by Daniel Defoe
could not goback, I must go before a justice, and answered his wife that he mightcome into trouble himself if he should let me go.
The sight of the constable, indeed, struck me with terror, and Ithought I should have sunk into the ground. I fell into faintings, andindeed the people themselves thought I would have died, when the womanargued again for me, and entreated her husband, seeing they had lostnothing, to let me go. I offered him to pay for the two pieces,whatever the value was, though I had not got them, and argued that ashe had his goods, and had really lost nothing, it would be cruel topursue me to death, and have my blood for the bare attempt of takingthem. I put the constable in mind that I had broke no doors, norcarried anything away; and when I came to the justice, and pleadedthere that I had neither broken anything to get in, nor carriedanything out, the justice was inclined to have released me; but thefirst saucy jade that stopped me, affirming that I was going out withthe goods, but that she stopped me and pulled me back as I was upon thethreshold, the justice upon that point committed me, and I was carriedto Newgate. That horrid place! my very blood chills at the mention ofits name; the place where so many of my comrades had been locked up,and from whence they went to the fatal tree; the place where my mothersuffered so deeply, where I was brought into the world, and from whenceI expected no redemption but by an infamous death: to conclude, theplace that had so long expected me, and which with so much art andsuccess I had so long avoided.
I was not fixed indeed; 'tis impossible to describe the terror of mymind, when I was first brought in, and when I looked around upon allthe horrors of that dismal place. I looked on myself as lost, and thatI had nothing to think of but of going out of the world, and that withthe utmost infamy: the hellish noise, the roaring, swearing, andclamour, the stench and nastiness, and all the dreadful crowd ofafflicting things that I saw there, joined together to make the placeseem an emblem of hell itself, and a kind of an entrance into it.
Now I reproached myself with the many hints I had had, as I havementioned above, from my own reason, from the sense of my goodcircumstances, and of the many dangers I had escaped, to leave offwhile I was well, and how I had withstood them all, and hardened mythoughts against all fear. It seemed to me that I was hurried on by aninevitable and unseen fate to this day of misery, and that now I was toexpiate all my offences at the gallows; that I was now to givesatisfaction to justice with my blood, and that I was come to the lasthour of my life and of my wickedness together. These things pouredthemselves in upon my thoughts in a confused manner, and left meoverwhelmed with melancholy and despair.
Them I repented heartily of all my life past, but that repentanceyielded me no satisfaction, no peace, no, not in the least, because, asI said to myself, it was repenting after the power of further sinningwas taken away. I seemed not to mourn that I had committed suchcrimes, and for the fact as it was an offence against God and myneighbour, but I mourned that I was to be punished for it. I was apenitent, as I thought, not that I had sinned, but that I was tosuffer, and this took away all the comfort, and even the hope of myrepentance in my own thoughts.
I got no sleep for several nights or days after I came into thatwretched place, and glad I would have been for some time to have diedthere, though I did not consider dying as it ought to be consideredneither; indeed, nothing could be filled with more horror to myimagination than the very place, nothing was more odious to me than thecompany that was there. Oh! if I had but been sent to any place inthe world, and not to Newgate, I should have thought myself happy.
In the next place, how did the hardened wretches that were there beforeme triumph over me! What! Mrs. Flanders come to Newgate at last?What! Mrs. Mary, Mrs. Molly, and after that plain Moll Flanders? Theythought the devil had helped me, they said, that I had reigned so long;they expected me there many years ago, and was I come at last? Thenthey flouted me with my dejections, welcomed me to the place, wished mejoy, bid me have a good heart, not to be cast down, things might not beso bad as I feared, and the like; then called for brandy, and drank tome, but put it all up to my score, for they told me I was but just cometo the college, as they called it, and sure I had money in my pocket,though they had none.
I asked one of this crew how long she had been there. She said fourmonths. I asked her how the place looked to her when she first cameinto it. 'Just as it did now to you,' says she, dreadful andfrightful'; that she thought she was in hell; 'and I believe so still,'adds she, 'but it is natural to me now, I don't disturb myself aboutit.' 'I suppose,' says I, 'you are in no danger of what is to follow?''Nay,' says she, 'for you are mistaken there, I assure you, for I amunder sentence, only I pleaded my belly, but I am no more with childthan the judge that tried me, and I expect to be called down nextsessions.' This 'calling down' is calling down to their formerjudgment, when a woman has been respited for her belly, but proves notto be with child, or if she has been with child, and has been broughtto bed. 'Well,' says I, 'are you thus easy?' 'Ay,' says she, 'I can'thelp myself; what signifies being sad? If I am hanged, there's an endof me,' says she; and away she turns dancing, and sings as she goes thefollowing piece of Newgate wit ----
'If I swing by the string I shall hear the bell ring And then there's an end of poor Jenny.'
I mention this because it would be worth the observation of anyprisoner, who shall hereafter fall into the same misfortune, and cometo that dreadful place of Newgate, how time, necessity, and conversingwith the wretches that are there familiarizes the place to them; how atlast they become reconciled to that which at first was the greatestdread upon their spirits in the world, and are as impudently cheerfuland merry in their misery as they were when out of it.
I cannot say, as some do, this devil is not so black as he is painted;for indeed no colours can represent the place to the life, not any soulconceive aright of it but those who have been sufferers there. But howhell should become by degree so natural, and not only tolerable, buteven agreeable, is a thing unintelligible but by those who haveexperienced it, as I have.
The same night that I was sent to Newgate, I sent the news of it to myold governess, who was surprised at it, you may be sure, and spent thenight almost as ill out of Newgate, as I did in it.
The next morning she came to see me; she did what she could to comfortme, but she saw that was to no purpose; however, as she said, to sinkunder the weight was but to increase the weight; she immediatelyapplied herself to all the proper methods to prevent the effects of it,which we feared, and first she found out the two fiery jades that hadsurprised me. She tampered with them, offered them money, and, in aword, tried all imaginable ways to prevent a prosecution; she offeredone of the wenches #100 to go away from her mistress, and not to appearagainst me, but she was so resolute, that though she was but a servantmaid at #3 a year wages or thereabouts, she refused it, and would haverefused it, as my governess said she believed, if she had offered her#500. Then she attacked the other maid; she was not so hard-hearted inappearance as the other, and sometimes seemed inclined to be merciful;but the first wench kept her up, and changed her mind, and would not somuch as let my governess talk with her, but threatened to have her upfor tampering with the evidence.
Then she applied to the master, that is to say, the man whose goods hadbeen stolen, and particularly to his wife, who, as I told you, wasinclined at first to have some compassion for me; she found the womanthe same still, but the man alleged he was bound by the justice thatcommitted me, to prosecute, and that he should forfeit his recognisance.
My governess offered to find friends that should get his recognisancesoff of the file, as they call it, and that he should not suffer; but itwas not possible to convince him that could be done, or that he couldbe safe any way in the world but by appearing against me; so I was tohave three witnesses of fact against me, the master and his two maids;that is to say, I was as certain to be cast for my life as I wascertain that I was alive, and I had nothing to do but to think ofdying, and prepare for it. I had but a sad foundation to build up
on,as I said before, for all my repentance appeared to me to be only theeffect of my fear of death, not a sincere regret for the wicked lifethat I had lived, and which had brought this misery upon me, for theoffending my Creator, who was now suddenly to be my judge.
I lived many days here under the utmost horror of soul; I had death, asit were, in view, and thought of nothing night and day, but of gibbetsand halters, evil spirits and devils; it is not to be expressed bywords how I was harassed, between the dreadful apprehensions of deathand the terror of my conscience reproaching me with my past horriblelife.
The ordinary of Newgate came to me, and talked a little in his way, butall his divinity ran upon confessing my crime, as he called it (thoughhe knew not what I was in for), making a full discovery, and the like,without which he told me God would never forgive me; and he said
