by Daniel Defoe
persuade me that the children she disposed of were aswell used as if the mothers had the nursing of them themselves.
'It may be true, mother,' says I, 'for aught I know, but my doubts arevery strongly grounded indeed.' 'Come, then,' says she, 'let's hearsome of them.' 'Why, first,' says I, 'you give a piece of money tothese people to take the child off the parent's hands, and to take careof it as long as it lives. Now we know, mother,' said I, 'that thoseare poor people, and their gain consists in being quit of the charge assoon as they can; how can I doubt but that, as it is best for them tohave the child die, they are not over solicitous about life?'
'This is all vapours and fancy,' says the old woman; 'I tell you theircredit depends upon the child's life, and they are as careful as anymother of you all.'
'O mother,' says I, 'if I was but sure my little baby would becarefully looked to, and have justice done it, I should be happyindeed; but it is impossible I can be satisfied in that point unless Isaw it, and to see it would be ruin and destruction to me, as now mycase stands; so what to do I know not.'
'A fine story!' says the governess. 'You would see the child, and youwould not see the child; you would be concealed and discovered bothtogether. These are things impossible, my dear; so you must e'en do asother conscientious mothers have done before you, and be contented withthings as they must be, though they are not as you wish them to be.'
I understood what she meant by conscientious mothers; she would havesaid conscientious whores, but she was not willing to disoblige me, forreally in this case I was not a whore, because legally married, theforce of former marriage excepted.
However, let me be what I would, I was not come up to that pitch ofhardness common to the profession; I mean, to be unnatural, andregardless of the safety of my child; and I preserved this honestaffection so long, that I was upon the point of giving up my friend atthe bank, who lay so hard at me to come to him and marry him, that, inshort, there was hardly any room to deny him.
At last my old governess came to me, with her usual assurance. 'Come,my dear,' says she, 'I have found out a way how you shall be at acertainty that your child shall be used well, and yet the people thattake care of it shall never know you, or who the mother of the childis.'
'Oh mother,' says I, 'if you can do so, you will engage me to you forever.' 'Well,' says she, 'are you willing to be a some small annualexpense, more than what we usually give to the people we contractwith?' 'Ay,' says I, 'with all my heart, provided I may be concealed.''As to that,' says the governess, 'you shall be secure, for the nurseshall never so much as dare to inquire about you, and you shall once ortwice a year go with me and see your child, and see how 'tis used, andbe satisfied that it is in good hands, nobody knowing who you are.'
'Why,' said I, 'do you think, mother, that when I come to see my child,I shall be able to conceal my being the mother of it? Do you thinkthat possible?'
'Well, well,' says my governess, 'if you discover it, the nurse shallbe never the wiser; for she shall be forbid to ask any questions aboutyou, or to take any notice. If she offers it, she shall lose the moneywhich you are suppose to give her, and the child shall be taken fromher too.'
I was very well pleased with this. So the next week a countrywoman wasbrought from Hertford, or thereabouts, who was to take the child offour hands entirely for #10 in money. But if I would allow #5 a yearmore of her, she would be obliged to bring the child to my governess'shouse as often as we desired, or we should come down and look at it,and see how well she used it.
The woman was very wholesome-looking, a likely woman, a cottager'swife, but she had very good clothes and linen, and everything wellabout her; and with a heavy heart and many a tear, I let her have mychild. I had been down at Hertford, and looked at her and at herdwelling, which I liked well enough; and I promised her great things ifshe would be kind to the child, so she knew at first word that I wasthe child's mother. But she seemed to be so much out of the way, andto have no room to inquire after me, that I thought I was safe enough.So, in short, I consented to let her have the child, and I gave her#10; that is to say, I gave it to my governess, who gave it the poorwoman before my face, she agreeing never to return the child back tome, or to claim anything more for its keeping or bringing up; only thatI promised, if she took a great deal of care of it, I would give hersomething more as often as I came to see it; so that I was not bound topay the #5, only that I promised my governess I would do it. And thusmy great care was over, after a manner, which though it did not at allsatisfy my mind, yet was the most convenient for me, as my affairs thenstood, of any that could be thought of at that time.
I then began to write to my friend at the bank in a more kindly style,and particularly about the beginning of July I sent him a letter, thatI proposed to be in town some time in August. He returned me an answerin the most passionate terms imaginable, and desired me to let him havetimely notice, and he would come and meet me, two day's journey. Thispuzzled me scurvily, and I did not know what answer to make of it.Once I resolved to take the stage-coach to West Chester, on purposeonly to have the satisfaction of coming back, that he might see mereally come in the same coach; for I had a jealous thought, though Ihad no ground for it at all, lest he should think I was not really inthe country. And it was no ill-grounded thought as you shall hearpresently.
I endeavoured to reason myself out of it, but it was in vain; theimpression lay so strong on my mind, that it was not to be resisted.At last it came as an addition to my new design of going into thecountry, that it would be an excellent blind to my old governess, andwould cover entirely all my other affairs, for she did not know in theleast whether my new lover lived in London or in Lancashire; and when Itold her my resolution, she was fully persuaded it was in Lancashire.
Having taken my measure for this journey I let her know it, and sentthe maid that tended me, from the beginning, to take a place for me inthe coach. She would have had me let the maid have waited on me downto the last stage, and come up again in the waggon, but I convinced herit would not be convenient. When I went away, she told me she wouldenter into no measures for correspondence, for she saw evidently thatmy affection to my child would cause me to write to her, and to visither too when I came to town again. I assured her it would, and so tookmy leave, well satisfied to have been freed from such a house, howevergood my accommodations there had been, as I have related above.
I took the place in the coach not to its full extent, but to a placecalled Stone, in Cheshire, I think it is, where I not only had nomanner of business, but not so much as the least acquaintance with anyperson in the town or near it. But I knew that with money in thepocket one is at home anywhere; so I lodged there two or three days,till, watching my opportunity, I found room in another stage-coach, andtook passage back again for London, sending a letter to my gentlemanthat I should be such a certain day at Stony-Stratford, where thecoachman told me he was to lodge.
It happened to be a chance coach that I had taken up, which, havingbeen hired on purpose to carry some gentlemen to West Chester who weregoing for Ireland, was now returning, and did not tie itself to exacttimes or places as the stages did; so that, having been obliged to liestill on Sunday, he had time to get himself ready to come out, whichotherwise he could not have done.
However, his warning was so short, that he could not reach toStony-Stratford time enough to be with me at night, but he met me at aplace called Brickhill the next morning, as we were just coming in totow.
I confess I was very glad to see him, for I had thought myself a littledisappointed over-night, seeing I had gone so far to contrive my comingon purpose. He pleased me doubly too by the figure he came in, for hebrought a very handsome (gentleman's) coach and four horses, with aservant to attend him.
He took me out of the stage-coach immediately, which stopped at an innin Brickhill; and putting into the same inn, he set up his own coach,and bespoke his dinner. I asked him what he meant by that, for I wasfor going forward with the journey. He said, No, I had need
of alittle rest upon the road, and that was a very good sort of a house,though it was but a little town; so we would go no farther that night,whatever came of it.
I did not press him much, for since he had come so to meet me, and puthimself to so much expense, it was but reasonable I should oblige him alittle too; so I was easy as to that point.
After dinner we walked to see the town, to see the church, and to viewthe fields, and the country, as is usual for strangers to do; and ourlandlord was our guide in going to see the church. I observed mygentleman inquired pretty much about the parson, and I took the hintimmediately that he certainly would propose to be married; and thoughit was a sudden thought, it followed presently, that, in short, I wouldnot refuse
