Where the Mountains Meet the Sea

by A. R. Breck

  His eyes, not once, leave mine.

  How can I last a year without this man? The love of my life.

  My throat starts to close, and I can barely tamper down the sob that wants to escape. Tears fill in my eyes, trailing down my temples and into my wet hair. Roman doesn't wipe them away, keeping his fingers threaded in my messy strands as he continues to slide into me.

  We're silent this time, our soft breaths the only sounds filling the room.

  I don't want him to leave me.

  My tears don't stop, and they make his face blurry. I open my mouth, taking a shaky breath as the loss of him begins to consume me.

  When he comes this time, he stares me right in the eyes. I stare at him too, a soft cry floating from my lips as my own orgasm burns through me. He leans down, kissing my tears away, wetting his lips. He licks them, tasting the saltiness before he brings his mouth down to mine.

  Gripping the condom, he slides out of me and tosses it over the side of the bed. His arms go around me, pulling me close so that he can spoon me. I bring his arm beneath my cheek, and I know he can feel my tears tickle his skin as they continue to river down my face, but he doesn't say anything. He just lets me cry in his arms on our last night together.

  I fall asleep like that, with his wet arms, filled with tears, clutching me while I fall apart.

  I'm on a mountain.

  I'm on the mountain.

  The wind blows around me, a swirling tornado. It's dark this time. Like I'm on top of the mountain at night. Looking up, the sky looks identical to the night sky at the beach with Roman and I. Completely identical. But when I look down, I'm not at the beach.

  I'm on the mountain. The cliff.

  The sand blows as always, making my eyes burn and my skin ache. I instantly start crying, because I don't want to be on the mountain tonight. I never want to be on the mountain, but tonight especially.

  I want to go back to the bed with Roman, where he can keep me safe and protect me. I want to cry in his arms and never leave. I want to beg him to stay and not leave tomorrow, but I know I have to.

  So right now, I don't want to be on the mountain. I just want to be in the hotel with Roman.

  I look behind me, down the trail. A place I've never been or had the opportunity to explore. I'm always on the edge of the cliff, watching the waters churn below. Angry. They're always angry.

  I walk away from the edge of the cliff, but the sand doesn't let me, pulling me back, a huge gust of wind knocking me toward the tip of the sharp rock.

  I fight against the tornado-like winds, attempting to push through it. To escape. Now more than ever, I just want to escape this nightmare.

  But the winds won't let me.

  I try to sprint, doing my best to break free, but it's as if the wind and the sand have hands, turning me around and plunging me over the edge.

  I shoot up in bed, a sob breaking from my chest as my nightmare comes back to haunt me.

  Again.

  Roman sits up a moment later, his hand going to my back. "The mountain?"

  I cry, "And the sea. Again. The cliff." I can't make out my words coherently, but Roman gives my shoulder a squeeze, knowing exactly what I'm talking about. He pulls me down, bringing the blanket to our chins and snuggling us back in tight.

  "You're not on the cliff. You're here. With me. I'll always keep you safe." He presses a kiss to the back of my neck. "Try and get some sleep."

  My chest shakes with fear. With terror of my nightmare. In fear of Roman leaving. I cry silent tears as Roman falls back asleep. It takes me a while, but I finally succumb to a dreamless sleep. My eyes flutter closed, and I slip into nothingness.

  My eyes crack open, burning and feeling swollen. My nose is plugged, but I know it's because I fell asleep a wreck last night. I grab a tissue from the box on the side of the bed, blowing my nose and wiping my eyes before I turn around.

  Roman sits with a pair of jeans and nothing else on. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stares out the window. He doesn't move, or flinch, or say anything. Even knowing I'm awake, he does nothing besides stare out the window.

  I slide out of the covers, crawling across the bed to him. I wrap my arms around his neck, settling my chin on his naked shoulder. "Good morning." I press a kiss to his cheek.

  He doesn't turn toward me.

  "I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can leave you,” he murmurs.

  My heart shatters. I know it's today. I knew before I even woke up that today is the day. I would do anything to go back to yesterday. But I know I don't have that power.

  But I can't let him make a mistake.

  "You can't stay. You know you can't."

  He turns to me, finally looking me in the eyes. His face is stricken, his skin pale and white. He looks ill as he stares at me, with big bags beneath his eyes and his hair a mess, as if he's spent all morning with his hands in his hair.

  "I can't leave you, Luna. I never knew why I thought I could do it. Because I can't."

  "Yes, you can." I crawl around him until I'm sitting on his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck, burrowing my head beneath his chin. I can hear his heavy, broken heart without even pressing an ear against his chest. "This is your dream, Roman. I'll wait for you. On our small lake in the middle of Wisconsin, I'll be waiting for you. I'll dance every day and think of you. I'll look out on the crystal lake every morning and think of you. There's nothing that I won't do for the next three hundred and sixty-five days that isn't going to involve you being on my mind. You will be. In my heart. In my soul. Every second. Every moment. Every minute. Every day. You, and only you."

  His face breaks, pure torment filling his eyes and screwing up his mouth in pain. "Fuck, I love you so much, Luna." He crushes his mouth against mine and I kiss him back with vigor, plastering myself against his body and getting as close to him as I possibly can.

  I have only hours.

  Hours.

  We kiss and hold each other for a long time, staying silent. No words are spoken as we just enjoy the time together. But too soon, the time comes when the front desk calls to say our limo is out front.

  I dress in a pair of pajamas, draping my princess dress over my arms and slipping into a pair of sandals. I look like a disaster, but I don't care. I hold Roman's hand as we leave the hotel, with tears streaming down my cheeks and torment written across my face.

  We sit in the back of the limo on our way home, keeping each other as close as possible. Our arms are entwined, and our hands are linked.

  The only thing I can hear is a clock ticking down in my mind.

  The hourglass with only a few grains left.

  Their tour van is already out front, ready for them to leave. The guys will be driving all the way to California. He squeezes my hand as we pull up, and I let a quiet sigh leave my body.

  I can't let him know how tortured I am feeling.

  How shattered my insides are.

  "I'm going to go inside for a bit. Want to come inside with me? We aren’t supposed to leave for a little while yet. I'm sure my parents want to smother me before I go."

  "Isn't your dad going on tour soon too?"

  He frowns. "Yeah, he's doing a small one, but I'm still worried about my mom. I'm glad Nora is here with her. I really don't know if I could leave otherwise."

  My chest feels bubbly. Like a cry will burst out of me at any moment. "We'll take care of her. And my mom will visit with her all the time."

  He smiles, but we're both forcing it at this point.

  "I don't want to leave you. I really wish you'd come inside with me." He squeezes my hand.

  I shake my head. "Go spend some time with your parents. I'll be over in a bit."

  We slide out of the car, and he leans down to kiss me. "Don't take too long. I love you."

  "I love you." I clutch my dress in my fingers, strangling the fabric as I walk my bare feet across the yard and toward my house.

  My mom opens the door before I even make it there with he
r long dress flowing in the morning breeze. She gives me a sympathetic look, and I break down instantly, dropping my dress and bag into the grass as I run into her arms.

  I watch as the guys pull up outside Roman's house, their parents getting out of the car and crying while they say their goodbyes. I wait until the parents leave, feeling too much like of an emotional wreck to deal with their pitiful stares.

  My mom hasn't left my side for the last hour, being a mother hen and asking if I want food, a drink, a shower, anything and everything, she has asked.

  I just need Roman.

  She held me while I cried, and then I took a shower and freshened up. Now I'm in a summer dress, staring out my front window as I try to find the strength to go say goodbye to my soulmate. The love of my life.

  "He'll be over here soon himself if you don't make your way over there." My dad says from the kitchen table. He's got his morning coffee and paper in hand. His favorite place to be. That way he can watch my mom as she works on the garden and see a sliver of the lake too. He's happiest in his spot.

  "I know," I mutter.

  "Come on, Luna. Let's go." My mom grabs my hand, and I inhale a shaky breath as I follow her outside. She lets go of me, and I cross my arms across my chest as I make my way to Roman's yard. Lonnie, Clyde, and Flynn are already outside. Nora and Cypress are outside too. No Goldie.

  No Roman.

  I bypass everyone, my mom turning the opposite way as she walks over to talk to them.

  I go to the front door and stare through the screen, seeing Goldie hugging Roman. Her shoulders shake as she sobs in his arms, and he looks just as distraught.

  As if he can sense me, he looks up, and Goldie separates from him, wiping her eyes as she gives me a smile. "Oh, honey, come on in."

  "I'm okay, if you guys want a minute."

  "Oh, no. Roman couldn't take any more of my crying. I'm just going to miss my baby boy is all."

  Roman smiles sadly.

  "I'm sure he's going to miss you too," I say, my voice cracking.

  Roman opens the screen door and steps outside. He instantly wraps me in his arms. I go willingly, wrapping my arms around his back and holding him tight.

  "I guess it's time," he says.

  "I guess so," I whisper.

  The guys have already loaded up their things, and I watch as Cypress and Goldie grab Roman's bags and guitar, loading them up in the van.

  I guess it's only Roman now.

  He goes around, giving his mom and dad one more hug. Then he goes up to his sister, whispering something in her ear, and I watch as she nods and cries on his shoulder. He gives my mom a hug next, and my mom is the one who whispers in his ear this time. He nods his head, looking so sure and certain with whatever she's telling him.

  Then he turns toward me.

  The guys get in the van, and my mom and Roman's parents walk off toward Roman's deck.

  Roman walks up to me, wrapping me in his arms once again.

  "Tell me to stay," he tells me.

  "You need to go." Even though everything in my heart is telling me to beg him to stay, I know that would be wrong of me.

  "Come with me then," he pleads.

  I shake my head against him, knowing that I want to, more than anything, but that I can't. I have my own dreams. And he would never take me away from them. Not really.

  "I can't. You know I can't," I sigh.

  "I know, this just sucks." He slides his fingers under my chin, tilting my face up until I'm looking him in the eyes.

  "Now and always," he tells me.

  "Now and always," I echo.

  "I'll call you once I get to Los Angeles. Whenever you miss me, look out at our lake. Dance to a song. Know that I'm standing next to you. Maybe not here, but in here." His finger grazes below my collarbone, right next to my necklace.

  "Please be my soulmate in one year," I beg, tears flowing down my cheeks.

  "I was your soulmate when we were seven and six. I am your soulmate today, just as I was yesterday. I'll be your soulmate next year, and fifty years from now. Now and always."

  "Now and always," I sob quietly.

  He wraps me in his arms once more, and I clutch him to me, feeling like I'm breaking straight down the middle. My fingers grip his back, holding him as closely as I can to me. If I had a stethoscope, I swear I could put it against my heart and feel it shattering into a million pieces. I feel so broken, so unrepairable, and he hasn't even left yet.

  I hear him sniffle, and feel a drop touch my forehead. Looking up at him, I see tears of his own flowing down his face.

  I bring my hand up, brushing his face dry with my fingers. "Now and always," I repeat.

  I grab his cheeks, bringing his face down and give him a kiss. He kisses me back and doesn't stop until I'm breathless and my knees are weak.

  Then he stops.

  I squeeze my hands around his arms, clutching him tightly as he pulls away from me.

  "I don't want you to go," I say suddenly.

  He grabs onto my hands, releasing them from his arms. He brings them to his lips, giving them a kiss before dropping them at my sides. "I'll call you when I arrive, Luna. I'm always here with you. Always."

  "Now and always," I cry.

  He steps back, and his parents walk up to him, wrapping him in another hug as they walk him to the car. My knees feel weak again, and this time they do collapse. I fall to the ground, and my mom is there suddenly, wrapping her arms around me as Roman gets in the car.

  He gives me a sad look, so tortured. Like he wants to come help me, but he knows.

  The moment he comes back to me, he'll be here to stay.

  The van turns on, and I cry, gripping the grass beneath my fingers and pulling with all my might. The roots rip out, blades of grass and dirt littering my fingers and embedding beneath my nails.

  He pulls out of his driveway, giving me a small wave and a broken-hearted look. Then he goes blurry, as the tears flood my eyes again and he disappears down the road. My sobs turn into screams as he leaves. Roman's parents, Nora, and my mom and dad help me up, bringing me to my room and tucking me in bed.

  I cry for hours.

  I cry for days.

  He’s gone.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  LUNA

  1995

  Red hats float in the air above me, suspended for seconds while cheering and clapping ensues around me. I stare up at the ceiling, watching my square hat fly back down to me. It’s a wave of red gowns, a sea of blood in the claustrophobic gym.

  This is it.

  Graduation day.

  I catch my cap from the air, picking up the soft tassel and setting it on the opposite side. Everyone starts to vacate their folding chairs, the feet creaking and groaning, banging loudly against the next one as everyone moves too fast, too eager. Their gowns float around them as they walk toward their friends and family.

  "Congratulations, Class of 1995!" The principal says from the podium. Everyone is already off, though, and I watch my classmates around me with their bright smiles and tears in their eyes as they're finally finished with one of the biggest milestones of their lives.

  Nora runs up to me, her arms extended so she looks like a red bat as she wraps me in a hug, squeezing me tight. "We did it! We did it!" she screeches. A wave of her fruity perfume slaps me in the face. I hug her back, laughing and smiling, even though a part of me feels empty, lacking.

  Half of me, actually.

  I look up at our families, seeing Nora's parents sitting next to mine. Harper and her boyfriend sit beside my mom. She waves at me, and I wave back, my eyes jumping to the empty seat next to Cypress.

  The spot where Roman was supposed to be.

  Only he's not.

  I promised myself I wouldn't cry today, and I'm trying too hard to keep that promise. Even though beneath my gown feels broken, like any misstep and I may shatter into a thousand pieces.

  I bite my lip as Nora pulls me along. Our families get up from their seats, walki
ng down the metal steps to meet us on the gym floor. The entire auditorium echoes, the voices bouncing off the walls and the clacking of heels so noisy it feels like I’m in a tunnel.

  My dad has me wrapped in a hug the next moment, lifting me off my heels and spinning me around. "I can't believe my baby girl is all grown up." His voice is clogged with emotion.

  A tear springs to my eyes, and I wipe it away once he puts me down, smiling up at him. I can't think of any words to say, my entire mind is scrambled and a little fractured.

  "What's the matter, baby?" my mom asks, brushing her fingers through my straight hair.

  I feel my chest shaking, and I press my palm against my satin gown, directly over my chest, hoping to calm the quaking. "I just wanted him to be here," I whisper.

  She gives me a sad smile, the same smile that I've been seeing over the past year. Ever since the day he left, it's been pitiful, sad looks given to me in every direction.

  "Why don't we head home, huh? I can grill for us down by the lake. It's a beautiful evening," Cypress says from behind me, wrapping me in a hug of his own.

  I inhale a shaky breath, giving him a smile and a nod. We all head out, going in our separate cars back to our houses.

  A year ago, after Roman left, he called that same day. He found a payphone on the road, using the spare change in his pocket to give me a call. He didn't call his parents; his friends didn't call their parents. He only called me. It left me with an inkling of hope that everything would be okay. That our time together could be filled with phone calls and letters. If I closed my eyes, it was like he was almost there, lying next to me on my bed. That’s how soft his voice was. It was low, echoing in my chest and making me feel like if I reached out, my fingers would thread through the thick strands of his hair. I could pretend he was with me every time he called, and the next time I'd open my eyes, it'd be a year from now, and Roman would be in front of me.