Milton the Megastar

by Emma Read

  He was interrupted by the angry-looking worker. ‘Sir, this isn’t my fault. We’ve had some kind of unnatural malfunction. Caused by nature. Spiders have glued our engines up . . . with cobwebs.’

  Bradley acted bemused. ‘Who are you? My name is Bradley. Mr O’Hair, to you. Billionaire, if you want something. I don’t know you. I’m just out for a walk with my friends.’

  He slung an arm around Zoe, who squirmed out immediately, as if she’d been hugged by a giant slug, and ran as fast as she could towards the utterly out-of-place cocktail shack. ‘Greta!’ she yelled. ‘I’m so sorry for everything terrible I said. Are you OK? Is Milton OK? I’m so, so sorry.’

  Owen joined them in a tearful family embrace as Jenna filmed Mako describing the devastation around them. ‘I heard of a possible environmental disaster in the rainforest of Kilauea, from my friends at the Panaewa Rain-forest Zoo. Their suspicions were right – I found this construction crew destroying the forest to clear the way for a golf course.’

  ‘A golf course? On a mountain?’ Jenna panned to Bradley, who shook his head and looked unconvincingly innocent.

  ‘As you can see, it’s a terrible situation, with trees hacked down, land bulldozed and there are many protected species on these slopes, including the Hawaiian happy-face spiders.’

  In response the spiders rustled the ferns, making an angry swishing sound.

  Mako continued, ‘I needed proof of who was responsible, and now I have it. The culprit is right here – Mr Bradley O’Hair.’ Jenna turned the camera on Bradley, who was holding Dillon by his collar and shaking him.

  ‘That’s not true!’ He dropped Dillon like a hot stone from the hotel spa. ‘I have nothing to do with any of this. I’ve never seen any of these people in my life.’

  Zoe put her hands on her hips. ‘So why are all these workers wearing hats with your face on?’

  Bradley did his best goldfish impression. ‘Maybe they bought them from eBay?’

  ‘Do we call the police?’ said Owen. ‘Now we have the proof we need?’ He gave Zoe a thumbs-up. ‘We couldn’t have done this without you and the Private (Eight) Eye squad.’

  Bradley threw himself to his knees and clasped his hands together, begging. ‘Please, please not the police. I can’t go to jail. I’ve seen jail cells. Even on my biggest widescreen TV they are so small. Please! I’m sorry.’

  All around Milton the spiders rustled the ferns once more.

  ‘The spiders!’ exclaimed Zoe, running to the source of the movement – a yellow haze on the green leaves. ‘Milton, where are you?’

  A circle of yellow formed around Milton where he was sitting, alone in the middle of a fern leaf, waving with all his might. ‘Zoe! I’m here,’ he called, even though he knew she couldn’t hear him. It didn’t matter. She’d seen him and there were tears in her eyes as she reached down and stroked his abdomen.

  ‘You’re OK,’ she said, with obvious relief, and carefully sat down beside him.

  ‘How do you talk with these enormous beasts?’ said Hau‘oli, frustration making his happy-face shudder.

  ‘Well, we do have to be pretty creative at times, usually in the food cupboard, and sometimes with Mr M’s acrylic paints, although I wouldn’t recommend it. It leaves a trail right to where you are – not good when you’re trying to win a hide-and-seek championship.’ Milton rolled his eyes at the memory. ‘I was on for a bronze medal.’ He snapped back to the moment. ‘We usually use the Spida-Com, which Zoe invented.’ Milton turned to Zoe and mimed typing with his legs.

  She shook her head. ‘We had to leave in a hurry to get here and I didn’t have time to grab it.’ She turned to her dad. ‘How did people communicate in the old days, before computers?’

  Mr M chuckled. ‘The old days! We used to talk to each other instead of burying our heads in technology.’ He rubbed his chin. ‘Anyone know Morse code?’

  Zoe looked at her dad like he was from the dark ages, but to their surprise, two hands went up. Well, one hand and one leg.

  Hau‘oli arranged the Spinnerettes into a group, then stepped aside for Maximus to lead them. No one other than Hau‘oli had ever conducted the happy-face spiders, so it was an exciting moment for Milton’s dad. ‘I’m an explorer,’ he’d explained. ‘It’s useful to know a quick SOS, just in case. And, of course, I’m also from the old days.’ He held up his front right claw and waited for his human translator.

  ‘Dillon, are you sure you know what you’re doing?’ said Zoe.

  ‘Trust me. Like I said, I’m like you – not that normal, so I find interesting ways to entertain myself, like learning Morse code.’

  Between the Spinnerettes tapping on the branches, Maximus’s Morse March and Dillon’s dictation they soon got Milton’s message across: Mr O’Hair. The most biggest thing is help planet. Use money for big conservation site for tourists and education. Then you famous for biggest thing ever. Saving world.

  ‘That is an amazing idea!’ said Mako. ‘What do you think, Mr O’Hair? Commit to a wonderful cause, become the world’s biggest environmental sponsor?’

  ‘Come on, Dad. Mum would be proud,’ said Dillon.

  Bradley chewed his lip.

  ‘Or –’ Jenna waggled the camera at him – ‘I could broadcast this live on the internet. This is the sort of thing that goes viral.’

  ‘That’s blackmail.’

  ‘It’s a second chance, Bradley. We’re giving you the opportunity to do something great. Bradley O’Hair, philanthropist extraordinaire.’ Owen mimed the words as a headline in the air.

  ‘I’ll do it! I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t make me wear a plain orange jumpsuit.’

  Zoe approached Bradley with her hands gently cupped together. ‘This is the first thing you have to do.’ She knelt in front of him. ‘Don’t do anything silly, like screaming. They don’t like it. Take a deep breath. That’s it. Now say hello. Nicely.’ She opened her hands and held out Milton, Maximus and Hau‘oli. Bradley went white and looked at her, wide-eyed.

  ‘This is my friend, Milton. He’s big in the #NotScaredOfSpiders campaign. And this is Milton’s dad, Maximus. He’s a big adventurer. And this –’ she pointed to Hau‘oli – ‘is one of the beautiful and endangered Hawaiian happy-face spiders that you’ve been terrorizing by destroying their home. I need you apologize.’

  Bradley looked ill, not that anyone would notice if he was sick on his shirt, but he did as Zoe asked and took a deep breath.

  ‘Hello, spiders.’ He scrunched his face up in disgust.

  ‘Go on,’ encouraged Zoe.

  ‘I’m sorry for chopping down your trees. It won’t happen again.’

  ‘Good,’ said Zoe, popping Milton and Maximus in her pocket. ‘Now, let’s go back before it gets dark and have some dinner – Bradley’s paying.’

  ‘What about my guys?’ said Bradley, pointing to the workers. ‘I can’t just send them away – they need the work.’

  ‘Perhaps you should give them a pay rise if they agree to work on converting your golf courses into education centres.’ Owen raised his eyebrows at Bradley, who nodded enthusiastically.

  ‘Yes, yes. A big pay rise.’

  Mr Angry-Looking handed Greta her rucksack, and Zoe waved to Hau‘oli as he swung back to his group.

  And then the ground began to shake. More violently than ever.

  The construction vehicles shuddered on their wheels and tracks, clanking and rumbling as if they had all suddenly come to life. It felt like a plane was landing in the forest.

  ‘I’m here on the slopes of Mount Kilauea as another massive tremor hits the mountain,’ Mako spoke into the camera. ‘Actually, never mind . . . we need to go!’ He grabbed Greta by the arm. ‘Now!’

  Missing on the Mountain

  ‘Is it erupting?’ Zoe’s eyes were as round as a jumping spider’s.

  A huge explosion shook them and they turned to see rock and ash rocketing out of the crater. Smoke was billowing out of the volcano like a runaway steam train.
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  All of them ran towards the track, leaping over logs and roots.

  The ground continued to shake, causing the trees to twist and lean like in a storm. There was an alarming crack from above and a branch fell across the trail.

  ‘That was close!’ Owen grimaced, hauling it out of the way. ‘Keep a lookout above.’

  Another roar came from behind them as more lava bombs were hurled into the air. The ground heaved again and they staggered this way and that. Zoe and Dillon fell forward on to the ground.

  Struggling to her feet, Zoe checked her pocket. ‘Milton! Maximus! Are you OK?’ But her pocket was empty. ‘Dad, Greta! I can’t find Milton. He’s gone!’ She began frantically scrabbling in the undergrowth, lifting the leaves. ‘I can’t see him. Dad, help me.’

  Owen and Greta crouched down, exchanging desperate glances. The noise from Kilauea was deafening, even though it must’ve been more than five kilometres away.

  ‘Come on, there’s no time,’ yelled Mako. ‘We must go NOW!’

  Owen shook his head at Zoe. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’

  Zoe cried out and began pushing the leaves again. ‘Just a minute, I can find him, he’s right here somewhere. He has to be here. I’m not leaving him.’

  Her dad gripped her shoulder. ‘Zoe, we have to go!’

  ‘NO!’ She twisted away, but Owen grabbed her by the armpits and pulled her up. Zoe kicked and screamed, then the ground rolled underneath them and they fell again. The sky was growing darker by the minute as the crater coughed out great lungfuls of brown ash, spraying rock and half-solidified lava like someone with a bad chest cold. ‘I can’t leave Milton, Dad. I won’t. Don’t make me.’ She went limp in her dad’s arms as she sobbed, tears streaking her muddied face. She knew they had to run. She would have to leave him behind.

  Milton and Maximus made matching oof noises as they tumbled out of Zoe’s pocket and rolled downhill. They came to a stop against a rotting log. Both their heads were spinning and Maximus was upside down.

  Milton helped his dad to his claws, then looked around. ‘Where’s Zoe?’

  ‘Yikes! She’s all the way over there.’ Maximus pointed back towards the trail. ‘How did she fall one way and we fell the other?’

  ‘Another downside to being small and round. Come on, let’s get moving. We need to get back to her.’

  They set off at a dash, but it was no good. It was like scurrying over waves as the ground rolled and pitched beneath them. They watched as Mr M got Zoe up. She was crying and shouting. Milton shouted too, then again even louder as he watched everyone fall, and stagger away down the path.

  Milton looked at his dad, his eyes practically on stalks. ‘She left me!’

  Maximus caught up to Milton as he collapsed to the floor, clutching his cephalothorax. ‘She went away. Dad! She’s gone!’

  ‘The volcano said leave. They did the right thing to listen. Don’t worry, let’s get help.’ He cleared his throat. ‘What was that song? Na na na na na na na na . . .’

  ‘Dad, are you trying to call the Spinnerettes or Batman? It’s this: nananana, nananana.’

  They sang out into the forest and pretty soon a familiar yellow face appeared. Two faces, in fact.

  ‘Hau‘oli! Thank goodness you found us.’

  ‘Why are you still here, my friends? Pele is awake, and she has a song to sing today.’

  Why do they have to be so happy all the time?

  ‘Hau‘oli, my best friend Zoe has gone. The humans have all run away. Can you and the Spinnerettes help us get back to the town?’

  ‘Keep singing, my friends, and all will be well.’ And with that he started up the nananana call again, to summon his group.

  It didn’t take long before the Spinnerettes had gathered and Hau‘oli formed them into a huddle. There was a good deal of humming and swaying, and finally Hau‘oli announced that they had the solution.

  ‘We have a party! The humans have gone. Our home is saved, so you stay here with us and be happy.’

  Maximus clapped Hau‘oli on the abdomen. ‘I’ll start catching the hors d’oeuvres.’

  ‘NO!’ Milton shouted, and the Spinnerettes stopped humming.

  Hau‘oli’s happy face drooped. ‘They’re just humans.’

  ‘They’re my humans – my friends – and I . . . I love them. I need to get back to them.’ Milton looked out across the forest, despair weaving itself across his face.

  ‘I’ve got an idea,’ said a tiny black spot in the air.

  I’m hearing things again and now I’m seeing spots before my eyes. Unless . . .

  ‘Mini?’

  ‘Hi, Milton.’ The tiny money spider sailed down on to the giant forest floor leaves. ‘I tried to catch your eyes before, but a breeze took me. I was floating around for ages until I got snagged on that tree.’

  Milton hugged her. ‘I don’t even want to know how you got here, but I’m very glad you are. Did you say you have a plan?’

  ‘I have. We do what I do. We fly.’

  ‘What do you mean, fly?’ asked Milton looking unconvinced.

  ‘We go back to the bulldozed forest and that little wooden shack. The Spinnerettes told me that the big man in the pretty shirt goes in there and makes colourful drinks with little umbrellas in. We use the umbrellas to fly over the trees and to get you home.’

  ‘That’s completely crazy!’ squeaked Milton.

  Almost as crazy as Bradley O’Hair drinking cocktails in the middle of the rainforest!

  ‘Completely!’ said Maximus. ‘Let’s do it!’

  Milton had a little song of his own as they web-swung back to the clearing. It went something like this: ‘We’re all going to die, I don’t like to fly.’ Over and over again. But everyone else was thrilled at the thought, so he had little choice but to go along with it. Besides, if it meant even a chance of getting back to Zoe, he would do it.

  The Spinnerettes formed a long line and starting passing the rolled-up paper umbrellas out of the shed window and on to a high branch. It was quite a task to get them unfurled and open, but working together in harmony, they got it done. Spiders were allocated, four to an umbrella, and Milton, Maximus, Hau‘oli and Mini all held on tightly as they angled their umbrella to the wind.

  ‘Do you remember when I brought you to live with me?’ called Maximus over the breeze. ‘You ballooned right into a rose bush!’

  Milton groaned. ‘Well, let’s hope this goes a bit better.’ He was mid-eye-roll at his dad when the wind caught them, and they were off.

  Milton’s stomach lurched as they rose, then dipped sharply as the breeze dropped. They fell swiftly towards the treetops, Milton screaming, his dad laughing, and then the wind caught them again and they headed away from the crater and towards the sea.

  THE SEA?

  Little spots danced in front of Milton’s eyes and his grip loosened on the cocktail-stick umbrella handle.

  ‘Milton!’ His dad grabbed him and shook him hard. ‘Don’t pass out, you’re missing the best bit – look.’ He pointed, and Milton saw all the other little umbrellas, bouncing and dancing behind them like candy-coloured butterflies.

  Milton tried to calm his breathing and focus on holding on tightly. He made an effort to remember everything – One Short would love this, and he was determined to last long enough to tell her all about it when they got home.

  Home. I do want to go home. I’m not my father’s son after all. I’m not an adventurer, and that’s OK.

  ‘Time to angle,’ yelled Hau‘oli, and they tipped themselves towards the ground. ‘We’re aiming for that big green space down there. Nice and flat and perfect for a landing. Spiders, prepare for final approach.’

  Bruised and shaken, the humans made it back to the main road and got a lift into town.

  No one spoke as the pickup truck they’d ridden in pulled up beside the O’Hair Hula Hole Golf Course to drop off Mako and Jenna. The only sound was Zoe’s breath as it caught in her chest – she was all out of tears.
/>   ‘What on earth . . .?’ said Dillon, pulling a weird face. ‘Guys, come and look at this.’

  Everyone got out of the car and looked to where Dillon was pointing – except Zoe, who carried on looking at her shoes.

  ‘What is it?’ Bradley hid behind Greta. ‘A swarm of hideous yet colourful creepy-crawlies?’ He flapped his arms, readying himself to swat them away.

  ‘Nope. Flying cocktail umbrellas,’ said Jenna. ‘And they’re heading for the fairway.’

  The umbrellas got lower and lower and then a series of tiny yellow (and three brown) skydivers launched from the handles, floating down to earth on their webs. The umbrellas plopped on to the ground around them, the cocktail sticks spiking into the grass.

  ‘Spiders!’ squeaked Bradley, and Zoe’s head flicked up.

  ‘Where?’ she gasped, then seeing the array of tiny parasols she ran across the grass and lay on her tummy to get a better look. Her eyes darted from one yellow happy face to another until . . . there he was.

  Milton.

  Tears flooded from her eyes, and his, and she held her hands out to him. ‘I thought I’d lost you for ever. I’m so sorry I left you. I’ll never leave you alone again.’

  Milton wiped his eyes and made the tiniest little heart shape with his claws.

  Zoe sobbed. ‘I love you too.’

  Beach Buggy

  Two days later and halfway through a dream about surfing on a turtle, Zoe was awoken by a hammering at her door.

  Through the spyhole she saw the forest-like top of Dillon’s hair.

  ‘What do you want?’ She let him in. ‘It’s early.’

  ‘You’re a scary-looking creature in the morning, Zoe Macey.’ He smiled, then quickly put on a look of concern. ‘I came here to tell you to get dressed quickly. Something has happened on the beach and your dad wants you right away.’

  Zoe raised an eyebrow. ‘What’s happened? Why is Dad up so early?’