Where the Mountains Meet the Sea

by A. R. Breck

  We drive down Main Street, and I see the studio where I've spent so much time watching Luna. I hope she's still dancing. I hope her body is ready because what I've heard of Julliard is that it's rough. It's not pretty, but once you get in, it's totally worth it. I know it's what Luna has been meant to do; she always has. Her body was made for it.

  The way her toes are always pointed, the way her body is made. Her spine is always straight. She's a ballerina at heart.

  I crack my window down, smelling the lake, the slight smell of fish from the bait shop, the cow manure. I take a deep inhale, closing my eyes as all my memories come back to me.

  Home.

  We pass the school, then old Tip Town park, and I watch little kids play on the playground. It's a new era here. My generation is gone, and in its place is an entirely new group of families, kids, and friends who get to explore the land of Shallow Lake, Wisconsin.

  It’s funny. Shallow Lake actually isn’t shallow at all. It’s a pretty deep lake, really. Not sure where the name came from, but it stuck somehow.

  We turn on our long road, and I see the cornfields that I've lived across the street from for my entire life. I see a hint of the lake in between the houses. I only got a glimpse, but I can't wait to swim in the water again.

  I may only be here for a couple days, but I plan to take advantage of every second.

  First things first, though. I need to see my girl.

  "Right here, on the right."

  I point to our houses, which look exactly the same. They seem a little smaller than they used to, whether it be because I've grown or maybe it’s because of all the grand places I've experienced over the last year.

  The brakes squeak as the taxi parks, and I go in my wallet and hand him some cash. "Thanks for the ride." I was able to Greyhound up from Iowa but decided on a taxi home instead of calling Luna or my parents.

  I wanted to surprise them.

  I walk around to the back of the car as the trunk pops. I grab my black duffle, wrapping my fingers around the worn straps and shutting the trunk with a slam.

  The sun is setting. The orange glow over the dark blue waters is something I'll never get sick of. This place is not something even a bone in my body could ever get sick of.

  Someday, I'd like to move back here. Takeover my parents’ house if I could. Maybe buy my own house on the lake. Start a family with Luna and raise our kids in this small town. That's my goal. Way down the road. Not something I've ever spoken with Luna about, but I know she feels the same.

  The taxi driver pulls out of the driveway, reversing and heading back the way he came. I shield my hand over my eyes as the sun glares at me, and walk toward Luna's house. Just as I'm walking up to her door, it opens, and there stands Jane.

  "Hey, Jane." I wrap her in a hug, not thinking anything besides hugging my second mom.

  She's stiff for a second, shock covering her face before she melts and gives me a hug back.

  "Roman, I didn't know you were coming home."

  "Yeah, it was kind of a surprise. Is Luna here?"

  Her eyes blink a few times at me, shock in her gaze again. It makes me raise my guard a bit. She's not acting cold toward me, but something is definitely wrong. I'm not sure what it is, but it makes my stomach turn sour.

  "Um, yeah. She's in her room." She opens the door, and I walk in after giving her a smile. I could ask her what that look is about, but the only thing on my mind is seeing Luna.

  The house smells of the same marijuana and herbs that I've smelled my entire life. I inhale the familiar scent as I walk through the home, knowing each creak and groan on the floorboards. With my bag in hand, I walk to Luna's room. Her door is cracked open, and when I see her, my entire body freezes.

  God, she's beautiful.

  She sits with her back to me, looking out the window at the lake. A bag sits on the ground at her feet, and a smile breaks out on my face.

  It's like she knew I was coming, and she's ready for anything.

  She’s wearing one of her dresses, the creamy fabric full of a thick lace that is so hippy, so her. Her dark hair sits in a mess as it tumbles down her shoulders, falling to the small of her waist.

  My beautiful Luna. So much the same.

  "Luna," I say.

  Her body freezes, and it takes her a moment. Like she thinks my voice was in her head. Like she's not sure if it was real or not. But then she turns, so slowly, like she’s moving in slow motion as her body rotates and she ends up staring at me directly in the eyes.

  They're wide, wonder and shock filling her features.

  "Roman?" She stands up, walking around her bed and stopping in front of me. Her hand raises, touching my bare arm. Like I'm a vision, a dream.

  "I'm here," I whisper.

  "Roman." Her voice is sad, so depleted and so happy at the same time.

  I don't waste another second, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her against me. She smells the same as I bury my face in her hair. It's soft, the scents of the lake and the sand and the sun hitting my nose. "Holy shit, I’ve missed you." My voice is raspy.

  I can feel her body shake against me, tears and surprise racking her body in silent sobs. "Shhhh, I'm here, Luna. I'm right here."

  She looks up, tears streaming down her face as she looks at me in wonder. "I can't believe you're here. How… how are you here?"

  "Our van broke down in Iowa. We were stuck for a few days, so I decided while they stayed there, I’d come home to see you. I've missed you. Fuck, I've missed you so much." I wrap her in my arms again, giving her another squeeze. "It's been too long." She smells so familiar. She feels so familiar.

  She doesn't say anything, holding me so tightly against her, her shaky arms and her trembling body feeling so small against mine.

  "Let's sit down. Tell me everything. How are you?" I drag her to the bed, sitting down in the middle of it, shoes and all. I pull her on top of me, and she lays curled up in a ball on my lap. Her hand goes up to my hair, feeling the long strands that I've let grow even longer since I've been gone.

  She shakes her head. "I want to hear about you."

  I let out a breath, feeling so at home here. With her. It doesn't matter that we've been apart for an entire year, that our contact has been lessened. One moment with her and I'm back right where I started. This is why I've gone a year without bringing a girl in my bed. It wasn't even a contest, no question at all whether I should stick to my word and stay faithful to Luna. It wasn't hard, not in the slightest. Luna is it for me, and she always has been.

  One moment with Luna and everything is exactly how it should be.

  "It's been crazy, Luna. I can't even begin to explain it to you. It's been city after city. Concert after concert. People come to the shows! We have sold out venues. It's like nothing I ever expected when I started this."

  "I've heard your songs on the radio," she whispers against my chest.

  "I know. I can't believe we have an actual hit. I grew up with my dad having hits all the time, I just never expected that I would actually have a song on the radio of my own. It's just crazy. Our manager is a hard ass, but I've told you that."

  She nods.

  "I know I missed your graduation, and I'm sorry. I had the dates mixed up, and when I realized it, my manager wouldn't let us bail since we were about to have a huge show in Chicago. So, I was going to come afterward, and we ended up having car issues. Shit, it's been a hell of a last couple weeks. I'm just glad I'm in a home, on an actual bed. You don't realize how good you have it until you're cramped on a bus with a ton of dudes. Shit sucks."

  She giggles, even though it sounds sad.

  "We have a couple more stops after this, and then we're heading back to LA. I was thinking about packing up my things and heading out to New York. Like we planned. How does that sound?"

  She stiffens against my body, her limp form turning still as a statue.

  "Luna, what's wrong?" I ask, tilting her face up to mine.

  She nudges
her head out of my hand, rolling off the bed. She stands, keeping her back toward me.

  An instant chill breaks out over my body, and dread seeps into my vision, darkening everything around me. I nearly black out in fear. Fear of something being wrong. Fear of her no longer loving me. Fear over her having found someone else.

  That one brings a bit of rage as well.

  I grab onto her shoulders, turning her around so she's facing me. "Tell me. Whatever it is, just tell me. We'll figure it out."

  Her eyes water, turning glassy just inches away from mine. A tear spills, and I'm too frozen, too panicked to wipe it away this time.

  "What is it, Luna?" My voice is sharper this time, and I can't do anything besides grip her shoulders. I loosen them a bit when she winces, but I can't let go of her.

  Doesn't she know? I will never let her go.

  "You're too late, Roman." Her eyes avert to the ground, and tears fall on top of her bare toes. I can barely find the reflex to swallow as I take in her words.

  My hand goes to my hair, running my fingers through the rough strands before bringing them down to my cheeks, scratching at the stubble there. "What do you mean, I'm too late?"

  She looks up at me, her eyes bloodshot with regret. "I mean you're too late. I waited for you. I waited an entire year. And then longer. I mean, Roman, that you. Are. Too. Late."

  I glance down at her bag on the floor, bulging at the seam and ready to go.

  "So, what's your plan? Go to New York without me? I saw the bag, and I don't know, had this hope that you were planning to come on tour with me. Maybe you had a sense I was on my way." She says nothing. "That's not it? Then what could it be? You meet someone else?" She still says nothing. I give her a little shake, and she wobbles around like a bobble head. "Tell me, Luna!" My voice raises, rage and fear clutching my throat like a snake is wrapped around it, slowly suctioning every last bit of air, of life, from my lungs.

  "I'm leaving."

  "To where?" I grit through my teeth.

  "I'm moving to Hawaii."

  My eyes nearly bug out of my head. "Hawaii? What the fuck is in Hawaii? What about New York? Julliard? What about your ballet, Luna? I can tell you right now that there isn't some good fucking ballet school in Hawaii."

  The next words that come out of her mouth rip my soul straight from my ribcage.

  "I don't dance anymore."

  My hands drop from her shoulders, and I take a step back. It feels like someone reached their bare hand into my chest and took my heart out with their sharp, five-inch nails, scraping along my walls and inflicting wounds every inch of the way. "W-what?"

  I blink at her, and she says nothing as she continues to silently cry, her slim shoulders bobbing up and down from her sadness.

  "What do you mean, you don't dance? That's your entire life!"

  She whips her gaze up to mine, torture and tragedy in her gray eyes. They are empty, the life she grew up with zapped clean, drained, completely wiped dry of the girl she used to be. She might as well have blue eyes; she looks so different to me.

  "You were my life! You left me, Roman. I wanted you to leave, to take a chance at your dream, but the moment you left, a part of me died. I haven't been able to dance, not in months. I don't even want to dance anymore. All I do is cry, and cry, and cry some fucking more. I begged and pleaded for you to come home on graduation night. When you didn't, I lost hope. Days, and days, and more days passed without you coming home, and eventually, I gave up."

  I open my mouth, but nothing comes out besides a painful breath.

  She doesn't dance anymore.

  "I gave up, Roman. I gave up on you coming home. I gave up on us."

  "Luna, I told you—"

  She holds a hand up, stopping my reply with a slice through the air. "I waited for you, Roman. For months! No calls, no letters, nothing!" She takes a deep breath, lowering her voice, "When an opportunity came up, I felt life fill me for the first time since you left, and I realized I can't keep doing this. I'm done waiting, and I'm done allowing myself to bleed dry. I'm going to go live, for once. For me, and me alone."

  "Luna." I step toward her, grabbing her in my arms and making her look me in the eyes. My thumbs press against her cheeks, keeping her gaze pinned to mine. I spear her gray eyes, begging for this to be a joke, a fucking dream. Begging for her to relieve me of the pain I’m currently feeling. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you wait. That's my fault, and I take total responsibility. But are you telling me you're going to give up everything that we have, our entire existence, because of this? So you can, what, flee to Hawaii?"

  She scowls at me. "I'm not fleeing." She rips her arms from my hold and steps back. "It's time I learn how to be my own person, Roman."

  "So what does this mean? For me? For us?"

  When she looks at me this time, her eyes are completely void of all emotion.

  "No, don't you fucking say it, Luna." I point my finger in her face, shaking, fucking trembling in terror. “Don’t say it to me, or I swear to fucking God.”

  “I think we’re over, Roman.”

  Tears spring to my own eyes, and I go to grab her, but she freezes up, sidestepping my grab. “Please, Roman. I think you should go.”

  “I’m not leaving like this,” I grit through my teeth. “I’m not leaving us. I’m not giving up on us. Are you?”

  Her eyes fill with tears again, and I watch as one falls down her cheek. It bobs on her wobbly chin before falling. I reach my hand out, palm up, and catch her tear in my hand. I close my palm, keeping her tear, because it looks like she’s going to keep my heart.

  “I don’t want to give up on us, Roman. But my life has been nothing this past year. I need to go do this. I need to go figure out who I am. Without dance. Without… you. I need to find me.”

  I step back, feeling a coldness in my body I’ve never felt before. The summer heat should be sticking to my skin, the heavy humidity creating a glaze of moisture on my face and arms and neck. But instead, I feel like I stepped into a walk-in freezer, locked myself inside, with no way out. I feel like my entire body is dropping degrees by the second.

  I feel dead.

  “So, this is it then? This is it for us?”

  “This is it,” she says, her voice void of emotion. I drained that from her. I bled her dry. She has nothing left to give, and it’s all my fault.

  I run my hand down my face, so much shock rocking through my chest. This is not how I imagined this reunion going. Quite the opposite, actually. I don’t know how to take it. I barely know how to breathe at this point. It feels like I have a knife sticking from my heart, but when I look down, it's just my plain black shirt, lifting and dropping with my heavy breaths.

  "I guess this is goodbye, then," I say, bending down to pick up my duffle.

  I turn around, seeing sadness bleed from every pore on her body. "Can I… can I give you a hug at least? One before you go?"

  She opens her arms without another word, and I drop my duffle, stomping over to her and lifting her in my arms. I don't think twice, my hand going to the back of her head and bringing her lips to mine. If this is the last time that we kiss, I'm going to make it worth it.

  I inhale every last bit of her, my greedy lips taking and taking and taking until I can't take anymore. I kiss her until she separates, gasping for air. I settle her down on her feet, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I will be here. I will always be waiting. One week. One month. One year. Maybe never. But I will be waiting for you. We're soulmates, and that doesn't just go away. I love you so much, Luna. Now and always."

  "Now and always," she whispers, the words barely leaving her mouth.

  I brush my thumb over her lips one last time, staring into her gray eyes. I'll never meet another Luna. Never again. She is it for me.

  I just hope that when this all ends, I'm it for her.

  I turn around, because I won't be able to take it if I'm in this room another second. Bending down, I lift the straps of my bag once more,
walking out of her room without another look.

  I only take a few steps down the hall when I hear her sob and a small crash, like she fell to the floor. I stop in my steps, wanting so badly to turn around, but knowing if I do, I'll never let her go.

  Instead, I squeeze the straps on my bag, imaging I'm squeezing the life from them. I continue walking, heading toward the kitchen, and stop again when I see Luna's parents. Jane stands in the kitchen, her shoulder propped against the wall. She holds a Kleenex in her hand, pressed to her face as she silently cries. Charlie stands behind her, his hand on her shoulder and a sad look on his face. He looks at me unhappily, like he feels bad for this entire situation.

  No one seems mad at me.

  Everyone seems lost.

  I don't say anything as I walk out, the door slapping behind me.

  I walk across our yards, feeling so lost and confused. Almost like I'm drunk or on drugs. I don't know which way to walk, or how to form words on my tongue. Mosquitos are out, and I don't even swat them away as I walk aimlessly, the incessant bugs buzzing around my face. When I get close to my yard, my outside light turns on. The door opens, and my mom stands there, her own face wet with tears as she holds her arms open for me.

  I drop my duffle, my eyes flooding with tears as a gut-wrenching groan rips through my chest. I'm not a man that cries, but for some reason, when it comes to Luna, my emotions are heightened.

  I walk straight into my mom’s arms, my cries heavy and deep, my pain aching down to my bones. My heart broken.

  I lost her.

  I lost her.

  I lost her.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  LUNA

  1997

  The sound of water trickling between rocks trails into my ears as the soft tunes of The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel play in the background. My toes dip into the cool water, the sun hot on my exposed back as my fingers wrap a piece of chrysocolla between twine, perfecting another one of my dream catchers.

  I press my hand to my eyebrows, seeing the sun hot, round, and bright as it sits high in the sky. The jagged red mountains of the Apache Trail don’t make it any less hot here in the desert. It’s like the sun heats the sand, the sand heats the air, and the air makes it so dry and stifling, it’s hard to breathe. Luckily, we’ve got a nice spot along the river.