by Meg Ripley
“I promise.” She already looked terrified.
“God, this is going to sound fucking crazy.” I took a sip of water and looked deep into her eyes. “You’ve seen movies or read books that have…werewolves in them, right?”
She nodded her head slowly.
“Well, they’re not completely fiction. Creatures like that exist. It’s not exactly like most movies and books describe, but the basics are there. I’m sort of like that.”
She closed her eyes. “Just don’t tell me you’re some kind of sparkly vampire.”
“To my knowledge, vampires don’t exist. But shapeshifters do. People who can become animals and then change back to their human forms. I’m a shifter. I can become…I can become a bear; a huge, furry black bear. I can control it completely, unless I step out into the light of a full moon. Then I have to shift, but other than that, it’s under my control.”
She pulled her hands back. I watched her face to see if she was freaking out.
“You can become a bear. And this isn’t a joke.”
“I would never joke at a time like this. In fact, when have you ever known me to joke at all?”
“Never, actually; but if this is true, how? How do you change into a bear?”
I shrugged. “If you’re asking what made us like this, I don’t know. Some flaw in nature? Some genetic mutation? I don’t know, and I don’t know anyone else who does. We just have to deal with it.”
She stared at the wall for a long moment. Okay, she didn’t seem to be freaking out too badly. Maybe it would be okay after all. I felt the hope flicker but stamped it out quickly; it was far too soon for that.
“What other questions do you have?”
“Are you yourself when you change or do you just go crazy and eat people? Is that why you said you killed people?”
I shook my head. “I’m me all the time. It’s completely under my control.”
“Except during the full moon.”
“In the light of the full moon, I have to shift, but I’m still me. It’s slightly different. More intense, but it’s still me. All the time. I don’t attack people. The people I’ve killed…well, as you can imagine, there are plenty of politics in the shifter world just like the human world. There are different types of shifters, and when someone gets out of line, we can’t just throw them in jail in the same way. We have to keep this an absolute secret. So, sometimes, we have to take the law into our own hands. Judge, jury, and execution.”
She closed her eyes. “I need to see.”
“No way.”
“Conner, you just told me you’re a creature from fairytales. If I’m going to believe it, I have to see it.”
“It’ll freak you out too much.”
“I’m pretty freaked out already, so just do it.”
I sucked in a breath. She was either holding it in or was in shock. Crap. And I thought it had been going well.
“I don’t want you to be freaked out.”
She gave me a surprised expression. “Did you honestly think I wouldn’t be?”
“Of course I thought you would. I didn’t think it would go this well, actually. What are you thinking right now?”
“Just that…I don’t know what to think. But I have to see it. It won’t seem real until I do.”
“Jessie, please, don’t make me do this.”
“Conner. Do you want me to believe you? Do you want me to be okay with this or not?”
“Yes. More than anything.”
“Then show me.”
“Okay.” With that, I stood and pulled off my shirt. “Um, shifting rips clothing so we usually strip naked first.”
“Okay. I’ve seen you naked before, so it’s fine.”
“Right.” I pressed my lips together and pushed my shorts and boxers down. I stood in front of her, naked, more vulnerable than I’ve ever been in my life. “Just know this is incredibly difficult for me.”
“To shift is difficult?”
“To shift in front of you, knowing what it might do to you.”
She only stared back, waiting.
“Just remember, I promise I won’t hurt you.” I closed my eyes, leaned forward to drop on all fours, and, as slowly as I could, shifted into my bear form. I kept my distance from her, not wanting to make it worse in any way. She breathed heavily, her chest rising and falling fast, and her hands went to her mouth. Tears streamed down her face and she covered her eyes.
I shifted back. “Jessie?”
She shook her head and kept shaking it. “No, no, no, no…this…can’t be…real...”
“Talk to me. Please.”
She kept shaking her head and slowly stood up. “I won’t tell anyone. I promised that. I promised I would talk to you again.” She closed her eyes and tears ran down her face. When she spoke again, her voice wavered and she broke into sobs by the end. “But I have to go now.”
She snatched her purse and ran out my front door. She got into her car and backed up so fast, she almost hit a car driving down the road. As she turned and sped off, her tires squealed, leaving black marks in the road.
I stood there for a long while, staring at the marks left behind. I had expected this. Exactly this. Everything Ezra said was bullshit. They’d been wrong. They’d all been so wrong.
My phone buzzed. In my desperation to talk to her and know everything was okay, I leapt across the couch to grab it from the coffee table. It was Mason.
I threw my phone down, but he kept calling. On the fourth call, I finally answered.
“For fuck’s sake, what?!”
“We got him. The bastard that killed Logan and Alaina. He’s in custody right now.”
I heard his words. They bounced around my mind, but I couldn’t process them. “Thanks for letting me know.” I heard him shout my name as I tapped to end the call. I let the phone fall to the floor and the world spun in streaks around me.
17
Jessie
I couldn’t talk to anyone about what I saw. I kept telling myself that. Not my sister. Not my parents. Except maybe Conner, if I could’ve worked up the nerve to. The worst part was, I’d had my own secret to tell him; something I’d wanted to say so badly. But the way he was going on about it, I had to know his first.
When I got home, I tried to sleep. I thought after a good night’s rest, everything might seem different. That was often the case. But as soon as I lay down, the image of him came back: a big black bear standing in front of me. How could it be? How in the world did a human become a bear? It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t possible.
Maybe it was some sort of an epic gag? No, Conner didn’t joke. He wasn’t the trickster type. So that meant it was real. Conner could become a bear at will. And apparently, so could thousands of others. But why? What was their purpose on this earth? Why would such creatures exist? I got up and went to my computer; I had to see what was out there.
I started searching. Shifters, werewolves, were…bears? Anything that made sense and might have given me answers. Surely, shifters themselves were online, too. They must’ve had a forum where they could’ve chatted with each other, right? Or a shifter version of Facebook? I chuckled at the thought.
I was so engrossed in my search that I hadn’t heard Nikki come home. She opened my door and asked, “You’re still up?”
I shrieked and almost fell off my chair.
“Sorry,” she said. “You okay?”
I rushed to shut my laptop so she wouldn’t see what I was looking at.
“Um, do you suddenly have a werewolf fetish?”
She’d seen. Shit! I’d only known for a few hours, and already I’d screwed up. I gaped at her with wild eyes.
“Oh,” she said. “Oh, okay. Did Conner…?”
“Did Conner what?” I snapped back.
“Tell you something tonight?”
“What do you mean?” I was aware that I was talking too fast and being sketchy. I didn’t know what to do. I was panicking.
“Something about himse
lf. A secret that you have to keep?”
I studied her. What was she saying? Did she know?
“Jessie, you look out of your mind. Did you see Conner tonight?”
I nodded.
“Did he tell you a secret?”
I nodded again.
“Did that secret have something to do with what you were looking up online?”
I nodded a third time.
She sighed. “So, he told you he’s a shifter.”
“What?!” I screeched. “You know? I thought it was this big secret!”
“It is. It definitely is. Logan and Alaina told me. I was so close to them, they thought I should know.”
“They thought you should know that Conner is a shifter?”
She sat on the edge of my bed. “I guess he didn’t tell you everything. No, they thought I should know that they were shifters.”
“Wait, Logan and Alaina were, too?”
She nodded. “Which means Peyton is, too.”
“No!” I gasped. “She’s not anything like that! She can’t be!”
“Shifter parents have shifter babies.”
“No!” I covered my face with my hands in horror. “Don’t say that! It can’t be true!”
“It’s not that big of a deal. Kids don’t really shift much. But if you were her nanny, you should have known. I think it can happen by accident sometimes, but I’m not really sure. Conner would have to explain it.”
I slowly shook my head back and forth. “No…freaking…way...”
“Jessie, relax. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It is a big deal, Nikki!” I grasped her forearms, gripping her for support. “You don’t understand. I…I…”
“Calm down. God, you’re sweating and all worked up. It’s okay. I’ll make you a drink.” She got up.
“No!”
“Okay. Sheesh.” She sat back down.
“Do you remember that I slept with Conner?”
“Um, of course. So?” she replied. “Sleeping with a shifter doesn’t make you one. You’re not going to become a bear, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s not like those movies where you can be bit. There’s no way to become a shifter except to be born as one.”
“Exactly. Shifter parents have shifter babies?” My words were failing me. They came out like a squeak.
“Yeah…”
“Well, I’m pregnant. And now I’m going to give birth to a cub instead of a baby.”
“Holy crap.” She blinked at me. “Wait, are you sure? How late are you? How could you not have said anything sooner? Did you take a test? Did you see a doctor?”
I answered her slowly, hoping that the world would stop spinning around me. “I took a test just the other day. I had this date with Conner, and I thought I should tell him first. I was going to tell him tonight. I have a doctor’s appointment for next week, but I can’t keep it now. They’ll probably do an ultrasound; what if they look and I have a tiny freaking bear inside me!”
I crumbled to the floor and broke into sobs, rocking back and forth, holding my hands over my ears like I did when I was little and didn’t want to hear what was being said.
Nikki hugged me for a long time and tried to soothe me. Finally, she resulted to yanking my hands away from my ears.
“First, you have to tell him. Talk to him. I doubt you have a bear in there; I don’t think it works that way. But he’ll know the details. And he needs to know, anyway.”
“I can’t. I can’t be with him. I can’t have this baby. What am I going to do? I can’t even give it away! I couldn’t give someone a baby that might become a bear at any time! Oh, my god, I have to get an abortion, don’t I? But Nikki, I can’t do that! I can’t kill my baby! But I can’t have a bear, either! What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
I kept rocking and sobbing.
“Jessie…I don’t know what to say. You have to talk to Conner. I’ll support you in whatever decision you make, but I can only help you so much; I hardly know anything about shifters. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine why you’re freaked out; I would be, too. But Conner is the best person to help you right now.”
18
Conner
“This is all your fault!” I screamed at Ezra through my phone. “I never should have told her! I shouldn’t have said anything! Now, everything’s fucked up.”
“Okay, man, calm down. You said you were going to talk to her again. Give her time to let this sink in. It’s a lot to hear.”
“You asshole! I never should have listened to you!” I stormed back and forth in my living room, still fuming from my encounter with Jessie. Once I’d snapped out of my daze, the rage had taken over. And I had just one place to unleash it. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”
I hung up on him. He called back immediately, and I ignored the call. He left a voicemail and I refused to listen. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
I did have one solution, though. There was something more productive that I could’ve been doing with all that fury. I stripped down and went out back, then shifted before I took off running in the direction of the jail.
Conner!
Fuck off, Ezra.
Dude, come on. Just see what happens. You don’t even know how it’ll turn out!
I refused to answer him.
Hey man, let’s talk about this, Owen said. I can’t have you guys fighting.
I ignored them both.
Where are you going? Owen asked.
I felt him listening to my thoughts. It was a sort of an intrusive feeling, like someone prying at your scalp.
Get out! I screamed back.
Do not go over there, Owen warned. Conner! This is not how we do things.
This is how I do things.
Absolutely not. I forbid it.
As the Alpha, he had that power over me. Usually. But not that day. It didn’t matter what the consequences would have been. He could’ve kicked me out of the clan. He could’ve had me killed. I would’ve welcomed that, even. It didn’t matter. I was going to tear that croc to shreds.
The conclave is meeting tomorrow, Owen said. You’ll have your chance then. There will be justice for this.
Yup. About two seconds after I get my hands in that cell.
I wasn’t that far away. I was closing in on the jail and I could almost taste the crocs’s blood.
But then I smelled Owen.
He ran into me, crashing hard and interrupting my stride. I fought back for a moment, trying to get away from him. We wrestled, but in the end, I let him pin me. I gave up.
I don’t want to see you get killed or be in trouble for this. Let the conclave do their job.
Like they’ve done so far? I barked. Why didn’t they step in sooner? Why didn’t they do anything after your mate was attacked or after the panthers were killed? You thought we could handle it, that’s why. And now we’re handling it. I’m handling it.
You’re not. I can’t let you do that. I know this is the worst time of your life. And it seems like it keeps getting worse. I get it and it sucks, but it will get better. It has to.
I tried to push him off me. I don’t need your patronizing words right now.
That’s not what this is, he promised. I just want to help you. We all do. Look, why don’t I have Addie talk to Jessie? Woman to woman. I think she can get through to her.
It doesn’t matter. I’m done with her. I’m letting her go. I can’t take the pain anymore. I almost choked on the words. He backed off a bit, and I could breathe better.
Don’t give up yet. You love this woman. Give her a chance to get used to our world. Bring her to meet the clan. Let her see that we’re all just human on some level. We’re not monsters.
I lay back down and stopped struggling. I’m hiring a permanent nanny. I’ll figure out how to be a single dad, and I’ll move on. I don’t need her. I need to see this croc die, though. That’s all I need. I don’t need anyone else.
He will face justice.
I swear on my life.
If the conclave doesn’t take him out, I swear on what little life I have left that I will.
If the conclave fails us like that, which they won’t, I’ll help you.
Fine then, I snapped.
I’m letting you up now. Don’t make me regret it.
Just to prove I was the stronger bear and had let him pin me down, I kicked up with my back legs and sent him flying.
Point made, he said. Why don’t you come just hang out for a while? You and Peyton. She’s having a blast with James.
I want to be alone for a while. Can you keep her tonight?
Sure, man. But she needs you. This is a hard time for her, and you’re the only family she has left.
I know.
I ran home more slowly than I had when I’d left. When I felt Ezra shift in, I admitted, I’m sorry, man.
It’s okay, he said. I’ll pay you back next time I see you. Heard from her?
No. And I don’t expect to.
Then maybe you should hurry home.
Um, why?
Just hurry. But maybe shift before you get there.
I picked up my pace. Could she be there? Is there any chance? It was so late. I could see the hint of dawn breaking; she had to be sleeping. But when I got closer, I spotted her car. I shifted back and went to the shed to get an extra set of clothes I had there, got dressed and walked around to the front to meet her.
Her eyes were red and swollen. She looked distraught and as out of her mind as I felt.
“Come inside.” I unlocked the door and let her in.
She sat on the couch, stiffly. Her hands were on her knees, her back straight. She looked straight ahead.
I stood in front of her, moving my weight from foot to foot. I was so nervous, I felt ready to explode. She certainly didn’t seem happy.
“So…?” I dared after a long silence.
She didn’t look at me. “There is something I need to tell you.”
“Okay.” I blew out a breath. “Go ahead.”
“I’m pregnant. In light of recent developments, I’ve decided not to have the baby because I don’t think I can handle having a bear cub, but I thought you should know.”
