been a good man.”
John took the ham from her. “Yes, he was. I wasn’t much of a friend, but he took care of me. He tried to help me. Now, I see it. I’m sorry that I drank so much. I missed out on life. Actually, I drowned what little life I had.” He took the flour from her. “I intend to change that.”
Susan grinned. “It would seem that there is a lot of changing going around. I was just telling Ed about how I was becoming my own woman. And he said he is changing too. Maybe because all we have to do is walk and think.”
John laughed. “That is true. Of course, I get a few words to Big Red in along the way, but he doesn’t say much.”
Susan laughed. It felt good to enjoy something with another. She worried about Ed, what could have set him off. But then she reminded herself that she was with John and needed to pay attention to him.
And he had changed. She could see that his hands shook a little. But for the most part, she was enjoying their time together. She helped him roll the biscuits. Their hands touched, and although there was an excitement, it was nothing like she had felt with Ed the night before.
Then she reminded herself that she needed to think about how she felt about the men. This was her decision, and she was no longer invisible.
She heard fiddlers practicing. They would all meet in the big campground where Sam had rounded up a few wagons into a circle to keep animals out as the big oxen and mules were free to roam about and eat what grass they could find.
While walking to the camp, Susan stumbled upon a small grave alongside the trail. The writing was scratched onto a rock, and she could barely read the words. “Sally J. Long 1847-1851.”
Susan bent beside the little grave and rubbed the gravestone. “Rest in peace, Little Sally.”
“I saw it yesterday.”
She looked up to see Ed standing behind her. He looked so sad.
“Makes you wonder why the Lord picks some to live and some to die, doesn’t it?”
Susan’s heart went out to him. “Yes, it does.”
“Like Dan. He was a good man. Yet, he died, and I lived. Makes me wonder if God knew what He was doing.”
Susan stood and faced him. “God knows. That much I am sure of. We don’t know the whys here on earth, but in time, if needed, we will know.” She took his hand and held it, rubbing the callouses. “Ed, I’m glad you didn’t die.”
He stared at her as if he’d been somewhere else. Gently, he pulled his hand from hers. “I suppose so.” He looked at the little grave. “Just a kid.”
“In God’s eyes, you’re His child.”
Ed looked at her. “Maybe. I better go.” He took the reins to his horse and rode toward the lead wagon and Sam.
Susan watched him and then continued on to the big camp. She rubbed her hand. She liked both men. John was her friend, but Ed was the one who shook her insides whenever he was around. Not in a bad way, but in the way of a man and woman. He was the one she could love. Why didn’t he know that?
The day dragged on until it was finally time for the big party. Susan carried her beans, John had the ham and biscuits, and Anna carried the pie while Nick and Laine carried chairs. Ed was nowhere to be seen and hadn’t been all day.
Susan had thought he’d at least come to change into clean clothes.
John walked beside her. He carried himself in a proud manner as if he were taking his rightful place and belonged. They came to the big campfire made from a pile of buffalo chips, but a fire none the less.
Tables had an array of food from every wagon. And another table held the dishes and cups. There was a big bowl with some kind of lemonade and another table full of pies.
Susan shooed Laine from the pies and told him to find Ed. The boy grinned and walked off.
Anna came to her. “Well, are you going to dance?”
“Yes, I am. I just hope the man I want will come and ask me.”
“He’s silly if he doesn’t. But I am sure you will have a full dance card. I see others looking.”
“And you. Are you going to dance?”
Anna blushed. “I’m betrothed, but Nick promised he’d dance with me a couple of times. Then again, he’s got his eye on a few girls.”
Susan grinned. “So, I thought your brother was interested in a girl in Oregon.”
“Yes, he is. But she is there, and he is here.” She folded her arms. “But while he is dancing with me, Nick is going to get an earful on how he should act around other women.”
“Good for you, Anna. I think it’s important for us women to stand up for one another.” Susan arranged some of the dishes and put spoons in the ones that needed it.
“Yes, you’re right. I can’t wait to get a hold of my brother.”
Susan chuckled. “I will have to watch.”
Anna smiled. “Where is Ed?”
“I sent Laine to find him. He promised he’d dance with me.”
“And John.”
“I suppose he will, too.”
Anna grinned. “I see. Well, that answers a question for me.”
“Oh, it does, does it. Well, I haven’t made my final decision. Yet.” Susan left her friend and went to the head table to help dish out the food. She looked but still didn’t see Ed. Where was he?”
Chapter 17
He’d almost made it past the wagons when Laine ran to him.
The boy grabbed his bridle and stopped the horse. “Where are you going? I heard you tell Miss Susan that you’d dance with her.”
Ed drew in a hard breath. Why did the kid have to stop him? “I need some time to think.”
Laine glared at him. “You’re running, aren’t you? I knew I shouldn’t trust you.” He let go of the bridle.
“It’s got nothing to do with you.”
“Sure. That’s what my pa said. He left me just the same. Never a word back. No letters. Nothing.” Laine turned from him but stayed in place, head down.
Ed dismounted and went to him. “It’s just that my past won’t let me stay. I’m afraid something will happen to Susan, maybe even you if you’re near me.”
Laine whirled to face him. “Like the man at Laramie? Well, you handled that all right. You’re a coward is all. Go ahead and run.”
That stung. Ed never let it stay when anyone called him coward. But Laine was just a kid. He didn’t understand.
“Don’t ever write me. If you leave and ride out, you’re dead to me.” Laine walked past him. Touched the horse and pointed to the bedroll. “I see you weren’t going for just a short ride around the camp. It was nice knowing you, Ed.” The kid let the last words drip with sarcasm, and then he walked back toward the camp.
Ed stood for a moment and tried to digest Laine’s words. The kid was right. He was running. Didn’t want to face his past and didn’t want to give Susan the option of choosing him. Perhaps if he was honest with her, she’d choose John.
He stood for a time trying to decide what he should do. Yet, he knew it all along. Laine was right. Face the past by facing the future with or without Susan. He wasn’t a coward.
Decision made, he led the horse back to their wagon, unsaddled him, and threw his bedroll in the back of the wagon. The fiddlers played, and the music floated on the night breeze.
She’d be there. He’d have to tell her why he was afraid for her. She might hate him for what he was, but he owed her the truth. The reason he nearly rode away without a word to her.
Then there was Laine. He’d have to find the boy and tell him he was right but that he wasn’t leaving. He took off the horse’s bridle and let him rummage for grass. As he let his hand slide down his side, he felt his gun.
Old nightmares pestered him. All because of the gun. Could he be brave without it? After a look to the campfire and the party, Ed loosened the gunbelt and let it fall to the ground. Afraid some kid might find it, he picked it up and put it in the back of the wagon.
A party was no place to wear a gun. Besides, nobody knew who he’d been in Texas. No one on the train would challenge him. He’d have to get used to not wearing a gun. Farmers didn’t wear them.
With a steady step, he went toward the main campfire. Walking to the tables, he saw Laine. The boy nodded at him and then grinned. “Eat up. The pie is good, but you’re going to have to hurry if you want any. I’m about done with my plate and ready for dessert.”
Ed nodded and clapped a hand on the kid’s shoulder. “I’ll do that.”
Laine swallowed the last bite of his stew. “She’s over there by the wagon master. Her and John danced a couple dances. But I’m sure she’ll dance with you.”
Ed ignored the boy’s grin and strode toward her. “I’m about ready for that dance.”
Susan turned and smiled. “Are you?” She tossed her hair and saw John coming toward her. “Well, you better ask me because if you don’t, in about a minute, I’ll be in John’s arms.”
“Will you dance with me?” Ed couldn’t believe he’d actually let her push him into asking her. But the words had flown out of his mouth. He knew they would. They’d been choking him since he’d started walking toward the big campfire.
She nodded and held out her hand.
The music started up. A waltz. Ed took her hand and put his around her waist. Soon they were waltzing around the dance area. She was light as a feather and stable on her feet. The air around her was fragrant with some sweet smell.
Her touch was light but sent warmth onto his shoulder where her hand rested. The more they danced, the closer they became. She fit beside him as if they were made together. And the way she looked at him.
Her eyes searching his. Adoring him. Asking him to let her into his heart. He needed to tell her of his past. Warn her. But then he looked at her sweet face. Like an angel. And he opened his heart.
He was a goner. There was no way out of it now. Without words, their future had been united. He saw John by the table of pies. It was a quick glance, but he saw the man nod at him as if he saw it too and acknowledged that Ed had won her heart.
“Susan, I have things I have to tell you. Before you decide—”
She put a finger to his mouth. “Shh. This is our dance. We’ll talk later. Right now, I don’t want to stop.”
Her voice, low and whispered, went through him, and he had to agree. The campfire crackled. He heard the low murmur of couples talking, and the shrill excitement of children playing. The moon was out and full soon followed by the stars glittered in the dark sky.
Ed had one thought that kept floating through his mind. He was home. He was with the one who made him complete. Susan. His heart felt as if it would burst, not with the usual anger but with love.
The music stopped.
Ed stopped moving but held her in his arms. The magic of the night surrounded them. The air was warm, the breeze delightful, carrying the occasional song of a night bird. He wasn’t sure how long they stood, but suddenly, he became aware of the other people around them.
“Would you like a drink?”
She nodded and walked beside him as they went to the tables. “Thank you, Ed.”
Only a few words, but they were said from her heart. He glanced at her and handed her a cup. “I almost rode out tonight.”
“I wondered.” She looked at him. Her eyes were wide and innocent.
“Laine stopped me. Made me think about things. About you.” He leaned against a wagon wheel. Wondering how much to tell her. Now that she’d won his heart, he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.
She continued to look at him. A mysterious smile on her lips. “What were you thinking?”
He looked around and took her arm. “Walk with me.”
She nodded.
Away from the campfire, he looked around and walked her to a couple of large boulders. “Susan, I have to tell you about my past before I can ask about our future.”
“Oh, that sounds ominous.” She sat and took his hand in hers and examined it. “I can see a lot by your hand. Hard and calloused. You’re a working man. And this would be your gun hand. That callous from the trigger. You must have practiced a lot. I would gather you are good with your gun by the way that man came after you in Laramie.”
“Susan, stop.” She was taking this too lightly. Having fun with him. She didn’t understand.
She quieted, and her expression became serious. “Go on.”
“Yes, I was a gunfighter. Not by choice. It happened because I became good with a gun when I was with the Texas Rangers. We were wild. Chasing down Indians and outlaws. We were feared as much as the Comanche and for good reason. Most of us were a step away from being outlaws ourselves.”
Susan pulled her hand from him.
“I settled down and became a deputy. Tried to follow the law, but the town, the sheriff and mayor were crooked. I lasted as long as I could then rode out. But not before they shot me. That’s just before I came to Missouri to find Dan. I didn’t want any more of that kind of life. But if you’ve ever won a gunfight, others come after you. Like the man in Laramie.”
He took her hand in his
. “I don’t want you to get hurt. If my past could cause you any harm, I’d never forgive myself.”
“I’m not afraid.” She smiled. “All my life, I lived in fear. But last night, I made a vow to myself that I was going to live. No more shrinking away from others and becoming invisible. I am not afraid of your past. We can face whatever troubles we have together.”
Ed ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. That’s why I was riding off. To save you.”
She stood and put a hand on his back. “Ed, if you’d have left me, that would have hurt me more than any bullet from a crazed gunman.”
He turned. “You mean that?”
She nodded and put a hand behind his head and pulled him to her and kissed him. Just once. And then looked him in the eyes. “I love you, Ed Mitchum. I believe the Lord put us together, I know it was planned before the foundation of the world was laid. I’m sure of it.”
He kissed her. Tenderly. “We better get back to the campfire. I hear the fiddles.”
She smiled. “And I want to dance tonight, every night, with you.”
He walked her back to the campfire. They’d left apart and had come back together. Somehow, he’d have to make it work. He prayed the Lord would shield him from any past gunfighters.
Chapter 18
John had seen them together, the other day at the party. He knew then that he’d lost. Not that he was terribly sad about it. Which confused him. He thought he needed Susan to make his new life.
Yet, as he wrote in his notebook, something was coming alive in his heart. Words. The things he had to say were important to him. And not just idle talk but the stories. All his life, he’d told stories. But he’d never dreamed he could write them down.
Last night after the dance, he’d stayed up late by the campfire and written. Finally, by morning, he had a tale finished. He handed it to Laine so the boy could practice his reading. A few hours later, Laine had come by and told him how much he enjoyed the story.
Said it spoke to his heart and made him understand some things. That would make Ed and Susan happy. She always encouraged him to write. Today, he’d hand her the story and see what she thought.
Susan Page 10
