by R. S James
Getting to the start line, it’s almost like I have blinders on, and I don’t see or hear anything, until the gun goes off, and then the adrenaline rushes through me. I feel so at peace and nothing matters right now, except me and the finish line. I feel so… free.
Some people have music to listen to, and sometimes I do as well, but other times, I just listen to the wind passing by me. It’s so freeing, as I feel all the stress and tension flow right out of my body.
Finally, the meet is over, and both our girls’ and boys’ teams win. Mom and Carson are heading this way to take pictures of me with the trophy, and of course, Xavier is with them. Once they get the pictures, the trophy is handed off to someone else, as I get a picture of me, Mom, and Carson. Xavier asks if he can get a picture with me, and I don’t know if I should or shouldn’t, but the decision is taken from me, when Carson takes Xavier’s phone, and he is next to me with his arm around me. He smells so good like man, mint, and something I can’t put my finger on. We smile for the picture, and then I’m called over to the team pictures.
After getting home, I head straight to the bathroom to shower, but Carson is standing there. “Be ready in twenty minutes. We are going to the party tonight.”
With a sigh, I go in the bathroom, strip down, and shower all the sweat away. Getting out, I dry off, and then slip my robe on, as I head to my room. Pulling out my holey carpi’s and a track champion t-shirt, I take my hair out of the towel and brush it. I decide to loosely braid it, and then pull it over my shoulder. Looking in the mirror, I shrug my shoulder. I’m me, and if they don’t like it, well to bad for them.
Going out to the kitchen, Mom is sitting at the bar. Pulling out the bar stool next to her, I sit down with her. “Baby girl, you did so good today. I’m so proud of you and all you have accomplished.”
“Aww, Mom. Thanks so much. I wish I could say that I run to make you proud, but the truth is, I need to run, because it’s my stress release. It centers me and helps me figure everything out. I know it doesn’t make sense, when I say it out loud, but it does help.”
“Sweet girl, it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you, and I’m glad you figured that out. So, what are you doing tonight?”
“Carson wants to go to some party bonfire thing. So, I said I’d go.”
“You don’t sound very happy about going.”
“Eh, I’m okay, I guess. I just don’t fit in, and I feel like an outcast, but for Carson, I’ll go. He also said if I wanted to go, then we could go at any time.”
“Hey, kid. You ready?”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “You do know I’m one minute and fifty-eight seconds older, right?”
Everyone starts laughing. After saying our goodbyes, we head out, getting into Carson’s car, and then head to the bonfire.
Getting to the party, I see a couple of track kids, so I start talking to them. After a bit, I head back to the car to get a bottle of water, and that’s when I see him with his harem. My heart sinks, but I won’t ruin this for Carson. So, I walk by, like I don’t even see them. Getting my water, I head back towards the bonfire. Carson is on the other side laughing and joking with everyone. Oh, how I wish I fit in so easily.
With a sigh, I sit down on a log, staring into the flames. I start thinking about what I did to make my dad not care anymore. Maybe, it was last year, when I tore my ligaments and had to have two surgeries. Maybe, that’s why he doesn’t come watch me anymore. I wish I knew what I did, but then again, I don’t, because he should always care no matter what. Feeling someone nudge my shoulder, I wonder if I should just go sit in the car. I can read on my phone, and then plug it in, so it doesn’t die.
Getting up, Carson calls my name, and I just turn my head and smile at him, showing him my phone. Letting him know, without saying a word, that I will be going to the car to charge my phone. Suddenly, someone grabs my shoulder, turning me around. Looking up, I see my best guy friend, and he is in his normal shorts and a t-shirt. He is very attractive, and I would be all over him, if he was into girls. Unfortunately for me, and all the female population, he is gay.
Grabbing my hand, he looks down at me, “Where are you going?”
“Too plug my phone in, while I sit in the car. I don’t fit in and being here is hard.”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“No, I’m not going to let you run and hide. Come on. They are playing our song.” Listening to the music, I hear “Baby” by Justin Bieber and Ludacris.
“Oh, my God. This is my song!” I dance around with Josh, like I don’t have a care in the world, which really, I don’t. I don’t care, if people are judging me, because well, fuck them. I’m gonna do me.
I’ve danced to three songs, when they play a new country song called “Eyes on you” by Chase Rice. It feels like a couple’s song, so I decide to head up to the car. Turning around, I bump into someone, and I look up to apologize, seeing it’s Xavier.
“Umm, I need to plug this in. I’m sorry.” I say, continuing onto the car. Once there, I look back over my shoulder to the party with a sigh.
Sitting down in the car, I plug my phone in, and then hit the lock button on the car, opening my kindle app and reading the new Jaime Russell book, Gamble. I’m deep into the book, when I hear a tapping on my window. Raising my eyes, I see Xavier, standing there with one arm leaned on the top of my door, and his other hand in his pocket. Moving my eyes to his, I notice that he’s watching me, and a deep shiver runs through me. The look reminds me of the predator, watching his prey.
My eyes drop to his mouth, and I briefly wonder how it would feel against mine. Would it be rough and demanding or soft and loving? Seeing his mouth turn into a smirk, I raise my eyes to his, raising my eyebrow in a silent question. The hand, that was in his pocket, is now out, and he taps the window and points down. Turning the key on, I roll the window down a little bit, “Yes?”
“How are you doing?”
Rolling my eyes, I state, “Fine, and you?”
“Better now that I can talk to you.”
“You seemed pre-occupied, when I left the bonfire, so I’m not sure why you feel the need to talk to me.”
“Ahh, sweetheart. I was just letting them know all at once that I’m taken and unavailable.”
“Really and why is that? You’ve always been available to anyone.”
“Love, I told you that I’m all in with you and only you.”
I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t say anything, and I just open my door. Once I get out, I bring my phone with me. Shutting the door behind me, I hop up on the trunk, leaning back on my elbows, as I look up at the stars “It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” He replies softly.
“They really make you feel like you are one in a million, don’t they?”
“You are one in a million, and I can’t wait to call you mine forever.” Cupping his hand under my chin, he tips my head back, so our eyes meet. “I know you feel this, too. I don’t want to push you, but I won’t stay in the friend zone either. You and I, we are going to figure this out.” Softly, he presses his lips to mine. Leaning back, he starts making up different designs in the night sky.
“Mercy” by Brett Young plays, and he stands up, reaching his hand to me. “Dance with me?” He asks, as I take his hand, and we sway to the song, while he hums it with his face against my head. We sway like that for about three songs, before the upbeat ones come on. While we are swaying back and forth together, I feel like I’m the most precious person in the world to him, as he holds me tightly, but not so tight that he would break me. I know I shouldn’t get comfortable and I should listen for others to come, but I like to believe this is just him and I in our own little world. I know I could fall in love with him so easily, and it might end badly. Just as the strings of “Baby” by Justin Bieber come on, he sighs and rolls his head back. “Really?”
Laughing, I shake my head yes and say, “You know you have the Bieber fever.” I’m
laughing so hard that I can hardly stand. He’s standing there watching me with a smirk on his face. “What’s that smirk for?”
“I love that.”
“What?”
“Your true laugh. Like you don’t even have a care in the world.” I don’t know what to say, because if I say the wrong thing, I can completely screw this up. I’m enjoying this way too much.
Smiling down at me, he leans his head down, and I know what is coming. I want it, but I don’t want it to change either of us. And I don’t know how to guarantee that it won’t. In my head, I hear my mom tell me to jump headfirst into this, so I lean up, bringing my lips to his. I’m kinda disappointed that it’s just a brush of his lips against mine.
Tapping my chin, he tells me, “Be right back. Don’t leave me.” I just stand there because I’m not sure what to think or really do. I go to the back of the car and grab my hoodie, sliding it on. Hearing someone come close, I turn just in time to see him come back with a blanket over his arm. Lifting my eyebrow, I know he understands what I’m saying without saying anything. His lips tip up on the sides, and he shakes his head, spreading the blanket out on the ground and sitting down. He pats the ground next to him, and I feel my eyes get so big.
“I’m not sitting on that. You’ve probably had sex with other girls on that or with that.”
Laughing a great big belly laugh, I just stand and stare at him. In this moment, he is the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen in my life. “Babe, I just bought this blanket today, and I’ve never had sex with anyone in my car or my truck. Just so you know for future dates.”
I know he’s still laughing at me, so I ask the burning question. “So, if I had sex with someone in my car or with a blanket you would be okay to sit on it or in it?” I watch, as his expression clouded in anger.
“Don’t ever throw that shit in my face. I will kill anyone who thinks he’s worth your time or to be in your presence.” Jumping to his feet, he looks to the left and sees Carson standing there. And the last question, that I ever expected to come out of his mouth, comes out.
“Hey, dude. I’m going home now. Will you watch her for me?”
“Yeah, thanks for hanging with her and letting me hang out at the party.”
“Hold the goddamn phone. You mean, you were here just to babysit me? Are you two fucking kidding me right now?” My eyes fill with tears, and this is part of me that I hate. When I get so mad, that I cry.
“Carly, calm down. He’s not here to babysit you. He was just here, and I sent him your way, when he seen me, and then asked where you were.”
“I don’t need to baby sit you. I love to spend time with you any and every time I can.”
They both try talking to me, but I’m so mad at both of them, that I don’t even hear them. I turn and stomp to the fire and see the cooler with alcohol in it. Going to it, I open it up and take one out, as I twist the top off, before it’s ripped out of my hand. I turn ready to give whoever took that from me a piece of my mind, but before I realize what’s happening, a shoulder goes into my stomach, and I’m up and over Xavier’s shoulder.
“Xavier, put me down right now!”
“Yeah, right. How about as soon as I get you to my truck, then I’ll put you down.”
“Ugh, I hate when you guys do this.”
“Yeah, we know, and that’s one of the reasons we do it. The other is because we have to tell you something, and you won’t listen any other way.”
“You do know that I don’t have to listen to you, right? I don’t have to do anything you want me to do.”
One of his friends stop him, and he sets me down, as I take my chance and head to the car. Once I’m inside, I lock the doors and start it. In the distance, I hear someone yelling my name, but I’m to mad, so I just keep going. Carson is going to have to figure out his own way home. Getting home, I park the car and get my phone out, seeing it lit up with texts and voicemails. Too late because I’m done. Putting my phone on airplane mode, I put my ear buds in and go for a run.
After running for about an hour, I finally make it back home, as I see Carson, sitting on the front step.
I can tell he’s mad, but he isn’t the only one.
Xavier Present
I’m so excited. I’ve been carrying around the plans for Carly’s engagement ring for months, and trying to hide it from her, has been so freaking hard. We have never hidden things from each other, until now. I know she is about to lose her shit with me, if I don’t tell her something. After tonight, I won’t be carrying this folder around, and she won’t ever see it again. The ring is a one-point-five carats round diamond engagement ring with fourteen carat white gold, and it has an infinity symbol on both sides with smaller diamonds there. The wedding band is the exact same, as the band on the engagement ring. I’m meeting a friend of ours at the local diner, then I’m going to get some groceries, and wait for Carly to come home. I’m so stoked to show her the ring and ask her to be my wife. Getting to the diner, I see I’m here first, so I order a pop, while I wait. Hearing the bell jingle, I look up and see Melanie has arrived. Standing up, I give her the courteously hug and sit back down. “I ordered pop for me. Would you like anything?”
“Hey, Xavier. I’m super excited to design this ring for you and Carly. I bet she is excited! I’ll have a sprite, please.”
“Yeah, Carly has no idea this is going down. All she knows is that I’ve been carrying around this envelope and trying to keep it from her, which is the first time I’ve kept anything from her, and she is so close to losing her shit it isn’t funny.”
Throwing her head back, she laughs out loud, and soon, I’m joining her. The waitress comes over with my drink, and I order a sprite, as I open the envelope and pull out the designs to show Melanie. She looks at the pictures, and it feels like forever, before she looks back at me with tears in her eyes.
“Oh, Xavier. She’s going to love this. It’s so beautiful, elegant, and just perfect for her.” Looking at the ring, I smile, because it is so perfect for her, and I designed it. I just have to wait until it’s done, and I can show it to her, and then explain everything.
Placing my hand on the table, I ask, “How much of a deposit do you need? Also, what is the time frame?”
“The total with everything will be three thousand one hundred dollars. You can put as little or as much as you would like to put down. I can have this done in about two to three weeks.”
“I have that much in cash on me now. Can I just pay for it all? That time frame is perfect.”
“Sure, you can, and I will get to working on this, as soon as I get home.”
Placing my hand on top of hers, I tell her, “Thank you so much for doing this. This means the world to me; I can’t wait for her to be my wife.” Feeling someone watching me, I turn and look out the window, but I don’t see anyone. All I see is a car, leaving the grocery store. Looking at my phone, I see I need to get moving, if I want to beat Carly home.
I hand Melanie the cash, and then drop a ten on the table to cover our drinks and a tip. Telling her goodbye, I get up and leave. I’m so excited for the future with a bright smile on my face, as I get in my truck and head home.
Xavier Past
They just posted prom tickets are available, and I never thought I’d be the guy to go to prom, but the idea of dancing with Carly all night, is enough to get me moving to ask her. “Hey, Carly. How’s your day going?”
“Hey, Xavier. It’s going. I’m just ready for spring break. I want no responsibility and no place to be. Just me being me. If I want to sleep, until ten, then I can.”
“I hear that. I’m excited for it, too. Are you going anywhere or doing anything?”
“No, I don’t think so. I mean, Carson and I may go kayaking or something, but nothing set in stone. What’s up?”
“Well, I have a couple questions for you. First, will you go to prom with me? Second, if you guys go kayaking, can I go with you?”
“I would go with you, however, I already
promised Josh I’d go with him. I’m sorry. And sure, if we go, one of us will text you.” With a wave, she runs off with my heart. Knowing that Josh is gay, doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want anyone dancing with her.
Going back to the school, I purchase my ticket, and then I pull my phone out and text Carson.
Me: Hey. You going to prom?
Carson: Idk. Why?
Me: I’m going, because Carly is going, and I don’t want her dancing with anyone. So, I’ll pick you up, and I got your ticket. You can pay for my tux rental.
Carson: Dude, really? I just wanted to chill tonight.
Me: You can as soon as we are done. On my way.
Getting in the truck, I start it up and head to pick Carson up. First thing he says, as he gets in is, “Why don’t you take Carly, instead of me? I mean, I know I’m the better-looking twin, but I don’t really play for that team.”
I laugh at him. “Well, I asked her, but she already promised Josh she would go with him, and I bought the tickets, before I asked her.”
“Oh, well. Would you like some new news?”
“Is it going to piss me off?”
Shrugging his shoulders, he states, “Josh is going with the new guy, Richard. Carly bought her own ticket last week. So, there will be no you and me going together, and there will be no after prom sex.”
Laughing, I say, “Dude, seriously?”
“Seriously what? No, I won’t be your prom date. Yes, Josh is taking Richard. I know because he put it on Facebook. And absolutely no sex with my sister or me after prom.”
Pulling my truck in the parking lot of the bridal store, I turn to look at him, “Do you really think that is all I want from her?” He starts to open his mouth, but I raise my hand to stop him. “No, I don’t want you to talk just listen. I won’t lie and say I haven’t imagined making love with her several times. However, I haven’t acted on it, nor do I plan to. If all I wanted was sex, I could have had that with a different girl every night and some during the day. I’m not here for that. With her, I want forever, I know you think I’m too young and just talking shit out my ass, but when you look at a girl and you see her walking down the aisle to you, her pregnant with your babies, or her having your birthday parties when your sixty, then you know. I’ve seen all that in my mind’s eye, since the very first time I looked at her. Thank you for the info on Josh and Richard. Although, I think I’ll just keep that to myself and see if she says anything to me.”
