Why We Fight (At First Sight Book 4)

by TJ Klune

  Vince might be smarter than the rest of us combined. He saw things more simply, and there were times when it was necessary. “That… makes a lot of sense.”

  “I know,” Vince said. “Pretty cool, right?”

  “Yeah, Vince. Pretty cool. But what do you do when you know he’s uncomfortable?”

  “I remind him that I would never make him do something he didn’t want,” Vince said. “Unless it was for his health, or whatever. And I would tell him that as his husband, I only want the best for him. I would tell him it’s real, and that it always would be.”

  “You like that, huh? Being his husband.”

  “So much,” Vince said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ve done some dumb things in my life. But I’ve also done some good things. But Paul? He’s the best thing. When he’s happy, I’m happy. When he’s sad, I want to find and kill whatever made him that way. I got lucky with him because I know he feels the same way about me.”

  “He does,” I whispered.

  “And what’s even better is that with him, I got all of you,” Vince said. “And Nana and Mom and Dad. I didn’t have that before. Not really.”

  “We’re pretty much the best people ever.”

  “We are,” Vince agreed. “Which is why I think it would be nice for Jeremy to be part of that. It sucks being lonely, you know? I was lonely for a long time, and then I wasn’t. It could be the same for Jeremy.”

  I sighed. “We can be a bit… much.”

  “Sure,” Vince said. “But so is life. If you can’t laugh at it and yourselves, then what’s the point? And even if it doesn’t work out like we hope it will, at least we’ll have tried. You gotta try, Corey. And as long as you can look back and say you tried your hardest and actually mean it, then it’s going to be okay, no matter what happens.”

  “I’m glad you found us too,” I told him, and he hugged me tighter.

  We heard Paul’s loud protests from down the hall as the bedroom door opened, and Charlie telling him to shut the hell up and get out there. Sandy told Darren he had to go and came out of the kitchen. Vince climbed off me, narrowly avoiding kneeing me in the balls. He stood up next to the couch, anxiously watching the hallway.

  I sat up on the couch and ran a hand through my hair, trying to fix it. It was probably a mess, but that was the price one paid when Vince lays on top of you.

  Charlie appeared first, and he looked grumpy. “That man is going to be the death of me,” he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. “You would think I was torturing him back there.”

  “You were!” Paul shouted from down the hallway.

  “Get your ass out here before I come back there,” Charlie warned in his daddy voice. “You won’t like what happens if I do.”

  Paul sighed. “Fine, just… no one laugh.”

  “We won’t,” Sandy promised.

  I hoped that would be true.

  We heard Paul shuffling down the hallway, and it sounded like he was wearing snow pants from the way he swished. I saw his shadow first, and it looked… different.

  And then Paul Auster, leather god, appeared.

  He wore leather pants that looked almost painted on. His thighs were thick and strong, the muscles flexing underneath the leather. Charlie had given him an old jacket with silver studs on the arms and front. It was open, and he wore no shirt underneath. His stomach was pale as it sloped over the top of his pants. He wore a leather cap with a silver chain wrapped around it.

  Yes, he looked like a Village People cosplayer.

  Yes, it was mostly ridiculous.

  But holy fuck, it looked good.

  His gaze was down toward the floor, and he was wringing his hands. I could see him trying to suck in his gut but failing.

  “Baby,” Vince breathed, and Paul looked up at him, startled. “You look amazing.”

  Paul blushed, gnawing on his bottom lip. “You think so? I don’t look… it’s not bad?”

  Vince shook his head, slowly walking toward Paul. He looked Paul up and down, and I really wished I didn’t have the intimate knowledge about his I’m going to fuck you so hard expression, but it was there.

  Vince walked around Paul, and it was almost like he was prowling. Paul yelped when Vince smacked him on the ass. “Look at you,” Vince said, sounding awed. “Goddamn.”

  “It’s nothing special,” Paul muttered. “Charlie said I could wear a shirt or something if I wanted to, but he thought this looked better.”

  Vince stopped in front of Paul. He reached out and pushed the hat back a little before cupping Paul’s face in his hands. He leaned forward and kissed him sweetly. “It does. You need to ask Charlie if we can borrow this for after. I’m thinking some things that probably shouldn’t be said out loud. I don’t want to ruin Corey’s innocence.”

  “Too late,” I moaned.

  “Jesus, Paul,” Sandy said. “I’m impressed. I didn’t know you had it in you. Do you feel like spanking something? Because I volunteer as tribute.”

  Paul rolled his eyes. “I’m wearing a herd of cows. I don’t feel like spanking anything.”

  “I bet I can change your mind about that,” Vince growled.

  “Ack!” I cried. “Abort! Abort! I just found I have some innocence left, and it must be protected at all costs!”

  “I may have made a mistake,” Charlie said, looking a little green as Vince reached down and grabbed Paul’s ass, pulling him flush against him.

  “Charlie, where’s your hose?” Sandy asked frantically. “We need to spray them. It’s the only thing that works.”

  Paul shoved Vince off him before reaching down to adjust himself. “Huh,” he said. “Having partial erections in leather pants is weird.”

  There went the rest of my innocence.

  VINCE WENT next and reappeared only moments later wearing what almost looked like his usual biker shorts, though smaller and made of leather. He had an H harness with heavy D-rings across his chest and strutted around like he owned the place. Sandy managed to hold Paul back before we had a situation, especially after Vince reached up and tweaked his own nipple piercing.

  I practically ran down the hallway when it was my turn.

  I heard Charlie coming after me, and I thought about demanding he hurry up so we could lock the door, but I stopped when I looked around his room.

  It was small. There was a queen-sized bed with an old nightstand next to it. Atop it was a book missing its jacket sleeve. The open closet was larger than I expected, and half of it was filled with leather and some soft fetish gear.

  But it was the framed photographs on one of the walls that caught my eye. There had to be a dozen of them. A few were grainy and sepia-toned, with crinkles through the middle. There was young Charlie, strong and handsome, standing in front of a motorcycle with a man I didn’t recognize. There was another that appeared to be a few years later. In it, Charlie was standing on a sidewalk in front of a familiar bar entrance. Oh, it’d long since been updated, but I still knew it for what it was.

  Charlie had a thick mustache and wore tight jeans and an even tighter black tank top. His hair was cut almost militarily short, and the muscles in his arms bulged as he crossed them over his chest. He wore a cap similar to the one he’d given Paul. It was cocked jauntily on his head. He was glowering around a cigar in his mouth.

  And next to him was Vaguyna Muffman.

  I’d seen a few pictures of her before. Sandy had shown me some after I’d met him. I didn’t appreciate it as much as I should have, given that I was a seventeen-year-old asshole. I’d seen them once more after I moved back. I’d been digging through the hall closet, trying to find a cable Sandy needed to set up a TV in my bedroom. I accidentally knocked over a box, spilling photos to the ground. I’d gone through a few of them, seeing young Sandy wearing far too much makeup, Vaguyna smiling in the background, but I’d put them away before too long. It felt like I was invading something private, something that wasn’t meant for me to see.

  Vaguyna w
as beautiful in the photograph on Charlie’s wall. She was taller than him, but I couldn’t tell if that was because of her heels. She was pressed against his side, her hands gripping one of his biceps. She had a devilish grin, and one of her legs was bent up and back, the spike of her heel almost pressed against her butt. She had a feather boa wrapped around her neck. She wore a sequined black leotard that accentuated her curves. Her cleavage looked full, pressed on Charlie’s arm.

  There were other photos. More recent ones. I saw Paul’s family smiling. I saw all of us standing in Sandy’s backyard. I saw Sandy sitting on Charlie’s lap. I saw Paul and Vince at their wedding, foreheads pressed together as they danced. I saw two children I didn’t recognize. They looked eerily like Charlie, but that felt like dangerous ground.

  But it was the one of him and Vaguyna I kept coming back to. Until I saw the one right next to it.

  It was Robert.

  He was sitting on a park bench, his hands atop his cane in front of him, his fedora tilted back on his head. His eyes were closed and he was smiling quietly, the lines around his eyes carved deep.

  The fact that these two pictures were right next to each other was not lost on me.

  I heard the door close.

  I looked back over my shoulder.

  Charlie was watching me. “Memories,” he said. “Sometimes they can be a burden. But other times, they can be something good.”

  I nodded at the photo of him and Vaguyna. “That’s in front of Jack It, right?”

  He nodded. “It is. Back in the summer of 1994.”

  “She was beautiful.”

  He smiled. “She was. And she knew it too.”

  “Did you take the one of Robert?” I asked.

  “I did,” Charlie said, going to his closet. “Last month. It’s my favorite picture of him.”

  “I’m up here a lot,” I said. I didn’t know why I was so surprised.

  Charlie frowned at me over his shoulder. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

  I shrugged. I couldn’t find the right words to say how important it was to me that I mattered enough to him to be up there with everyone else. “I just… it’s nice.”

  “Foolish,” he muttered as he resumed digging in the closet. “Of course you would be up there. Now, I need you to tell me what you’d be comfortable with wearing, and I’ll see what we can come up with. I can make a few calls if needed, since we’re not going until tomorrow, but I think we’ll be all right.”

  “Why do you have so much?” I asked curiously. “Especially something that would fit me. We’re not exactly the same size.”

  He snorted. “That’s because you’re a twig.”

  “Hey!”

  He ignored me. “I used to help the newbies. Boys who couldn’t afford their own or couldn’t buy anything for fear of being outed. These days you can get pretty much anything on the internet, but it didn’t used to be that way. I amassed a collection over the years in case it was needed.”

  “Jesus,” I said. “You are literally the most perfect man who has ever existed.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” he said.

  “No, seriously. Leave Robert. Run away with me. We can build a life together far from here.”

  Charlie laughed. “Boy, you wouldn’t know what to do with me if you had me.”

  “And Robert does?”

  He looked back at me again, eyes twinkling. “You really want me to answer that?”

  “Nope,” I said hastily. “Sure don’t. I rescind the offer and will allow you to continue on as you are. It’s bad enough that Vince is probably trying to get Paul pregnant in your living room right now.”

  “They better not stain my couch,” he said. He pushed a few of the hangers aside. “So, skin? No skin?”

  I frowned. “This isn’t going to be bad, is it?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like, I’m not into leather. None of us are.”

  “Obviously.”

  I felt like I was being insulted, but I couldn’t quite figure out how. “Isn’t that appropriating something that doesn’t belong to us? I mean, we’re going to stick out no matter what, but it feels off.”

  “Newbies have to start somewhere,” Charlie said. “And I know you. You’re not the type who would mock something like this. Even if you don’t understand the lifestyle, you at least respect those who’re in it. You’ll be with me, so you won’t get any shit over it. But regardless, I’m not going to make you wear something you don’t want to.” He paused as he looked into his closet. “And it’s also going to depend on who you are. Corey or Kori.”

  “They make leather clothes for women?”

  “Of course they do. While the scene isn’t as big in Tucson, there’s a pretty big community for women in leather. When I was first starting out, Vaguyna took me to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. I learned more from an old dyke there than any man has ever taught me. She saw how nervous I was and decided she was going to teach me all she knew. We remained friends until she passed in the late nineties. She was good to me.” He turned around. “I don’t have much leather for women in here, but I’m sure I could put something together. It’s up to you, though. Paul was worried too, but I think Vince’s reaction put that to rest. Vince is just….”

  “Happy for being here,” I said.

  Charlie shook his head. “God love him. But they’re not you. And you shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do. Love the hair, by the way.”

  I flushed. “Thanks. It’s a change, but it’s growing on me.”

  “Whatever you want, Corey. Hell, you don’t even have to go if you don’t want to. I know it feels like I’m meddling, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I respect you and know you’re smart enough to decide what you want on your own. You may need a kick in the ass every now and then like the others, but we all do.”

  I thought hard. It was more difficult than I expected. I tried to find the words to tell him that I’d spent so long pretending to be something I wasn’t, and even when I did start to learn, there were days it still felt farcical. Like I was a fraud. When we’d dressed up and gone undercover to follow Darren on the date he’d had after being won at auction, I’d worn a terrible peach suit, but it’d been an act. This felt more important. I couldn’t decide if there was a difference.

  Charlie walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “Tell you what, kiddo. You’ve got those black pants, right? The jeans? You know the ones I mean. Tight, and make your ass look fantastic.”

  “You staring at my ass, old man?”

  He squeezed my shoulders. “It’s a good ass.”

  “I’m very proud of it,” I agreed.

  “You wear those,” he said. “Get some boots from Sandy. The ones Helena uses for her Nine Inch Nails routine.” He stepped back and turned toward the closet again. “And you could wear….” He shoved more hangers aside. “This.” He held it up.

  It was a corset, though it looked like it was cut for a man. It was black with a thick strap that went over the shoulder. There was a zipper up the front, with silver studs on either side. Designs had been cut into the leather, lines arcing and swirling. It looked like something a background actor would wear on Game of Thrones. It was strangely exciting.

  “You could wear something underneath if you wanted,” Charlie said. “It’s cut so it’ll cover your nipples if you decided not to. It should fit you enough that the top of your chest and back will be exposed, as well a little bit of your hips, especially if you wear those pants. And no hat. That hair of yours is too nice to be covered up.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slow. “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  I nodded. I slipped my shirt up and over my head, dropped it on Charlie’s bed. I crossed my arms over my chest as a reflex. I wasn’t embarrassed, per se, but I felt oddly vulnerable.

  Charlie made quick work of it. He unzipped the front and slid it over my shoulders like a jacket. I put my arms w
here they were supposed to go, feeling the weight of it against my skin. It was heavier than I expected. It was also a little loose, even when he zipped up the front. He fixed that, as there were apparently straps on the back that could be tightened. Last, he pulled against the strap over my shoulder until it was snug.

  He stepped back, eyeing me up and down.

  I looked away. “Is it okay?”

  “You look wonderful,” he said quietly. “Check it out.”

  I stepped in front of the mirror. I took in a sharp breath at my reflection. The corset had a strange dichotomy to it. The leather and studs made it look fiercely masculine. The way it hugged my chest and revealed the sides of my hips was distinctly feminine. It was a duality I wasn’t expecting. The black leather brightened my skin, and the studs seemed shinier than they’d been before. And while it wasn’t the most comfortable thing I’d ever worn, even I could admit I didn’t look half-bad.

  Charlie came up behind me and fiddled with the shoulder strap.

  “I’m probably going to sweat my ass off in this,” I said, still staring at the mirror.

  “It has a lining on the inside that’ll help some,” Charlie said. “But that’s a price we pay for wearing leather. But it should be no worse than when you’re on the dance floor at Jack It in the middle of a crowd.”

  “You don’t think I look… fake, or whatever?”

  He shook his head. “I think you look daddy as fuck.”

  I gaped at him in the mirror.

  He frowned. “Did I say that right? Daddy as fuck?”

  “I don’t know,” I said faintly. “I’m still trying to process those words coming out of your mouth.”

  HE LEFT me alone in his room, telling me to come out when I was ready. Before he closed the door, he said he wouldn’t be offended if I decided against it. “Paul and Vince and Sandy won’t be disappointed either. We might pick and poke, but not when it truly matters.”

  And then he was gone. I heard the floor creak as he walked down the hall.

  I looked back at the mirror. If you’d told me twenty-four hours ago that I’d be standing in Charlie’s room with an afro looking like a biracial Aragorn, I would have laughed in your face.