by Coralee June
“Yeah,” I choked out, knowing that he could sense the lie in my tone. Decker Harris could read me like a fucking book. I wasn’t sure how he figured me out so quickly, maybe it was the scientist in him, picking apart hypotheses and testing them until they yielded the result he wanted. I wasn’t an experiment; I was a broken soul with half a mind to run.
Pulling on the door handle, I got out without another word, not wanting to sit there and admit that this was hard for me. I struggled with Lance’s obsession with Mama but understood it, too. I just needed to separate my tarnished emotions from the equation so that I could support him.
Once in the parking lot, I looked over at Lance, who was bouncing on the balls of his feet, a wide grin taking over his face as he observed the scene before him. Teenagers were squealing and holding hands beside us. A mom had picked up her sleepy toddler and was carrying her back to a white minivan. A couple of drunk guys ahead were tossing beer bottles on the concrete, the glass shattering on impact.
All I could think about was how much I’d rather be at home in the silence. Despite my job at the bar, I never really liked crowds. I never really understood the appeal of places that buzzed with energy, either. It was another way Mama and I were vastly different. There was nothing but energy crawling all over this parking lot, and it made me want to go home and sleep.
“Let’s go,” Decker said with a sigh. His voice didn’t have nearly the amount of enthusiasm as my brother’s. It seemed he, too, felt uncomfortable.
“Come on, Decker. At least pretend to have some fun. I know if you had your way, you’d spend every night in my loft, but it’s good for you to get out.” Lance placed a hand on Decker’s shoulder and gave him a meaningful look.
Decker was wearing some form-fitting jeans and a black t-shirt that clung to his body. I hadn’t had time to change out of my work uniform, so I looked a little too underdressed. I guess it didn’t really matter. I agreed with Rose; nobody should be ashamed of showing skin.
“Whatever, Lance,” Decker said with a laugh, though his light chuckles held no humor. “I just don’t want to run into any of my students.”
That statement intrigued me. I wouldn’t want to run into any of his students either. I was dreading the awkward introductions that were certain to come on Monday. At least at my old school, I faded into the background.
Here, I was nervous that I would stand out. Not only was I a brand new student at an elite, yet small, high school. I was also living with quite possibly the hottest biology teacher I’d ever laid eyes on. There would probably be rumors. Teasing. I really needed to talk to Decker about how he wanted to proceed. If we could keep our living arrangements a secret, that would be best.
Lance started fast walking up to the ticket counter and slapped his wallet down. Decker and I lazily followed after him, each of us exchanging conspiratorial glances that said we were both humoring my brother with a thirst for life. Once Decker and I were at Lance’s back, we listened as he proudly ordered three adult tickets. Money was exchanged, and the ticket lady popped her gum, eyeing my brother with interest, but he didn’t notice.
We then went inside the temporary metal gates, and I was assaulted with sensory overload. Loud music from all the machines overlapped one another, combined with screams and laughter. Bright lights filled every inch of space. There wasn’t a single part of this carnival that was sitting still; there were so many moving parts. It was like looking at the embodiment of my mama. Wild, crazy, and loud.
“What should we do first?” Lance asked while rubbing his palms together. He was staring directly at me, waiting for me to make my decision. He had the impression that Mama and I used to attend every carnival together, but that simply wasn’t the case. I didn’t know what to do. Luckily, Decker spoke up, saving me from having to admit I didn’t really know what one did at these sorts of events.
“I say we get a funnel cake,” he began. “We left that restaurant before I got anything to eat, and I’m starving.” I let out a sigh of relief. Funnel cakes I could do.
We spent a good thirty minutes standing in line to get our food, and once each of us had the deep-fried, sugary concoction in our hands, we devoured them. I guess carnivals weren’t all bad. I wouldn’t mind braving the crowds if this was the reward.
Decker got powdered sugar on his lips and Lance playfully tossed a napkin at him before pretending to lick his thumb and wipe it clean. They wrestled for a bit and I watched in amusement, enjoying the way they interacted.
Once our stomachs were full, Lance started leading us to the various rides, talking about the thrill of it all. “Let’s do this one!” he said before nudging my shoulder and pointing at a monster of a machine that spun its victims around with a vengeance.
“That one?” I asked with a gulp before turning my gaze to Decker, who was eyeing me with mischief. I saw the challenge in his stare before the taunt even escaped his lips.
“What, you scared, punk?” Decker asked, knowing full well that I was prideful and would have to take him up on his challenge,
“Nope. Let’s go, brother dear. No puking on my uniform, okay?” I grabbed Lance’s wrist and hauled him toward the line, leaving Decker behind. A balding man opened the gate and let us in, and we sat on something that looked like it was held together with duct tape.
“Oh God, this was a bad idea,” I mumbled as Lance buckled me in with a chuckle.
“You’ll be fine,” he said before letting out a yelp.
The monster started. My heart pounded. Round and around we went. The carnival was a blur of colors, and thirty seconds in, I was about ready to throw up the funnel cake I had just eaten.
Safely on the ground, Decker watched and laughed at us. I was certain that my face was turning green. The asshole had the audacity to get out his phone and take a recording just as I was placing a hand over my mouth to hold back the bile rising up. Yeah, I definitely didn’t like carnivals.
Round.
Around.
Spinning.
Crying.
Stopping.
The ride halted, but my brain was still swimming in movement, my eyes struggling to focus on one particular thing.
“Oh my gosh, that’s the most fun I’ve ever had. Can we do it again?” Lance asked. I turned to look at him, my brow scrunched in confusion.
“Did you not see me almost puke all over us?” I asked with a light chuckle. His joy was almost infectious, and somewhere between nearly throwing up and screaming my head off, I stopped thinking of carnivals as Mama’s thing and started thinking of them as Lance’s.
“Oh, you survived,” Lance replied playfully before shoving my shoulder. We got off the ride and walked over to meet Decker, who was barely containing his laughter. I wanted to punch him in the dick.
“You alright there, Blakely?” Decker asked, his eyes looking me up and down as I tried to regain control of my equilibrium. I wasn’t sure if my brain was spinning from the ride or the heated stare Decker was giving me. I looked down and realized my collar had slipped during the voracious spinning, showing off the edge of my lace bra. I pulled it back up before answering him.
“Never been better,” I said in a singsong voice. I knew that he wouldn’t have to ask me for my truth. It was written all over my green face.
“I want to do another ride!” Lance said while looking around for his next thrill. I really wanted to please him. Not just because he was letting me live in his house rent free, but because he was genuinely a nice person, and I liked his childlike view of the world. Everything was an adventure. Against my better judgment, I was starting to really like my brother.
“How about we do something a little less… intense?” I offered with a shrug. “There’s a Ferris wheel over there, that looks like fun.” And less deadly.
The look on Lance’s face made my heart mend just a little bit more. It was like he was superglue, trying to bring the traitorous broken thing in my chest back together. “Yes!” he exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted
to ride a Ferris wheel.”
Decker rolled his eyes, apparently too cool for the hallmark of all carnival rides. “You too, Mr. Grumpy Pants. If I have to get up on a Ferris wheel, so do you,” I said to him.
Walking over to the Ferris wheel, we started chatting with one another then got in line. Decker only provided one word responses and had his arms crossed over his chest. I didn’t really understand why he was being so difficult. Usually, Decker went along with pretty much anything Lance said. And even though he was particularly broody, he was never down right disagreeable. No, that was a lie. He had been disagreeable when I first showed up in Memphis. Something was up with him, and I wanted to know what.
We had just gotten to the front of the line when Lance let out a curse. “Fuck. My wallet’s not in my pocket. It must’ve fallen out of the last ride.” I winced. That was part of the collateral damage when it came to carnivals. One of the things I didn’t tell Decker—and definitely didn’t tell Lance—was that Mama liked to pickpocket at carnivals. People lost their stuff on the crazy rides all the time.
“Y’all go ahead. I’m gonna see if I can find my wallet,” he said before rushing off. Decker tried to stop him, but the ride attendant for the Ferris wheel opened up the gate and practically shoved us through to our carriage. The metal seat looked more like a cage, with rusted bars closing us in. I could see why couples liked this ride; it gave a semblance of privacy, perfect for a romantic tongue tango while the world passed by below.
But it was definitely not something I wanted to do with Decker Harris. Based on his expression, he was having the same thoughts as me. Neither of us wanted to spend ten minutes on a Ferris wheel together, but it seemed like fate had other opinions.
“Excuse me sir,” Decker began while pulling at the cage door, which was locked. The attendant completely ignored us and grumbled annoyingly before going over to his station.
Trying to lighten the awkward tension, I overcompensated with teasing and humor. “What’s wrong, Decker?” I asked. “Are you afraid of heights?” Decker turned in his seat to stare at me, a scowl perched on his lips as he looked me up and down. The attendant turned on the machine, and we started ascending. And then, something strange happened. Decker’s face drained of blood, turning his skin as white as the sheets on my bed. I watched in fascination as he dug his nails into his thighs. Up, up, up. Sweat broke out on his brow, and he squeezed his eyes shut. When Rose challenged us earlier, I had no idea that this would be the fear he’d face. Part of me wanted to tease him like he’d done to me, but this seemed more than just an aversion to spinning around. He looked scared to death.
I could’ve easily made fun of him. I could’ve easily dangled his fears in front of his face, but for some reason, I didn’t want to.
“I’ll tell you a truth if you look at me,” I bartered. I knew fears pretty well. Sometimes you just needed to focus on something else until the pain passed. I once knew a guy that told me the only way to get through something scary was to think of something even scarier.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Decker opened his eyes and pivoted his head to look at me. Deep pools of black velvet stared back at me, his face twisted in a grimace. His chest was heaving up and down as he tried to breathe in the air. The fear was clearly evident on his face, and for some reason, I reached out to grab his hand, not realizing where it was placed. The edge of my pinky finger grazed against his crotch, but I decided to ignore my fumble.
“Well,” he began.
Letting out a slow sigh, I leaned closer so that all he could see was my face. “When I was a little girl, I used to steal candy from the local convenience store. Not often, but once every couple of months. I felt like such a little thief and was even proud of myself for getting away with it. Last year, I spoke with the owner, and she told me she knew all along. I was so embarrassed.”
Decker reached up to tuck a blonde strand behind my ear. His hand lingered on my neck, cupping my face in his palm. “I’ve been afraid of heights my entire life,” he whispered. The cage we were in came to a sudden stop, forcing us to rock back and forth. He squeezed his eyes shut once more, and I sensed that he was about to start hyperventilating.
“Look at me, and I’ll tell you another truth,” I promised him in a soft voice. He leaned even closer to me, his movements so slow that I almost didn’t notice it. In a flash, his eyes opened, and he stared at me. Our noses brushed. Our breath mixed.
“My first kiss was when I was twelve. He walked me home, and it started to rain. We hid under an oak tree, and he clumsily pressed his lips to mine,” I whispered, not sure why I was talking about kisses when Decker was so close. He moved even closer. There was almost nothing between us now.
I felt consumed by his presence, and if I were being honest, it scared me. My skin was buzzing, and I wasn’t sure if the flopping in my stomach was from the ride or him. I turned my head to escape his orbit and stare below. The lights were blurred flashes of yellows, blues, and pinks. People, like ants, traveled along the sidewalk, oblivious to how the world was at a standstill here on the Ferris wheel.
“Tell me a truth,” I asked while turning back to face him. I was pleading with my expression, pleading with my voice. I squeezed his hand on his lap as he cupped my cheek.
“I’m terrified of heights, but I’m not even thinking about that right now.” Decker’s voice was like warm chocolate melting on my skin. My question was on the tip of my tongue, but he answered before I even had a chance to ask. “Right now, all I can think about is tasting you.” The Ferris wheel jolted, or maybe it was my heart. I couldn’t know for sure.
Something told me that Decker wasn’t the kind to act on impulse. I knew that he would happily sit here with centimeters between our mouths as he told me his desires. But I wanted this. I really, really wanted this. I’d always been a woman of action, so I leaned in and pressed my lips against his.
Fireworks. Fucking fireworks.
He groaned before wrapping his fingers in my hair and tugging at my scalp. I had expected to give him just a taste, but he was determined to feast on me. His lips moved, his tongue invaded my mouth. His teeth nipped at my lips, tugging and pulling as we rocked in our cage.
My hand gripped his upper thigh, digging my fingers in as if testing if this was real, if he was actually tongue fucking me three hundred feet up in the air. A moan escaped my lips. A hand palmed my breast. We rocked back and forth. I scooted closer, and he gripped my hips, pulling me into his lap. Fuck.
“We should stop,” I said breathlessly between kisses.
In answer, Decker grabbed my hair and bared my neck to him before licking my salty skin. “This is the only time I’ll ever kiss you, Blakely. You better make it worth it,” he promised. I had a split second of realization. The magic of this moment would crash and burn the moment our feet hit the pavement. So I did what he said. I made the most of our kiss, grinding against his hard cock. I yanked his chin up, drawing his mouth away from my neck as I sank my teeth into his bottom lip. He moved his hands up my shirt until the tips of his fingers were dancing along the edge of my bra. Shivers of pleasure traveled up and down my spine as I writhed on his lap.
“You feel so fucking good,” he growled.
“You’re not too bad yourself,” I replied. That was a lie, he was magnificent.
It was so dark up above, a single light in the cage cast shadows on our moving bodies. I trailed my fingers up his chest before grasping the soft fabric of his shirt, yanking him closer. I wanted more.
The carriage started to move. My heart started to pang. I shifted off his lap but didn’t break our kiss. I could feel with each inch of our descent that our time was almost up. Our frantic kisses turned tender and soft, slow and sweet, and then they fizzled out until they were nothing at all.
The attendant unlocked the cage behind ours. We would be next. The ride was over. “Wanna go again?” Decker asked in a voice so low I almost didn’t hear it over the chaos of the carnival. A flurry of doubts and questions
hit me full force. Did he like the kiss? Would we do it again?
A kiss like that deserved to be repeated.
“I thought you were afraid of heights,” I rasped. The attendant moved to unlock our cage, and Decker gripped my hand before whispering in my ear.
“I think I like Ferris wheels now.” His face was soft and tender as he stared at me adoringly, all the hardness of our interactions leading up to this point seemed to fade away. He’d been vulnerable with me. He’d been honest and intimate. I realized that this version of Decker was someone I could easily fall for—and that terrified me.
“Hey, guys! Found my wallet!” Lance yelled from the crowd while waving at us. I pulled away, shame filling my chest.
“No more Ferris wheels,” I replied before giving my brother a choreographed smile. No matter the attraction between Decker and me, I wasn’t willing to ruin my relationship with Lance or compromise my living situation. And if the bewildered yet tortured look on Decker’s face was anything to go by, he felt the same way. It was a thrilling sort of devastation. We both wanted to explore this more but knew we couldn’t.
We didn’t ride it again.
I think I finally understood Mama’s love of carnivals though.
9
Decker
It took hours to fall asleep last night. My dick was hard as steel all fucking night, and I refused to jack off while thinking about her, so I lay in bed, tortured about all the fucked up things I wanted, knowing I couldn’t act on them.
I’d fucked up. Majorly. I should have pulled away the moment she touched her lips to mine, but the fear and honesty of the moment rubbed me raw in a way I still didn’t understand.
Blakely was an enigma, a beautiful brightness shrouded with her past. Seeing her up there in the dim lights was something close to perfection, and I hadn’t wanted it to stop. So I kissed her. I mean really kissed her. She tasted like the funnel cake we’d eaten earlier and hope. It was one of those messy kisses with clashing bodies and roaming limbs, and it chewed me up then spit me out.
