Unequivocally His in Lockdown

by Meg MacRose

  His doubt returned. Was he enough for her? For the person who had been the thorn in his side since he was 15.

  He could take her again, right here. And would pant for more. He hardened at the thought of it. He could seduce her over and over, and she would respond every time.

  She felt their chemistry too; he was sure. But then what? Would it exorcise his obsession with her, with her body.

  His fiery desire for this woman was precariously close to being uncontrollable. He needed to take control, to regroup. And his only way to do that with Tansy, was to put her on the back foot. He’d been doing it for years.

  “So, tell me, Tansy Dearest. Can Steven make you scream his name like that?”

  No sooner had the words left his lips, he regretted them. Her head snapped up, but it was the vulnerable, sad look that passed quickly over her face that hit him right in the chest. It was a look of turmoil - a combination of confusion, hurt and something else that he couldn’t quite dissect. Within seconds she had shuttered her expression, her body rigid as she stood tall, still caged in his arms.

  “You will never know.” She whispered back. Her eyes flickered at him.

  He dropped his arms and stepped back like she had burnt him. He wrenched off the condom and disposed of it in the small bin before pulling his jeans back up. He turned away as he buttoned up his jeans.

  Tick to her. She had won that round.

  He needed that space that he’d wanted to deny her only moments ago.

  “Do you want that platter of food brought through?” He spoke airily over his shoulder, not wanting to look at Tansy. He dreaded to see the look in her eyes, knowing that he would have riled her to no end with an offer of food.

  “Jake?…”

  He wasn’t sure if he heard or dreamt her baffled whisper. He didn’t dare pause and check for fear of what he’d see.

  He returned to the mindless tasks required to complete the promised food platter. His exuberance from a half hour ago when she’d been so impressed had diminished quickly. But pulling the platter together gave him something to do.

  He balanced two glasses of champagne in his hand with the platter and returned to the conservatory. She stood with her back to him, as she stared out at the rain as it poured down. She turned towards him and he braced himself.

  Even in her bathrobe, she was the epitome of composure. Her face guarded as she took from him a glass of champagne, clinking her glass against his own.

  Confusion ran through his body. She had got to him.

  Her bright green eyes stayed fixed on him as she raised her glass to her lips to take a sip.

  The silence was unbearable as they stood staring at each other.

  “I have no idea who you are.” Her voice remained even and steady. In contrast, his own breath felt ragged and forced.

  “You’ve always been Stevie’s big brother. Awful, rude, obnoxious.” She shrugged her slim shoulders. “You’re the CEO to your family’s company. Bossy, capable, confident.”

  He waited for what else she had to say. Where was this going?

  “I mean,” she continued, her voice low and husky. “We’re stuck here together for as long as goodness knows how long, and we’ve had some wonderful sex. And yet, how you rate next to your brother consumes you.”

  She took a long swill of champagne. Her piercing green eyes still trained on him. “I feel sorry for you. I won’t deny you turn me on. I couldn’t deny it if I tried.” Her terse laugh was grim. “But as a person, you are inadequate. I must have been kidding myself yesterday to even think you might be half normal.”

  She downed the half glass of champagne in one go, handing the glass back to him.

  She pulled herself straight. “I’m going to go work on that laptop you lent me. I’ll be working for the rest of the day. Please don’t disturb me.” Then, shooting him one last look of something akin to revulsion, she turned and left.

  He had expected a showdown, or a display of resistance. But not this emptiness. Not her having the last word and flicking him away like he was nothing.

  He needed some reaction from her, a slap across his face, a screaming match, anything. He could respond to her loathing of him, her anger. But she was shuttered, her defences were up and he didn’t know what to do about it.

  Lockdown Day 3

  Tansy

  Tansy tugged his brush through her damp hair, pulling her blonde strands back into a single ponytail. The shower had rejuvenated her. But then, after such a poor night’s sleep, she needed all the revival she could get. She gazed out the window as the rain poured.

  The rap on the door made her jump. She’d not heard his footsteps on the stairs.

  Her chest tightened. There was no need to call out, there were afterall, only two of them here.

  She touched her ponytail, and then straightened her new purple dress, checking it was right before she turned as the door opened.

  “I’ve brought you up a coffee.” Jakes deep tones vibrated through her bones.

  “Thanks. I’ve just had a shower.”

  “Yeah, I can see. Um, Tansy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Please treat this place like your own home. Who knows how long you’ll be here for.”

  And that was Jake’s form of apology. His ego was too big to actually apologise.

  “Any idea how long this lockdown will last?” It was a silly question. Unnecessary. But she had to remain civil.

  Asking about the lockdown was a better option than the words that threatened to come out of her mouth. She’d vowed this morning that she’d at least try to be amicable. So long as he wasn’t a jerk.

  “Based on the news this morning on the telly, it won’t be over in the next week or two, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  She nodded grimly. After yesterday’s sex in the conservatory, she’d been wondering how they’d move on. Talking about the news on the telly. They were like an old disinterested married couple already.

  She sighed. There was no point hiding up here.

  “If it’s okay with you, I’ll come downstairs.”

  Her stomach rumbled loudly.

  “Can I offer you breakfast?”

  “Coffee is fine.”

  “But you barely ate anything all day yesterday.”

  “I’m fine. I made a cheese sandwich last night.”

  “I didn’t hear you.” He frowned at her.

  “You were on the phone.”

  “You need to eat more.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Please. You sound worse than Stevie. I’ve never been a breakfast person. But at lunchtime, I usually eat enough food to feed an army. It’s just the way I am. Always have been.”

  She followed Jake down the stairs, unable to tear her eyes off his arse. Jeans suited him, she decided. Not that she’d have ever expected someone like Jake to chill at home in jeans.

  He turned to face her when he got to the last step. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

  Her cheeks reddened at being caught ogling him.

  “I never expected you to chill at home wearing jeans. I mean, you and Stevie never wore jeans as kids. And with you being a CEO and all. It’s just a surprise, that’s all.”

  He shrugged before answering. “We’ve known each other for a long time, haven’t we?”

  “Yep.” She sat herself down on her stool at the breakfast bench. This was becoming a habit.

  “I was 12 when we shifted into quiet and conservative Belgravia.” She remembered it clearly, as they’d shifted into their new home on her birthday. She still had the handmade birthday cards that her stepsisters had made her.

  “You hadn’t been there long when the second Lord of the Rings movie had just come out and Mother insisted that you and Steven join us.”

  “Gosh, that’s right. I’d forgotten about that. I’d never been to the cinema with teenage boys before.” She shuddered. “You and your friends were horrid. You threw lollies at us.”

  His grin that hit h
er squarely in the chest. “We had excellent aim, didn’t we?”

  “No. You had big egos. All of you.”

  “I guess we did.”

  “I never understood why your Mother invited me to the cinema. She never approved of me being friends with Stevie.”

  “I think she needed Steven out of the house too. It was one of those times when their marriage was on or off again. Steven probably stipulated it.”

  “He never said, but that sounds like Stevie.” She’d always felt sorry for her friend, never knowing if his parents were together or not.

  “Well, they’ve been back together for a while now, haven’t they?” Stevie had wagered with her they’d stay together for his wedding, but not much after. But after seeing them dancing with each other at the wedding, she had a feeling that she’d won that bet, and his parents would stay together for longer yet.

  “Tansy…”

  “Jake…”

  They spoke each other’s names exactly at the same time.

  Tansy gave a nervous laugh. “You go first.” She offered.

  “No, you first.”

  “You have never been the gentleman. So please don’t start now.”

  He smiled wryly at her. “You were right. When are you ever not?”

  Tansy scrunched her nose. What was he talking about?

  “I don’t know why I kept asking about Steven and you.” He picked up his coffee and stared into the steam.

  “Probably because it’s messing with your mind.” She leaned over and pulled her own coffee closer. “It’s none of your business, you know.”

  “I know. It’s just that you and Steven have always been so close. And now, here we are in this situation…”

  “And it’s messing with your mind.” She repeated her words. She had practiced them during the night. To stand up for herself and let him know that her life was her own, and Stevie’s was his own, and to mind his bloody business.

  Tansy tried to swallow before she started on her tirade. Her heart was thudding wildly in her chest. Her palm was too hot from the hot cup it wrapped around. But her brain had gone into slow motion and couldn’t process what she should say. To tell him what? That she still wanted to share his bed, but that he had to mind his own business. That she didn’t want him to believe she was something that she wasn’t.

  She ran a shaky hand over her forehead, pushing back that stray strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail.

  The truth of how she felt about the man in front of her struck her like a blow to the chest. She didn’t him to be jealous.

  He’d never be able to return any affection to her. But that was just the way he was. It wasn’t anything personal against her. She didn’t need to use this mad insecurity of his against him. To wind him up. She didn’t need to create a wedge between him and Stevie. It wasn’t fair to them, and it wasn’t who she was. Not really.

  Jake held himself still as he watched her, as if he was waiting for her to pounce.

  “Stevie and I have never been lovers. We’ve been the best of friends. But there’s been nothing else between us.” She uttered the words with quiet, detached clarity. She wasn’t telling him because she wanted declarations of promises he could never fulfil. But he deserved to know the truth. Whatever he believed was out of her control.

  A beat of silence passed before Tansy dragged a breath. She waited for him to speak next. For the life of her, she didn’t know what to say next.

  Jake leaned forward over the bench. He pushed their drinks aside and reached for her chin. Jake tipped her face towards his so he could see into her eyes, searching for the truth.

  She saw his jaw clench as his brows lowered into a contemplative scowl.

  “You expect me to believe that you’ve never been more than buddies?” When he finally spoke, his voice was dark and hoarse. “You expect me to believe that all those times Steven’s stayed at your flat, you’ve never shared a bed?”

  “Do you know what, Jake?” Tansy let out a jagged breath. “I really don’t care what you believe. I just wanted you to know the truth. I didn’t want to come between you and Stevie.” She sat back. “Believe what you want. It’s your madness, not mine.”

  She was about to walk away when his voice interrupted her own dismal thoughts.

  “Not so fast.” The shadows reflected off the sharp angles of his cheeks. “I’m not finished talking.”

  “Well, I’m finished explaining. You wanted the truth, you got it. I will not sit around while you debate if you want to believe it or not.”

  “You didn’t really think I’d just believe that. Not after all the photos. After all the times you and Stevie travelled across the Continent together?”

  Tansy flinched. Her body frozen to the spot.

  “Who are you trying to convince? Me or you? Just because Steven’s married and unavailable.”

  His eyes narrowed dangerously as he watched her.

  “There’s something, I can see it in your eyes, Tansy. I can see it.”

  Tansy hesitated. Sometimes he read her too well. But it wasn’t anything about Stevie and her she was hiding. And he needed to know only that.

  “Jake, this is the last time I am having this conversation with you. Now listen carefully.” She pulled herself up straight. Her hands tapped on the bench as she mustered up the courage to continue. “Stevie. And. I. Have. Never. Shared. A. Bed.” She looked at him squarely. “Not at uni. Not when we’ve travelled through Europe. Not last week. Not last year. Not ever.” She summoned the words from deep inside her. Even to her they sounded calm. Much calmer than the turmoil inside of her. If he didn’t believe her now, he’d never believe her. And that was such a shame.

  * * *

  Jake

  Jake stared at Tansy. It couldn’t be true. Surely not. How could his brother have not pursued a sexual relationship with this absolute sex-kitten? It made little sense.

  But he didn’t think she was lying. There was something she wasn’t telling him. But she wasn’t lying about her and Steven. And if she wasn’t lying, then that meant that never had she compared him to his brother.

  All this time he’d been convinced that she’d lead Steven on. And he wasn’t the only one who’d thought it. His Mother had been more than relieved when Steven had announced his engagement and it hadn’t been Tansy.

  Shame flooded through him. His family had been awful to her over the years. To his brother’s best friend. They’d openly talked about her as a scheming, manipulative piece of work.

  He reined in his emotions as they echoed around his head. He had to force himself to think logically. Yesterday he had all but ravished her, all because he had been jealous that his own younger sibling had been with her first.

  What an idiot he was.

  “Sit down.” He pointed to her stool. The basic command gave him at least a few seconds to compile what he would say next.

  “That dress looks magnificent on you.” He cringed inwardly. He sounded like a nervous teenage boy.

  “Jake?”

  He took a sip of coffee. At least she was confused again! Anyway, the purple dress had looked incredible on her. He’d wanted to comment when he’d taken her coffee upstairs. But it hadn’t seemed right, not after yesterday. Not that it was the right time now either, he corrected himself. But he really was lost for words. Common sense was a plane flight away right now. He needed to impress her, to reel her back in to him. He had to.

  There was a wariness on Tansy’s face. Her delicate features were guarded. He didn’t blame her. He had all but called her a whore to her face.

  She was beautiful in an elven kind of way. At the wedding he had been beholden by her. She had been even more beautiful in that scant turquoise dress than he’d ever remembered. He’d convinced himself he was looking out for Steven. But Steven had nothing to do with it. They’d a strange chemistry all afternoon.

  He gave his head a quick shake. He’d better say something before she got fed up with him.

  “I be
lieve you.”

  Her eyes narrowed at him. She didn’t believe his admission.

  “Just like that, you’re going to believe me. Why, what’s changed? You’ve assumed me to be a destructive influence on Stevie for years. Why would you believe me?”

  He took another sip of his drink. “Because you’ve never been a liar. And I think I’ve always known that you and Steven were good friends. I guess it was just easier thinking you were more than friends. You were always together.”

  “Stevie went through a rough time when your parents kept splitting and then reuniting. I was the newbie to the area, to the school. It was an easy friendship, we had lots in common.”

  “What I can’t figure out, why on earth did Stevie not want to share your bed? I mean, it’s not like you’ve missed out in the looks department.”

  Tansy blushed a deep red as she dipped her head to avoid his gaze.

  “Stevie said right from the start that he never wanted to mess up our friendship. Then as we got older, it suited us to always have someone else looking out for us at parties and stuff, or a place to hang away from own set of friends.”

  Jake nodded. It made sense in what she said.

  “Although, you seem to think when Stevie comes around to mine, it’s because we’ve been out partying together. To be honest, I rarely go to the parties. I used to, but then at some point, my work became more important to me. I’ve got a spare room, and Stevie’s got a key, so it’s no drama if he swings by mine on the night bus instead of criss-crossing London in a drunken state.”

  “You really are an excellent friend to him.”

  “He’d do the same for me. Maybe not now that he’s married. But when I was at uni, I often crashed in his dorm after being at a party, which he had no idea was even on. Friends doesn’t mean shackled to each other.” She gave an empty laugh. “Not that your mother would see it that way.”

  “Mother has always been a hypocrite. Judging everyone else’s social standing and lifestyle choices, while going in and out of marriage with my father like it was going out of fashion.”

  He walked around the bench and stood in front of her. He wanted her, that much he knew. THis problem was, he had nothing more to offer. He wasn’t about to offer rings, or plans. He just wanted her during lockdown. Was that so wrong?